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Thread: First message on POF

  1. #1
    Zanderman90 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Question First message on POF

    Hello,

    I just joined this forum and I have been reading a few posts and finding it quite helpful. What I was wondering was could anyone give me tips on a good first message. I've tried both writing personal messages to girls asking about info in their profile and I've also tried more generic messaging with a sentence or two to individualise it.

    I guess I'm just asking for people's point of view on this. Is it just a numbers game of sending out mass messages or writing a message individually to each girl. I'm not really having much luck online haha.

    Thanks in advance,

    Alex

  2. #2
    Legend is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: First message on POF

    I'm not an expert but I pay attention to stuff as well. T-Mal will probably stop by later and give you better advice, but to whet your appetite right now I'll tell you a few things you should always keep in mind.

    EDIT: Holy crap this is long, sorry! I need to learn how to not do that, haha.

    1) Go to T-Mal's thread titles "T-Mal says, DON'T DO THIS!!" He created a fake female profile and posts all the random horrible crap that guys sent it. Knowing this you can know what kind of messages to avoid, I'll provide a few examples:

    "Hey there beautiful, how's your day goin?"
    "Hey"
    "Hey there!"
    "Hi, my name's ___, what do you like to do in your spare time?"
    "You have really beautiful eyes, do you have a personality to match them?"

    etc.

    2) However I do want to add something to these that I've noticed girls simply don't respond to, and why. When you send them something about their profile *SOME* girls will respond to this, it *IS* better than the random drivel above. Something like "So when you aren't listening to awesome Beatles albums...." will get you more responses, however, it's still not ideal.

    I've been using online dating sites (OKC, POF, and Tinder) for awhile now, and I've received some of those types of messages from girls and this is what it communicates to me:

    "I read your profile thoroughly and picked out something from it to talk to you about so you'll hopefully respond back to me because I think you're attractive and I'd really like to talk to you to see where things go." Run-on sentence intentional. The thing is, we all feel this toward other people, so people *understand* what you're doing and aren't *creeped out* by it at all, at least when it's phrased decently, and they see you're putting more effort than most so they're willing to give you a chance at this point.

    Now, here's where the importance of your PROFILE comes into play, because many girls will see your message and understand it as (as I do with these girls) "First messages are hard, here's me making an effort to contact you to break the ice." So they'll peruse your profile, look at your pictures, see how your grammar and spelling stands, and THEN choose whether or not to respond. If you have a great profile and good pictures (see T-Mal's threads for extensive discussions on pictures, I won't go into here other than to say make sure you have at least one "fun group shot" and one "selfie" that isn't a bathroom mirror pic and clearly shows your face, as well as one that clearly shows your entire body. Make sure you're doing fun things in them as well). Take a moment to look at a lot of guy's profiles on the site you're using and notice similarities they all sort of fall back on, and avoid those. "laid back" "don't like liars/cheaters/games" and other generic statements will be rampant and you want to avoid these. You can even lightly poke fun at other profiles if you want, because that will get them laughing (trust me if you do it correctly they will laugh because they are feeling frustrated, I promise, when they look at the same profile 50x with slightly different wording and different pictures).

    3) Okay now that that's all out of the way, on to your actual question about the first message.

    You want a message that is engaging and encourages further light-hearted and fun discussion in the future. Flirty and/or cheesy is always a fantastic option to go to when you can't think of anything else. Something I've toyed around with that I saw in a post here in one of the threads is "STOP THAT!" 90% of the time she'll respond "Stop what?" "Thinking about me and smiling. See, you're doing it again! " That gets them laughing, and it's 100% different than any other message she gets, so she'll bite 3 times out of 5 (legitimately I get about a 60% respond rate with that one, doesn't sound like much but men usually get around 10% or less). I use that message when they have a relatively boring profile but appear like they still could be fun. Also note that that message has 100x more effectiveness on Tinder as opposed to an actual dating site. Tinder girls seem to LOVE it. I've messaged about 30 girls with that and I think 28 or so have responded.

    4) If there's a way to poke fun at them a little bit in their profile, then use that instead. Note that "poking fun" is not "negging." A neg is almost a sly insult to get them feeling jealous/anxious/off-beat, and rarely works in online game, poking fun is pointing out a quirk they have in a fun way.

    5) Pet names work amazingly. Ever since I incorporated them into my game I've gotten SUCH better results. Things like "Nerd Ball" and "Miss Sassy Pants" (This is a personal favorite, stolen shamelessly from T-Mal, because you're "calling them out" on being Sassy (which to girls is a sign that they are confident in themselves) and that you are 100% okay with it) work wonders.

    6) Never interrogate. Avoid questions like "What kind of food do you like?" "How many siblings do you have?" etc., unless you have a way to IMMEDIATELY (and I mean immediately) move it away from an interrogation feeling. Rephrase said questions into statements or different questions like "I went to Texas Roadhouse the other day and they totally burnt my steak AND the remake! I was a sad panda because I love steak." This sets her up to tell you her feelings on steak if she chooses, but doesn't feel like an interrogation at all. OR she can share a similar restaurant story with you as well. Two-pronged hooks work the best. Again, see some of T-Mal's posts for more extensive info on hooks. I sound like I worship the guy, haha.

    I do.

    I even have a shrine to him in my living room.

    Seriously.

    ^^that is what you want to avoid in your messages, that weird, creepy feeling lol. (I'll never take down my shrine though T-Mal, NEVER!)

  3. #3
    T-Mal's Avatar
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    Default Re: First message on POF

    There's nothing to add to Legend's reply....


    LOL!

    But really.. he's on the money!


    The whole key to online dating is separating yourself from the clueless schmucks... and knowing that you're NOT gonna get every girl.

    I've used certain opening messages I've come up with on MANY girls... and even the most successful ones still have plenty of non-responses.

    It's a numbers game for sure. But you CAN drastically improve your odds of success.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  4. #4
    Zanderman90 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: First message on POF

    Okay, thanks heaps for that. I'll check those threads out.

  5. #5
    Bobolov is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: First message on POF

    Just ask them out on a date, don't waste time. The schmucks are the ones who chat, a man wants a date so a man goes and gets a date

  6. #6
    Legend is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: First message on POF

    Quote Originally Posted by Bobolov View Post
    Just ask them out on a date, don't waste time. The schmucks are the ones who chat, a man wants a date so a man goes and gets a date
    "Creep-O's" also want a date and they try to move for a date fast too, there are A LOT of girls who are very wary of guys instantly asking for dates online, sometimes you have to feel it out. Even with a perfect opener asking for a number too soon without the proper level of comfort and rapport will burn you.

  7. #7
    T-Mal's Avatar
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    Default Re: First message on POF

    Quote Originally Posted by Bobolov View Post
    Just ask them out on a date, don't waste time. The schmucks are the ones who chat, a man wants a date so a man goes and gets a date
    A guy who tries going for a phone number or a "date" before attraction is built, is going to encounter resistance.

    Besides; when you take a few days to message back & forth with a girl, you can escalate conversations to a sexual level BEFORE you set a "date"... and can help make that date much more fun.




    .


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  8. #8
    Bobolov is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: First message on POF

    well i guess this creep-o who is failing by asking a girl out on a date too quickly can rest easy. None of what you say is true in my case.

    Attraction isn't built from behind a keyboard surely you 'pro PUA' will know this, attraction is built face to face. A grubby hand writing patterns can only get so far, if you have game a date is where you make the sexual attraction.

    case closed


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