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Thread: Need help with a bartender

  1. #1
    JayPT is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need help with a bartender

    There's a bar near my apartment that I go to frequently. I noticed that one of the bartenders was interested in me. One day, she stayed after her shift and bought me a few shots. She got drunk and started kissing me.

    2 weeks later, I decided to ask her out. This was last Monday. She said yes, we went out on Wednesday. Dinner, then we hung out in my apartment. We just watched a movie, had wine, cuddled and made out. She even said that I'm such a good kisser.

    She left around midnight cuz she had class at 8am the next morning. She ended up oversleeping and missed class. She works Thursdays from 12pm to 7pm. I went to the bar after work. We talked a lil bit. Then at 7pm, she said bye and left. I thought that was a lil weird. I texted her asking if she's going out cuz i thought she would stay for a lil bit. She said she just wanted to go home because she gets sick of being at that bar sometimes. I said, yea, me too. i only go to the bar to see you. She replied with a smiley face. Then i said, but you left me so i went home. She just wrote, boo.

    Friday, I texted her, telling her to come over my place and hang out. She said she's just gonna stay home. She didn't work Friday. I said ok. She worked Saturday and Sunday but I didn't text her or go to the bar.

    Yesterday, Monday, I texted her asking if she's working cuz I was gonna ask her to hang out. She said she's working. I said ok. Around 8pm, she texted me saying they made this soup that she's been wanting me to try so I went over there.

    I couldn't talk to her cuz the cook, who knows me and talks to me, was by my side the whole night and he doesn't know that me and her hooked up. The bar was dead so it was just the 3 of us.

    Every time she asked me to go have a cigarette outside, he joined. I texted her at one point asking if we can have a cigarette alone. When the other guy went to the bathroom, we went outside alone but 10 seconds later, he noticed we were gone and joined us. I ended up staying till closing.

    I texted her, before closing, asking if she can drop him off before dropping me off. She didn't reply.

    When she drove us home, she dropped me off first. I texted her asking why she dropped me off first, she said that she just wanted to go home. I texted back saying, you just didn't wanna be alone with me ;(. She didn't reply to that.

    This morning, I texted her saying that I wanna take her out again tomorrow. She said that she has something to do tomorrow. Then she said another day. I texted back asking if she still wants to hang out with me. She saw the text but hasn't replied yet. That was at 9am. She's in school now so maybe she'll reply when she gets a chance or won't reply at all.

    What should I do? I know that a couple of my texts were douchey and I wish I didn't write them. I'm off of work on Thursday and she works from 12pm to 7pm. I was thinking about not texting her again today and tomorrow and go to the bar on Thursday around 12:30pm to have a soup and a couple beers and possibly talk to her to see if she's still interested or not but leave the bar before her shift ends. Should I do that?

    Do you guys think she lost interest all of a sudden or playing hard to get? Or maybe nothing's wrong and I'm just being insecure?

    I'm 35. She's 31.
    Her first language is polish but she speaks good English. She's been in America for 4 years. She had a green card and lives with her father.

    I welcome all advice and criticism.
    Thanks.

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Need help with a bartender

    You're expressing neediness... That's pretty much it.
    She's got you following her like a lost puppy.

    And the whole texting to "hang out" thing is probably getting dull to her.
    Girl's aren't really a big fan of "hanging out"... they like to do stuff. Or if you're hinting towards sex, just be more straight forward & be more sexual with your flirting.

    Girls DO enjoy sex!

    Check out my "Texting do's & don'ts" thread to see where you may losing her interest with your texts... and how to make asking her out more fun.



    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
    JayPT is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help with a bartender

    K. Thanks.
    Damn. I was worried that I might be expressing neediness.
    I'll read your thing about texts.
    What should I do now though? Not text her for a while? She never wrote back to that last dumb text I sent.

  4. #4
    T-Mal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need help with a bartender

    Take a day or two off from texting her.
    Read the guide & some of the other texting threads here.

    Then, to get her responding you'll want to send a ping text just to get her attention.

    I posted a couple examples in a thread before, so I'll share them here:

    "I just saw a little girl push her brother down & take his toy... made me think of you. "

    "Hey, if you were me, would you choose pizza or tacos for dinner tonight?"

    "Hey Spunky-Pants, need your help! Do bow-ties go okay with a welding mask?"

    "I was just thinkin... if you were here right now I would totally buy you this puppy. He's totes adorbs!!"



    Those sort of texts are designed to make her respond. Then you can flirt over text to get her interested in seeing you again.




    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  5. #5
    Essential17 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with a bartender

    "I texted her"
    "I texted her"
    "I texted her"

    Man... not to be hard on you, but read back through your post. Try to see that from her perspective.

    The problem we all have is when we think we've made a strong connection with someone and they disappear for a day, we suddenly go into a panic mode and try to keep them from slipping away. Ironically this just pushes them away even further.

    Reset the situation back to the beginning. Imagine this is someone you're not too interested in. How often should you be texting? Just a couple of times. You've gotta be patient and see if she initiates a new convo. It might be a week, it might be a month (but is there really any rush here?), and when she does, give her an amazing, witty, humorous convo that rewards her for initiating and makes her want to do it again.
    It's time to drop use of the archaic 'HB' grading slang.
    A modern, more descriptive, and complimentary system: A girl is...
    Below your league / In your league / Above your league

  6. #6
    JayPT is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help with a bartender

    I know what you mean. I read what I wrote and I was cringing.
    Thanks


    Quote Originally Posted by Essential17 View Post
    "I texted her"
    "I texted her"
    "I texted her"

    Man... not to be hard on you, but read back through your post. Try to see that from her perspective.

    The problem we all have is when we think we've made a strong connection with someone and they disappear for a day, we suddenly go into a panic mode and try to keep them from slipping away. Ironically this just pushes them away even further.

    Reset the situation back to the beginning. Imagine this is someone you're not too interested in. How often should you be texting? Just a couple of times. You've gotta be patient and see if she initiates a new convo. It might be a week, it might be a month (but is there really any rush here?), and when she does, give her an amazing, witty, humorous convo that rewards her for initiating and makes her want to do it again.


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