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Thread: A lesson to be learned

  1. #21
    artandale's Avatar
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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    Plans change all the time. You should insist she bring friends and you'll bring friends. Friends are a good buffer for bad situations--they can often do a lot of distracting if you're busy with your game
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  2. #22
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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    "Is she deaf/dead od what...?"

    Mh dad once told me that one. It's awsome for text game according to him, especially after you text something normal on a dating site she ignores. She will reply, jt will catch her of guard.

    And if she doesn't? Well it wasn't ment to be..

  3. #23
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    Ok, field report:

    We met at 5 and split around 11:30 pm, so the date lasted almost 7 hours. It was longer that I thought and I am mentally exhausted. We did many things at least and changed venues a lot.

    We were going from concert to concert, had some dinner and went to one last concert before walking her back home. I did a lot of Kino this time, I teased her quite a lot, but my game seriously lacked verbal component.

    I still do not know how to flirt verbally
    . I can talk about anything but it is non-flirty. How can I learn about this? This is a serious weak point.

    At the end of the date, we chatted a bit at the entrance of her building. I could see she was anxious/expecting something. I thought it was my chance so I jumped in, but we somehow ended doing the kiss to cheek greeting. I put my arms around her to show I meant something more, so we hugged a short bit.

    I was not satisfied, so I came up with a quick topic of discussion to stall her. Once I made her laugh with something I said, I jumped again for a kiss but I aimed for her lips this time. She managed to evade it at the last moment and I ended up kissing her cheek in the end. I couldn't tell if she did this intentionally, if she got scared/surprised and this was a reflex, or if she thought I was going for another kiss to cheek. It just went too fast.

    I was kinda destabilised, so I playfully put my finger on her cheek and told her "you are a shy one, aren't you?" while winking. She giggled while saying yes, and I left.

    Okayyyyyyy *taking deep breath* I feel really weird about this situation. It's literally the first time ever I am going for a kiss in such a way. We hooked in a totally different way with my ex (friends at first, became a couple later on) and I don't really know about that stuff. I really feel vulnerable and somehow ashamed at the moment... something like a klutz and a poor schmuck...
    It's a good thing I am not too crazy about this girl, as I would be feeling like crap. I still don't like nor feel comfortable with the fact that I opened up and showed my feelings, especially without knowing if those are reciprocated.

    I told her (before the final attempt) I will be at the park tomorrow and that she could join me for a game of frisbee or badminton. She said she would think about it.

    So, what do I do? Do I write to her again tomorrow? Do I freeze off for 1 day?

  4. #24
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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    stop using the word freeze unless you mean to go absolutely cold while she's attracted to you. honestly, you should just give her a few days to get her bearings straight after a date--unless she hits you up first.

    from what i read you were too in your head space. regardless of her deflecting from a kiss you did good--not great but you know something missed. i think instead at looking at what you might have done or read wrong your next solution is do your kiss some where mid way through the date. that way you've already made it less of an exit strategy where everything depends on the kiss.

    i am curious though--did she know it was a date before you guys went out for movies and stuff? cuz if she didn't it would explain why she went for the cheek to cheek. if she did know about it being a date, she probably just isn't super comfortable with you yet. my suggestion next time is when you've got her isolated say in a club, hallway or some place where you both are standing next to a wall--ask to see her hands, play with both for a few seconds and then raise them above her head and then lean in for a kiss.. by doing this you're putting her in a submissive frame--don't grip onto her wrists but use your fingers (not thumb to balance yourself against the wall while you swoop in)--obviously your timing for this should be slow and make sure you have a lot of eye contact and the usual i know what your secret look is on your face.

    if you haven't heard from here in 3 days, ask to do lunch or something. then just work on your game.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  5. #25
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    1) The reason I feel weird is that I really stepped out of my comfort zone and did something I am not used to. I will get over it, but I can't explain why I feel so frustrated. It's like I revealed something about myself (and thus exposed myself) for nothing...

    2) I know about non-verbal flirting but I don't know anything about verbal flirting. How does it work exactly? I am good at teasing but that's not enough... Do I have to use sexual innuendo? Do I have to talk about more sexual things? Won't that scare her off? I really have now idea how to manage that part.

    3) About her knowing it was a date. I guess she did. I clearly showed my interest, no? Why would I ask her out so many times? I also increased the Kino during this last date, she must have understood the message. Also, why does she keep writing me? She also showed interest that seemed to go beyond simple friendship. After meeting her for 3 times, I have a much clearer picture of her personality: she is quite shy I must say even though she impulsive at times.

    4) You are definitely right about kissing during the middle of the date, and not at the end of it. We were very close at some point and it was a good opportunity, but she was too shy to dance with me.

    5) I guess you are also right about keeping a low profile for a couple of days. I doubt she will write back, so I guess I will have to take the initiative.

  6. #26
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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    Well you can try mystery's method of kissing, say "would you like to kiss me?" When she looks like she wants to be kissed and you've given her some Tension by pausing for roughly 5 to 10 seconds with a slight tilt to your head and a grin. This way she can say no or yes. Its direct. If she doesnt say any thing and leans in, you good.

    It doesnt comenacross tjat it was a date even though you said "i guess just" here. It also doesnt matter i was just curious. It can be important to frame it in a way that you felt like going for thr kiss.

    As for the nok verbal flirting.. Look up T-mall's texting bible as a guide to flirt verbally. Its not exactly what you wanna do but its a start. I cant seem to find it but try googling termd like "verbal flirting", "dirty talk", "verbal escalation ladder"... You get the idea. I'll link what i find later
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.


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