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  1. #1
    jfw04 Guest

    Default Female Friends and Flakiness

    I'm trying to figure out if I should be calling out flakiness in girls I'm trying to hook up with and in friends who are girls.

    Example: I text a girl if she wants to grab some food. Or I text a girl what bar she's at when we had plans to hang out. And she either just doesn't respond or takes forever (like multiple hours). This happens with both a girl I'm trying to sleep with or with a girl I'm just friends with.

    Now on the one hand I don't want to get all pissy because it will lower my value like hanging out with her was the epitome of my evening and it was ruined without her because I didn't have anything better to do. (very low value)

    Yet I also don't want to just ignore it if it's occurring repetitively because then I'm almost falling into her shit test, like you don't have to respect me enough as a friend and don't have to be there for me like I am for you kind of thing. So I guess I'm not sure how to handle that situation?

    Also, (sorry long multiple question post if you still reading) it seems impossible to make girls want to hang out with me as friends. Like is there some unwritten rule that if a girl isn't sleeping with you she can't be the first one to text to do something. I have a fair amount of female friends now, and I go out to eat with them, I invite them to parties I hold and bars and w/e, and on the rare occasion they hold parties then invite me. But only girls I'm currently sleeping with make any effort to hang out with me. Girls I used to sleep with or are just friends I have to ask to do stuff with and even then they can be flaky as addressed above. To me it just seems very counter-intuitive from a friend stand point. My guy friends text me to do stuff as I do to them. And that's something I just want in friends, I like reliable real friends regardless of their gender or how hot they are. So am I doing something wrong, am I not being interesting enough to women as simply a friend or is this just how it works? I want to get to that standard where my female friends are hooking me up with there friends and where if I have a party at my place I can guarantee 20 hot girls are going to come and give me amazing social proof, so what am I missing?

    Thanks in advance

    Jeremy

  2. #2
    ragr Guest

    Default Re: Female Friends and Flakiness

    I have almost the exact same problem my friend. I'd really like some advise here as well.

    thanks in advice to everyone woh read this and give some advise.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Female Friends and Flakiness

    Your problem is that you are relying on the women to set up your evenings. To mitigate this problem, majorly overbook stuff to do so that if they flake you have a back-up plan. If you don't have other things to do, just decide that you are going to go do something at a particular time, and let the woman know. Then go regardless of if they come or not. Txt them after and let them know about the really fun time you had with out them. You need to not be dependent on these women to have fun.

  4. #4
    Pinai Guest

    Default Re: Female Friends and Flakiness

    Could it be possible that your girl friends don't see you as a friend they'd hang out with, either meaning it's not that platonic yet, or they're the type who believe girls and boys can't be just friends, or you're really just not someone they'd think of if they want fun in their life....

    I won't defend womankind and our penchant for changing our mind... but I have a group of girl and guy friends and we hang out all the time. We text everyone, meet up with anyone in the group, don't care if another girl friend is going or not, we all go dutch, the girls don't expect to be fetched or brought home (except maybe when one of us has too much to drink), heck, we even go when one of the guys picks a girl up to watch them fark sometimes...

    We bring booze of our own, food of our own, dates for ourselves or for others to enjoy, etc.

    Some of the girls in my group have slept with and have kissed some of the guys in our group. Some of the guys in our group are even married. Some of the people in our group are fark buddies, some are actual items. But my point is, when we want to have fun, everyone is invited. If someone doesn't show up, he/she gets crap for it unless he/she can prove he/she was having a good time we couldn't give him/her. But we don't dwell on anyone flaking or not showing up because even just two of us together meant great fun already. And I live in the Philippines for that matter....

  5. #5
    Typhoon Guest

    Default Re: Female Friends and Flakiness

    I think Pinai is on to something dude. Because usually, even the clowns are first to get asked to a party by their female friends. So either your girl friends don't think you're really a friend they can just ask to a party, or they don't think you're fun.

    Maybe some of your girl friends are still confused by you, and they think you might misconstrue them asking you to hang out as them being interested.

    Or maybe you have the wrong girl friends. Then again, I really can't lord anything over you since my girl friends ask me out if they want someone to carry shopping bags or complain about the men in their life. But I have gone to concerts and other friends' gigs with them, and once even to a wedding. I guess it also helps that I have female cousins.

  6. #6
    Instinct Guest

    Default Re: Female Friends and Flakiness

    This is why I go after the e-mail not the phone number. I write 2-3 e-mails or facebooks back and fourth, and by 3 e-mails, I'm talking rapport, about how I cried at that movie, or how I spent my afternoons taking care of my nephew in high school but I totally loved it or whatever.

    When you meet her at a party, and you are making out, and playing with her breasts, she only knows that side of you. And if she isn't aroused and in state, its going to seem weird to hang out with "Jimmy the Dick Salesman" (<- my term for her view of you thus far, if I see this in someones e-book, you will regret it) the next day.

    With 3 e-mails, and I am trying to increase the size of her e-mails to me , so e-mail one is like 15 words, e-mail two is like 100, e-mail 3 is maybe 200-250, by three e-mails, we are both comfortable.

    And I want the opinion of some of the girls on here on this as well, when you are really into a guy, and you just wrote him an e-mail, you might spend all day waiting excited for him to write you back, perhaps even re-reading his e-mails that he already sent you and so on. It's fun and effective.

  7. #7
    HotRod Guest

    Default Re: Female Friends and Flakiness

    I had several experiences on girls fling me out especially when I want to hang out with them. Honestly, it's quite frustrating. I look forward for good advices here..... Thanks

  8. #8
    Typhoon Guest

    Default Re: Female Friends and Flakiness

    Instinct... but isn't it even more of a bitch waiting for a response to an e-mail than say, calling or texting a girl? But I guess you'd say, "Why the fark would I hang around waiting for a reply?!" Haha.

  9. #9
    Instinct Guest

    Default Re: Female Friends and Flakiness

    Quote Originally Posted by Typhoon View Post
    Instinct... but isn't it even more of a bitch waiting for a response to an e-mail than say, calling or texting a girl? But I guess you'd say, "Why the fark would I hang around waiting for a reply?!" Haha.
    uh, yea.

  10. #10
    jfw04 Guest

    Default Re: Female Friends and Flakiness

    Thanks for the advice guys, very helpful

    Could it be possible that your girl friends don't see you as a friend they'd hang out with, either meaning it's not that platonic yet, or they're the type who believe girls and boys can't be just friends, or you're really just not someone they'd think of if they want fun in their life....
    Maybe some of your girl friends are still confused by you, and they think you might misconstrue them asking you to hang out as them being interested.
    had some good points here. On a more specific issue, I have a few female friends I regularly go out to lunch with, one on one. Or sometimes we go to the movies or shopping, snowboarding or w/e else. And they are generally not flaky. They respond, show up and have a good time etc. I should mention these girls generally range from 2 ex's, 3 ex friends with benifits, and 6 girls I've never done anything with (one of which i tried, fail lol). Now they all invite me to their parties or large group events so it's not that bad lol. But when they go out to bars or do w/e else that I invite them to do with me by themselves or with their friends I'm never invited (except by the ex gf's). I mean I'm not so knave to think they should always be including me obviously they have their own social cirlcle and groups of friends but the fact that it never occurs has me confused.

    As if to say they'll take it when it's offered but aren't going to make any effort themselves. I find this not very characteristic of a good friend, as generally a male friend who simply uses me for the things I invite him to and adds no value to my life is no longer my friend. But I am more curious why this is? Is it that as typhoon said there afraid inviting me out could send me the wrong impression? Or as Pinai said that i'm just not a person they think of when they think of someone fun to hang out with. And if that is the case what do I do to change that? Prior to discovering the community I was always a rather quiet and honestly just forgetful person (not like dumb, like people wouldn't remember me). I have made strides to change my image and had a fair amount of success but something still seems to be missing and that only girls who sleep with me want to spend time with me (again I guess a quality problem )


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