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  1. #1
    Bballking is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Aarrrghh! Jacked it up in comfort...

    I've been having some mild success on POF lately. Pulled 7 numbers, had 3 dates, a 4th next week, and a day 2 tomorrow. However, I'm slowly learning that I'm not as good as I thought I was, and I've completely hit a point where I want to dive into this head first instead of dipping my toe in the water to hope it might be warm. My text game needs work, and my day 1's are forced, comfort is a slight problem for me, and I'm not escalating in matters I should.

    Was chatting up a HB9.5 last week. Started out rocky but I saved it with a humbling move (for lack of a better term). The conversation started sliding into comfort, but I think I may have indulged too much. It's a little long, I apologize in advance.

    Me: You seem sweet and possibly quite fun with a hint of a dorky side You might be a girl I could get along with, just as long as you don't mind staying in a night or two for a hardcore game of rock paper scissors...

    Her: Haha thank you ;p
    Not a problem I'll stay in with u

    Me: Haha, is that an admission of interest or a challenge? If it's a challenge, I'm not quite sure you know what your getting yourself into...

    Her: Hmm challenge

    Me: I'll pretend like it's not both... I gotta warn you, I'm really good

    Her: Pretend all u want.

    Me: You don't have to play hard to get... It'd be so much easier if you just told me you wanted to grab coffee

    Her: Yes one day I would

    Me: Well why don't you give me your number and we can just text like normal people...

    Me (a few hours later, my humbling move): Actually, you know what, don't give it to me. I feel like we didn't really get a chance to get to know each other at all... it's just a little less time consuming texting, but I had a few dates from here that actually went terrible because I didn't get to know their sense of humor... I am curious to know a little bit more about this sassy side you have tho

    Her: Thank u! Whenever I give out my number guys stop talking within the first day or a couple like its rediculous and a waste of time then I'm back on here like fml lol
    Ask me anything I'll tell u. I'm a big goof ball and a big kid at heart at the right times lol I do have my blonde moments not gonna lie but it's not dumb it's funny when it happens I've heard cute also and my sassiness comes from my Italian side lol what about u?

    Me: Haha, that's so weird, usually if I get someone’s number I'm trying to talk to them too much in the first day and then I'm back on here like fml lol... I love it. I can be so cheesy, I literally can't control it. I can't even tell you how many times I've said a joke in the middle of a group of people and heard crickets because nobody got it. Of course I explain it and they're all like "oh yeah, not really that funny now, but we get it." lol. I keep trucking though and eventually get one that sticks. But I’ll call someone up from my family and tell them later and they’ll always be like “hahaha that’s hilarious!” Guess my whole family is goofy haha.

    Her: Haha that's awesome!! My dad will tell jokes and everyone will laugh and 5 minutes later I'm like hahaha omg that's so funny! And of course they laugh at that. That's just how it goes sometimes for me lol. I like that ur a funny guy .. U kno.. That's the way to a girls heart! Well mine at least lol

    Me: Well it DEFINITELY sounds like you have some blonde in you than That's so the opposite of my family, my mom definitely has the wit, my dad is just so funny because he's really corny and he never realizes it. He'll tell a joke and be the only one laughing, and then the rest of us have to laugh cause he thought it was so hysterical lol... I like that you have a sense of humor, it makes a girl so much cuter. Though I gotta warn you I'm pretty sarcastic and dry, I'm not sure you'll be able to keep up... ;o)

    Thought I was on the right track. In fact, the last one I wrote, I did so without checking or reconstructing. Which may have been my problem, got a little too comfortable with the situation... For her last comment, should I have gone back into attraction and suggested a meet up? Not sure if I offended or pushed to hard, but I haven't heard back in 5 days. I might try one more "humbling" message to re-engage but I think I'll chalk it up as a loss and take it as a learning experience... with your guy's advice that is.

  2. #2
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    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Aarrrghh! Jacked it up in comfort...

    You hit some good points but it didnt read like you challenged her to think about who she was. Focus more on questions or scenarios that emotionally challenge her that are not yes or no answers. Questions that make her think about what she wants, where shes goong in life--stuff that no normal guy in her life would ask. Dont make it about you qualifying yourself--make it about her and most importantly make her have fun
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  3. #3
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Aarrrghh! Jacked it up in comfort...

    My impression is you are writing about a lot of vague stuff and saying 'Im really good' without actually demonstrating it. You are very much feeding off what she says and agreeing with it too much. A better way is to link all these flirtations with a genuinely fascinating hook that you can both role play or completely demonstrate what you are good at so she will be intrigued to meet you. You have to have her wanting to meet you straight away. Don't skate around the edges talking randomly. Start strategically steering the conversation towards meeting up. That might be by talking about food or drink (date potential), relationships past and future (date potential), interesting places (date potential) or experiences (date potential). She said directly she liked your humour and that it is a way to her heart. Keep being funny and make it fresh or leaning towards wanting to meet you 'We need to see each other laugh in person, I have a great smile, let's meet tomorrow, it will be fun!'.

    When describing how you handle online dating either don't mention it at all or say something that makes you appear like you only have success with it. You dont want to friendzone yourself with her and become online dating comparison buddies 'found anyone interesting yet?'. You want to be different to every other guy and someone she needs to snag before another girl does.

    You can ask a girl out rapidly, so long as you have built attraction. I routinely ask girls out quickly after some fascinating rapport. They like that sponteneity and it also saves you time. Most of what attracts her to you will be initially looks (your photo) followed by the hint of something exciting about you (intellectually stimulating/humour).

    She has not shown any major sign of not being interested and the 5 day gap you can work to your advantage by writing to her about all the interesting things you have been up to (you have been busy, even potentially dating other women). Don't apologise, just write to her full of enthusiasm 'Hey! I'm at this cool beer garden with some friends, I've been going out a lot this week but this place is so nice with it's shade trees, lanterns and mojitos I just had to come back!'. If she responds you can then ask how she is or better yet invite her down 'what are you doing? Come on down and join us/me!'. If she does respond she will likely say something like 'oh nice! Good for you' (good sign) or 'Oh I am at my dancing class now and going out later' (trying to compete with you - good sign but it doesn't matter because you struck first) or she won't write at all (bad sign).

    I would suggest writing something like that to re-engage rather than a 'humbling' message. Write an 'exciting' message.

  4. #4
    Bballking is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Aarrrghh! Jacked it up in comfort...

    Thanks guys, your advice definitely made sense. I knew that last one I sent was way to rapport seeking, should've definitely taken a lighter route and steered towards the meet up, she left the door wide open. I am going to re-engage one last time, I don't want to give up on this one just yet. I was thinking of sending this...

    "Seriously sassy pants, when do I get to whoop your butt at rock paper scissors!? I've been practicing in the mirror all week and can't get anything but a draw "

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Aarrrghh! Jacked it up in comfort...

    i think that's ok. it's pretty fun. i will say after re-examining the original conversation i think you still haven't emotionally challenged her yet. this opening is more of a fun exciting challenge but it's not an emotional trigger into the goal or fantasy oriented thoughts. what i'm getting at is that you haven't really learned anything about her emotionally. when i was saying stuff about rapport i was meaning that you talked more about yourself to her--trying to qualify yourself to her. it's not bad but you're chasing her rather than leading her to chase you.

    in the end i think you should send that what you originally wanted to send. if she responds cool if not you'll know that you missed out. lesson learned. if she does respond then rad--you'll have 2 options ...1 regardless of her answer look at her response in relation to how she's expressing her ego because you've challenged her to a match--ask her a question thats slightly ego, ambition and goal driven... something that leads into where she sees her self in the future doing whatever you can think of (don't make it sound like an interview--make it a question where she has to think about it). the 2nd thing you can do.. you can do after the 1st too --which is to ask for a meet up now. find a clever way to say it with your personality.

    you need to work getting her to talk more than you do. if you can it means that she's now investing and giving you value--meaning she's chasing you. not the other way around. why do this? because women love earning things when they've been given everything for just the way they look. be different--but acknowledge her feelings.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  6. #6
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Aarrrghh! Jacked it up in comfort...

    Quote Originally Posted by Bballking View Post
    I was thinking of sending this...

    "Seriously sassy pants, when do I get to whoop your butt at rock paper scissors!? I've been practicing in the mirror all week and can't get anything but a draw "
    If you are still at high school maybe its ok. But your revealing some weakness in skirting around actualy asking her out and referring back to rock paper scissors rather than something unique or truly fascinating. Try re-engage with something fresh and specific. Like artandale said you have to stimulate her intellectually and entice her to chase you a little. You have to hint you have depth, wisdom or talent or whatever and encourage her to show her depth. Use the rock paper scissors stuff as humouress filler but start seeding some more mature elements of conversation in there. Once she responds positively ask her out. You don't have to have any magic saying to ask someone out. Just be brave and directly ask her out. It's a sign of confidence. Have some backup plan B's in case she says she is busy.

  7. #7
    Bballking is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Aarrrghh! Jacked it up in comfort...

    Thanks guys. It's all jacked up now, I got wasted and messaged her. Not really terrible I think but she isn't getting back and I'm tired of it. She is smoking hot, but if she is going to be this much work, I'm not interested, I just want a lay. I way over thought every response and that seriously got in my way. Things flow so much better if you just let them fly. Anyway, here's how it panned out though...

    Me: Seriously sassy pants, when do I get to whoop your butt at rock paper scissors!? I've been practicing in the mirror all week and can't get anything but a draw

    Her: Lol!! Ur crazy

    Me: Absolutely. Thinking I might get a little crazy with some Captain Morgan tonight! What kind of trouble you getting into this weekend?

    Her: I dunno
    I have a hair appointment tomorrow and then going to the mall for a fathers day gift but other than that idk. U? Other than some cp

    Me: Grabbing some wood and lighting up a bonfire tonight with some friends, then I'll probably have to let the potential hang over guide my way for plans tomorrow But I got nothing planned for tomorrow night, wanna grab a drink?

    Me (6 hours later, drunk off my a$$): God you f**kin suck... how much interest do you need? good luck fishing on here you butt face your going to need it...

    Her: Y so I suck? Bc I didn't respond in 5 minutes? I'm so sorry ur not patient

    Me: Your right my 5 minute rule is ridiculous... i should probably extend it a few hours so you have some time to think...


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