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Thread: Need some feedback/advice please

  1. #1
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Need some feedback/advice please

    I have come to realize that my text game needs some improvements: I can't calibrate how often I should write, how long my texts should be and I suspect my texts come off as too generic. Online guides are not enough and I could really use some practical advice.

    So, I met this chick last Sunday at a meetup (we all met to watch some movie and we hanged out for some drinks later on). We sat next to each other and started chatting almost exclusively between us 2. She then asked me if I wanted to walk with her until the metro station and I accepted. She chatted some more and things were going pretty smooth between us, so I asked for her phone number.

    2 days later, I sent her a text suggesting that we meet for lunch (she was talking about a nice Japanese place, so that was my cue) and she readily agreed. So, we met yesterday and had a really good time. I even pulled out the cube routine and she loved it I know this goes against PUA doctrine, but I did pay for the lunch (we are both 30 and have comfortable jobs, I really wanted to behave like a gentleman). She seemed a bit embarrassed and she kept saying "thank you". Whatever...

    Before parting ways, I suggested that we meet again for cycling or a walk in the woods during the week-end if the weather was good. She said ok but with a reservation as she already had some other plans.

    Now, that's when things started getting complicated. I looked at the weather forecast and I saw it would pour this week-end. This was also a good excuse for me to stay inside to study a bit as I have a big exam coming up. I initially intended to write her on Friday but I sent her a text today instead. I mentioned a change of plans and suggested that we meet for drinks on Friday eve instead.

    Question: Is it ok to text a girl to ask her out while I just met her the day before? I just wonder if that makes me look desperate...

    So, she replies a bit later with the following text:

    "Hi xxx, thanks again for the lunch! I am pretty packed with stuff this weekend but how about a lunch/drink next week, maybe Thursday? In the meantime, I hope you are enjoying the good weather!!!"

    I decided to reply before posting here, just to see how I can manage by myself. I also tried to cut the generic crap and get a tiny bit more personal (I don't know if I managed this). We had a first date and I have to increase the flirting from now on.

    I replied the following:

    "haha, quite busy I see! I hope it isn't anything work related
    I actually wanted to take you somewhere "special", but I guess it will have to wait until next week
    Enjoy the w-e and let's stay in touch! x"

    I don't know how this looks, but I tried to do things by the book:
    1st line: commenting on something she said + small neg (kind of implying she is a workaholic)
    2nd line: keep her interesting by building up anticipation
    3rd line: ending on a positive note


    Maybe I am over-analazing all this, but I am making baby steps at the moment. I need to step up my skills and I can only do so with experimentation. If it doesn't work out with this chick, well so be it.
    It's just that I don't know anybody who could give me any objective feedback and make concrete suggestions. I have a female wingman but she keeps making fun of my style and keeps saying that I suck at this. I don't trust her too much though. She completely rewrote some of my draft texts in the past and the results were not particularly better.

    Would you also have some general advice about how to handle text game? I was never a big fan of texting, so I never really learned how to handle this shit. You don't go far in gaming girls without it though...

    Thanks in advance, mates

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Need some feedback/advice please

    It was totally OK to pay for lunch at that point. You two had already hung out together & have some rapport. No problem.

    As far as texting goes, use common sense as far as WHEN & HOW OFTEN. If it's convenient to text, then text. If you're driving or in the middle of something else, then wait until you're not busy.

    If she's expressing interest then you're doing OK.

    If you're looking for tips on texting, there are some fantastic resources here on the forums. My "Texting Do's & Don'ts" thread explains WHY sertain techniques are effective & why lame texts fail. (And I have many example texts too)

    Also- check out my "List of magic texts"...

    It's a compilation of LOTS & LOTS of texts I've used that got great results.

    But the important thing to to learn is WHY things work... not just what to say.
    When you know WHY to do something, you'll understand WHAT to do much easier.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need some feedback/advice please

    Hey, thanks for your reply

    I have read your other threads and they are very useful indeed. However, things get more difficult in practice as every situation is different. Your magic texts are really cool, but also a bit circumstantial. I have to wait a bit before I can use them. We have only seen each other 2 times, it's not enough to build that kind of closeness/rapport.

    What I actually need is some guidance over specific examples that have happened to me. If I don't know what I did wrong, I will never learn and will keep repeating the same mistakes.

    For instance, I start having second thoughts concerning the message that I have sent her. Maybe it was too much... Why the f*** did I use the word "special"? Sounds super cheesy/dorky... I wanted to use another word but couldn't come up with something better. Damn me for not being a native English speaker. Flirting has become so much more difficult since I moved here. I simply don't master the subtlety of the language and seem to misuse some words at times. I would never be able to come up by myself with your cool one-liners

  4. #4
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need some feedback/advice please

    She actually gave you the complete offer 'how about a lunch/drink next week, maybe Thursday?'. You should have simply replied. 'Ok Thursday, I'll meet you then'. Keep it cool. That was a perfect moment to make it her that is chasing you. By failing to directly reply to that you are now chasing her again and acting needy or even dissapointed 'I guess I'll have to wait until next week'.

    You only need to keep the energy alive, not create a flamethrower each time. Also try get her on a chat app so you can use more emoticons and GIF's etc. A lot of guys are really boring with texts but you can totally use emoticons to convey body language or emotional intent. Thats why women use them more vigorously then men - its because they are emotional communicators. You can also send photos etc. In fact I can get quite a lot of girls to send me sexy photos of themselves with a bit of prodding. You will be suprised after a while just how far even a shy girl will open up even to a 'stranger' she has never met. Its not essential for me but it's sometimes fun. If she does send me a sexy photo I am almost gauranteed she will sleep with me. Anyway the point is if you have nothing to say, send her an interesting photo or pic or joke. It can open up 'a thousand words'.

    I would advise not to ask a girl out on a hike or wilderness type of date until you have slept with her. Unless she is a full on mountaineer most girls would prefer something quick and easy and for your sake you want a date that you can totally command conversation and spike up the Kino towards sex. Night time is naturally better for that and not dependent on weather at all. Raining? 'Here babe hold me close under my umbrella - kiss'. Everything is an opportunity.

    Thinking about opportunity here are a few of the sorts of things I do during text game. Think about everything she says and mine it completely:
    Her: 'Im sleepy at work'
    Me: 'Kiss your neck, behind your ears...soft kisses tracing across your lips....wake up sleeping beauty!!!' (I use her sleepiness to position myself playfully as prince charming kissing her to wake her up and get her to imagine me kissing her neck and behind the ears, erogenous zones).

    Her: What are you doing?
    Me: About to jump out of plane skydiving...what's your address again? I'll see if I can land on your roof' (its an absurd comment that is likely to be different to what every other guy says plus you get her emotionally stimulated by this idea that some adventurous man is going to suddenly fall out of the sky to her).

    The other thing Ive found is it doesn't matter so much how often you text but how vibrant and interesting the little bursts of texting you have are. Most people can't text all the way through the day but all you need is to have a very responsive back and forth, even if only for a few minutes during lunchbreak. Its how potent and exciting your texting is. Naturally I tend to text girls when Im in an upbeat positive mood and don't text when I'm tired or sluggish.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Need some feedback/advice please

    It's never too early to set the tone of being more fun & interesting than every other guy.

    A lot of those texts I've used within the first couple days of talking to a girl. But I also do that in order to weed out the ones who are dull & have no sense of adventure.

    If you start out being bold & a little "over the top" she's not gonna question it.
    Whereas, if you wait until later, it may seem strange that you all of a sudden start becoming more creative with your messages.

    Like I've said before, it just takes practice.
    Keep learning & gaining experience & it will become easier.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  6. #6
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need some feedback/advice please

    Thanks for your replies, mates

    Actually, the type of advice whitedragon gave is exactly what I was looking for. I need people to pinpoint my mistakes or I never see them otherwise. Now, I know that I need to make the girl also chase me (and I will hopefully keep that in mind for the next time).

    I don't meet as any HBs as in my early 20s anymore, so I don't really have the luxury to experiment as much as before. I don't want to take my chances with the girls I meet and would like to ideally get things right from the very beginning. So, basically, a little "babysitting" is in order.

    Good point about the stickers, I will check whether she has viber. If not, I will install it for her. Also good point about not taking her out for walks in the park. I had several ideas, like taking her at the beach, but it's too soon for that. There's this music festival in town next week-end, so I will plan something accordingly.


    -------------------------

    Before I get into more details, there's a few points I would like to clarify:

    1) The reason I did not say ok for Thursday is that there's a small uncertainty in my schedule and I don't like making empty promises. I do see your point though that I should make the girl chase me. I always had the impression that readily accepting a counter-proposal would make me appear desperate. Then again, I have to "reward" the girl for chasing me...

    2) I am looking for a relationship, not for a casual hook-up. I have never been into ONS nor do I jump immediately into sex. My attraction switches work in a weird way and I really need to get to know a girl before I start liking her. This means I have to meet her on several dates.

    3) I like all the specific lines you suggested, but my overall impression is that they do not work with all types of girls. They sure work fine at high school and at college, but my social environment is kinda different. All the women I meet nowadays are young professionals with lots of degrees and promising careers. They don't "play" anymore and expect a bit more maturity from men. All in all, some lines would work, other would be just plain weird. I have seen guys who tried similar tricks being instantly shot down.

    The girl in question is Scandinavian, but not the party animal type. She is kinda shy/reserved (I like that, so it's fine with me) and she also admitted being introverted. I am not sure the fancy one-liners will work with her at this stage.

    EDIT: Ooops, I found this blog and it could explain some things...

    Cockblocked by Redistribution: A Pick-up Artist in Denmark | Dissent Magazine


    ----------------------------------

    So she sent me a text yesterday afternoon. After reading whitedragon's post, I felt really depressed that I had screwed up. I wasn't expecting her to write anything, so it came out of nowhere.

    Her text:

    Hi xx, thanks and see you next week! You too, enjoy the weekend very much. Best + her initials

    Seems like the game is still on. What I notice though is that she didn't take the bait and reply to my comments.
    It might not be her style after all to play silly games (see the above link about Danish girls)...

    Now, my question is how I am supposed to handle things from here on.


    First of all, I know she is having an exam coming up but I don't know the date. I was thinking of writing her on Sunday afternoon something along those lines:

    "Hey there, what's up? Hope you are having a good time and not studying too hard Btw, when is your exam? I will send some positive waves in your direction "

    The possible problem with the above is that it's a typical "nice guy" message. PUA books suggest to be more playful. The following text came to mind:

    "Hey there, what's up? Hope you are not banging your head against with the study books, lol. We wouldn't want your cute face to be hurt So, when's your exam?"

    Does it sound too corny? Again, I am not a native English speaker, so I have absolutely no idea if this looks bad or not. It's just an idea.

    Any recommendations are welcome. Feel free to change the text and to point out why my text is wrong.

    She is probably gonna ask about my studying as well, so I should have a sentence ready (ie: "Same here, but I am trying not to overdo it. We do deserve to have fun and enjoy life at this age, right? ")

    Now, things are tricky. Do we agree on the next date as of Sunday or do I wait until her exam is over? In the second case, I intend to send a text to suggest celebrating the end of her exams.


    As I wrote before, guides do not help in specific situations. What I really need is real-life advice. Any help would be greatly appreciated. I will eventually pick things up, but I need this initial boost.

    Thanks mates.

  7. #7
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need some feedback/advice please

    Ok, I decided to send a short and straight to the point text around 6 pm. And I got a reply only this morning.,,

    She sent me a very long text telling me that she started dating someone recently and that she hopes that this will not change anything between us.

    Now, how do I reply to that?

    She is a colleague of sorts (works in another department of the same organization - but it's quite big, so we will never run into each other).
    I need a smooth way to eject.

    -----

    On another note, I am really pissed (she could have said it earlier).

    This one was a 5-6 (depending how you saw it). She was ok looking but not very feminine (no make-up and seemed to wear jeans all the time). I didn't expect her to get hit on a lot, so I thought I stood a chance. How wrong was I...

    WTF really, it's hard enough to date HB8 and above, what am I supposed to think when it becomes almost impossible to date 6s and 7s? They are all either not interested or already have boyfriends. Are all the guys targeting this group or what?

    The only girls I managed to catch their interest were 5s and below. I have my pride and refuse to settle.
    I guess I will keep trying, but I have to say I am very disappointed. I have been trying for 1.5 year with no concrete results... I can number-close just fine, but I can't manage to kiss-close...

  8. #8
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need some feedback/advice please

    Quote Originally Posted by pepito View Post
    She sent me a very long text telling me that she started dating someone recently and that she hopes that this will not change anything between us.

    Now, how do I reply to that?

    She is a colleague of sorts (works in another department of the same organization - but it's quite big, so we will never run into each other).
    I need a smooth way to eject.

    3) I like all the specific lines you suggested, but my overall impression is that they do not work with all types of girls. They sure work fine at high school and at college, but my social environment is kinda different. All the women I meet nowadays are young professionals with lots of degrees and promising careers. They don't "play" anymore and expect a bit more maturity from men.
    You eject by just saying 'ok'. Nothing more. Move on to the next girl. Don't get angry or explain anything. She doesn't owe you anything and whatever you try and say will be meaningless if she is already with someone else. It's just bad luck and it happens. You can't get every girl so you have to play the field. This is why it's important, no matter your age, to engage in exciting confident conversation, be dominant and desirable as a man and to make certain key moves fast. That doesn't necessarily mean sex but at least something physical or emotionally achored to tie the relationship together. It saves YOU time in the end.

    I am probably older than you in my 40's. My text game can work on a women of any age, race or professional standing. Within every lady is a little playful girl. You have to tap into basic human virtues and lifes passion. Naturally by the stage I'm texting such things I have already established basic elements of who I am professionally and I obviously calibrate differently to different girls. They are just examples of being fun and playful.

    It's a numbers game. Keep trying and have 100% conviction in yourself. Remember girls will usually date upwards or sideways but never down. To get a HB10 you ultimately need to be a HG10. Most of that is in your mind.

  9. #9
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need some feedback/advice please

    Ok, I showed the text to a friend and he says there's something fishy. He thinks I might have come too strong and that the bf thing is fake. Anyway, I lost interest in that girl but I am still curious to see if he is right. If he is, I will better calibrate next time.

    Here's the exchange:

    Her: "Hi xxx, thanks for the very nice message and sorry to be answering only now. I was out all day (not studying!). Just in case I have to let you know that I recently started dating someone (sounds like a cliché but true!). However I really enjoy talking to you and hope that this will not be in the way. You are very easy to talk to. Anyway hope to meet for lunch in the week!! Have a nice day!"

    Me: "Hi, how are you? Sure, would be nice to meet for drinks. I am actually studying this and next week, but let's try to organise something after."

    Her: "Hi xxx, that sounds super. We'll go out then. In the meantime, best of luck "


    What do you guys think? I just send the reply above out of courtesy (because she is a colleague - even if our departments are not related) and I kept it very vague and cold (didn't say cheers or take care), hoping she would understand that I am not interested in a friendship. Turns out she is thick in the head, lol.

    I don't think I came too strong. The typical comment I get form my friends is that I am too much of a nice guy and that girls always inevitably see me as a friend. I have read books, changed my style, went to meetups to improve my social skills, became bolder, now feel comfortable talking to women and yet... it's still not enough...

    I am really pissed that even HB6s and HB7s are inaccessible to me at this moment. She was not even hot, how did she find a boyfriend? Does this mean I have to settle for even lower? This whole gaming thing has become so ridiculous. It's as if I have been crossing a desert for the 2 past years...

  10. #10
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need some feedback/advice please

    You didn't come on too strong and you have no idea who she is dating, nor does it matter. You have to have the abundance Mindset and that's why it's a good habit to talk to lots of girls and try dating lots of girls. You don't settle for lower, you go straight out and start dating someone better than her. Chin up man. Don't worry about every little word and getting pissed off won't help. Be positive and have 100% conviction in yourself.


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