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  1. #1
    Sidewinder is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Help and Advice for First Dates (Day 2's)

    Help and advice on Day 2ís (first dates)

    I have been looking around to see whether I can find some information on how to improve my first dates and I havenít really found any decent comprehensive guides or ebooks that would give me a good model to work towards and something that will help me evaluate myself and see where I am making mistakes because I often come away thinking that the date went well, but then I never hear back from the girl! My last 5 dates, I have had 4 women who I have not seen again other than maybe one or two text messages then nothing! The one that did come back was a girl that i wasnít massively keen on! Which is typical! This is an area that I have to improve and I want to increase my odds and have more of a solid formula for day 2ís and get that number up to 5/5 if possible.

    I am able to get a girl onto a first date thatís not a problem for me, luckily I have a natural way of keeping the conversation going and I am pretty good at refraining from asking the boring mundane interview style questions. I am often able to create good rapport with a fun and easy going vibe and I feel that I am able to make people comfortable talking to me and hanging around with me, I have always been able to treat people like I have known them for years, even strangers and attractive women that I am interested in and I have a good sense of humour and fun so I feel like the girlís are having a good time.

    I never suffer from nerves as I am confident in my ability to get on with people, I very rarely feel intimidated by dateís no matter how hot the girl is, I always feel itís the girl who will be the nervous one and I often frame myself into leading her and making her feel comfortable and generally having a good time getting to know them.

    I donít think itís my conversation thatís the problem or my personality or my body language and I often try to choose at least two date locations. The only area that I feel where I am going wrong is that I donít Kino escalate, often I feel like a physical barrier between the two of us and I often donít feel I am ready to break it Ė I know i need to create more playful Kino, hi-fiveís thumbwar light touching etc ect but I find that quite hard to do during a date when you are sitting next to or opposite to each other. (most of my dateís involve a pub/bar for a couple of drinks Ė i live in a small town and there is not an awful lot to do other than those kind of dates).

    How important is Kino Escalation on a first date? I find it difficult to understand that if the girl had a good time with me, would she really NOT contact me or go on second date purely because I did not kino escalate or pull the trigger? Are girls really that shallow? Or is there something else that i am missing? (this is why i need a ebook first date guide!!)

    In my head I am thinking that i need to start off as if I am interested but not into her too much, Iím thinking as the date goes on and if she is responsive and adding to the conversation then I can reward her by getting closer to her, light touching teasing etc etc and then if she responds i can get a bit more daring - it never really goes like that to be fair as I never feel like she is ready for me to push it! Or I worry that itís not time to push it!

    I have read stuff about this and I know that I need to go for the kiss during the date not at the end of the date, I always hug and kiss on the cheek when I first meet them, I never shake hands, like I say, I think the only area I fail on is kino Ė but is it REALLY THAT Important? Or am i giving off the vibe that I am not interested? Or am I failing somewhere else??

    I have had feedback from some girls who have given me the dreaded ďI had fun but there just wasnít any chemistyĒ WTF does that mean?? How do i digest that feedback if I donít know what they mean by that and how do i flip it so they do feel this ďchemistryĒ??

    Does this mean there is no sexual tension? If so how do I create this??

    Another point Ė I never compliment a girl, not on the way she looks or anything Ė i have it in my head that if I do that then thatís AFC or if i show too much interest then again thatís AFC Ė am i wrong to presume this?

    There doesnít not seem to be an awful lot of information around about what to do AFTER you get a girls number and I was looking to see whether there was an ebook i could read or any tips or guides so that i can learn from my mistakes and get better at this.

    Thanks Fellas

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Help and Advice for First Dates (Day 2's)

    You need to flirt & touch more.
    It needs to be more than just "conversations".

    Touch (Kino)/is important.


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  3. #3
    Sidewinder is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Help and Advice for First Dates (Day 2's)

    do you have any tips on how I can break through that touch barrier? any little tricks or something i can start doing to greadually increase Kino esclation?

    also how do i know when I should ramp up the kino to become more sexual i.e going for the kiss?

    is it a case of just having some balls and going for it?

    I have thought about things like linking arms when walking and little things to start off light, do i drop in things during the conversation to express my interest like

    "I'd really like to kiss you, but I'd be breaking one of my biggest rules, another 15 minutes and you might get lucky" - then just carry on the conversation then halfway trough her talking just go for it and say something like "damn it, you made me break my number one rule! I hate you!"

    I read this thing that juggler used to do where he would pull out a chapstick and say "don't get any ideas but just incase there is any smooching later"

    do i need to drop things into the conversation and express my interest like

    "I love that you have a sense humor, that's so sexy"

    basically along with Kino should i start to drop hints about my interest??

    last thing i wanna be is that creepy dude just looking for a lay (even if that's my goal!!)

  4. #4
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Help and Advice for First Dates (Day 2's)

    I initiate touch right from the beginning, and continue it all throughout the interaction. I project the frame that that's just who I am.. a touchy-feely person.

    Also- eye-contact is HUGE. Don't be afraid to hold eye contact with her. That creates Tension & shows dominance / confidence.

    You're on the right track with your kiss comment, but rephrase it:
    "I'm having a hard time NOT kissing you right now... you better quit being so darn cute!" *wink/smile/elbow nudge

    Or - "If you don't quit being so damn cute, I'm totally gonna start hitting on you & my lips are gonna end up on yours... just sayin" *wink/smile

    She's not going to believe you really have a "rule" about kissing... so trying to play it that way, would make you look unsure about yourself.

    By phrasing it differently, you're telling her that you're thinking about kissing her & you're also planning on it. (Future projection) And you're truthful that way.

    The key is to pay attention to clues like body language. You should be able to tell when it's time to get the kiss. She'll absolutely let you know when she's receptive.


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  5. #5
    Sidewinder is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Help and Advice for First Dates (Day 2's)

    Awesome great advice T-mal i will definitely try and incorporate this into my persona, i often think of stuff I should have done or could have done after I have missed my chance, i seem to bottle it when I am in the moment!

    I’d like to get your thoughts on this too – I think I am getting into a dangerous zone of thinking waaaaay too much!– I have read information where people say – always keep it fun, don’t ask interview questions, do this and make sure you DON’T do that or ALWAYS get an EMOTIONAL RESPONSE from her and I feel like this has started to restrict my natural ability to just go with the flow as I am thinking about everything I say to try and achieve this and to be fair its hard work!

    Because of this I have found that I am struggling to think of things to say more than I ever have before whereas in the past I would just be natural, I suppose without knowing it I would talk about random fun things with women as well as firing in the odd interview question which always seemed to keep the conversation going, pretty typical of getting to know someone.

    I have noticed recently that I am starting to run out of things to say purely because I have these restrictions on my mind whereas in the past I may have been talking about something fun and then asked an interview styled question that would then lead onto another topic of conversation.

    For example:

    Interview style question – latch onto something she says either take it fun, or show interest or share my experiences relating to it etc etc – ask another interview question - latch onto to something she says etc etc etc – like a circle, that’s kind of how conversations i would have with women would naturally go in the past and I would guess a normal way of interacting with somebody new.

    Now its more - talk about something funny, make her laugh have fun – milk it – milk it – try and think of something else that’s funny or think of something to get an emotional response – say something that’s not that funny and seems to be try hard – and repeat!

    Basically should i take the advice DO NOT ASK INTERVIEW QUESTIONS literally or just ASK INTERVIEW QUESTIONS, JUST NOT ONE AFTER THE OTHER!!??

    Honestly it’s starting to play on my mind that if I ask an interview question or say something innocent or normal it’s not going to evoke an emotional response, make her bored and I’m gonna get another girl who’s gonna flake on me.

    Like I said before I don’t THINK it’s my ability to have a conversation with someone, I think it’s my lack of skill in creating Kino Escalation but I am trying to examine the things that I am doing in relation to the guys who are able to get 5/5 of the girls who want to see them again and who say they have felt the chemistry rather than my pathetic return rate of 1/5 and the dreaded “there was no chemistry” bull crap!


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