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  • 1 Post By whitedragon

Thread: Going out on a POSITIVE note??

  1. #1
    highjack22 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Going out on a POSITIVE note??

    First post here but been checking out the forum for a while.. good stuff gents.

    I just have a quick question for y'all. I dated a really awesome girl for over 3 months exclusively. Everything was great at first but I slowly lost my frame and become total AFC. Long story short, she had all the value and I turned into a bitch. I started realizing this when it all came to a head last weekend, I broke it off. I've really made some realizations this week and am regaining my frame. We've been in loose contact since then but kinda messed up the other night somewhat demanding we talk soon after I said we both would take time to figure out what we want. She denied then wanted to but during all this I realized I wasn't in the right state of mind yet and ended up declining to talk. I ended up making plans to go out and seemed like she got jealous. She said this isn't working and we can talk someday in the future. I didn't respond. Honestly that is fine with me because I'm making bigger realizations each day on my behavior and don't think we should be together. Gotta put myself first here.

    With that being said I feel it would be best to talk to her at some point in the near future to demonstrate a more positive dominant frame that I've been lacking. In no way am I trying to get back with her; I just want to end it MY way and on a positive note. I want her to remember me as she should, miss me, and what not. You guys think that is a good idea or just go NC from here on out? What's a good way of setting it up and how long to wait to do it at this point? I was thinking wait a few more days and then send a casual text seeing if she's up to hang out and chat. Give her a couple options to when I'm free and go from there....

  2. #2
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Going out on a POSITIVE note??

    I've always found it better to split cleanly and move on. Unless she is plotting to torch your house you probably have ended on a more positive note than you think. In time the memories will fade and you don't need any approval from her. You should also, as a gentlemen, allow her some space to move on with her life.

    My advice would be to not saying anything at all for a few weeks and see what she does with the situation. If she wants to talk then fine, she has to chase you back. But, assuming she doesn't write at all, maybe in a few weeks or even a month write a quick happy random text like 'Happy friday! '. It looks a bit ambiguous like you might be sending a group text or that in fact you're just out having a random good time and sending her (or anyone) positive vibes. It's harmless, confident and positive. It's also less confronting than meeting in person and going over old ground - what you both want or don't want or what worked or didn't work or trying to prove how great you suddenly now are. I mean it was a 3 month relationship, not a 3 year relationship.

    She is likely to respond at least curiously to a quick happy text and then she is the one who has to take it further (if thats what either of you want). Or she will see it, probably smile warmly and have the 'positive note' in her heart you are after.

  3. #3
    highjack22 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Going out on a POSITIVE note??

    Thanks WD for the response and I definitely agree with you. I have been seeking her approval and I shouldn't need that. I'm sure as time goes on that will subside. Your suggestion is actually what I've been planning on doing at this point. The only thing is that I feel an apology is in order. Not this sobbing love letter begging to be taken back but more of a quick, honest, uplifting message.. maybe an email is in order? Or do you feel that's not in my best interest at this point?

  4. #4
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Going out on a POSITIVE note??

    You don't need to send her any apology - unless you actually really hurt her in some way. Less is more. Give it all some space and move on with your lives.

  5. #5
    highjack22 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Going out on a POSITIVE note??

    Yea man I hear ya. Some of my friends said the same thing.. just to let it be for a while and see what happens. I definitely hurt her feelings. Almost immediately after the breakup I told her thru text that she was the most critical, judgmental, untrustworthy person I've met. Yes hurtful words but I didn't have any horrible actions directed toward her. I immediately felt bad for saying it and still do. Along with the fact a few days later she said she wants to talk but needs time. I demanded us to talk in the near future instead of waiting until she was ready and she didn't take it too well. She then obliged and I denied. That's when she said it was over and that she wishes me the best ugggh. I know she is looking at this in a negative perception and would like to break that perception at this point.


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