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Thread: Need text help with girl from online

  1. #1
    lumberJack is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need text help with girl from online

    so about a week ago i was messaging this girl from okcupid, was going well, asked her for coffee some time, she responded positively and i number closed.
    a day later i texted, i kept it light and fun, she responded quickly and positively (smileys, "haha"'s etc.) then i cut it off before it dragged and got boring.
    two days after that i sent a "whats up how was your weekend" (weak opener i know), got a quick reply in the same spirit as her previous texts. from here i tried to finalize the meet up alluded to earlier, but got no response. i figured she had gone to bed or something but it's nearly 48 hours now so obviously i'm not getting an answer.
    is there a way to recover from this or should i just let it go? i'm kind of confused that she'd give me those ioi to meet up but then totally blow me off like that.

    thanks in advance for the help, still pretty new to text game, trying to get better slowly!

  2. #2
    marvilo's Avatar
    marvilo is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need text help with girl from online

    Lol it's only been 2 days man, don't get upset if a girl doesn't doesn't tree text you, just wait and text other people. Also you may have asked for the meet up too early if you didn't build comfort or rapport and just did some Fluff talk. If she doesn't text you back in like 5 days then just really text her with a clean slate and no whining for her not texting you back. Like you say she may be busy or may not have even gotten the text at all (phone services are weird like that sometimes.) Anyway you didn't do anything bad so just relax and text other people until you're ready to reinitiate.
    You lose some you win some, learn from your mistakes and get better!

  3. #3
    Nixxx is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need text help with girl from online

    You didn't build a big enough comfort barrier for her, your only hope at saving this one is by actually meeting her in person randomly. In future don't ask her for a coffee, its too generic for a first date, and girls have a tendency of over thinking things. I often find the best way to have a first date is allow her to bring a friend and yourself bring a fellow wing. I stress that this guy has a bit of knowledge on how to play or he is going to ruin it all for you. Organize something different for the date e.g. Minigolf, bowling or a dance class. Something you have the opportunity to Kino with in a non sexual manner.

    Hope I helped, I don't really want to go into text game because It isn't my strong point. Though you are a lot better to keep conversation via text light, funny and dynamic so she is constantly interested by the conversation.

    Hope I have somewhat helped.

    Nixxx

  4. #4
    lumberJack is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need text help with girl from online

    Update: Appreciated the advice you both gave, figured I had nothing to lose so I reinitiated after a couple of days and boom, instant response. Had a few more convos to build up the rapport a bit and she'd always respond well, quickly and always kept the convo going. When I started running out of ideas I shot for the meetup and again, nothing (I know she's seen it, about 1.5 days ago). A simple "no thanks" would have been nice lol. Maybe she's just looking for a text buddy, not used to actually meeting people online, toying with me, or flat out not interested but has been humoring my other messages, who knows? It's very unlike other experiences I have had with online girls.

    Point is, I'm glad I didn't let the initial ignore get to me, but unless there's some magic hail mary play, or she reinitiates, it's time to prioritize someone else.

    Used a lot of the advice I saw here, thanks to all who contribute!

  5. #5
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    Dizzie is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need text help with girl from online

    At least you went for it man. Unfortunately in today's rapidly evolving social culture, women are having access to more male options each day. For example, my female friends have a constant flow of guys blowing up their phones or messaging them on Tinder or Facebook. This is on top of needy ex-boyfriends as well.

    For an attractive girl, giving out her number is not a big deal. They give it out regularly. That's why it's important that when you text them, you have to stand out from the 20 other guys that messaged her that day. If she has a very active social life (most attractive girls do), there's a good chance she'll be in a social setting when she gets your message. Most guys send messages like these:

    "Hey, how was your weekend?"
    "What's up?"
    "It was nice meeting you last night, we should grab coffee sometime."

    Also how you sell the date is important. Normally asking out a girl for coffee or drinks is traditionally boring but if you sell it properly you can make it seem significantly more exciting:

    "Listen dork, all this messaging is starting to make me feel like a computer nerd. Let's converse like normal people. Meet me at X for a quick drink this Thursday. That way if you turn out to be crazy I can make a run for it!"

    On the day of the date:

    "Alright 7 o'clock at X. I'll be the guy standing by the emergency exit."

    This route is significantly more fun for her and actually makes you more of a challenge.

    -Dizzie

  6. #6
    lumberJack is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need text help with girl from online

    Update 2: She ended up apologizing for the slow reply a few weeks back, but said she was busy with school anyways. After 2 attempts I figured it was a done deal so I moved on to other leads. Then, after no contact for about 2 weeks, she texts me out of the blue last Wednesday asking me to have coffee with her on Friday. I was pretty surprised, obviously, but I had nothing to lose. I got her to switch to Saturday (was better for me and I wanted to take control) and boom, got a date out of little work. I confirmed plans the night before, she seemed excited and all looked good. Then when the day arrived, she flakes a couple hours before, apologizing profusely, but making no attempt to reschedule. I said it was no big deal, haven't spoken to her since.

    I think I'm done with her (again), barring another surprise text on her part, but I'm very perplexed by her actions. Had this been the first meet-up attempt I'd keep plugging away but at this point any more investment on my part seems like time that could be better spent elsewhere. Given her past behavior, I shouldn't be that surprised by her flake, but she had no reason to text me, so surely she had some kind of interest in meeting me? I know flaking is common, but these were her own plans she flaked on, not mine. Maybe that makes no difference, I don't know.

    As always, any thoughts or comments are greatly appreciated! I didn't expect to revive this thread and I don't expect I will revive it again, but if I do I hope it's with some better news, haha!

  7. #7
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
    I.M.Mortal is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need text help with girl from online

    Lumber,

    I mentioned this in my posts before. The key is "Playful Persistence." I credit Bobby Rio with this. If you really like this girl keep trying. Every so often, hit her up and casually throw an invite out - keep low expectations and don't overplan.

    What happened to you actually happens quite a bit. Bobby Rio said it took him 6 months + of just hitting up a girl in his texting rotation casually with his "key lock sequence" and one day she happened to be free and they went out and he f-closed her that nite.

    My situation was it took me 4 months before I got my girl out. The difference was she was genuinely busy, but she threw me the interest to reschedule, and even suggested alternate dates at times.

    The truth is we don't know what is going on in a girl's life. There is a common saying that "dating/relationships is all about timing" and that is very true. Had I just given up, I wouldn't be where I am at right now with that girl.

    So when is the right "time"? Well we won't fvcking know until we try and you will fail 100% if you don't try. Just once in a while go up to the pond and throw a line in to see if there is a bite.

    A lot of guys will say "fvck it, and move on because if you keep initiating contact you will lose power/value with her." This is only true, IF she shows you disinterest or is not all that interested (such as not responding or low investment conversation). In your case, the girl initiated contact and asked you out. Heck yea that is a huge on the ioi scale. Your biggest mistake was changing the day unnecessarily. That was the girl giving you value, there was no need to take back value.

    What works is if you are "playfully persistent" in the long run with a girl that showed you interest, you will win where most guys will give up.

    BTW - In the future, if a girl reschedules with you on a certain day, unless you really cannot make it DO NOT change the day just to take back power. If she flakes out on you on the day she asked you, then it is ALL on her. That is the day she knows she is free so it is highly likely (unless in an emergency) she will show. You just risked dragging it out. A lot of guys take this whole PUA thing of maintaining value/power to the point where it is no longer congruent to who they are, and worst of all, they do it wrong. Don't do that.

    You could've easily maintained value by saying "Hmm, I think I can do [that day] but I can only do after 5 pm" The only time I used a tactic of rescheduling on a girl is when I foresee her being busy on the day. It works well.

  8. #8
    Kyl3's Avatar
    Kyl3 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need text help with girl from online

    Playful persistence is the key here.


    Not desperate persistence.
    Not neediness.
    Not clingy persistence.
    Not jealous persistence.

    Game other girls, be her bestfriend or friendly, whatever, and playfully persist.

  9. #9
    LAMEtext is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need text help with girl from online

    How was your texting interaction between setting the date & the actual date?

    When I started out with the entire online dating/texting thing, my achilles' heel was that the following:

    >> I stopped building attraction when I set the date. <<

    1. Playing the game perfect

    I had this routine planned out which worked amazingly well. I could build attraction at such a rapid rate that it was so easy to get their number. Once I had their number, it was just a matter to continue on that vibe and BOOM, DATE SET. *cheers*

    2. Goal reached, what now?

    The moment I set the date it felt like the "hunt" was finished. I achieved what I wanted: getting her out on a date.

    So... I stopped gaming/texting her, because why in the world would I?
    There were many other girls I still had to "hunt" and try to set a date.

    Whenever I felt the urge to text my date, my mind went through following pattern:

    ME: "hmmm, I should text her"
    ME: "ahh nevermind, I shouldn't spent too much time on this one. Afterall, I already SET THE DATE. I already got this one."
    ME: "And afterall, I will need some stories to tell her when I meet her."

    3. How she sees it

    You stop interacting with her.........
    Other nice guys are interacting with her........

    Her attraction towards you is decreasing over time.

    DATE DAY:

    Her attraction level has decreased to a level where she starts to THINK instead of following her FEELINGS.

    So, what is she thinking about?

    - Other proposals to do something during that timeslot (e.g. shopping with friends, having a drink with friends, ...)
    - Opinions from her social circles (there will always be someone who thinks it's not a good idea to go on a date with a complete stranger.. she starts to hesitate)
    - She starts to question why you suddenly became so boring/uninterested... SHE: "maybe he's not as awesome as I first thought??"
    - Another guy that wants to go out on a date
    - 1001 other reasons why she shouldn't go to this date

    What happends if you only text her on the DATE DAY?!

    She will evaluate the entire "should I go or not?" thing again.. and if she has a good backup plan, she'll probably just flake. She simply does not believe it's worth the risk (why would she go on a potential BAD date, while she could have a great day/evening with friends?? She is 100% sure she will have a good time with her friends.)

    4. So, how can I avoid it?

    I believe there are five key things to keep in mind:

    A. Keep the conversation going.
    When you set the date, don't stop texting her. Don't act like setting a date was your only GOAL.

    B. Keep texting her the days before your date.
    Good texts, avoid the "how was your day?"-texts at all cost. I'd say try to limit it to 3-5 texts/day, unless you really have a session of rapid-texting.

    C. Be "mysterious".
    Try to gain attraction by acting mysterious. Don't tell her all your secrets immediately. Give her a good reason to meet up with you: "I want to know more about him..". And the only way she'll ever know, is by going on a date with YOU!

    ME: "Can't tell you about my job just yet, got to keep something left for our little dinner party. ;-)"

    D. Start flirting with her.
    Built up your attraction level with her. Keep in mind, everything you do here... is time saved on your date ;-)

    ME: "Hey midget ninja! You better be ready for this evenings dancing contest?! I already practiced my moves: twist, twist, spin. twist, twist, kiss. You better start practising them ;-)"

    E. Qualify her
    Simply tell her that you had some dates before this and that you really hate people who don't keep their promises. Also tell her you can already see she's not like that, and you really like that about her.

    ME: "You know, three weeks ago I had a date with a girl very similar to you. 3 hours before our actual date she flaked out on me. I hate girls who can't keep their promises. And this is what I really like about you, you don't seem like that type of girl at all!"

    Conclusion:

    When you keep all 5 rules in mind, you should be able to keep her attraction high enough to not flake on you. If she still does, then it's probably not an excuse she's using... but very simple: HER EXCUSE IS VALID! SHE REALLY CAN'T MEET UP.

    So whenever she flakes, keep that same vibe going on and try to set a new date. Don't be selfish and think YOU did something wrong. YOU actually did loads of efforts, nothing to blame yourself!

    Note: These are just my thoughts/experiences regarding texting/online dating. Nothing is based on research or whatsoever.

  10. #10
    lumberJack is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need text help with girl from online

    LAMEtext, thank you for the lengthy and helpful post. I'll use your advice in the future - I definitely got too comfortable once the date was set, didn't have much interaction after that. There wasn't a huge gap of time, but no doubt it played a role.


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