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Thread: Paying on dates

  1. #1
    LAMEtext is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Paying on dates

    Hi guys,

    Introduction:

    In the next days I have several dates with students. They have no real income, I on the other hand have a well paying job. I feel like I'm not a gentleman if I'm proposing to split the bill. I've been a student too, and I know that the budget isn't always as big as you'd have hoped for.

    Questions:

    1) What are the consequences of paying on a first date?
    2) What are the consequences of paying on a second date?
    3) Can I make deals? for example: "Don't worry, I'll pay this bill. But you better buy me a drink back when you get that dream job of yours. ;-)"
    4) Any guides/videos regarding this topic?


    Thanks in advance!

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Paying on dates

    Never offer to buy something for a girl when you FIRST meet her. Like when you're out at a club & talk to her for the first time.

    However; if you've already spent some time chatting with her & you're going out on a "date" then paying for drinks / lunch /dinner etc. is NOT a big deal... so don't make it one.

    When you "buy a drink when you first meet her" it implies you're trying to buy her attention because you're not valuable enough for her to talk to otherwise...

    But when you've both invested time in communicating a bit & are going out together, then paying for a small date is totally cool.

    There's a big difference between the two scenarios.




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  3. #3
    LAMEtext is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Paying on dates

    Thanks for the quick reply T-mal!!

    I've been definitely communicating with all of them for a while now (+/- 1 week). I don't mind paying for their drinks, but if I pay once... do they expect I will pay on the next date too?

    Also, I never buy a girl I've first met. Most of the time they're the ones who WANT to buy me a drink, which I happen to enjoy a lot! ;-)

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Paying on dates

    I've ALWAYS paid the first time out... and what has happened for ME is, the girl starts paying for almost everything after that.


    Who am I to argue?




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  5. #5
    0o.Sweet.Beat.o0 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Paying on dates

    Hi

    I used to pay on a first date. I thought I am a genteleman.
    But now my first dates are "free" : Walk in the park, in the city... And then there is no problem say... "Hey they make great cofee there" and ask if she likes to have one. And if she does she pays :-)...

    And as for your student girfriends... I always suggest date according what she coul afford...
    For me it does not matter too much what am I doing on date. It's important for me to be with a girl and play the game ;-) :-)


    0o.Sweet.Beat.o0

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Paying on dates

    I disagree with people who say it's ok to buy for her dinner or drinks or whatever. I agree with the part about not buying a drink or dinner when you first meet her but even on the first date or so I don't think it's ok so in that sense I go one step further. I think you shouldn't pay for her at all until you have slept with her. This means you should either sleep with her as soon as possible or just take out the notion in your head that you need to buy her affection. Imo, only low status men need to buy a woman's affection. Sure, some women are old fashioned but those kinds of women will probably take forever for you to get into bed anyway and generally speaking aren't that much fun and not worth your time.

  7. #7
    Mystik is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Paying on dates

    Quote Originally Posted by T-Mal View Post
    I've ALWAYS paid the first time out... and what has happened for ME is, the girl starts paying for almost everything after that.


    Who am I to argue?




    .

    It sounds like it works for you. So in that regard I would say if it's not broke don't fix it. However, from what I gather many guys(even most imo) do not have that experience. I haven't had that experience either.

    It is a slippery slope though and a double edged sword. Many women want men to make that investment in them and many women seem to think if a guy pays for them then it means they are somehow special. On the downside some guys(unfortunately) think it entitles them to sex. I'd say that many(but not all)modern women will probably feel more comfortable if the bill was split on the first date. Many guy's social upbringing and ego can't handle that though so they insist on paying for the woman.

    One way of handling it might be to feel her out so to speak before you even go on the date. "Hmmmm, you seem nice we should go out sometime. I must tell you though, that I'm not the kind of guy who believes in buying a woman's affection so we should split the bill. You don't have a problem with that do you?" Or you could add "I never really understood why guys feel they need to win a woman's approval buy buying them dinners etc."

    Generally speaking I believe guys who don't have good game buy women dinners and things. I think it's ok as long as it's reciprocal or in a relationship(same thing most of the time). Just starting out it's better to do things where money isn't an issue. Think of it this way. It could get really expensive if you are dating lots of women at the same time.You are better off just having coffee or even dinner back at your place(the best option if possible).

    As far as the OP goes, there are exceptions to the rule. I still say you shouldn't make your first date or dates expensive dinners but if they are and they are poor students then it makes sense to pay for them(if you must take them on expensive dinner dates).

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Paying on dates

    Thanks for the feedback guys!

    I ended up paying the first date. She payed our lunch on the second date and cooked on the third date. So nothing to complain from my side.

    Currently I'm having loads of blind dates, and I had a few where I already knew after 5 minutes it wouldn't work out. After our drinks I feel sorry for her... and I cannot resist NOT paying the entire bill. Any workaround?


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