The number one thing I'm finding lately, in my online dating quest, is that the less emphasis I put on getting a good outcome out of a conversation, the better it goes, given that I am actually interested in the interaction. I've met a decent sized handful of girls now from online dating sites OKC and POF, and although I've had fun, I'll admit that nothing super duper overly incredibly amazing has come out of it.
So, my approach lately has been to actually just have more fun on the site itself, before the exchanging of numbers, I suppose as a tool used to weed out the women who are extremely boring or uninteresting.
My most recent 'experiment', if you will, was to see how well, based on my own messages, I could control the length of the other persons responses. Basically I've found that with the right amount of tact and effort, I can pretty much turn a conversation into one where both parties are sending much longer messages than usual. As you know, on the girls end, long messages are almost always a huge ioi. I got curious about this after hearing a lot of guys asking how to get women on these sites to reply in full sentences.. Or even paragraphs. I've gotten it to the point now where some messages I get are as long as 3 or 4 paragraphs.
I wanted to share one example. Keep in mind the point here was not to even necessarily get a phone number, however after these types of conversations there is usually pretty much no way in hell I'm getting away without her getting my digits.. The point was simply to see how much attraction and comfort I could build simply by being extremely interesting, congruent and tactful in my replies, and to try to send messages that would warrant long responses.. But most importantly: not giving a single fark as to whether or not she even replied.
Brace yourself.. This is long. Not the average type of stuff you'd see from me but I had fun with it. Shit test after shit test. Funny stuff. Enjoy!
ME: I'm pregnant. It's yours.
HER: Congratulations! If it's anything like me, you know they'll be pretty saucy and stubborn. Good luck!
ME: So that's it? You're fleaing the country?
I thought you said I was the best lover you ever had. You can't be trusted.
HER: Oh no, I'm staying right here. Good luck finding me. And don't try to beg me to stay. It won't help you anyways. Should have known I can't be trusted. I'm a woman. We're pretty rotten to the core. So, really it's your fault...you should have known better. Alas, farewell. Name her after my father, Jiminy Billy-Bob.
ME: "Jiminy Cricket".. Hmm, has a nice ring to it. Good thing I have a solid last name.
It's a shame we have to get a divorce, your parents are so rich. Besides, you always said you loved my huge.... Personality.
HER: I'm so sorry darling, did I miss our anniversary? I cannot even recall the date of the wedding though I remember how lovely you looked in the white dress.
HER: I am so impressed at what you can do with a bit of white duct tape. Pretty as a picture
ME: I hope that's sarcasm.. I'd just die if you really forgot that we got married on Halloween night in that graveyard we buried your alligator "Carl" in after that horrible boating accident.
We always did find the most obscure ways of putting that rare white duct tape we found at that little hardware store in Penticton to good use. It got me so worked up everytime you used to use it to duct tape our... Oh, you remember.
HER: You always get so swoony when you're expecting. Darn crazy females.
HER: I ain't never seen a wumman with whiskers like yours I reckon.
ME: You got me. I'm not actually a woman. Had you goin for a second there though. And don't worry I'm not pregnant. That's impossible I think.
I grew them for you.
HER: Jokes on you, neither am I.
ME: Shit just got weird.
HER: Ok ok. I have a confession. I am a woman. I was lying. But it was eating me up all day so I had to tell you.
ME: Is that the first time you've had to confess to someone that you are a woman? How did it feel?
I'm flattered you've been thinking about me all day, darling.
HER: It is the first time I have confessed that. At least, no one has seemed perplexed who has met me. I do shave my beard regularly though. Keeps me cool.
My goodness! How our relationship has progressed. So rapid. Already there are confessions and pet names. Before you know your impending motherhood won't be a lie!
ME: First you're advising that I not trust you, and confessing that you are rotten to the core, and not actually even a woman! And now you think you can try to win me over by talking about your beautiful mane-like man-beard? You know the tingly feelings I get when it comes to your facial hair.. Don't even go there.
Confessions and pet names are the top 2 factors in a working relationship. Alright I'm exaggerating slightly, I confess.. They're in there somewhere though, sweetheart.
HER: By admitting my dishonesty am I not more honest than those who deny any flaw at all? Couples have certainly done more with less!
You know I love to drive you wild with beard talk. Ever since that day at the carnies, the bearded lady. Don't think I didn't notice the way your breathing increased and the way the flush crawled up your cheeks. Anything for my princess.
A fine romance like ours only comes along once in a Sparks novel.
Baby, baby don't be this way.
ME: Yes, I will admit it. I'll also admit that I am actually not as physically attractive as I may seem in my pictures. By admitting that though, I am actually hotter than Brad Pitt.
Baby, you know nothing gets my blood flowing more, not even those carnies (close second). Your voice has always had an unrelenting way of making me writhe in ecstasy, especially when you call me princess and whisper in my ear whilst licking my ear lobe. *shiver* ..I miss that more than anything.
Message in a bottle.. Message on a dating website. Is there really a difference?
HER: Depends...are you sending an S.O.S? Or was it more "hey baby, how you doin'?" You might try carrier pigeon. I heard they're fabulous. Or smoke signals!
ME: It was more of a "Hey girl, I'm luring pretty ladies back to my place with candy, do you prefer skittles or m&m's?". I'm not your average romantic.
You heard wrong about pigeons, only ever had bad experiences. I only do smoke signals if there's a dance floor involved.
HER: Oh my god, I swear I've encountered you before! Do you drive a big nondescript van with no windows and child proof locks? I could have sworn you had a bigger mustache though...And you don't appear to be graying. Maybe I am mistaken.
Skittles for sure, if you leave a little trail of them I'm likely to follow it until the candy runs out.
Tell me, why is dis like such a turn off bro Imma totes coo. & u'd be lucky to like git wit dis. Yo.
Do you burn up the dance floor, or shift your weight whilst bumping and grinding up on dem hotties?
(My profile states that if you type like an asshole, not to bother.. Or something along those lines)
ME: No mine has windows, the windows are important.. If the windows are gone the child proof locks don't do much good now do they? I shall stock up on skittles.
I have been known to bust a few moves here and there, usually after some alcohol consumption.
I recently had a gay guy grind up on me on the dance floor, that was an interesting experience.. I just kinda shifted my weight - as you so elegantly put it - and gave him an "agree to disagree!" type of high five instead.. Then returned to doing my own heterosexual thing, which doesn't include creepily "grinding up on dem hotties", women hate that! I realize that now more than ever.. Besides, they often grind up on me first. Oh who am I kidding, I rarely go out anymore, unless it's to bingo.. I'm old. That reminds me, I need new suspenders.
Ya? Wood I be lukky to git wit dat?.. It's only a turn on when you type like that hun. I actually got a little excited while reading it.
HER: The ladies grind up on you? You must be absolutely irresistible. So irresistible... I am utterly helpless!
ME: So many grinding references, you must be an avid "clubber". That's cool 'n all, not so much my thing though..
This one time, I was at the supermarket because I needed some things.. I believe one of the things I bought was a lemon. Anyways.. After retrieving all the items I desired, I entered a checkout line, the shortest one I could find of course. When it was my turn to have my items bagged, the nice middle-aged lady at the till said to me "You're so lucky to have such nice hair you know!", to which I replied, slightly surprised "Oh thank you! That's an awfully nice thing to say..", which was then followed by her response of "Yeah, the way it goes 'woosh' so elegantly, I bet you hardly have to do anything with it in the morning! "The way it goes 'woosh'? Hmm yeah.. I guess it does kind of go 'woosh'! Well thanks, have a nice day!" I somewhat bewilderingly exclaimed as I picked up my bags and started toward the exit..
It was this moment in my life when I realized I am absolutely irresistible.. To the point of causing utter helplessness.
HER: The club scene knows my face. I have friends in high places, what can I say? It's just what happens when you go clubbing about four times a year. I'm pretty much a regular and kind of a big deal.
Other than that, I cut a rug at my swing dancing classes every Sunday.
You and I should enter ourselves as a team to some Fabulous Hair competitions. I'm fairly confident we would sweep away the competition and make such a name for ourselves that we would be invited as special guest appearances at all the high profile hair events. Versace, McQueen, Mugatu.
But strictly as business partners. There's only room for ONE person with fabulously soft touchable hair in a relationship, and I'm sorry to tell you that's me. I can scarcely walk down the street without someone trying to touch it. Truly! I spend half my time dodging hobo's and housewives. Advising women about the best hair dye to use to match my own glorious mane. It's exhausting! But forgive me, I digress.
I can practically feel the waves of hair awesomeness radiating out of my lap top, pulsating, compelling. I find myself on my knees bowing before your greatness! Please, *myprofilename*, come forth from my computer and wrap me up in comfort, I am not worthy and unable to cope with the magnitude of your greatness before me.
And that's where that one is at haha, re-reading it it's actually pretty damn silly, but to me it says that she has some wit to her and is probably really interesting (not to mention really cute!).. I'll probably cut this one off and just get the number soon as it's getting a little time consuming. The messages just get longer and longer until you're reading (and writing, mind you) a god damn novel.
I've been using that opener a lot lately.. Feel free to try it, but only if you can follow it up by being witty and funny. It opens up a lot of room to be playful.. I've got about 10 convos going that started with that opener and they're all pretty hilarious. Top first reply: "You said you were on the pill!"
Have fun gents.