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  1. #1
    JLivin is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Met a girl, proceeded with chat, stuck at number close

    Hi guys!

    I'm quite new here but I've been reading material for a while.

    Please forgive me for any terms that I might use incorrectly.

    So the story goes like this: I met a girl in a bar (there were like a bunch of people, I actually knew nobody from earlier but got introduced by another person), we chatted for a couple minutes tops but it was enough for me to ID her on FB.

    Ok, so the next thing I do next day is I write her a message on FB, saying it was nice to meet you and what about another meet some time, to which she replies like “I do not normally go out with a guy I don’t really know but why don’t we get to know each other better online first?”.

    I joked something about it but nevertheless played a bit by her rules, I had like a thousand topics but dosed it every few days both for not being annoying and also for not overheating myself. By the way, few topics were quite personal, sharing dreams and lots of what she likes etc.

    Today I asked for her phone #, she was like, “what are you going to do with it, call me?”, to which I replied like “yeah. One day. Number first, and I’ll know what to do”. No reply from then.

    I am pretty sure she’d start talking again if I changed the topic but I am not quite sure if I should do that now.

    I am tempting three options now:

    1) To ignore this, ignore her for a couple of days or so and then come back with another topic.

    2) To write a fairly long lecture on the fact that it’s just a phone # (she has mine already through FB sync, I am damn sure it’s on her address book and if I call her, she’d see my name already), no romantic things but just letting her now that my intentions are fairly simple, to hang out a bit, to know better, no serious shit but on the other hand that I find her interesting.

    3) Do another topic perhaps tomorrow or so.
    I guess the real intention with plan #2 is to send a clear message that I am genuinely interested and just to make her decision harder.

    The other thing I have to mention is that I can get her phone # though other sources (we have a couple of mutual friends and I know someone from her work who could look it up) but want to go this “fair route” – in some way it would be some sort of a compliance test I guess.

    I guess it’s irrelevant what I did wrong in the past already but any thoughts how I should proceed?

    Thanks for any advice!

  2. #2
    sam.ankit is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Smile Re: Met a girl, proceeded with chat, stuck at number close

    dude your idea is very good,i'm going to try if it works or not

  3. #3
    Maverick1027's Avatar
    Maverick1027 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Met a girl, proceeded with chat, stuck at number close

    Yeah ... I think you've put yourself a bit between a rock and a hard place.

    You have to dhv for this girl. And you have to gain control of the frame. At this point, I think that's all you can do. If I were you, I'd probably chalk this up to a loss. I think it'd be harder to regain this one than to start over. However, if you wanted to try then this is what I'd say at this point in the convo. I would probably send her a message along the lines of:

    "It's fine if you're scared. I understand. I'm pretty busy anyway, I just thought you might like to -insert activity- with me this weekend so you can tell me more about you and what makes you interesting."

  4. #4
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Met a girl, proceeded with chat, stuck at number close

    Don't ignore her, don't lecture her on the number and don't tell her you're genuinely interested. She has already accepted FB friend request - FB messenger sucks but you can use it for the time being if possible. You don't need her number. She doesn't need a lecture on phone numbers - she is not your communications student and you don't need to let her know you are genuinely interested because that is already obvious.

    She's already put up a strong defensive barrier. There are a couple of ways through but it will be tough going. Better to put her on the side burner unless you have something amazing to dhv that she doesn't already know about. Don't get her number from other sources. That is bordering on stalking. She won't like it. Don't comment on any of her FB posts unless its truly relevent.

    1) Women have a natural monthly cycle where they are more horny and excitable at some stages and irritable and cold others. It can be subtle but its there. Keep writing to her and develop connections. Write to her like you are already are friends. Be somewhat of a gentlemen with this one but not a pushover. Start opening up about your own life to reveal your inner attractive virtues - your goals, your strengths, your creativity, your intellect, past relationships (only talk positively), your physical attraction (photos). Find out what she likes and talk about that. Try and get her flipped around so she is asking you questions. Don't be afraid as a wild card to get her empathetic side going. 'Oh my poor dog has a problem in its paw...i need to take her to the vet...she's looking at me with weepy sad eyes'. If she doesn't respond to that, she doesn't want to know you full stop because she is bypassing all mothering instincts. Unless she is a cat lover but you will have already found that out by now if you have been generating good conversation.
    2) Invite her out in a group dynamic where it makes no difference whether she comes or not 'Hey we're going to see this show tonight, you should join us' or 'I'm at this nice lounge bar with colleagues. The cocktails are amazing. What are you up to? Want to come over or meet later?' or 'Hey I'll be in your area tomorrow mid day, would you like to meet for a quick lunch?'. If she keeps saying no to all those things consistently you may have lost your chance or you are simply not her type. You have to make sure you are not a stranger and reveal your true honest personality so she develops trust. Make it easy for her too. Don't pressure her with facts - open her up with emotions.
    3) Keep chatting casually. Show less interest but maintain contact. Controlling the frame at this point may be difficult but next week she might go through a different emotional swing - she might have a hard day at work, a fight with her best friend...whatever... but you are positioned somewhat to be there for her and if you can do that she will let you in a bit under her defenses.

    You haven't won her over initially so you can't just suddenly burst down her defenses, you have to let her pull it down herself gradually. This is why its important to set the frame early and position yourself as the catch and be very confident in making yourself not a stranger and asking her out without a care whether she says yes or no. If you have done a good job DHV and revealing enough great virtues about yourself (you must demonstrate them - not just Fluff talk) and ask her out she should not say something like she did. If she does still say that you can quip back 'Im just asking you out for a quick drink, Im not asking you to marry me haha'. If she still says no, then say 'ok' and completely ignore her and move onto the next target.

  5. #5
    cdharders's Avatar
    cdharders is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Met a girl, proceeded with chat, stuck at number close

    Justify the number, say "Not on Facebook much- what's your number ?"

    Don't lecture her. Have a brief conversation about activities that leads to a date.

    All the other talk isn't doing much. There's a right way and wrong way to build comfort over text. It's not you telling her lots about her. It's hitting emotional points, so she trusts you and knows you're not crazy.
    The Official Tinder Playbook--> http://conquerdatingapps.co m <--Stop swiping, start hooking up

  6. #6
    seniorsgonewild is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Met a girl, proceeded with chat, stuck at number close

    Quote Originally Posted by JLivin View Post
    Hi guys!

    I'm quite new here but I've been reading material for a while.

    Please forgive me for any terms that I might use incorrectly.

    So the story goes like this: I met a girl in a bar (there were like a bunch of people, I actually knew nobody from earlier but got introduced by another person), we chatted for a couple minutes tops but it was enough for me to ID her on FB.

    Ok, so the next thing I do next day is I write her a message on FB, saying it was nice to meet you and what about another meet some time, to which she replies like “I do not normally go out with a guy I don’t really know but why don’t we get to know each other better online first?”.

    I joked something about it but nevertheless played a bit by her rules, I had like a thousand topics but dosed it every few days both for not being annoying and also for not overheating myself. By the way, few topics were quite personal, sharing dreams and lots of what she likes etc.

    Today I asked for her phone #, she was like, “what are you going to do with it, call me?”, to which I replied like “yeah. One day. Number first, and I’ll know what to do”. No reply from then.

    I am pretty sure she’d start talking again if I changed the topic but I am not quite sure if I should do that now.

    I am tempting three options now:

    1) To ignore this, ignore her for a couple of days or so and then come back with another topic.

    2) To write a fairly long lecture on the fact that it’s just a phone # (she has mine already through FB sync, I am damn sure it’s on her address book and if I call her, she’d see my name already), no romantic things but just letting her now that my intentions are fairly simple, to hang out a bit, to know better, no serious shit but on the other hand that I find her interesting.

    3) Do another topic perhaps tomorrow or so.
    I guess the real intention with plan #2 is to send a clear message that I am genuinely interested and just to make her decision harder.

    The other thing I have to mention is that I can get her phone # though other sources (we have a couple of mutual friends and I know someone from her work who could look it up) but want to go this “fair route” – in some way it would be some sort of a compliance test I guess.

    I guess it’s irrelevant what I did wrong in the past already but any thoughts how I should proceed?

    Thanks for any advice!
    I think cdharders is right adn talk isn't doing much.
    Senior Dating>>>>>>www.seni orsgonewild.org<<<<< <<Mature Dating Website


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