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Thread: A lesson to be learned

  1. #11
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    I didn't read everyone's posts, but a simple observation is that she is reciprocating your disinterest.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  2. #12
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    Pep, I gotta agree what the guys are saying. When you over-analyze like that, that is not true confidence. Getting hung up on figuring out PUA external game aspects on being needy and alpha male...all it does is it makes you anxious and reinforces the belief that you are not good enough. Think about it. And that is why you created this post.

    That is what getting hung up on all these techniques and theories do to you.

    1. It’s temporary
    2. Confident people can see through it
    3. Requires effort.
    4. Creates anxiety
    5. Performance reinforces the belief that we are not good enough.

    The problem is here is you are asking questions about external game issues when the problem is internal.

    Small little things like being concerned whether you are "too obedient" and freezing out a girl (at the wrong time)...this is all regressive stuff to your inner game.

    Just as an endnote, you never Freeze Out a girl who shows you interest. Her interest in you should be mirrored and rewarded. That's all you need to know as an external game roadmap. All this stuff about you being "obedient" I don't pay that any mind as long as it's congruent to who you are and you were honest with your intentions. This girl was clearly interested in you for whatever you did in the past that was congruent to you.

  3. #13
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    Thanks for the posts, guys. Every type of feedback is welcome, even negative.

    I agree with everything you guys said, but my insecurity is the results of many things:
    - constantly bullied even at uni, which shattered my self-esteem
    - many years of being an AFC, being either ignored or made fun by girls
    - eventually hooked up with someone for 3 years. Was good while it lasted, then things got worse and we agreed to part ways.
    - 3 years of dry spell, trying to re-discover myself and how the dating world works. PUA has opened my eyes on many things, but not everybody can act as a natural. I like girls but they are not my priority in life, so I don't really sarge and don't get a lot of practice.

    I am trying to figure things out by myself and by asking questions on these forums. I don't have any close friends whom I can trust to talk about these things. I have a decent job, quite a lot of interests and several friends. These things have increased my self esteem and this shows when I deal with girls.

    The reason I am still insecure is because I still react like an AFC at times, while I should be more alpha. I realize I still have a lot to learn and that I cannot come up with witty phrases or fun/cocky lines like you guys do. I am very self-conscious about this and I always try to understand if I do things right.
    It takes time to incorporate the alpha way of thinking in a person such as myself...

    I never had a male role model, so I am still clumsy when I deal with women. Your advice helps me immediately realize something, while it would have taken a lot of trial and error to learn by myself...

    -------------

    Now, concerning the girl. I suggested we meet in the evening for a game of pool. This is not the original text, just a rough translation I did myself:

    Her: Oh nice, that's sounds cool Unfortunately, the weather is really good and I don't want to pass up the opportunity to jog a bit. I even bought a new pair of shoes for that purpose Are you available tomorrow eve?

    Me: Lol, are u sure u wanna jog? I saw it's gonna pour later today. Sounds like a better plan to have some drinks and enjoy a game inside I am not sure I can make it tomorrow as I promised to meet my cousin. Let me know if you change your mind. C u

    Her: Ok, I will let u know. If it rains, I certainly won't go jogging ciao ciao
    Her (a few mins later): Anyway, did u see there's a jazz festival this week-end? So happpyyyyy

    Me: Yeah, I am actually looking forward to it. There's some cool events at x place and y place. We could go together

    Her: Yes, why not. Place z is also nice, there will be some good groups. I love it in any case

    Her: Weather is clear and I will jog a bit, sorry. But I like ur idea, let's do this another time!

    Me: Well, enjoy the good weather while it lasts I will write again on Saturday for the festival. Ciao



    Only time will tell what happens...

  4. #14
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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    going back to what i said previously--decide on what you want. even if you just want to kiss her--that's deciding on something. don't sit there and poke at this problem. decide how far you're willing to go for this girl. where you stop is where you're not sure where to draw the line. you're not doing anything evil by not deciding. it just makes it harder to help you. everyone has inner game issues but you need to make some goals here. make small goals and accomplish them and then evaluate where you are after you've accomplished them. you don't have to decide everything but a direction, a step helps.

    as for your texts they seem ok... but almost borderline friendly rather than relationship seeking texts.. you'll probably hit that friend zone if you get too close and comfortable with her without being honest with her. i'm not saying you need to do that via text but it wouldn't hurt to change the pace of your texts to sometimes break rapport to flirt.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  5. #15
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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    Just wanted to add that i think if you dont have a male role model thats ok. Make friends first--even if they are women. Dont take their advice but listen to them how a PUA would listen to them. Use them as a practicing board for your comfortablity for Kino. Dont kiss them but get used to touching with them, flirting with them and being there for them
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  6. #16
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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    Dude, you just described me and why I was an AFC... Granted I never got physical bullied, but verbally hurts all the same, and I've had a few people want to punch me before.

    Anyway. I was so AFC, I could barely talk to girls even with liquid courage. I got friend zoned all the time and even blew EASY lays from girls being completely upfront and obvious and I blew it because I got scared and nervous.

    Your best bet is to move out of your house (if you live with your parents). Secondly, find some pua friends you can do approaches with. People who are doing it for fun, not for a specific outcome, someone who can raise your energy. Finally, you know the saying fake it until you make it? It's absolutely true. You need to be constantly telling yourself how awesome you are. It'll start sticking over time. I would also say go on the no fap challenge. Look that up. You basically have to rewire your brain, and it can be done, just takes some time and constant practice. There is another thread I did on power posing. Search that and check that out.

    Your texts seem fine, I would just say show a little more interest, be a tad more flirty. Like if she says she wanted to go jogging, could have made a joke about hows she's trying to get in shape to look good for you. There is obvious interest from her, shes double texting a bit, plus she wouldn't just RANDOMLY bring up that festival if she didn't want you to ask. You got it dude. Just relax, breathe deeply into your belly, and get out of your head

  7. #17
    artandale's Avatar
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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    i agree with scooper2031 with adding more flirtiness. if you're avoiding the friend zone nows the time to act. put your sexuality out there. stand your ground with it if she feels awkward. you can't change that you're a guy. tell her you can't help it, you like women if she finds it that big of an issue.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  8. #18
    SCooper2031 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by artandale View Post
    i agree with scooper2031 with adding more flirtiness. if you're avoiding the friend zone nows the time to act. put your sexuality out there. stand your ground with it if she feels awkward. you can't change that you're a guy. tell her you can't help it, you like women if she finds it that big of an issue.
    Thats where i got the info on power posing from. Great video

  9. #19
    CapPickup is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    I'm sorry but I didn't see or feel any bragging from your situation. So don't think too much about it.

    This is what I learned from my experience : if you make a mistake or if you farked up. Don't beat yourself up. Just have fun, laugh about it if you want.

    In my opinion, You don't Freeze Out on a chick that's chasing you. She obviously likes you. You just text her when you want to. If you're busy this week then don't text her. That simple. you Don't need to follow some bs 2-3 day rule.

    No.1 thing you should remember, Avoid the weather talk, it dries up the vagina.

    Tell me if I'm wrong but from what I understand you already declined her twice? That doesn't sound obedient at all. Hmmm.. Make up your mind if you like this chick or not. If you do, ask her out then kiss close or maybe even f close.


    In summary, your main problem is you overthink to much. You know you can talk about the boringest shit in the world and still be interesting when you have confidence(well probably not, but you get my point). Conversation is like a game of chess.
    She makes a move = you counter it ;
    She makes a move = make a move of your own and let her counter yours.

    I wish you the best of luck man! May the force be with your game.

  10. #20
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    Thanks for the tips, guys! Many things to learn here
    I knew the video with Amy Cuddy (which I found great btw), but not the other one with Brene Brown. Very interesting stuff.

    To be honest, I have more female friends than male friends in my social circle. This is partially linked to my field of studies, but also that I can't relate with many guys (all they talk about is cards and soccer, and I am not interested in that stuff). Overall, I have to say that I am now much more comfortable chatting and kinoing women compared to a few years back, but for some reason, I can't be as "cool" with girls I feel attracted to. My problem is despite all the PUA reading, I don't know how to flirt. I either do it clumsily or I come off as boring.

    Now, with this girl, we only met twice so far, I didn't flirt too much as I was still trying to decide whether I like her or not. The problem is that I am not sure if we have so many things in common in the end. Nevertheless, I was really motivated to go for a k*close yesterday, but she flaked on me. I guess we are meeting for sure on Saturday, so I either make it or break it.

    What do you mean by being more flirtatious in my texts? What would you have done differently?
    I also hate talking about the weather, but it was the best introductory phrase I could come up with. We are not that close, so I don't feel comfortable saying things too obviously. I prefer innuendo at this stage.

    Cheers.

    -----------

    Oh, and there's another issue concerning the date on Saturday. There's this female friend of mine with whom we go to various meetups together (our aim is obviously to meet new girls/guys) and she insists that we go to the jazz festival meetup that starts at 8 pm. I told her that I have a date in principle on that day and that I am not sure I can make it. She replied that I could have the date earlier and that I join her later for the meetup.
    The problem is that if the date goes a certain way (k*close), I personally think that I would be a douchebag to leave her alone for the rest of the evening/night just to go to some random meetup. I really don't like the idea. Sure, if nothing happens, I don't have any commitment to her, but it will be different if we kiss. What do you guys think?


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