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  1. #1
    Glider001 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Question She and I are both board members

    Hello everyone,

    It's been a while since I've last been here. Things have been going great.

    But as of now I'm puzzled. I would like to hear your view on the following, it may help me decide.


    Next year I will be on the board of a students waterpolo & swimming association. There will also be a girl on the board whom I've had sex with a couple of times. But the last few months her and I have been trying to avoid anything sexual. However we did make out a few times while under the influence. Yesterday I was with her all day long, had a bbq with the association, and we ended up laying on her bed. We didn't make out or had sex, I think it's for the better.

    This morning she sent me the following text: (I'm Dutch, trying my best translating)
    She: Days like yesterday have to stop. Otherwise things will get really awkward. I don't feel any Tension anymore but if you keep flirting the whole day I just can't resist. Nothing can happen anymore. Can you please try to avoid any tension? No more compliments, no more the two of us in a bedroom, and try to keep distance? Yesterday I almost kissed you. This can't happen again, we would both have regretted it.

    On which I replied:
    Glider001: I'm glad you didn't try to make out with me. I've only had few times I felt so attracted to someone, but we can't because I don't want to start really like you.

    We've been saying this for a while now, but we keep winding up together. Which wasn't a real issue, until now. Since we will be on the board together next year, things will get awkward if this keeps on going.


    Anyhow, I am starting to like her more. I must decide how to move on from now on, fast. Then sit with her and talk it over.

    It seems like I've got three options:
    1. Stop it all and be just friends.
    2. Try to go for Friends with Benefits.
    3. Going for the relationship.


    Still puzzling.. What's your view on this?


    Cheers, Gliding

  2. #2
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: She and I are both board members

    So the question is ..... in your gut ....what do you want to have happen ????

  3. #3
    Glider001 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: She and I are both board members

    Second option, friends with benefits.
    But I'm not sure wether that's ideal.

    During our board year we'll see eachother a couple of times a week, and have drinks/parties of other associations nearly every week. Besides that, during those drinks and parties we (swimming associations) aren't very shy of kissing and hooking up afterwards. You get the idea.

  4. #4
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: She and I are both board members

    And when you had sex with her in the past what was your relationship status ??

  5. #5
    Glider001 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: She and I are both board members

    We were both members of the swimming association and were part of the activities commission. We would see each other during training, meetings, and activities. I should mention that all the times we had sex were after a party, so we both had some drinks.

  6. #6
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    twentynine is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: She and I are both board members

    You've already answered your own question, you're "pulling the wool" over your own eyes as we like to say here in America.

    You know that a friends with benefits situation will lead to complications and get in the way of your professional lives, so that is not an option (neither of you want that). You either need to back off completely or decide whther or not you have feelings for this girl, which, based on how confused you are about it, I don't think you do.

    I say back off and give her space. Just be friends. Plenty of other fish in the sea, ones that won't get in the way of your career.

  7. #7
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    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: She and I are both board members

    what are the repercussions with being together on the board? does it really matter? as far as i can tell from what you're saying your both students. in most cases with students in my experience it's not a big deal to the school or your peers. i had 2 resident assistants who were both student council members in my art college--it didn't matter that they were together. no one made a personal judgement on anything...

    if this was a board for a company, NGO or something with money made decisions with people judging you for political financial gain then that's different. if that was the case i'd suggest highly evaluating your worth of the relationship before you actually decide on anything. you have to make a personal judgement call here and see what you want. playing it safe means many good things as it does bad. traditionally our society has deemed it bad but society isn't living your life. people are often more forgiving for mistakes made rather than asking permission. personally if you think she's worth it--do your thing and keep doing what you're doing and tackle each problem as they come. if it becomes too heavy--share the burden and talk about it with her or a mentor of some sort. never give up because there are rules outside of your relationship unless you care more about the rules than your personal life. this is your life--your position as a board member isn't what's going to make you happy for the rest of your life--and it if is... why would you want a relationship? evaluate your life daily--don't stress out about it but just ask yourself what's worth the effort of your attention. chin up.

    i should also add that if you start to show signs of doubt or fear in your relationship the girl will more than likely pick it up because women are very efficient in picking up emotions. they are trained through media and social encounters unlike us men who tend to think logical and very primal at times. if you at least ask yourself these questions the more you can tolerate criticisms and not have to make a choice right away. stretch out and buy as much time as you can for your relationships because without your relationships you'd be lonely. even the relationships we call friends--yes the ones where you don't occasionally have sex with. keep your cool.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  8. #8
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: She and I are both board members

    I think the issue here is that you don't really know what you want from this young lady and the relationship .... figure that out and you'll know what to do.

  9. #9
    Glider001 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: She and I are both board members

    Thanks for the replies. I was on a waterpolo tournament so I couldn't check this thread.

    You're right and I do need to figure out what I want. I'm pretty sure I want a friends with benefits relationship, and see where it goes.

    Quote Originally Posted by artandale View Post
    what are the repercussions with being together on the board? does it really matter? as far as i can tell from what you're saying your both students. in most cases with students in my experience it's not a big deal to the school or your peers. i had 2 resident assistants who were both student council members in my art college--it didn't matter that they were together. no one made a personal judgement on anything...

    (...)

    i should also add that if you start to show signs of doubt or fear in your relationship the girl will more than likely pick it up because women are very efficient in picking up emotions. they are trained through media and social encounters unlike us men who tend to think logical and very primal at times. if you at least ask yourself these questions the more you can tolerate criticisms and not have to make a choice right away. stretch out and buy as much time as you can for your relationships because without your relationships you'd be lonely. even the relationships we call friends--yes the ones where you don't occasionally have sex with. keep your cool.
    Thanks artandale for your reply. We are indeed both students, and like you said it is not a big deal. As a matter of fact, a lot of my friends in the association (both female and male) have no serious relationships but more or less Friends with Benefits relationships. Neither would somebody have a problem if two board members would have a serious relationship. But that's not the point here.

    Since I think I figured out what I want (Friend with Benefits with her, and see where it goes), how should I approach this? I have never shown signs of doubt or fear, that's not the issue here. And I do appreciate criticism, I actually like to here criticism.
    This thing with her right now does need to be figured out soon though; and not buy as much time. Otherwise it will get awkward, trust me on this one. How should I approach this? Anybody do feel free to reply. She'll most likely tend to just friends, but with the right words she might not. (FYI: She's (a bit) insecure, but definitely not stupid.) I don't have any experience on this area.. I've had several friends with benefits but never like this.

    Cheers

  10. #10
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    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: She and I are both board members

    Well it sounds like you've already hooked up a few times with her. If you do hook up again bring it up. Lead the situation--and the situation should be that you both need to come to terms about what you're looking for. Tell her what you are looking for and let her say what shes looking for. If there is a compromise then great--if you both part ways then great too. If you both are honest about your feelings then theres nothing to cry about. At the most you both can work towards the same thing and when either of you start to feel different and have thought about it searching and finding an answer in regards to those feelings should you come back to talking and trying to adapting the terms of the relationship.

    Whats important is honesty. Regardless of her emotional state being good or bad while you're letting her know about it she will know what to expect about your intentions. She will call down in the following weeks and re-examine how things are going. So if you are saying one thing--you should stick to it in the relationship so she can further gauge it.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.


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