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Thread: Need help/advice to Regain Control

  1. #1
    metalmulisha is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Lightbulb Need help/advice to Regain Control

    im going to be substiting names here in this post:


    so i meet a girl (SAM) over facebook through a mutual friend who i know in Real life.that friend (KIM),currently dislikes me now cause i said i wanted to f**k her. KIM also doesnt want me to hang with SARA due to her disliking me.but despite that, SARA didnt care what KIM thought about me and we continued to text.We eventually went on a date (1st one in a loooong time) and every thing was good,established Kino,kissing etc.a couple days later after that day, my friend told me that KIM was planning a big C*ck block scheme to get me away from SAM. my friend said to confront KIM about it (big mistake), and so i did.i message KIM and it turned into a little argument,which then she showed SARA all the messages. making me look like a big Beta AFC. i text SARA about it and she said it was "a bit extreme",but it seemed like she wasnt that much effect by it. so later on i scheduled a D2 with SARA, she says to meet by her place (i saw an opportunity)but then flakes. so she recommended i rescheduled again and to meet her after her school,and she flakes.So i realized i was getting to needy and decide to Freeze-Out for a week and a half.i re-initiated on her birthday and she seem oksy.but the big change has occurred and now she doesnt respond as fast as she use to, and doesnt initiate text at all.i wanna change the control of this situation,it seems like she got me on the edge wondering instead of the other way around. any advice on what i can do?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Need help/advice to Regain Control

    Stop freezing out.
    You need to keep the Line of communication open, otherwise you lose momentum.


    Don't smother her with over-texting, but don't drop off & go silent either.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
    metalmulisha is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Lightbulb Re: Need help/advice to Regain Control

    thanks T-MAl,youre one of the coolest dudes on this site

    im wonder if i should calla nd set upma D2 with this girl or should i build more attraction until she brings up the idea

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Need help/advice to Regain Control

    - Echoing what T-Mal said, you never Freeze Out a girl who is attracted to you. This is a big mistake a lot of new guys make. Based on your description on what went on the first date, there is strong attraction.

    - No. You don't wait until she brings up the idea or you can be waiting yourself into fail. As a man, you take the lead and make things happen.

    - When you ask her out, you just casually throw it out there. Don't overplan and keep expectations low. If it the date doesn't happen because she can't make it or flakes, then be very whatever about it. The key is "playful persistence" and high value talk.

    For example, here is a text that I sent out to a girl I am dating. We been out on a few dates already and have some big ones planned in the future.

    Sun July 13
    1:55p ME: "Hey [her name]! me + u = lunch/dinner this week. How's your schedule lookin'? Tuesday's good for me.

    Mon July 14
    8:03p HER: "Tomorrow is go good. [X] and I r trying to get in as much rehearsal time as possible.
    9:01p - ME: Ahhh np For a bit, I thought u were punishing me for not telling u where i ran off to for a week

    So, as seen here, she took a bit to get back to me, but I ended it with an inside joke (something I can only say to that girl) that she and I shared when we last said our goodbyes Sat nite. High value talk. I also knew what I want. Although I could move my schedule around, I don't. I pick a date and stuck with it. If she can't make it, I don't say "Oh what about Thursday?" You want to look like you are fitting her into your busy schedule. That is coming off as high value and not needy.

    Also, meeting up for lunch/dinner (Thai food) was planned/projected on the last date, so it's just me throwing it out there since last week we were both busy.

    Flaking/rescheduling will happen. You are not the only one with this problem. In fact, during the months that we knew each other, there were TONS of rescheduling to a point most guys would've given up and moved on. I have tons of examples. But with playful persistence, you can never look needy and can't go wrong.

    As for her change in responses, a girl's investment in a guy fluctuates. I've lived through this so many times. We never know what is going on in a girl's life. If you worry too much about that, it messes with your head. You yourself need to keep a sense of detachment as well. The basic rule of thumb is her interest in you should be rewarded and her disinterest never rewarded but mirrored.

  5. #5
    metalmulisha is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help/advice to Regain Control

    thanks for the insight and the re-awakening. this something i known and shouldve been way more aware of,Persistence is the key. anymore examples of "playful persistence" for when she flakes and stuff.

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    Default Re: Need help/advice to Regain Control

    Without a doubt, freeze outs are the most improperly utilized technique in all of pua. Most guys have no idea when it's proper to use them and when it's not proper.

    Here's a quick primer: A Freeze Out is a technique that is used to recapture status in a relationship. If a girl is still showing significant interest in you, it likely means that you are still in a good position status wise. Alternatively, if a girl has stopped showing interest in you, but has previously showed high levels of attraction towards you, you're probably having status problems and you're likely a good candidate for a freeze out. The only other time that a freeze out is appropriate is to correct behavior you don't like. However, if you are using a freeze out to correct behavior it should usually be a mini freeze out and it should be used sparingly.

    In this case, the girl is still showing interest in you, but is displaying negative behaviors. You could have done a mini freeze out, which means around a day, but a week and a half is too much. However, a freeze out conveys a very strong message of disinterest.

    Instead, you would have been better to just set boundaries by stating that you value your time and if she's going to keep flaking on you, you aren't interested. This sounds beta, but it's only beta if you aren't sincere in your threat to continue the relationship. The alternative is to continue being her bitch and letting her flake on you continuously until she's no longer responding to you.

    Your time is important. If a girl is flaking on you she's disrespecting you and you should next her.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Need help/advice to Regain Control

    thanks for the insight and the re-awakening. this something i known and shouldve been way more aware of,Persistence is the key. anymore examples of "playful persistence" for when she flakes and stuff.
    Your lucky day as a poster!

    Speaking of flaking...much of it will depend on HOW she flakes.
    - If she flakes on you for something not important such as because she rather go to a rave or something, it shows that you are low priority.
    - If she doesn't suggest an alternative date/to reschedule or w/e, it reflects her level of attraction - not high enough.

    Sometimes she will be genuinely busy. If she is invested in you, she will ask to reschedule.

    So when you are setting boundaries, keep this in mind. Some guys have a 3 strikes and you are out rule. Bobby Rio's method is not everything is black and white and if you have a bunch of girls on your rotation that you are casually throwing out invites to, it shouldn't even matter.

    In the below text examples of "Playful Persistence," the girl has an incredibly busy schedule but the attraction was there. Her social value and HB rating is off the scale, so I listened to Bobby Rio when he personally told me to keep trying. Suffice to say, it paid off in the end.

    Wed Jan 22
    [truncated]
    2:16p – HER: Im afraid im going to have to reschedule. I’ll still be teaching at [X] tonight but I have to ready my aunt’s website by tonite. She is in full, Columbian panic mode. Can we do coffee another time?
    2:35p – ME: Columbian panic mode hehe. No worries [her name]. If u need the time tonight, we can reschedule the private as well. The way it looks for me this week...Thursday is no good. My Friday is booked.
    2:37p – HER: We’ll find time. Thank you for understanding!!
    3:08p – ME: Just make sure you don’t go into Columbian panic mode yourself lol. But since u r only half Columbian, I’m not too worried Take care of your aunt and c u at 8 at our regular scheduled programming.
    3:10p – HER: Haha nice! See you then

    So as you can see, she offered to reschedule and showed genuine interest to make it work. There were more misses later. It got to a point that we turned it into a fun game to beat the curse. Guessing what our planned date is going to get cursed with 1) Fire-breathing aunt 2) California earthquake 3) Vin Diesel

    Mar 25
    [truncated]
    1:29p – HER: [my name], im sorry to ask u to reschedule again, but I was asked to be on an [TV show] tomorrow and they want to do a fitting before my gig at [x] tonite.
    1:40p – ME: Oh good for u! Yea, np, [her name], we can do tomorrow instead. Less time constraints. Today was my last day. I can relax this week. Cool? Don’t worry we will beat this ill-fated curse lol.
    1:43p – HER: Hahaha! Excellent! Before [x] tomorrow then?

    BTW - Mar 25 was my BDay...And the next day our date did not happen...and below was why.

    Wed Mar 26
    3:48p – ME: *poke* Heya, Miss [xx] fitness universe Are u having fun at your shoot? I’m just out gorging on some zesty spaghetti. How’s things looking on your end?
    4:43p – HER: Hey [my name]! I’m just leaving now and I need to go home and change
    4:48p – ME: Yay. What’s your preference? [X] or Coffee Bean at [X]?
    4:53p – ME: Hmm it says on their website [X] closes at 7p tonite. Gunna give em a call.
    5:01p – ME: K, they said if we want to come like 6-6:30p. It’s cool. They will remain open past 7p.

    Lost contact with her. Left vm. Finally she got hold of me...

    6:31p – HER: Oh hun, my phone died. Crap, I’m so sorry.
    6:34p – ME: Hah! No worries. I was just chatting with the owner of [the place where we were suppose to meet]. They know [a mutual friend] small world. Where r u now?
    6:41p – HER: Home. Have to leave here for [class] soon!
    6:41p – HER: Very small world!
    6:43p – ME: Ya. It’s not going to happen today. Do u work at [X] on Friday?
    7:33p – HER: No, Fridays I teach at the [X] in [X].

    So added sudden cellphone death to the list of curses.

    Mar 31
    3:06p – ME: *poking my head through the door inconspicuously* Psst. [Her name]... Is the coast clear today for 5pm?
    3:13p – HER: I feel/ look like a fate worst than death, but yea we can go
    4:05p – Me: Lol. Ouch! Or it could be the total opposite, y’know? Do you believe in fate and destiny?
    4:11p – HER: Haha no, can’t say that I do. I don’t think anything is predetermined.
    4:42p – HER: Hey [my name], will you be there at 5?
    4:45p – ME: Yep! Just got here as a matter of fact.
    4:45p – HER: Ok! I’ll head over!

    Finally! That was our first date. Only took us 2 months lol...
    As I found out, she was very sick, but she still came out. Shows her investment level. But because my in person game was tight, it laid the groundwork for future dates.

    Still it wasn't all smooth sailing. There were still some misses. Here are more examples of playful persistence:

    Sun May 4
    10:09a – HER: I’m so sorry [my name], my cousin asked that I watch her kids tonight because she was called in. I’d tap my sister, but she is house sitting/babysitting a 10 yr old.
    2:30p – ME: Hey [her name], no problem. Take care of your cousin. We will beat this ill-fated curse again lol. This time it’s getting worst. It’s letting an Israeli guy take u to a Japanese restaurant, but not a Japanese lol. When this week, will you not be busy?
    6:36p – HER: Haha too funny

    Hours later I decide to harass her playfully while she was babysitting...

    10:37p – ME: Hey nanny, know anyone who can babysit this big kid? He’s not behavin’...

    Mon May 5
    5:56p – HER: Ha, I only manage good kids. My cousins are amazing, they put their little selves to bed

    Later, me being a dumbass accidentally rescheduled the date on Mother's Day (forgetting that Sunday was Mother's Day).

    Wed May 7
    11:19a – ME: Hey [Her name], I just realized that this Sunday is Mother’s Day. Do u and your mom usually do anything?
    12:31p - HER: Yeah, I usually do spend the day with her, otherwise id never hear the end of it.
    12:43p – ME: Yea definitely enjoy that day with your mom. We can meet another time.
    12:46p – HER: R u rainchecking me?
    12:48p – ME: Haha! Unless u wanna bring her along with us
    12:52p – HER: I don’t even know where we r going!
    1:13p – ME: It’s a restaurant on [X]. A little secret spot my best friend showed me a few years ago. I haven’t been back since. Don’t worry there’s no topless male dancers

    And that my friend is how the pros do it. Immortal Seduction

    P.S - your situation, gonna need to see the text to appraise it. Like if it is salvageable or not. Some guys fvck up their texts so bad, they shoot themselves in the foot. The date goes good and the text breaks it. Happens.

  8. #8
    metalmulisha is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help/advice to Regain Control

    Quote Originally Posted by TheDuke View Post
    Alternatively, if a girl has stopped showing interest in you, but has previously showed high levels of attraction towards you, you're probably having status problems and you're likely a good candidate for a Freeze Out..

    In this case, the girl is still showing interest in you, but is displaying negative behaviors.

    Instead, you would have been better to just set boundaries by stating that you value your time and if she's going to keep flaking on you, you aren't interested
    yea it seems like the dynamic is change and shes drifting away a little by little.she replies but theres huge time intervals between responses,and conversation doesnt last longer than a few texts. i need to get out this "texters slump" and ignite the fire again.

    what boundaries would i set?,a definitive example would be appreciated o.O

  9. #9
    metalmulisha is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help/advice to Regain Control

    Quote Originally Posted by I.M.Mortal View Post
    Your lucky day as a poster!

    Speaking of flaking...much of it will depend on HOW she flakes.
    - If she flakes on you for something not important such as because she rather go to a rave or something, it shows that you are low priority.
    - If she doesn't suggest an alternative date/to reschedule or w/e, it reflects her level of attraction - not high enough.

    Sometimes she will be genuinely busy. If she is invested in you, she will ask to reschedule.

    So when you are setting boundaries, keep this in mind. Some guys have a 3 strikes and you are out rule. Bobby Rio's method is not everything is black and white and if you have a bunch of girls on your rotation that you are casually throwing out invites to, it shouldn't even matter.

    In the below text examples of "Playful Persistence," the girl has an incredibly busy schedule but the attraction was there. Her social value and HB rating is off the scale, so I listened to Bobby Rio when he personally told me to keep trying. Suffice to say, it paid off in the end.

    Wed Jan 22
    [truncated]
    2:16p HER: Im afraid im going to have to reschedule. Ill still be teaching at [X] tonight but I have to ready my aunts website by tonite. She is in full, Columbian panic mode. Can we do coffee another time?
    2:35p ME: Columbian panic mode hehe. No worries [her name]. If u need the time tonight, we can reschedule the private as well. The way it looks for me this week...Thursday is no good. My Friday is booked.
    2:37p HER: Well find time. Thank you for understanding!!
    3:08p ME: Just make sure you dont go into Columbian panic mode yourself lol. But since u r only half Columbian, Im not too worried Take care of your aunt and c u at 8 at our regular scheduled programming.
    3:10p HER: Haha nice! See you then

    So as you can see, she offered to reschedule and showed genuine interest to make it work. There were more misses later. It got to a point that we turned it into a fun game to beat the curse. Guessing what our planned date is going to get cursed with 1) Fire-breathing aunt 2) California earthquake 3) Vin Diesel

    Mar 25
    [truncated]
    1:29p HER: [my name], im sorry to ask u to reschedule again, but I was asked to be on an [TV show] tomorrow and they want to do a fitting before my gig at [x] tonite.
    1:40p ME: Oh good for u! Yea, np, [her name], we can do tomorrow instead. Less time constraints. Today was my last day. I can relax this week. Cool? Dont worry we will beat this ill-fated curse lol.
    1:43p HER: Hahaha! Excellent! Before [x] tomorrow then?

    BTW - Mar 25 was my BDay...And the next day our date did not happen...and below was why.

    Wed Mar 26
    3:48p ME: *poke* Heya, Miss [xx] fitness universe Are u having fun at your shoot? Im just out gorging on some zesty spaghetti. Hows things looking on your end?
    4:43p HER: Hey [my name]! Im just leaving now and I need to go home and change
    4:48p ME: Yay. Whats your preference? [X] or Coffee Bean at [X]?
    4:53p ME: Hmm it says on their website [X] closes at 7p tonite. Gunna give em a call.
    5:01p ME: K, they said if we want to come like 6-6:30p. Its cool. They will remain open past 7p.

    Lost contact with her. Left vm. Finally she got hold of me...

    6:31p HER: Oh hun, my phone died. Crap, Im so sorry.
    6:34p ME: Hah! No worries. I was just chatting with the owner of [the place where we were suppose to meet]. They know [a mutual friend] small world. Where r u now?
    6:41p HER: Home. Have to leave here for [class] soon!
    6:41p HER: Very small world!
    6:43p ME: Ya. Its not going to happen today. Do u work at [X] on Friday?
    7:33p HER: No, Fridays I teach at the [X] in [X].

    So added sudden cellphone death to the list of curses.

    Mar 31
    3:06p ME: *poking my head through the door inconspicuously* Psst. [Her name]... Is the coast clear today for 5pm?
    3:13p HER: I feel/ look like a fate worst than death, but yea we can go
    4:05p Me: Lol. Ouch! Or it could be the total opposite, yknow? Do you believe in fate and destiny?
    4:11p HER: Haha no, cant say that I do. I dont think anything is predetermined.
    4:42p HER: Hey [my name], will you be there at 5?
    4:45p ME: Yep! Just got here as a matter of fact.
    4:45p HER: Ok! Ill head over!

    Finally! That was our first date. Only took us 2 months lol...
    As I found out, she was very sick, but she still came out. Shows her investment level. But because my in person game was tight, it laid the groundwork for future dates.

    Still it wasn't all smooth sailing. There were still some misses. Here are more examples of playful persistence:

    Sun May 4
    10:09a HER: Im so sorry [my name], my cousin asked that I watch her kids tonight because she was called in. Id tap my sister, but she is house sitting/babysitting a 10 yr old.
    2:30p ME: Hey [her name], no problem. Take care of your cousin. We will beat this ill-fated curse again lol. This time its getting worst. Its letting an Israeli guy take u to a Japanese restaurant, but not a Japanese lol. When this week, will you not be busy?
    6:36p HER: Haha too funny

    Hours later I decide to harass her playfully while she was babysitting...

    10:37p ME: Hey nanny, know anyone who can babysit this big kid? Hes not behavin...

    Mon May 5
    5:56p HER: Ha, I only manage good kids. My cousins are amazing, they put their little selves to bed

    Later, me being a dumbass accidentally rescheduled the date on Mother's Day (forgetting that Sunday was Mother's Day).

    Wed May 7
    11:19a ME: Hey [Her name], I just realized that this Sunday is Mothers Day. Do u and your mom usually do anything?
    12:31p - HER: Yeah, I usually do spend the day with her, otherwise id never hear the end of it.
    12:43p ME: Yea definitely enjoy that day with your mom. We can meet another time.
    12:46p HER: R u rainchecking me?
    12:48p ME: Haha! Unless u wanna bring her along with us
    12:52p HER: I dont even know where we r going!
    1:13p ME: Its a restaurant on [X]. A little secret spot my best friend showed me a few years ago. I havent been back since. Dont worry theres no topless male dancers

    And that my friend is how the pros do it. Immortal Seduction

    P.S - your situation, gonna need to see the text to appraise it. Like if it is salvageable or not. Some guys fvck up their texts so bad, they shoot themselves in the foot. The date goes good and the text breaks it. Happens.
    this is very helpful,thank you.now im more prepared when situations like this reoccur

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Need help/advice to Regain Control

    UPDATE:

    Quote Originally Posted by I.M.Mortal View Post
    -
    - No. You don't wait until she brings up the idea or you can be waiting yourself into fail. As a man, you take the lead and make things happen.
    so recently I took a step forward and set up a D2 with this girl. surprisingly she showed up,which was today 7/22/14. unfortunately today was a failure. she was quite distant today and when I tried to kiss her she said "NO". I noticed her body language and she was leaning away from. idk what exactly what was going on,but we did have a good conversation. then she had to go to work,and I recommended that we see each other more but she said she will be busy till march. at this point im going after other girls,but maybe you guys can help me figure this out.


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