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  • 2 Post By artandale
  • 1 Post By drgnsfire12

Thread: Advice On Strange Last Minute Flake.. Kinda Urgent!!

  1. #1
    Kvn07 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Advice On Strange Last Minute Flake.. Kinda Urgent!!

    This is a girl from POF. We've been texting for about a week and set up a bowling date for tomorrow night. There's been no red-flags up to this point and the conversation has been really good.

    So the date was planned on Monday (by her):
    Her: What's planned this weekend?
    Me: Not 100% sure yet, helping my brother at his block but hoping it rains so I can head down the coast lol u?
    Her: Oh nice...no mention of me in that weekend?
    Me: Um if it doesn't rain we might be able to organise something or maybe even Friday night?
    Her: Fridays good!

    That's not the entire texts, there was another conversation about her being a secret agent and trying to bust me lol

    Then today I get:
    Her: Hey! I'm going to have to be a complete dork and bale on bowling tomorrow!!!
    Me: Haha you are a dork!! Am I getting ditched for a better offer lol :/ <-- In the original date setup we joked about me ditching her for a better offer - I wouldn't have asked this otherwise!
    Her: Sorry!! To be completely honest..I'm not good at this 'dating' game and I've been talking to this guy and I think it would be dorky of me to go bowling with you!

    So I'm just trying to work out where this came from and if it's salvageable.. we've texted everyday, except yesterday, since setting the date, There's been no points in our conversations where I thought I had said something wrong or that she got upset (not even in our original POF convo) and it really has just come out of nowhere.

    I'm not hanging myself up on this girl (I've got another date lined up tonight and one on the w/e) but it has been fun talking to her so would be nice to get her out. I'm also not going to reply until after work tonight.

    My first thought is to reply with something like:
    Haha I never said you could call it a date
    .. actually, I got nothin after that lol

    Any ideas on this one?
    Last edited by Kvn07; 07-09-2014 at 08:45 PM. Reason: It posted before I finished for some reason :/

  2. #2
    Kvn07 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Advice On Strange Last Minute Flake.. Kinda Urgent!!

    I've got a reply written and ready to fire off if no one gets back to me..

    She replied since and said:
    "I'm a real jerk huh!! Sorry!"

    So atm I've got:
    "Hey sorry, it's been super busy today
    Na it's all good pal, I was looking forward to it just a little bit lol but if you don't think it'd be ok then we'll leave it
    Also, I think we may have differing opinions on the term dork hey "

    Even if no one has any ideas on how to recover, some thoughts on her backflip and the overly complicated system that is the female mind would be appreciated.

    Cheers.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Advice On Strange Last Minute Flake.. Kinda Urgent!!

    Personally i think you could give it a break. Change the routine a bit to throw her off. Let her chase you for a bit. Since girls tend to flake somewhat often these days don't hang on that note. Instead rework your angle back to before you decided to go bowling. Why? Because you don't want to make it about the date or meeting her. Make it a point that you're just a fun amazing person. Give her reasons to chase you. Comfort building is fine but you need to hit her priority list by being more attractive with changing your routine and being slightly unpredictable and pleasant to talk to. She should be replying more to you because if she's chasing you--she will commit to a time and place and clear her schedule for you.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  4. #4
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Advice On Strange Last Minute Flake.. Kinda Urgent!!

    I like what you wrote .... it's light and fun and your not crying about her bailing .... I would include something about how you wanted to kick her ass in bowling ..... but I think what you have is real good !!

  5. #5
    Kvn07 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Advice On Strange Last Minute Flake.. Kinda Urgent!!

    Thanks guys, as always your input is appreciated and sorry for the delay in a response.

    Something unexpected happened that I want to share because I think it really highlights the importance of being non-reactive and unaffected.

    So I went with a slightly modified version of my original idea:
    Me: Hey sorry, it's been super busy today
    Na it's all good, if you don't think it would be a good idea we can leave it..
    Also, I think we may have differing opinions on the term dork hey lol
    Her: Hey don't be sorry! Your lips must be exhausted!!
    Haha I wasn't trying to give myself a too bad of a name lol

    So we texted half a dozen times about nothing, maybe a line or two each text and I left it at that.

    So that was Friday morning, when I didn't respond to her last text. Fast forward to Sunday at around 1pm and I get:
    Her: Hey definition of a dork..how's your weekend treated you?
    We text back and forth for the afternoon and I'm wondering "why the F%#k are you still talking to me if you flaked on me for this other guy"... So I get a bit smart about my texts and start steering the conversation towards finding out:
    Her: I'll get you one day! blah blah..
    Me: Haha one day if you're lucky blah blah..
    Her: I consider myself pretty lucky! More blah blah..
    Me: Well you've gotta be lucky AND not 'talking' to another guy lol <-- (This is my non-needy way of prodding for information lol) you guessed it blah blah..
    Her: Well...I ended it hey.. I've realised I'm not ready yet :/ and, yep! Blah blah blah lol
    ... a few texts later and we're in the process of lining up another date..

    I'm a big advocate for the non-reactive and unaffected strategy and still think it's one of the best things I've learned since I started PUA. Obviously the abundance mentality was a big help with that but if you can really adapt the Mindset that it doesn't matter if she flaked or is seeing another guy then you won't blow your chances for good. I had full confidence that she was going to come back to me, I just never expected it so quick lol.

    Thanks again guys and if there's any of the newer guys reading this.. I hope this helps explain why you don't Freeze Out over a flake!!


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