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Thread: closed on first date, now she's giving me the cold shoulder

  1. #1
    Omega 3 snake oil is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default closed on first date, now she's giving me the cold shoulder

    Hey all,

    Here's the rundown. I met a 20 year old cutie via Tinder about two weeks ago. We had texted for about 2 weeks prior to meeting and became quite chummy. She's a sorority chick who's transferring to school in Europe next school year. She's living and working in Toronto for the summer where her sorority friends and a bunch of other friends and family are located.

    When we finally met, she looked adorable but not quite as hot as her pics (by no means complaining). We went out for drinks after work. She wanted to leave after 2 drinks, we wandered a bit and wound up at my place. Sex was pretty outstanding in my opinion, she was a screamer and I'm surprised I didn't get any complaints. There's no way this was faked.

    When she left she seemed radiant and satisfied but when I texted her a few days later she was a bit curt. I backed off then texted again after close to a week. She responded and was polite but aloof. Then I asked her point blank if she wanted to see me again, she said she was just too busy at the moment. I do buy this but also take it as a bit of a brush off.

    Can this be salvaged in any way, or do you suppose she was just looking for a one time thing?

    I have experienced women running away after great sex on a first/second date. I take this as a fear of attachment, and preferring game to real connections or relationships.

  2. #2
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: closed on first date, now she's giving me the cold shoulder

    if you're way of asking her out to a 2nd date is "hey wanna meet up again?" or anyway that resembles that without it really sounding interesting or exciting with real plans you might have some real trouble with girls interested in you.

    propose a meet up that sounds fun. a situation that might just be the 2 of you at a concert or show--or take it up a level and invite her to a party that shows no real attachment or needs any real commitments.

    i'm sure other guys have better thoughts but the 2nd and 3rd dates should be presented similar to the first which less framing of commitment unless you know she's 100% into you.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  3. #3
    Omega 3 snake oil is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: closed on first date, now she's giving me the cold shoulder

    Quote Originally Posted by artandale View Post
    if you're way of asking her out to a 2nd date is "hey wanna meet up again?" or anyway that resembles that without it really sounding interesting or exciting with real plans you might have some real trouble with girls interested in you.

    propose a meet up that sounds fun. a situation that might just be the 2 of you at a concert or show--or take it up a level and invite her to a party that shows no real attachment or needs any real commitments.

    i'm sure other guys have better thoughts but the 2nd and 3rd dates should be presented similar to the first which less framing of commitment unless you know she's 100% into you.

    Nice, I like this. One thing we chatted about a little is the fact we are both Simpsons fans. Nerdy I know, but she was right into it and it didn't prove to be a deal breaker. I suggested going to Simpsons trivia night at a bar not too far from her. Earlier, before we'd met, she sounded interested in this. But when I suggested it last week she said she had plans that night and didn't make any other suggestions, amended ideas, etc.

  4. #4
    artandale's Avatar
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    Default Re: closed on first date, now she's giving me the cold shoulder

    try social events--not intimate situations....
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  5. #5
    Omega 3 snake oil is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: closed on first date, now she's giving me the cold shoulder

    Quote Originally Posted by artandale View Post
    try social events--not intimate situations....
    Simpsons trivia night is pretty social. Tons of young people, drinks and hilarity. It's on a huge patio and not exactly intimate.

    I think if she'd been interested she'd have suggested an alternative. Maybe she's still responding based on some retroactive slut defence--i.e. "I didn't just fuck him and never speak to him again"
    Last edited by Omega 3 snake oil; 07-06-2014 at 10:19 PM. Reason: typo

  6. #6
    artandale's Avatar
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    Default Re: closed on first date, now she's giving me the cold shoulder

    ... you're defining social to your standards. i mean social in the neutral standards where people goto events publicly. like a state fair, carnival night... some thing where she can invite friends or you can invite friends... something extremely neutral and not leading into sex--but you can still escalate up to kissing in public. in my personal opinion your 2nd date should just be an extension of your first date. i think if you didn't have plans towards the end of the 1st date the more likely that awkward time and space will take place.

    the more i think about this the more i think you should maybe consider giving her a week before hitting her up.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  7. #7
    Kvn07 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: closed on first date, now she's giving me the cold shoulder

    The first thing I noticed and it nearly stood out in bold was:

    "when I texted her a few days later"

    Have you heard the term buyer's remorse? She may think you used her and you're just in it for the sex. Now she's making assumptions and putting up shields.

    I can only second artandale's advice on a second hang out as I don't have any experience in recovering from it. I think the best option, as always, is to just avoid it from the start.

    I could be wrong about buyer's remorse but this is just what stood out for me.

    Good luck mate

  8. #8
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    Default Re: closed on first date, now she's giving me the cold shoulder

    All of this is too vague. I would need to see the texts. Currently, everyone on this thread has to take your interpretation at face value. There can be any number of reasons why she doesn't want to see you right now. Maybe, you said something after sex that insulted her, maybe a message you sent her was too needy, maybe she really is busy and just wanted a fling on Tinder. Can you post the conversation?
    The Official Tinder Playbook--> http://conquerdatingapps.co m <--Stop swiping, start hooking up

  9. #9
    Will E. is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: closed on first date, now she's giving me the cold shoulder

    Good job with the full close. A common mistake that could have caused her to be distant with you could be that you may have not provided enough comfort after sex. That is just an assumption as there isn't too much information to go off from your post.

  10. #10
    Omega 3 snake oil is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: closed on first date, now she's giving me the cold shoulder

    she recently unfollowed me on Instagram, after not responding to my last text. We can rack this one up as a win. Still, would've been nice if I could've dated her for the summer. Nice, fun, sexy girl.

    Sigh...


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