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  1. #1
    FlexingVsNotFlexing is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Post Critique my "about me" section (profile)

    Jello, amazing PUAs!

    It would be great if you could help me with my profile. See, I'm a pretty emotional, sensitive guy; whatever you want to call it, who tends to do a lot of deep thinking. I see a lot of cocky, machu-pichu profiles that most people tend to lean towards. I know they work, but I want to use something that reflects my personality, no point in pretending to be someone else and attracting the wrong kind of people.

    My concern is though that I might get too far off the wagon sometimes. You know, the point where "this is too much for a profile" and it just scares people off instead. Please, have a look, tell me if something sounds creepy (I know there will be something at least) and explain how I could say it in a different way. Any other general tips of how I could cram in a few more jokes, spice it up etc would be great as well. I want to sound playful, but still keep that tone of seriousness.

    Hopefully I've made myself clear, English isn't my mother tongue after all. Hopefully you'll find a lot of crap I can make better, I'm a noob at this, I'm under no circumstances good at writing dating profiles.

    Here goes:
    "Well, let's get this started, shall we? Born in the cold reaches of the land of the vikings - whete the sun goes EMO and hides for 6 months a year - Sweden. Although, I've never had the opportunity to eat death cap or pillage innocent villages.

    At the moment I'm a - very good might I add - procrastinating student studying naturvetenskap - or as you might know it; science. I am fascinated by the English language - everythig simply sounds better in English. All the American flicks you saw as a kid with friends and family have left their permanent imprint on my childhood, resting in whatever corner the brain's reserved for nostalgia. Indiana Jones, The Mummy, Star Wars, Home Alone and Jurassic Park... oh my god, such amazing films. Feel a strong cultural connection with the US, something that's always just been there, the dream would be to settle down there!

    One of the most cosy things that I know, is to get up early in the morning (5:00 A.M) and have my breakfast in peace and quiet and then head off to the gym. No one in the house is awake yet, it's only me and a hungry cat saying goodbye as I jump up on my bike. The rest of little Norrk÷ping is sleeping as well, even the sun is, in the peaceful darkness and loneliness my face is only pervaded by the streetlights' cold light along the road. It's something special, so quiet and peaceful without a soul to be seen.

    Speaking of cosy things, there's nothing better than Friday nights. School's over for the week with two days of relaxing and recharging ahead. On the living room table is the mandatory bag of candy goodies and a glass of Coca-Cola's latest poison. Yes, I confess, I do indulge myself on Fridays. The sweetest piece of candy though, is the one you're embracing while lying on the couch. Unlike the bag of sweets, that's something you unfortunately cannot pick up at the grocery store."

  2. #2
    ConnorMaxwell72 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Critique my "about me" section (profile)

    Quote Originally Posted by FlexingVsNotFlexing View Post
    Jello, amazing PUAs!

    It would be great if you could help me with my profile. See, I'm a pretty emotional, sensitive guy; whatever you want to call it, who tends to do a lot of deep thinking. I see a lot of cocky, machu-pichu profiles that most people tend to lean towards. I know they work, but I want to use something that reflects my personality, no point in pretending to be someone else and attracting the wrong kind of people.

    My concern is though that I might get too far off the wagon sometimes. You know, the point where "this is too much for a profile" and it just scares people off instead. Please, have a look, tell me if something sounds creepy (I know there will be something at least) and explain how I could say it in a different way. Any other general tips of how I could cram in a few more jokes, spice it up etc would be great as well. I want to sound playful, but still keep that tone of seriousness.

    Hopefully I've made myself clear, English isn't my mother tongue after all. Hopefully you'll find a lot of crap I can make better, I'm a noob at this, I'm under no circumstances good at writing dating profiles.

    Here goes:
    "Well, let's get this started, shall we? Born in the cold reaches of the land of the vikings - whete the sun goes EMO and hides for 6 months a year - Sweden. Although, I've never had the opportunity to eat death cap or pillage innocent villages.

    At the moment I'm a - very good might I add - procrastinating student studying naturvetenskap - or as you might know it; science. I am fascinated by the English language - everythig simply sounds better in English. All the American flicks you saw as a kid with friends and family have left their permanent imprint on my childhood, resting in whatever corner the brain's reserved for nostalgia. Indiana Jones, The Mummy, Star Wars, Home Alone and Jurassic Park... oh my god, such amazing films. Feel a strong cultural connection with the US, something that's always just been there, the dream would be to settle down there!

    One of the most cosy things that I know, is to get up early in the morning (5:00 A.M) and have my breakfast in peace and quiet and then head off to the gym. No one in the house is awake yet, it's only me and a hungry cat saying goodbye as I jump up on my bike. The rest of little Norrk÷ping is sleeping as well, even the sun is, in the peaceful darkness and loneliness my face is only pervaded by the streetlights' cold light along the road. It's something special, so quiet and peaceful without a soul to be seen.

    Speaking of cosy things, there's nothing better than Friday nights. School's over for the week with two days of relaxing and recharging ahead. On the living room table is the mandatory bag of candy goodies and a glass of Coca-Cola's latest poison. Yes, I confess, I do indulge myself on Fridays. The sweetest piece of candy though, is the one you're embracing while lying on the couch. Unlike the bag of sweets, that's something you unfortunately cannot pick up at the grocery store."
    First off, awesome English. I know it's a rough one to learn (Je parle franšais jaja).

    Here's some advice: I think you're trying a little too hard to be funny and non-threatening (even though you may not mean it to be). There's a time and a place for things like that in your profile later (and I'm also assuming you're using a format like OkCupid).

    There's a staple with women - and it's the same for online dating as it is in real life with a relationship: Women want mystery. They want intrigue. They want to struggle to figure out what makes you tick. With that in mind, take a look at what you wrote. I think you said a little too much about yourself that there's nothing left for a girl to "figure out". Or it lets her feel like she's already "knows what kind of guy you are" before talking to you.

    There are ways to come off as dominant/alpha without being a total prick. I'd suggest doing a little research on why exactly these "machu-pichu" guys have those qualities that women are after. (Lol, and isn't "Machu Picchu" that ancient Incan village out somewhere in South America? lol). One thing, for example, is being passionate about something and really OWNING it - that displays some kind of social value to a women and makes you more attractive. For example, one of my hobbies is that I'm a musician who's played in several bands and performed (beyond dive bars). So on my profile, I'm able to play that up with some humor: "I'm pretty awesome with my guitar, and I've been playing for years. And if you're really special, I might play you a MEAN "Mary Had a Little Lamb"!" <-- strait off my profile.

    I know it's a lot to think about. Don't get me wrong, I think you're absolutely in the right direction to where you want to be, and what you're looking to do is very possible. I would just recommend trying to come up with ways that display a little more value while also remembering to not give away everything about you. After all, finding a girl is about a journey to explore each other. If you spell everything out on day 1 you're setting yourself, it's going to be a very boring relationship.

  3. #3
    Bballking is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Critique my "about me" section (profile)

    Nah man, I'm going to respectfully disagree with the above ^ You do leave some room for mystery. In fact, your profile connects on an emotional level, which is what women do with everything, connect emotion to it. You paint a picture, and I could literally imagine you getting up at the crack of dawn to take that bike ride to the gym. Literally a woman is going to ask herself "what is this guy all about?"

    I like it, I wouldn't change it and I wouldn't stress about it. There is a ton of emphasis on profiles these days. It's been said a number of times before and I'll say it again, online dating is a number's game. Just have fun with your profile, be honest, and just try to play your best game when messaging. The girls will come to you.
    You don't need her

  4. #4
    Paladin6596 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Critique my "about me" section (profile)

    I'd suggest you include what you want/don't want in a girl. Shows that you are screening and you are the selector and buyer not the seller. Be honest about the kind of girl you want.

    Also include a call to action at the end. For example "If you're interested message me" But write something more creative than that.

  5. #5
    Legend is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Critique my "about me" section (profile)

    Because the humor isn't "haha" humor, but more "smile" humor, you may find a lot of girls get bored because it's too long. I know it's not THAT long but a lot of girls get tons of messages a day and so they are judging a lot of guys' profiles. If it doesn't immediately grab her attention and keep it there she'll likely move away from it.

    Keep in mind a lot of girls only use the phone apps for these sites, and things look A LOT longer on a phone. You'll get a few girls that are looking for a guy who divulges more into his profile, but in my experience there aren't many out there who do. Consider cutting it down just a bit (save it though, to come back to later if your results don't improve) and see if you get better results that way.

    I do agree though that it adds a bit of mystery. A LOT of girls are gonna be like "wtf this guy is weird..." but those are the types you probably wouldn't have gotten along with anyway, so it weeds them out, which is a good thing.


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