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  1. #1
    icall2000 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Advice on dating a widow

    Met a girl online, late 30's, 6 yr old kid. I'm early 40's, divorced no kids. We have some mutual friends so easy to converse and common interests although we live 2 hrs from each other. Upfront she tells me husband whom she was with 15 yrs, passed away 6 months ago after a prolonged illness.

    I'm the first guy she's conversed with and via our mssgs can tell she is a bit naive, a little horny, and has a few issues. Txt progress to phone, then a 'friends' type date a few weeks later where she stayed over weekend. Dinner, concert, then end up sleeping together, sex multiple times and had a great weekend.

    Since, she says she is attracted to me and wants to keep having fun together and that its ok if i date others. All is well then one night last week, after she had a lot of drinks, starts txting me asking what i want, are we just friends with benefits, etc... I replied lets just see what happens, no pressure. She apologized next day and not brought up again. Recent conversations lead into phone sex, really hot kinky talk which is kind of blowing my mind that these words come from this conservative looking girl.

    My goal is to not screw this up....I truly like and do not want to hurt her. Emotionally she is not the most stable, and i'm probably a rebound sex fling which works for me but open to see where this goes.

    Thoughts on how to play this, progress, and anything to avoid?

  2. #2
    FaithfulRaider is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Advice on dating a widow

    Well right now sounds like everything is going well. Yes you might be the "rebound" but with the difficulties she has gone through I could understand.

    How would I play it? It does kind of depend on what you want both in the short and long term. Either way, I would be her Disneyland right now. Be her source of fun, adventure, pleasure without judgement. You're kind of on that track right now so keep it up. It's likely she will want something more committed eventually - her questioning about "what are we" shows that, but you are such an escape from reality for her right now she's willing to let you see other girls and she's willing to be FWBs. In the short term, if that's what you want, keep being a carefree source of fun and sensuality and it will be just fine.

    The day will likely come when she (or you) will want more. Problems usually come up when only 1 of you wants that. She'll want commitment and you want to stay unattached, or you start falling for her and getting jealous when she starts seeing other guys. Whatever the case may be it'll probably happen. Sure signs on her part will be when she risks giving up the current amusement park style relationship and wants you to not see other girls. Or she may want you to meet or be more involved with her child. These signs are totally normal for someone wanting a LTR. If you want to keep the status quo of Friends with Benefits you could stretch it out a while after that happens but know you're on borrowed time.

    My guess based on the few things she already said is that she needs escape now to rebuild her ego and explore herself, and let loose and enjoy life for the first time in a long time. But she's a single mom and used to being in a committed relationship - it's likely she'll want that sense of security sooner than a 21 year old coed.

    Keep it fun and drama free for sure right now. Keep talking to other girls too. She wants to see you as someone who can get any girl but who is spending your valuable time on her. Be sexually open and nonjudgemental. Be her "E-Ticket ride".

    Now lastly, what if you're really into her and want a relationship? Not sure if that's what you are thinking about but honestly if that's where you want to take this it wouldn't be hard. I know plenty of guys here are just about meeting lots of HBs and hooking up but I'm an early 40s recently divorced dad of a beautiful 7 year old girl and I learned pickup skills so I could sift through the chaff and find a woman I want to spend my life with (which I have and couldn't be happier). If they day comes when you want a LTR with this one, you just have to keep showing her how fun life is with you, show her you are healthy and vibrant, and show her how you can be the alpha male and take care of her. I suspect that she's looking for that after taking care of her husband. She's spent a long time making decisions and plans and running the show. Taking that role will go a long long way with her, either in your current situation or in a LTR. Be alpha in that you plan activities etc and let her sit back and enjoy. The day you start wanting her to plan stuff is the day she starts looking for a new guy. She might not want to release the reigns at first but trust me she wants a guy in the driver seat. Keep it fun and exciting and spontaneous and you'll likely have her as long as you want her for.

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