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  1. #1
    hinacay is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Recovery help please!

    I was talking to this HB8.5 whom i am really interested with. However i think i might have moved to quickly and put her off..... any advice on how to recover or should i just let it go???

    me: Hey. Id get rid of that picture on your profile (compliments of DV)
    her: Which one? And why do you say that?
    me: Haha I'm just messin with ya. Hope you can take a joke. I came across your profile and thought you were cute and interesting. My names NAME. What are you up to on this beautiful day.

    her: Oh no, I am so offended ;p Well why thank you, I'm glad some found my unfiltered stream of consciousness somewhat entertaining. It's nice to meet you NAME, I'm HERNAME. I'm actually off of work today so I'm in all of my glory sitting on my deck enjoying a coffee, as for the rest of the day "relaxation" is the key word. What about yourself?

    me: It's nice when a woman just speaks her mind and doesn't hide behind all the bull shit.
    Oh that sounds really nice actually.. I'd give anything for a cup of coffee right now. what do you do? Today's my day off but I'm keeping busy as I have a performance later today. (i play the saxophone/its my profilepic)

    her: I've never understood that, although I am unapologetically me too a fault at times haha.
    I don't mean to boast but I sure make a mean cup of coffee! I'm actually a waitress, nothing too exciting but I'm not going to complain, my regulars are awesome. What do you do for work? I love that you play the sax, it's hands down one of my favourite instruments. I'm a sucker for jazz and blues though so what do you expect

    me: Oh really? hmm I'm skeptical as to your coffee making skills. I don't enjoy just any cup of coffee you know. Only the finest beans will do oh and french press is definitely a prerequisite.
    I'm actually a line cook. My jobs pretty slack especially since management doesn't hassle us about eating so I literally get paid to eat all the time. All of our waitresses get super jealous of us.
    Oh really? Not a lot of people these days like jazz so that's pretty refreshing to hear you appreciate the finer things in life. Nothing beats heading down to Wine-Os or Cafe Koi and listening to some people perform jazz while drinking a glass of wine or scotch.

    after this she hadn't responded so the next evening i decided to shoot a reopener

    me: What upp.. so quick question, strawberries, skittles, or M'Ms
    her: Sorry about the whole no reply thing, I think it was definitely the coffee thing lol, I felt intimidated
    her: Strawberries and chocolate sounds like brilliance, might that be an option?
    me: Haha no worries. It takes a special kind of someone to handle my tastes ;P
    strawberries and chocolate?? those are so last week. Don't you know that skittles are where its at these days.

    her: You mentioned wine and scotch, I'll take that, and strawberries haha
    her: But I would totally choose m&m's, hands down
    me: alright then now we're talking. What's your poison? and I swear if you say jack daniels I might be forced to end contact with you haha
    her: Well if we're talking me treating myself, then I'll take a nice glass of auchentoshan three wood.. Otherwise, a good ol' johnnie walker black will be good enough for me

    me: whew big spender haha. I will admit though I've never had johnnie walker before. Do you recommend it?
    her: I can appreciate the finer things in life at times, a nice scotch being one of them haha. I do recommend it actually, it never disappoints
    me: looks like i'm going to have to buy some Johnnie Walker then and enjoy a nice glass. Maybe we can even share one depending on if i'm not feeling too stingy that evening. A classic BB King or Ella Fitzgerald record would be playing of course

    and thats it.. any tips guys on getting back ontrack?

  2. #2
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Recovery help please!

    you're getting stuck in banter.. you need to switch things up and just pull the trigger to meet up. your next reopner should be more direct and less baloney to build comfort. she already thinks you're an ok person and can hold a conversation. she's more than likely willing to meet you up for something to get to know you more. honestly i'd stay away from food or coffee or beer for meeting each other--you both do that for work. be more interesting--see about something like a hobby you haven't done in a while and see if she'd wanna join... nothing too crazy but something kind of social--like going to a thrift shop to buy some weird lamp for your room or going bowling (treat it like a game with your guy friends where all you guys are doing is entertaining yourselves by being stupid, talking about whatever but trying to bowl awkwardly so you can have inside jokes later with when you walk out of the bowling alley) or something... pick something where you can pick her brain outside of food / jobs so it doesn't seem like an interview and more of getting to know who she is emotionally through her goals, dreams, and expectations to build beyond where most guys would start with at a typical date. i'd really avoid dinner and a movie... you want to make it feel like you both have already been dating so then she feels comfortable around you should you just want to continue to date her or escalate more for kiss and maybe some sex. its up to you really, you gotta decide what you want but what i'm trying to say is that you're getting really close to losing her interest if you keep bantering.

    also if you guys do get hungry--plan your logistics right... if you go shopping or bowling or something make it close to your house--this way if she loses bowling she can buy groceries and you guys can cook a meal together which feels like boyfriend / girlfriend things. you'll have the options to escalate further if you want too. as for shopping you can suggest stopping by the store to pick up a few things and you're gonna make dinner--if she comes over you'll have plenty to share with if shes hungry. so yeah... work it out.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  3. #3
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Recovery help please!

    You're not doing bad so far, but you're bordering on getting stuck in Fluff-talk. You've also been a little heavy on the compliments early on, so be careful not to come off as "over eager".

    But like artandale said, you need to start working towards a meet up pretty soon... but don't push too hard too fast. (AND start flirting more)

    I like artandale's suggestions of bowling & especially the thrift shop! That's something that would be much different than the typical & predictable "coffee date".

    Women LOVE to be a part of stuff like finding items to decorate your house/apartment etc. It makes them feel included in your life & more connected to you.

    Pretty much anything out of the ordinary is gonna be a solid choice, because it's gonna be memorable.

    Try doing a couple different things with her when you meet up. The more you can include, the more it's gonna feel like you've known each other longer. Bowling AND the thrift shop? That's kinda like 2 dates right there. Add in a stop for a cocktail & it's gonna feel like 3 dates. etc...

    When it comes to "first dates" I've done things like a picnic, laser tag, bowling, sushi/cocktails, museum, zoo, fishing...

    The ideas are pretty much limitless.

    But again, start flirting more & start planning to set up the get-together.

    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

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