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Thread: Profile critique, if anyone is bored

  1. #1
    NineTailedFox is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Profile critique, if anyone is bored

    Interests
    Lifting iron to sculpt my body
    Sketching life on paper
    Listening to dope ass beats
    Doing cool stuff
    Oiling up for the ocean and the sun
    Conquering nightlife with my peers
    Playing monopoly with relatives
    Beeing loud in the theater
    Going def at live events
    Adventures sober or not so sober
    Bowling
    Sleep

    About Saul239

    Who me?

    I'm into working out, not like 3 hours a day reading muscle mags while drinking 8 scoops of protein working out, but keeping in shape and feeling healthy working out. I enjoy going out with friends, and discussing all the ape sh*t stuff we have seen through out the week. I find that taking time off at the end of the week to relax and laugh with friends, makes me a more motivated and happy person. I am going to school, so that I can earn more money and become a better person. I am, who I am and I love who I am. I hope to find new friends on here to appreciate me for me and me for them being them!

    I like action films like Karate Kid ( Jackie Chan and Ralph Machio), Mighty Ducks ( Emilio Estavez knows Hockey!), and Mean Girls (Regina is a super villain). I like Comedies like The Expendables movie ( Sylvester Stalone is hilarious), White House Down ( Channing Tatum plays a good Ninja), and anything with Steven Segal in it ( how is he allowed to make movies?). I like all scary movies except Magic Mike (there was no magic tricks in that movie), The Expendables (I thought they were all zombies with guns the whole time, isn't Arnold Schwatznegger dead?), and anything with David Hasselhoff ( I like Night Rider though).

    I love getting away and going on vacation, Mexico was fun, I think my friends almost got kidnapped and I might have done a jello shot off of a homeless guys navel? The time I went to the Bahamas was OK, I was just scared about getting stabbed half the time, and didn't trust the guy carving out a voodoo doll that resembled me. Also, I did go to Chicago for a good friends wedding, wow that place is amazing, beautiful buildings, great nightlife, and so many different people.

    ask more questions if interested.

    First Date Probably an activity of some sort ( Sword fighting, Jello Wrastling, or maybe mini golf?), then grab a bite to eat( Burgers, Pizza, or a Wok place).

  2. #2
    Legend is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Profile critique, if anyone is bored

    Interests
    Lifting iron to sculpt my body nope.
    Sketching life on paper
    Listening to dope ass beats nope.
    Doing cool stuff really? You think this is clever? She's gonna look at this and be like "wow, this guy is generic."
    Oiling up for the ocean and the sun
    Conquering nightlife with my peers
    Playing monopoly with relatives
    Beeing loud in the theater being*
    Going def at live events deaf*
    Adventures sober or not so sober Going on sober adventures (and maybe some not so sober ones, haha)
    Bowling
    Sleep

    About Saul239

    Who me? errr...nope.

    THE REST: You are trying to validate yourself by essentially saying "look how cool I am! I'm cool I promise, I work out but not hardcore and stuff, I travel and stuff, I'm cool!" Harsh I know, but you need to stop validating yourself and start selling yourself.

    First Date Probably an activity of some sort ( Sword fighting, Jello Wrastling, or maybe mini golf?), then grab a bite to eat( Burgers, Pizza, or a Wok place). this is fine, you could spruce it up a bit though and make it more interesting. Don't go over the top funny. Humor is good, "class clown" is not good.

    There are two approaches you could go with that I would recommend. The first one is the "traditional" profile, with more interesting language and humor thrown in. The other is the "profile she's never seen before" approach, I'll show you what I mean below.

    FIRST APPROACH

    Something along the lines of "Living life is a passion of mine, and I've been known to frequent both the gym and [insert random adventurous activity place] (beach, lake, backyard swimming pool, whatever, just make sure you actually do it and it's interesting). I've also been spotted at restaurants such as [blah], [blah], and even Denny's (or another low budget restaurant) when I'm feeling particularly chill.

    [interests with similar language]

    [WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR, with similar language, and make it clear that the girl should qualify herself to you. Whether it's making a joke or just laying down the law. "I'm looking for someone who can communicate their feelings to me, and isn't afraid to be vulnerable and open about themselves." "Grammar and spelling is a big deal to me, so if you can tell me the difference between there, their, and they're, you'll earn 17 bonus points before we even begin communicating." Things like that where the girl will say to herself "Wait, I DO know the difference between there, their, and they're, ha, I bet other girls don't, so I'm special, let me show him how special I am by proving it to him!" Obviously the actual in-head conversation/monologue isn't that juvenile, but you get the point, you want them "excited" because they fit your "criteria."]

    [Humorous (not over the top) closer, nothing AFC like "Hope to talk to you," or "I'm a great catch." I really like T-Mal's profile closer which is along the lines of "While it's true there are plenty of fish in the sea, I have been known to settle down for awhile to enjoy my "perfect catch." ]

    Words to avoid (unless you are using them to make fun of the other profiles this girl has undoubtedly seen 100x):

    -Laid-back
    -Hate
    -Liars/Cheaters/Games/etc. (You've undoubtedly seen how many girls' profiles contain the phrase "I hate/have dealt with/am sick of liars and cheaters, and don't want that in my life, so if you're a liar or a cheater, stay away please." A statement like that in your profile is asinine, juvenile, and 100% unnecessary and what it screams (at least to me) is: "I CAUSE SO MUCH F*CKING DRAMA AND CAN'T SEE IT SO YOU BETTER BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH MY RIDICULOUS HIGH MAINTENANCE PERSONALITY OR BACK THE F*CK OFF."
    -Friends (in a "I'm looking for friends" attitude, talking about your friends is okay, just don't go overboard on it (you kinda went overboard in your profile) ) - you do NOT want friends from this site. At the very least you want "buddies. (of a particular letter)" "Fark friends" do not exist.
    -There are a lot more, just pay attention to the words you're using, read through your profile and ask yourself "If I was a girl, and I read this profile, would I be interested in me?"

    SECOND APPROACH

    This approach is much better, in my opinion, but you need the writing skills to pull it off effectively, so if you feel uncomfortable with this approach just don't use it.

    "WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE (well, preferably alive...)

    [username] has been spotted again at the beach, bringing the energy of his friends to a new level. (continue this part further, this is your hook and should sort of "ease" them into the profile while also being catchy and engaging)

    Previous offenses include:

    -Frequenting local bars
    -[name other interests]

    Witnesses claim he's a big family guy, and has been known to play with his nieces and nephews (or brothers/sisters/whatever) on his days off from work. Some even claim he is armed with the skills to change a poopy diaper. Extreme caution is advised when approaching him if this is true.

    [username] has been swooning women for weeks now, clearly he has some form of mind control going on, because none of them will give up his location, though enough data has been gathered that he seems to center his attention on [name a local fun place]. Again, if you are female, extreme caution is advised before contacting him or otherwise approaching him in any way.

    If you have ANY information regarding [username]'s whereabouts or further activities/infractions, please hit REPLY BACK (because [username] is a true man and will likely contact you first. Though some witnesses claim that in the spirit of being a "true man" he is not afraid to be approached either)

    Etc.
    etc.


    Don't make it too long or draw it out too far, but you get the point. They have NEVER read something like that, and they WILL love it. You just have to change the language around so it fits you (or if you don't love it then don't take it, haha)

    YOUR NUMBER ONE PRIORITY after this is to MAKE SURE that your PICTURES match your profile. You need:

    -A closeup of your face. NOT a selfie bathroom pic.
    -NO SHIRTLESS BATHROOM PICS. If you have a decent body, "shirtless" at the beach playing volleyball or whatever is 100% awesome and approved, but "shirtless for no reason other than I'm showing you my sweet, sweet abs" is never, ever going to get you laid or a girlfriend or whatever it is you are looking for (unless you're looking for disappointment and lonely evenings).
    -A FULL BODY pic. Even if you are a fat tub of lard with elephantitus on your toes, you need to convey WHO you are to girls completely. You may get a date if you "lie" through your pictures, but you won't get a second one, I promise. Be man enough to show your flaws.
    -A pic of you doing something AWESOME with OTHER PEOPLE. Having a dude or two in the picture is fine, but you also want a pic with a few girls as well.
    -A few more AWESOME pics if you can grab them - different activities for each one.

    Pics are usually where people go wrong. A lot of people feel like that because they aren't Ryan Gosling, they need to make themselves look like Ryan Gosling somehow. Here's the thing: You probably aren't Ryan Gosling. Yeah, it sucks. Now get over it. Be honest and okay with who you are, and then do the best thing you can do to build attraction - be AWESOME. A girl will pick an AWESOME "attractive" guy over a good "hot" guy (unless she's completely shallow) almost all the time.

    Good luck Broski. Let me know how it goes.

  3. #3
    NineTailedFox is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Profile critique, if anyone is bored

    This has been very informative, also very detailed, thank you. I will create another profile using these pointers.

  4. #4
    NineTailedFox is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Profile critique, if anyone is bored

    2nd attempt

    Interests:
    Strengthening my body at the gym
    Strengthening my mind at school
    Sketching life on paper
    Sitting back and enjoying a Guinness to some 80’s rock
    Oiling up for the ocean and the sun
    Conquering nightlife with my peers
    Playing monopoly with my relatives
    Being loud in the theater
    Going deaf at live events
    Adventures sober and maybe not so sober ones haha
    People watching in traffic
    Showing off my non-existent bowling skills
    Mastering the art of beauty sleep

    About Saul
    I enjoy an active lifestyle because looking good and feeling good is important to me. I am looking for a woman who shares the same passions (Lois Lane to Clark Kent). I appreciate the company of a woman who is adventurous, because me and my friends are not tame when we go out. If you’re looking for someone to get fat together with on the couch, close my profile and move on. I also appreciate intelligence when it comes to a woman’s character strengths, but find myself put off by a snobby know it all. I love to travel on my off time from School and work, so have your passport readily available. It is essential that the woman that I am with is confident and strong, because life hands us all some devastating blows. I would rather have Lois Lane next to me when hurt by Kryptonite, rather than have her be my Kryptonite.

    If you find yourself fascinated by genuinely, appealing, and never dry interactions you have a duty to yourself to send me a message.

  5. #5
    Legend is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Profile critique, if anyone is bored

    This is much, much better.

    I would remove the "Snobby know it all" phrase, it's a bit too negative. Also, basically after that point you've gone (in my opinion) a little too far on the qualifications, and it's starting to sound like a job description on monster.com or that you yourself are high maintenance.

    The last sentence is a bit catchy as well, but something seems off about it. Also the grammar is a bit off ("genuinely, appealing, and never dry interactions" doesn't make sense, at least not how I read it. It might make sense in your head but when it's read it doesn't, haha).

    "If you find yourself hungering for more genuine interactions, a deeper connection, or more interesting adventures, send me a message! I'd love to hear from you. Happy fishing! "

    Just a quick workup changing the language around. I don't like "duty" in there, makes it seem like a chore, I think. The language from the above example seems to come from more of a "I'm in a good place in my life right now, so I'm not afraid of interactions - and even if I don't think we'd match, I'd still love to hear from you. I'm interested in people." Girls eat that attitude up, so I hear. It's the difference between a confident "good" guy, and an AFC "nice" guy.

    EDIT: Also your interests sort of conflict with your profile. In your profile you mention how you aren't content to sit on the couch, but you have like three interests that basically sum up to "sit on the couch." Well, one is "sleep in" but essentially it's the same attitude. Maybe mention something in your profile about enjoying a day off doing nothing from time to time or something, just to keep it consistent.


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