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  • 1 Post By whitedragon
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  • 1 Post By rom9

Thread: We've been chatting but now that I'm coming to her city she flaked

  1. #1
    rom9 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default We've been chatting but now that I'm coming to her city she flaked

    Background:
    I met a girl couple of months ago on her last day in my city. That evenung and thereafter we kept in touch on facebook chat. We have gotten to know each other well now after many chats and aldo now i have called her once and talked on the phone and we exchange messages on whatsapp. Just a week ago we got into a real emotional chat where she said she told me things she has never told anybody. She also said it would be great if i could be there with her. So did I cause i really like her. So last week i told her i was travelling around some places and a city close to hers is also om my list. She offered to come and show me around immeadiately. But the dates were a bit conflicting so i told her i managed to book an extra day. Also the 2 days before she is coming to show me around she has two big exams but they are done now !

    Then since the last weekend (after I told her of my visit) she went very short on the mesaages. She still replied but not with the same frequency. When i jokingly said was she scared to meet me, she said a little but put a hahaha on the end of the chat. She has stopped the details and the endearing names she used to call me.

    Yesterday she flaked telling me she had to get prepared for her new job that might start next week !! I dont buy it !

    She says she knows i am mad. She says she understands that but she can just say sorry.

    I am confused . I feel that she does not want to see me. Maybe cause she was never into me (would be real bitchy of her if that was the case as she made it very obvious that she wanted to see me) or she got scared to see me after I told her I was coming down.

    So i guess i need to freeze her out or just say "dont flatter urself. I am not mad, i barely know you. But I am dissappointed. Good luck with everything."

    If anyone has any suggestions pls let me know ! I WANT TO LEARN FROM THIS AND MAYBE EVEN KEEP HER AS AN OPEN OPTION. MEANS WHAT I REPLY NOW TO HER LAST MESSAGE WILL BE IMPORTANT. Help !

  2. #2
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: We've been chatting but now that I'm coming to her city she flaked

    Starting a new job is stressful. Perhaps your reading too much into it. I wouldn't write a disappointed final message as it just adds stress and shows you are mad. Either say 'ok' and rather than Freeze Out, just drop interest a bit or flatly ask her 'do you still want me to visit some time?'. I travel a lot and visit girls in other cities. You win some, you loose some but never let it phase you. The ones that really appreciate you coming tend to go out of their way for you.

    If I'm visiting a girl in another city I usually get them to help me get a hotel - that way they are in my room from the start and it's not a big deal when we go back later after going out .

  3. #3
    rom9 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: We've been chatting but now that I'm coming to her city she flaked

    Hello whitedragon.
    OP here. Thanks for the advice ! I am trying to say "ok" but at the same time I feel like I have to demonstrate that my time is also valueable and that she cannot get away with wasting it like that (dhv)
    Also how exactly would i not freeze her out but "just drop interest a bit" ?
    Still havent replied to her yet
    Thanks !

  4. #4
    rom9 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: We've been chatting but now that I'm coming to her city she flaked

    Hi OP again. I am aldo thinking that maybe she is really scared to meet in person and itigjt be too much esp. With someone she has shared her deeepst fears with. Should i rather say this.

    I am a bit dissapointed and i think you felt that it might have been overwhelming for you to meet in person. I dont have such doubts as i dont think it will be different than now. Is this what you are going through?

    Let me know what u think of that

  5. #5
    Thommo98 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: We've been chatting but now that I'm coming to her city she flaked

    Don't be affected man. Instead, be genuinely concerned about her new job. Even if she is being malicious.. which I don't think she is, expressing concern for her will completely take her back.

    Instead of your 'disappointment' text, say this:

    "Don't get your knickers in a knot, we'll catch up another time. You owe me a coffee though . How are you feeling about that job btw? I know those things can be pretty stressful.."

    Keeps it light at the start, implies that you are going to meet up and gives you a free coffee. You come off as unaffected and genuinely concerned about her new job. She might even open up to you more for it

    Anyways, keep killing it. Don't stress and you'll be fine.
    Thommo

    If you walk in knowing that you're THE MAN, then you've already won the game.

  6. #6
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: We've been chatting but now that I'm coming to her city she flaked

    Quote Originally Posted by rom9 View Post
    Hello whitedragon.
    OP here. Thanks for the advice ! I am trying to say "ok" but at the same time I feel like I have to demonstrate that my time is also valueable and that she cannot get away with wasting it like that (dhv)
    Also how exactly would i not freeze her out but "just drop interest a bit" ?
    Still havent replied to her yet
    Thanks !
    Saying 'ok' is demonstrating your time is valuable and shows it doesn't phase you. Offering to visit her demonstrates she is valuable and so are you for making the effort.

    I doubt she would be scared to meet you because she opened up so deeply unless you have failed to build other types of attraction, comfort or sexual escalation.

    She could be on her period.

    I would personally not put too much weight on it all, stay cool and see how things pan out. Just because it didn't happen this time doesn't mean it won't eventually. By dropping interest I mean get on with other things in your life and don't write as often - but when you do write make it fun and make her feel good. You can slowly rebuild or reinforce the attraction.

    You want a situation where she is encouraged to invest in you coming and is excited about you coming. There are many factors influencing that including timing, her job and what you say. Personally I would avoid saying anything that shows your disappointment or trying to prove yourself to her as a result of her flaking. Maintain your cool frame, keep gaming other women and stay happy. If she really likes you she will initiate certain things and will keep engaging in positive conversation.

    As a wildcard you could white lie and say 'that's ok, my work schedules changed actually and I need to travel somewhere else but I might be in your area in a few weeks, I'll let you know'. Observe her response.

  7. #7
    rom9 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: We've been chatting but now that I'm coming to her city she flaked

    Hi guys. Op here.
    I did send her a message on chat where we usually corresponded. I kept it lighy opening with an inside joke. I adked her how she was feeling about her job.
    However its been 4 days and she hasnt said anything back. I havent either. Dont want to push her.
    How do i take it from here? Me contacting her again befire she replies seems needy. So i dont want to do that. I was actaully even thinking to just delete her from my Facebook but that would be too much too isnt it. Thanks

  8. #8
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: We've been chatting but now that I'm coming to her city she flaked


    DO NOT delete her from Facebook ..... it will make you look like you are being a bitch and put up a red flag that you are mad …….. Don’t ever let on that you are upset or mad or that something they said or did affected you negatively, try to always be cool and collected. Then what you do is wait a few days and text her something like “ Hope the job is going well and that you are happy” and go from there

    Good Luck

  9. #9
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    Default Re: We've been chatting but now that I'm coming to her city she flaked

    Some girls are "playettes"... & they tend to be big teases who never follow through.

    The key to gaming THAT type of girl is to express SOOOOO much more fun & confidence than anyone else does; so that she WANTS to meet you.


    Chances are, you've spent some time "building a connection" by talking about things you both have in common. That's fantastic when it comes to rapport...
    But you should never go into rapport before attraction has been established.

    MOST of the time a girl flakes, its because the guy didn't build attraction first. (or not enough of it).

    It's hard to tell right now what the scoop is.
    I can only recommend that you start flirting relentlessly at this point. Lots of teasing & bantering. A little cocky-funny, and hordes of confidence.

    Otherwise, direct your focus to another girl & keep gaining experience.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.


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