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Thread: A lesson to be learned

  1. #1
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default A lesson to be learned

    I was thinking of sharing my recent screw up. There's this girl I have met recently, we went twice on a date, no kiss close or anything, just light flirting. She seems to be into me as she texts me a lot.

    She wanted to meet yesterday but I had already planned to meet another girl later in the evening, and I didn't feel like meeting her earlier (2 dates on the same day is too much for me and I was busy with some other things). So, I politely declined and told her I had other plans with friends.

    Later, she kept texting me about how great the exhibition she went to was, etc. I went along and pretended to be interested and at some point wrote "well, we aren't doing anything cultural, just chilling at the park and playing frisbee".

    She then answered that the exhibition was over and that she was not too far from the park, and asked if she could joined us.
    This is when I realised I completely farked up. I answered that I would have invited her with pleasure but we were about to leave. I said I had a dinner in 1 hour and that I had to get back to get ready for it. I also promised to take her to the park with me next time (also put a smilie).

    She replied in the end "lol, too bad. I love frisbee "

    It seems I managed to minimise the damage, but I thought this was an interesting lesson when text gaming.
    Never brag too much or it will backfire...

    Another issue that a friend of mine raised was that I was too "obedient". I should have not replied to her every message (the exchange was made up of 5-6 messages from each of us). I should have waited until late evening to reply to her very first message.
    This troubles me a bit as I am still in the process of finding out my "style". Do you guys think that my friend is right? This is important as I will take that into account next time I text a girl.

    For the time being, I will stay silent for 2-3 days and will resurface again. Seems like the best way to go.

    Cheers

  2. #2
    pleb is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    I'd have to go with your friend there - you made it very clear that you've got other plans and should have only replied her towards the end of the day.

  3. #3
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    Oh man, she must be really mad at me.

    I froze out for 3 days and sent her a text. I am still experimenting at this stage, so I went with this. I now realize it's crap, but I couldn't really bother to be honest, so I wrote the first thing that came to my mind.

    "Hey there, how are you? some random bullshit about the weather. Say, do you like fun competitive games? "

    I was trying to trigger her curiosity and what I had in mind was a game of pool/billiards. She told me she really liked it , so I thought I could take her to a cool place I know.

    The problem is that she hasn't replied. She is either angry at me or simply playing games...

    1) What should I do if she replies tomorrow? Should I still suggest the date as if nothing happened or should I play hard to get?

    2) What if she doesn't reply at all? Do I let go or do I simple freeze off for a week or two?

    Thanks in advance for any advice.
    I took her for granted and I probably screwed it, lol ;p

    Cheers.

  4. #4
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    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    Oh man, she must be really mad at me.
    who cares if she's mad at you?

    you don't need to be second guessing yourself. you are doing things right. no need to overthink it.

    1) What should I do if she replies tomorrow? Should I still suggest the date as if nothing happened or should I play hard to get?

    2) What if she doesn't reply at all? Do I let go or do I simple freeze off for a week or two?
    stop making such a big deal out of it. if she doesn't reply just go out with a different girl. she'll reply or she will be left out on the fun that you bring.

    no need to overcomplicate things, after all you are the prize. if she wants you she'll make effort to be with you, and she'll get over anything she's mad about.

    just keep on truckin, it seems to me that you are doing things right. keep pursuing multiple woman and stay non-needy.

  5. #5
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    i don't know why everyone tries to resort to freezing out girls... its so idiotic. most of the time its going to backfire on you because you're ignoring her--instead of maintaining a super busy frame in which its hard for you get back to her. your friend had the right idea--it's not a Freeze Out though. don't put her off too long or else you're going to regret it.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  6. #6
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    Well, I haven't decided yet if I want this girl or not, but I thought I could game until I win or get burned. The idea is to practice as I have been quite rusty lately. I know I have hooked her interest and I don't want to let her go so fast.

    So, she replied around 23:30. FYI, she usually replies within 5-10 mins, so it's really a first (took her 3+ hours).

    Her reply:
    "Hey xxx! Sorry for writing so late, I had a complicated day... So, what's this fun competitive game you are talking about? "

    I will try not to overanalyse and go with my gut feeling. I will reply tomorrow morning and try to set a date for the evening.

    Just a couple of general questions that could be useful for the future (I am not that good at text gaming to be honest - I sometimes have a female friend proofread some of my texts and she keeps saying I suck at this):

    1) So, she told she had a rough day. Do I have to comment on that? Personally I wouldn't, but some people say that gals like considerate guys...

    2) Do I tell her what the game is about or do I keep it as a surprise? I could maybe even through in a small riddle...

  7. #7
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    ... if you haven't decided why are you seeking advice? it seems a little counter productive... if you're just wasting her time to entertain yourself i'd suggest you reconsider your actions. decide what you want. there's no way we can help you if you haven't made up your mind about what you want.

    in addition, you're playing with the girls emotions in a negative way in my opinion if you haven't made up your mind about what you want. if you can't make up your mind then just be a friend--stop trying to game her if you're trying to be her friend.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  8. #8
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    To be honest, she is likely "playing me" as well. Her work contract ends in 2 months and she will probably head back to her home country as far as I understood. She might eventually come back after the summer, but that's only a speculation.

    I don't intend to play with her feelings of course. This is the very beginning of the courtship phase, we are both conscious of what we are doing, so no harm is done. If I see she starts getting more serious and that I do not feel the same until then, I will stop everything immediately.

    ----------------

    As to my questions, the purpose is to help me understand the mechanics of text game. I still cannot assess when I appear too needy and when I do behave like an alpha. These things still don't come naturally to me.
    Sure, I know it is needy to reply as soon as the girls texts you.
    However, I am not sure if I have to comment on what she says or if I have to go on with "business" and suggest a date.

    Similarly, I learned through PUA that I have to stay mysterious, to pick her curiosity. I don't have to tell her everything about myself. I also learned that I have to play and challenge girls. If I become too predictable, I come of as boring. I need to say things that she won't expect, ask weird and funny questions, etc.
    This is an aspect of PUA that I am still learning.

    So, again, I would be very grateful for any advice. I don't have so much time to sarge as I could before, so your experience is valuable. You have tested many things and you know what works and what doesn't.

    Cheers

  9. #9
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    you're stuck on the old theories of pick up it seems. you should try looking up natural game.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  10. #10
    SCooper2031 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    I agree with artendale. Why are you stringing this girl along if you don't if you're interested? A waste of both your times if you ask me.

    Do what feels natural to you. Ask about her day if you want. My advice would be to NOT seek advice on dating from another female (unless she is a professional male dating coach). They will screw you over when they think they're helping.

    Also, as to HOW you text: Your texting should be congruent to how you act in person and your personality. If you fear coming off boring and needy over text, you may be that way in person. Work on your inner and outer game, become an interesting person. Instead of waiting to text to make it seem like you're busy, why not actually be busy doing something. Just something to consider


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