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Thread: coworker with douche bf, midgame, good response but not getting anywhere

  1. #11
    lilsting's Avatar
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    Default Re: coworker with douche bf, midgame, good response but not getting anywher

    Expanding on what Immortal said because it's really important, don't talk about your problems to her. When telling her your stories about hanging with other women, you don't have to necessarily go into the specifics as if you're trying to get her jealous. All you want to do is subtly let her know from time to time that you hang around women.

    Example: I was at a bar the other night with one of my good girlfriends, and the craziest thing happened. Then you just proceed to tell the story. It tells her that you're social, and that you hang out with other women. It's as simple as that

    You do want to reward good behavior and punish bad behavior, but that's different than being "aloof" and "indifferent." Let's say she texts you first, you reward her good behavior by having an entertaining conversation and ending it on a high note. This will make her want to text you more often, and you yourself at the same time remain "indifferent" because you're not acting overly excited that she texted you first. This communicates non-neediness and will only benefit you.

  2. #12
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: coworker with douche bf, midgame, good response but not getting anywher

    The thing i dont get is if we dont knows whats going on in her relationship, because we dont talk about it, how do we know that a girl is about to breakup with a guy and use that timing to make the move . Most HB9+ are like monkeys and get a new bf in a week, i dont want my efforts with this woman to go to waste.
    1. The way I handle my situation is I just don't care about the bf. This is irrelevant. I don't compete because I am the prize and all that stuff about worry when she is going to break up is like carrying around an umbrella waiting to rain. The only intel I ever got on my girl's bf is what he does for a job and what she revealed to me a bit about their boring ass relationship when I run bf destroyers. And that is all I need to know. I don't worry about timing to make my move. If you successfully get a girl to break up with her bf and it was because of you, she will let you know. I speak from experience. I dealt with one girl when I first moved to Cali who was interested in me but was in a 5 year relationship that ran its course. Unfortunately, I wasn't attracted to her all that much. There are moments she kept on telling me "I think I'm going to break up with him." (subtle hinting). She will express it to you in some form.

    The easy thing about girls with bf is you only have to worry about ONE competition, the bf. This is how you need to reframe your mentality and inner game.

    I highly highly highly doubt she is going to break up with her bf just out of the blue on her own after 5 years and rebound to another guy she just met and you not hearing about it. And if so, I'd place a wager on how long that will last. You are going to have to "facilitate" that via my first post, especially with a girl in her first relationship stuck in a 5 year deal. Not easy.

    Don't let overthinking and anxiety get the best of you. That will undo you.


    I understand the concept of prizability but exactly how do i show her that i am a safe bet and can offer her that same stability, security and comfort ?
    2. This is where you need to work on your conversation skills.

    The simplest way is asking her questions and get her to qualify.

    ME: Some of the girls I went out with in the past are retarded. They just don't know what they want in a relationship and end up with the wrong guys. Girls who know what they want is a dying breed. So my question to you is this: What are the 3 most important things you value in a relationship?

    Hear her out and give her value on the things that you agree with. If security and stability is among them or something similar, definitely agree with that and compliment her as someone who knows what she wants.

    An example of a night I walked my girl to her car out of the club using flirting, which triggered her to qualify to me.

    HER: Did you get any dances tonight?
    ME: Ah, two. I'm being such a good boyfriend, I'm not making you jealous.

    She nearly chokes back her laughter. Then she goes on to qualify to me that she is not the jealous type.

    HER: I'm not the jealous type. I don't believe in any of that.

    ME: Really? That is awesome. I am like that too. I let my girl do whatever she wants. I live by this creed that a "real man knows how to make a woman feel like a real woman." You do that by not being needy, clingy, and most importantly, you need to set her free. And if that love is true. She will come back. Don't you agree?

    [Saw what I did here? I got her to commit to the fact that we two are both alike that we are not jealous using the commitment/consistency principle]

    You can also use a story. An experience with an ex. If you talk about the problems you had that didn't make the relationship work out, make sure you include what you learned from them and how it made you into a better person and that is how you live til this day.

  3. #13
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    Default Re: coworker with douche bf, midgame, good response but not getting anywher

    Quote Originally Posted by lilsting View Post
    Expanding on what Immortal said because it's really important, don't talk about your problems to her. When telling her your stories about hanging with other women, you don't have to necessarily go into the specifics as if you're trying to get her jealous. All you want to do is subtly let her know from time to time that you hang around women.

    Example: I was at a bar the other night with one of my good girlfriends, and the craziest thing happened. Then you just proceed to tell the story. It tells her that you're social, and that you hang out with other women. It's as simple as that

    You do want to reward good behavior and punish bad behavior, but that's different than being "aloof" and "indifferent." Let's say she texts you first, you reward her good behavior by having an entertaining conversation and ending it on a high note. This will make her want to text you more often, and you yourself at the same time remain "indifferent" because you're not acting overly excited that she texted you first. This communicates non-neediness and will only benefit you.
    Thank you lilsting for the sticking points and the extra tips, those will be really helpful. Your explanation of being indifferent yet respond to her IOIs appropriately is spot on. Those examples on how to communicate non-neediness is really great because its easy to show neediness but difficult for me to stick to that skill. thank you and i will practice with more consistency.
    Do well, Live well... And Dress really well.

  4. #14
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    Default Re: coworker with douche bf, midgame, good response but not getting anywher

    Quote Originally Posted by I.M.Mortal View Post
    1. The way I handle my situation is I just don't care about the bf. This is irrelevant. I don't compete because I am the prize and all that stuff about worry when she is going to break up is like carrying around an umbrella waiting to rain. The only intel I ever got on my girl's bf is what he does for a job and what she revealed to me a bit about their boring ass relationship when I run bf destroyers. And that is all I need to know. I don't worry about timing to make my move. If you successfully get a girl to break up with her bf and it was because of you, she will let you know. I speak from experience. I dealt with one girl when I first moved to Cali who was interested in me but was in a 5 year relationship that ran its course. Unfortunately, I wasn't attracted to her all that much. There are moments she kept on telling me "I think I'm going to break up with him." (subtle hinting). She will express it to you in some form.

    The easy thing about girls with bf is you only have to worry about ONE competition, the bf. This is how you need to reframe your mentality and inner game.

    I highly highly highly doubt she is going to break up with her bf just out of the blue on her own after 5 years and rebound to another guy she just met and you not hearing about it. And if so, I'd place a wager on how long that will last. You are going to have to "facilitate" that via my first post, especially with a girl in her first relationship stuck in a 5 year deal. Not easy.

    Don't let overthinking and anxiety get the best of you. That will undo you.




    2. This is where you need to work on your conversation skills.

    The simplest way is asking her questions and get her to qualify.

    ME: Some of the girls I went out with in the past are retarded. They just don't know what they want in a relationship and end up with the wrong guys. Girls who know what they want is a dying breed. So my question to you is this: What are the 3 most important things you value in a relationship?

    Hear her out and give her value on the things that you agree with. If security and stability is among them or something similar, definitely agree with that and compliment her as someone who knows what she wants.

    An example of a night I walked my girl to her car out of the club using flirting, which triggered her to qualify to me.

    HER: Did you get any dances tonight?
    ME: Ah, two. I'm being such a good boyfriend, I'm not making you jealous.

    She nearly chokes back her laughter. Then she goes on to qualify to me that she is not the jealous type.

    HER: I'm not the jealous type. I don't believe in any of that.

    ME: Really? That is awesome. I am like that too. I let my girl do whatever she wants. I live by this creed that a "real man knows how to make a woman feel like a real woman." You do that by not being needy, clingy, and most importantly, you need to set her free. And if that love is true. She will come back. Don't you agree?

    [Saw what I did here? I got her to commit to the fact that we two are both alike that we are not jealous using the commitment/consistency principle]

    You can also use a story. An experience with an ex. If you talk about the problems you had that didn't make the relationship work out, make sure you include what you learned from them and how it made you into a better person and that is how you live til this day.
    Of course I.M.Mortal whenever you talk about your problems you always make sure to end it with how it made you into a better person.

    I think i might be over thinking things too a bit. i wont let that get to me. I will seek help if i need some reframing again. and from now on if i ever encounter another HB with a bf ill just forget that he even exists. Thank you also for the great example, i can use my dates as perfect example other than my previous relationships. I had several relationships in the past mostly long term and with this i can make her qualify and show her how committed i am in a relationship.
    Do well, Live well... And Dress really well.

  5. #15
    cockofzeus's Avatar
    cockofzeus is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: coworker with douche bf, midgame, good response but not getting anywher

    I didnt even realize how difficult my situation is but with what i have learned i know not to get too attached and reframe my head since its a long game and in her first relationship. I will now make my notes and work out scenarios on how to carry out the techniques you taught me and keep myself busy with other ladies. I really appreciate the helpful replies! Thank you so much.
    Do well, Live well... And Dress really well.


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