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  1. #1
    bbbank07 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Stuck between a rock and a hard place (Very long paragraph)

    I just want to say thanks in advance for reading this post, it's a long one. About 1.5 months ago I started talking to a girl I met online. She lives less than ten minutes from me but goes to college two hours away. This is our final year, I'll be graduating in December and she will be done in June. We exchanged about ten messages on the website, she gave me her phone number, then deleted her account. I deactivated my account. We talked for about a week and I presumed she wasn't interested after all. When I tried to make plans with her, she gave me the run around saying "maybe" or "possibly". I told her I was going to leave her alone, she apologized for her actions and wanted to meet that night. We had dinner, chemistry was great, never ran out of things to talk about, etc. I didn't do much Kino on the first date or even kiss her. She told me she wants to take an old fashioned approach to dating and I tried to respect it. Starting the day after the first date we exchanged no less than a hundred texts every day for a solid week until we met again. We went out to dinner a second time and just talked for an hour or two. One the way home we got into a conversation about what we we're looking for and she told me "well you know we met on a dating website". Another thing she noted without myself asking was that she had previously done long distance relationships before. When we got to her house she didn't want to get out of the car and just kept talking and staring at me. We both leaned in and I kissed her then I pulled away. As I did she grabbed me and said "is that really all you're going to give me?" then we started making out. After this we continued texting each other every day/other day with the same volume of messages. She continued to give me the run around but a week later we went out for lunch. Once again everything was great and she specifically said as I dropped her off "feel free to text me later tonight". We continued texting but this is where everything went downhill. The third date was 4 weeks ago. I'm still getting the run around about setting up another date which she blames on her overprotective parents and busy schedule. I said fine but let me know when we can make plans. Whenever we try, something is always in the way and she is very apologetic. I always get a long apology text within a few hours of being told we can't meet. After putting up with this for weeks I reactivated my account, one of her friends saw I did, told her and she was furious with me. Basically she told me we were done and I shouldn't look for other women while we try to catch up. I called her, spoke for 30 minutes and explained why I did and left it at that. The next morning she sent me an apology text saying she had a rough day, other people were getting to her, and I didn't need to be sorry about anything. We still have no problem talking to each other, she still gets very into texting asking a lot of questions and keeping up with the conversation. However she just can't seem to make any time for me. She also claims now she is worried if we get into a relationship it will be difficult because of the distance with school and the fact she doesn't know where she will be after she graduates. I normally wouldn't put this kind of effort into making something work but I really do like her and it's so rare I manage to find a girl with a solid personality. I just don't know what to do. We spoke two days ago and I asked her to just sleep on everything that we talked about and get back to me the next day. She told me she was going to try to but she had a very busy day. That was Tuesday, it's now Thursday. My plan was to contact her tomorrow if I don't hear from her and just say either we try and make it work or we go separate ways. I hate dragging this out because I like her too much and I don't want to get any more false hope. If you made it this far, thanks and I greatly appreciate your insight.

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Stuck between a rock and a hard place (Very long paragraph)

    By reactivating your dating profile, you basically told her "I'm not sure about you & I'm going to look for someone better."

    That's how girls see that sort of stuff.
    And when a FRIEND of hers sees it & relays the message, it's even more significant.

    However; in your defense, if a girl is that wishy-washy, she has no room to complain. (But she will).

    You have two options.

    1- Move on.
    2- Have a serious talk with her about what you're looking for & express that the whole yo-yo syndrome she seems to have isn't working for YOU.
    If she's genuinely interested in you, she needs to find a way to make time.

    Tell her you really enjoy being with her & that she's waaaaay cooler than you expected... and that you would like to continue building something... but that it's only possible if she invests a little more effort too.
    Girls appreciate honesty & directness.



    However; if you're unsure about her & her flakiness / back & forth attitude, then by all means play the field.

    If she's unwilling to make an effort, then it's her loss.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
    bbbank07 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Stuck between a rock and a hard place (Very long paragraph)

    Quote Originally Posted by T-Mal View Post
    By reactivating your dating profile, you basically told her "I'm not sure about you & I'm going to look for someone better."

    That's how girls see that sort of stuff.
    And when a FRIEND of hers sees it & relays the message, it's even more significant.

    However; in your defense, if a girl is that wishy-washy, she has no room to complain. (But she will).

    You have two options.

    1- Move on.
    2- Have a serious talk with her about what you're looking for & express that the whole yo-yo syndrome she seems to have isn't working for YOU.
    If she's genuinely interested in you, she needs to find a way to make time.

    Tell her you really enjoy being with her & that she's waaaaay cooler than you expected... and that you would like to continue building something... but that it's only possible if she invests a little more effort too.
    Girls appreciate honesty & directness.



    However; if you're unsure about her & her flakiness / back & forth attitude, then by all means play the field.

    If she's unwilling to make an effort, then it's her loss.
    Thanks for the reply. Even thought it wasn't a fun conversation to have, I'm happy she was so upset about me reactivating my account. It validated she actually does care, which I thought was false based on her wishy-washy attitude. Especially the fact that she was willing to forgive me the next day and blame it on herself. If I don't hear from her by tomorrow night, I'm going to make a last ditch effort to meet with her this weekend and talk about some of the things you just noted. If she can't meet, I'll do it over the phone. Maybe it's just me, but it comes across much more meaningful in person or over the phone. Thanks again for the insight.

  4. #4
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Stuck between a rock and a hard place (Very long paragraph)

    Remember this:
    when a girl is REALLY/GENUINELY attracted, she'll find a way to get together.

    YOU will become a priority... and she'll cancel other stuff to hang with you, rather than the other way around.

    The fact that she's apologetic can be good... but it can also be a sign that she's not as mature & emotionally stable as other people, so proceed with caution.

    On a side note- I would absolutely keep the communication current.
    Just start being more playful & fun.

    Some guys would "freeze her out".. which is NOT the thing to do here. She's showing interest, so pull her into your frame & lead the interaction.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  5. #5
    bbbank07 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Stuck between a rock and a hard place (Very long paragraph)

    Quote Originally Posted by T-Mal View Post
    Remember this:
    when a girl is REALLY/GENUINELY attracted, she'll find a way to get together.

    YOU will become a priority... and she'll cancel other stuff to hang with you, rather than the other way around.

    The fact that she's apologetic can be good... but it can also be a sign that she's not as mature & emotionally stable as other people, so proceed with caution.

    On a side note- I would absolutely keep the communication current.
    Just start being more playful & fun.

    Some guys would "freeze her out".. which is NOT the thing to do here. She's showing interest, so pull her into your frame & lead the interaction.
    You're very right. I talked to a friend about this and this was a segment we both got somewhat confused about. I'm a firm believer if she wanted to see me then she would make time for me. She obviously isn't making time for me, but then again, she is way too apologetic and still initiates texts 50% of the time. I feel like if she wasn't interested, she wouldn't bother texting me first or being so apologetic. You're on point though. I do believe she is somewhat emotionally unstable and possibly a little less mature than I am. Is me waiting until tomorrow night to contact her too late? I may just text her later tonight just to be playful and not bring this up, then I'll text her tomorrow night and ask her to get together over the weekend.


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