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  1. #1
    Icenberg is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Girl is insecure about meeting me. conversation follows

    matched this girl two months ago on tinder. lives 6 hours from here by car so didnt plan anything serious at first. But the last 3/4 weeks we been talking more and more serious to the point i feel we are both emotional invested, allthough we havent even met. Was suposed to meet her last weekend and then again next weekend. But she says she is scared and i think she is going tru some sort of depression. Both late 20's, i work as a manager. she as a teacher. we chat every day and skype for hours when we can. We've sexted, had deep conversation etc. im planning to take a 50 min flight there to meet. We are both crazy about hiking mountains and going on that type of trips.

    Here is the chat from yesterday and today (long). I just want you guys' view on this. Is there anything i can do different here to make her less scared, or is this something she needs to figure on her own?

    Conversation is on facebook chat. and she starts to talk about our plan to meet thursday.

    Her: I need to work thursday btw, got students that have their exams in the evening

    me: ah, thursday is a no-go then, I want to meet you without students there!

    Her: hehe, agree. Its the same for next week too. But at least i get to buy new skiis for the extra paycheck

    me: I'm away that week anyways

    her: aha

    me: since the weekends this months are buisy for us, what about a weeknight? Im free to reschedual my work anyday, so dont matter. If youre not in the mood we dont need to talk about that now though

    her: i feel more and more like i got big problems setting up a date. Its a situation i cant handle as of now. I really enjoy our contact, but i feel i have to tell that im not sure if i can take the next step. But then again, i feel really down today, so might just be that

    me: I understand

    her: i mean every word ive told you so far though, just so you know.

    me: me too. Sometimes this is out of our control, nothing i can do about it.

    her: You are amazing. Wish i had my head and courage with me

    me: I find you amazing too. Got to admit ill be bummed out if we dont go further then this

    her: me too

    me: dont know what to say. I dont think what I see in you will change when we meet. If you are shy or insecure face to face, thats stuff that dont matter. but ive been down before myself, know how it feels

    her: in my head i picture all i want to explore and see with you. Got so much to show you, but then i just cant.

    me: same with me. You mean something good to me. Dont want to lose that, feels a bit surreal.

    her: well, you have me, in many ways

    me: might see it a bit dark myself here then

    her: dont know whats happening to me. Im usually always happy

    me: its allowed to be down sometimes too. Dont make you a bad person. Any specific thoughts of what you are afraid of with meeting me?

    her: yeah, at least 100

    me: youre smart and creative, perfect reciepe for creating scary thoughts. Side effect of two good qualities though

    her: add some bad experiences to that mix

    me: got some of those myself. Whatever you are afraid of is not real with me though.

    her: as long as you are honest with me

    me: been honest since the start. What worries you the most?

    her: worried that one of us will fall in love and the other wont, maybe

    me: me falling in love with you and you dont want to?

    her: or the opposite

    me: i feel its a risk worth taking. builiding on what we have now i think will lead to both of us feeling good. Hope im not too far into the future for your liking. If youve been yourself with me, i can hardly see us change.

    her: Im trying to be myself, but you kinda dont know how i am untill we meet

    me: im pretty sure ill meet the same person ive been talking to for 2 months. Been myself the whole time, wont find it different face to face. I like your personality, comon interestes, how you talk about yourself, me and people around you.

    her: you are precious. Its not often someone gets under my skin like that, but you do. Thats a compliment

    me: seems like we both been hurt in the past

    her: i kinda avoided all situations that could lead to a relationship. it feels too risky. Im toast

    me: i see it different than you. getting hurt feels so bad, but i feel i have to take that risk if i want to achieve what i want in life

    her: what do you want in life?

    me: share it with someone i feel deserve it, but also makes me feel the same. What about you?

    her: thats a good answer. For me, i dont know. Its just dark now

    me: my thoughts then, when you tell me about trips you want to bring me to etc is that i want nothing more then that. If you dont feel the same we arent at the same spot and odds are i will fall for you without getting the same feelins in return

    her: i think we both feel the same way about each other

    me: and we are both afraid of not getting anything in return once we meet

    her: yes

    me: then we are indeed at the same spot

    her: except you are more open about it

    me: been tru alot, feel i can be more open. Dont make me better than you though. Dont wish anyone else to go tru that

    her: <3

    me: <3 want to show you so much, make you forget about everything else, work etc

    her: im allready there, but on the other side of that scale

    me: work is bothering you?

    her: no, but everything is just on autopilot. I dont make an effort like i used to

    me: i understand

    her: only thing i want is go out hiking mountains. Only thing that gives me something of value

    me: know that feeling. Id give you a mountain if i could

    her: (after 15 minutes, late at night ) kinda feel asleep a bit

    me: thats allowed

    her: good night <3

    me: good night <3


    That was yesterday, the whole thing gave me a bad feeling, so didnt feel like talking to her today. Recieved some snaps etc, opened them after a few hours and they all were like nothing happened. Then she starts texting me again around 3pm

    her: links a article about mountains

    me: seen it, its cool

    her: it is

    then i dont reply for 30 minutes

    me: its cold here

    her: always cold at your place it seems. Its warm here

    me: always warm at your place it seems

    her: 9 degrees outside, the snow in the mountains is gone again

    me: 7 degrees here. Still chance for hiking for you then

    her: yeah, except its dark early

    me: True. Was actually checking out flashlights yesterday

    her: *links a picture of the reciept showing her imac has arrived at the mail office* yay!

    me: nice!

    her: guess ill go there and pick it up. was actualllllly planning to workout

    me: allready worked out today. Took the liberty to go home early from work

    her: you are efficent!

    me: just gave all the tasks to my assistant. She needs to feel some pressure

    her: at least you are good at sharing tasks then

    me: pure lazynes today. Feel i deserve half a day off

    her: you do! mondays are crap

    me: yeah. today feels a bit crap

    her: agree. Today someone wrote MILF and my name on the blackboard. Didnt know if i was to get mad or laugh

    me: haha, looks like one of my spies is starting to get the job done then! (joking in the past about having spyes in her class to report back to me about her)

    her: anoying spies you have. Didnt figure out who it was either

    me: just wait till you see what they have written on the back window of your car!

    her: yikes!

    me: "c*ntfood" (a word she found in a book at school and cracked her up in front of her students

    her: haha, oh noes. Was the same class. Damn it!

    me: we had a spy meeting today. Strategy for the next 6 months. why i left early from work

    her: aha, whats the strategy?

    me: well you know, the airbag light thats on in your car? my bad!

    her: jerk!:P

    me: switched your airbag with an inflatable doll, but something went wrong so the light came on

    her: haha

    me: was suposed to go off in the school yard in front of everyone

    her: mean!

    me: *kissing smiley*

    her: im going hiking tonight! with flashlight

    me: i want to go aswell

    her: dont think its going to be a good trip though. raining like hell. Probably slippery

    her: links a picture of the mountain she is hiking.

    me: looks like a nice mountain

    her: its a easy hike. My neighbour did it in 16 minutes

    me: ill do it in 15 then

    her: good luck:P i do it in 21

    me: under an hour for all of us then

    her: links me a blog of some famous person that been there. writes "yuk, she been there!

    me: haha

    her: but at least she used two hours up

    me: probably same as me, but i would have my man purse to carry (inside joke from before about how u would look with a manpurse )

    her: pick up the mac or go workout?

    me: hard choice

    her: not hiking until 4 hours from now

    me: do both then

    her: yeah, i guess

    me: good plan

    her: i just want to relax on the sofa (here ive used to reply "come spoon with me" before and we would start talking about cuddly bf/gf stuff, but after yesterday, i didnt want to push it)

    me: heads up, one of the spies is waiting to grab your mac from you

    her: whaaaat

    me: true!

    her:

    me: awww, ill stop him/her, since its you

    her: yes

    me: going to steal you instead

    her: :O

    her: now ive got a new pc at work too!

    me: going to be a long trip for you in the back of the car. If its any comfort youll pass alot of mountains on the way here. Too bad ive instructed the spies to blindfold you

    me: gratz with the new pc btw

    her: thanks. And with the mac we can skype like crazy

    me: dont even have to be on the floor? (she did before as she had to charge her old pc all the time while skyping )

    her: yepp

    me: nice

    her: miss my old schedual. Now i got so many classes early. makes it hard to motivate to workout late

    me: same with me

    her: skipping some excersize just to not have to wait. Mondays are the worst

    me: chest-monday, that was my workout

    her: nice

    me: sore in the chest already, feels swollen.

    her: hihi

    her: what shoud i workout today?

    me: ass!

    her: hehe, okay

    me: as i dont have spies at your gym, you got to send me before and after pics yourself

    her: silly you!

    me: back workout tomorrow, best day

    her: you workout everyday?

    me: only when i feel like it. so anything from 2 to 6 days a week

    her: what gym should i pick, the one at the post office or the one downtown?

    me: the one at the post office. Less people around when you take that ass picutre you're going to send me

    her: hehe, well, i think there is more people there

    me: haha

    her: okay, im off, ill go there

    me: okay, taking a shower, going to help a lady-friend of mine with some carpenting. Her bf is the worst at that stuff. Enjoy the trip!

    her: enjoy carpenting

  2. #2
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Girl is insecure about meeting me. conversation follows

    I think she's genuinely scared about commitment less than you being some kind of creep of predator. My suggestion is to make less frequent contact--so in other words pull back some because you are busy and should be busy with life. Since its not a priority for her to meet you you should find other priorities. Still talk and keep that level of attraction there but be harder to reach because you're likely to get hurt from wanting to talk all the time. This is something she needs to decide on her own. Live a life and if she wants to be apart of it she will make you a priority. Still be yourself, be fun and interesting--dont freeze her out and dont be sour.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  3. #3
    Icenberg is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Girl is insecure about meeting me. conversation follows

    Thanks for the answer. I find it a bit hard to hold back, without coming out as sour. I guess this is more about my inner game, than it is anything with her, but cant help feeling a bit dissapointed everytime we end up not meeting. Specialy when she is the one that suggests meeting, then to cancel afterwards. I think i have an issue where before i would just be myself no matter what and act accordingly, but now with so much pickup theory in my mind, i feel the whole situation more fragile and that all it takes from me is one wrong word/phrase or something like that to ruin it all. Im always scared of this situation where I hold back and the girl gives up thinking ive lost interest.

    Any advice for not being so emotional invested from my part? im trying to do my daily stuff, working, work-out, being with friends etc, but find myself in a bit of a oneitis situation here myself.

    Is my value okay in the conversation? Should i keep pushing like ive done before talking about us spooning or enjoying a shower together etc, or is that putting pressure on the situation?

  4. #4
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Girl is insecure about meeting me. conversation follows

    I think you're in an ok spot. Sometimes i see that people just have pretty high valued the response of one girl. Make every moment count with every girl. Talk to everybody and be personable with other people. You'll soon realize the more active you are socially, the less likely you'll have overly invested goals. You'll start to see yourself guiding through relationships to put you on the prowl not just for the girl but taking charge in how to better your life.

    Also to me it doesnt sound like you have oneitis. I think you actually handled everything pretty well. This girl's issues are that of her own. She built these walls not you. The best way to be visible is to simply play the game and change the frequency while maintaining a high intesity. Be yourself and display your unfiltered personality.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  5. #5
    Icenberg is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Girl is insecure about meeting me. conversation follows

    Update:

    So after a long time this girl actually invited me over to visit. Went there from Friday to Sunday 12 days ago. Arrived in the evening Friday, ended up going out grabbing something to eat and then visiting one of the local bars for a drink. She talked about the city and what she and her friends would do etc. back at her place we looked tru some books about the mountains and ended up in the sofa with champagne. After some talk about random stuff I went in for the kiss, we made out and ended in the bedroom. After sex I showed her some massage techniques which she really enjoyed.

    2nd day we went on a five hour road trip to see the mountains and such, but was too cold to hike anything. Nothing much of affection or anything on that trip, more of a friend to friend type of atmosphere. Back in her apartment she sat down next to me and leaned over on me. Started making out again and ended in the bedroom. Power went out in the city cause of bad weather so we stayed in there for like two hours till the power was back on. She made me dinner while she insisted that is watch and episode of a tv-show we both are watching so I would be up to date and we could watch the next episode together. After dinner we watched the show while cuddling and went on to watch a movie after, but we were both so tired that we went in the bedroom ended up having sex again.

    Next day we agreed to wake up early and finish the movie, but ended up just staying in bed for 3 hours, cuddling, making out and more sex till I had to leave. At the airport I asked if she wanted to meet up next weekend as she would be close to my town, but she said she had to look into that as she would be with her whole family and such. I texted her when I got back home and she replied briefly, but she started texting me later that same evening.

    Texted back and forth like normally the next days but she never mentioned meeting up close to me. I didn't want to sound needy so I didn't ask about it either. The last 4 days though she got more and more distant with me. Replying shorter and seemed less interested in what I was saying. Figured I'd try an put some emotions and compliments in my text as I was scared she found me emotionless and just caring about day to day events. Wrote this Tuesday two days ago:


    "I'd like to get to know you better

    Youre both mature and fun at the same time, and i really enjoy our conversations! The good vibes you gave me before we met matched you in real life. Cute accent, cuter smile, gorgeous. First girl I meet that dare cook me fish for a first date! Really enjoyed that weekend

    Also, I find it kinda cute that you snore a little when you sleep! (Joked to her about that when we were together). "

    Her reply:
    I also had it really nice that weekend and you are a great person in every way. I do have a feeling of it being a bit intense first meet and that I need some time to get a view on things.

    I replied:
    I understand dont won't to force anything up on you, more just interested to see how you felt about seeing each other again. You have to take your time and do what feels right for you. I'll give you space in the meanwhile

    Her reply again:
    Appreciate you understanding I feel I need to come to "peace" with myself first, before I involve others. I kinda knew this before we met, so was maybe stupid of me to invite you and get carried away. But I did have really good time and I haven't relaxed like that in a very long time. Probably why I was snoring

    I replied:
    That's okay I appreciate you telling me

    This was Tuesday, two days ago. I haven't heard anything yet. Usually we send like 2 to 8 snaps back and forth each day and talk online in the evening. I haven't tried to contact her, but I did go snowboarding with a friend yesterday and took a picture and a video were we have fun in the slopes and posted on "my story" and I can see that she have seen that. Also posted a pic from the trip on Facebook which got many likes from a lot of girls, but not her (she was usually the first one to like my pics when I would occasionally post before ).

    Did I do some horrible mistake here and is there in that case a way to recover?


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