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Thread: Giving up on online dating

  1. #1
    saguviper is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Giving up on online dating

    Im really thinking about giving up on online dating. It hasn't work and never works for me. I have changed photos around, changed the bio section around, and still nothing. I send out intriguing messages to girls on POF and OKC, they might reply back before looking at my profile, but then after they look, they never respond back.

    For the past 4 months, I have worked hard to lose weight, and I have successfully lost 40 lbs, and I am still dropping. I have updated most of my pictures to a recent picture. The only girls that do show interests in me are the girls that I am not really attracted to.

    What is the deal with women on online dating? Are they that superficial? A few months ago, I set up a fake recon profile to see what messages cute and attractive girls were getting. Seriously, after 30 minutes I had about 20 messages. Most of them saying hi, hey, you are beautiful, or some other real lame stuff.

    So how do I keep from being pushed down to the bottom? How can I get these girls to want to keep messaging me?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Giving up on online dating

    Great question. And a tough one! I deleted my Tinder account awhile back. I just don't attract quality on that type of site. I guess I need more pics of me petting a tiger and jumping out of a plane or something.

    It's ok to recognize that you have strengths and weaknesses. And there's a lot of strength in going directly at what works for you and leaving the rest behind! I used to kill it with online dating... because I had great profiles. But Tinder was a royal smack-down for me and I've come to accept the fact that I'm just sooo much better in person. Besides, most of the online girls are like 30 miles away! Who has time for that BS when you can pick up a girl at the bar down the street tonight? Why should I waste the gas money? LOL

    But with that said, each dating site is a little different OKC and POF are not Tinder. And it ought to be possible for a guy to do well on those sites, even if he's not Fred Astaire or whatever. You've got a huge space there to write. You can build attraction. You CAN do it if you want to!

    My best profiles were always the ones about disqualifying girls. "Please do NOT message me if you are like this" or "I'm looking for someone who can handle this... if you can't then don't waste our time." All the guys on that site are trying to sell themselves to as many women as possible, and in doing that, they water themselves down to the point that they might as well be a Bud Light or a Vanilla Wafer. To stand out, you need to be one of the few who are DISQUALIFYING the girls. Show that you have options, dhv, etc. Once you approach it from the viewpoint of "weeding out the losers" rather than "trying to attract someone", you should see a considerable improvement in your response rate. And even if you only get one response a week, the quality of those responses are going to jump exponentially!
    Hypnotist, NLP geek. I've done: Tao of Badass, Hacking Attraction, How To Date Multiple Women (Pellicer's stuff), Get the Girl, How to Talk to Hot Women, No Strings Attached (Mehow's stuff), and now I'm getting into RSD's stuff. I don't go out a lot, but I kill it when challenged

  3. #3
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Giving up on online dating

    Sag - GREAT job losing the weight, improving yourself is always a good thing. Please check out T-Mal's guide to online dating, he really knows his shit and it's a must read if you are doing the online thing ....GL

    http://www.puaforums.com/online-dati...-don-t-do.html

  4. #4
    Mystik is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Giving up on online dating

    It's tough. I'm not very good at it either. One thing you don't want to do is message twice. In other words if she doesn't message you back then just forget her and move on. Right now I'm in a situation where the woman probably won't get back to me. I didn't say anything "high value" in my last message so I can understand it. I did that because I wanted her to invest instead of just me. I figured if I was the one asking all the questions I would come across as needy. She didn't really ask much of a question in her last post so I just said something and it has sort of died out. Yeah, online dating is a hard sell. I can see why some guys call it a "jungle."

  5. #5
    Mystik is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Giving up on online dating

    Where exactly is T-Mal's online dating guide? I couldn't find it.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Giving up on online dating

    Hey, somebody just told me that my above advice to you is terrible. I wanted you to know that so that you can make an informed decision about what I said above. You should maybe consider the fact that an anonymous person, who can't even be bothered to give you any constructive advice, didn't like what I have to say.

    But anyway, I'm going to give a little bit more advice anyway, if you want to take it, because obviously advice that is given, is better than that which isn't.

    You asked whether all the girls are superficial. This is absolutely not the case. However, if you're not in the HG(Hot Guy)8-10 range, then trying to pull in 9's and 10's isn't going to be easy. Just imagine all the visual stimulation we get from something like Tinder, or OKC or POF. For a certain percentage of the female population, yes, it will all be about filtering out guys who aren't hot. Why? Because if they are good looking, they may figure that they can meet an awesome guy who's like a 9 or 10, so why bother with anybody less? And let's face it, guys work that way too.

    However, there are ways to get around it. It's the usual online dating suggestions.. have pictures where you are with a group of attractive girls, have pics that show you doing interesting things, etc. You can look those tips up anywhere, so I don't need to really go through them with you.

    So anyway, for the rest of us guys who don't have the Ferrari, don't the great looks that get a girl to automatically click on our pictures, etc., we have to depend on different tricks. The most important one is to be interesting and mysterious. Interesting first though. Mysterious second. Because it's pointless to be mysterious if she isn't interested, right?

    But before you even get the chance to be interesting, you need to get her to respond. Let me just tell you... copy/paste is your friend here! However, do NOT go around copy/pasting the exact same message to EVERY girl. What you can do though, is copy/paste mostly the same message with at least a few authentic lines in it about why you liked her profile or what you thought when you saw her. You can have a half paragraph copy/paste. Tons of guys do that. But by starting out with something that's actually personal towards her, she'll recognize that you actually took the time to look and respond. It'll make the rest of your pasted message seem a little more personal. But with that said, given the low response rates that guys get on those sites, if you're spending more than about 1 minute on it per girl, you're wasting time. Also, if you're copy/paste is more than what you could reasonably type in say 3-4 minutes, it's going to come off as creepy/weird that you're spending that much time on someone you haven't even talked to yet. So that's the balancing act you need to walk right there.

    Anyway, I'm giving you my experience as to what works and I hope it all helps. Also, The T-Mal thread that drgnsfire12 posted above is worth a read if you haven't already.
    Hypnotist, NLP geek. I've done: Tao of Badass, Hacking Attraction, How To Date Multiple Women (Pellicer's stuff), Get the Girl, How to Talk to Hot Women, No Strings Attached (Mehow's stuff), and now I'm getting into RSD's stuff. I don't go out a lot, but I kill it when challenged

  7. #7
    saguviper is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Giving up on online dating

    Ok, so I really don't know what is wrong with my profile. I have do what you guys say, including revamping my profile according to T-mals Amazon book. I don't have any selfies or shirtless pics. I have a few pictures taking from a photographer, some with a my brother and a couple girls, a few that shows me doing something adventurous. This is what happens. I message a girl, I guess she reads it, looks at my profile, but never responds back. My messages are written to incorporate something that is from her profile.

    Feel free to go look at both my POF profile and my OKC profile to critique to see why I'm not getting anymore interaction with women.


    StyleViper OkCupid

    StyleGuy82 POF

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Giving up on online dating

    UNCHECK the "casual sex" box in the "looking for" category on OKC.

    Even if that's true, you dont want to put that out there & turn off some potential girls right off the bat.



    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Giving up on online dating

    Great question I am strapped for time but hopefully I will revisit this thread and give you a proper response. Either way I have been in that spot and yes online is very superficial.

    However in spite of all the naysayers I got tatted up and hit the Gym solid. Now I am barely starting to get things under control with my body. So far I have had 2 messages without my involvement from hot girls.

    Granted they are not my type but would I bang them, yes. And my profile message is so crappy. I will have a hot ass GF this Summer blah blah blah. But I got pics showing off my body, tatts, no shirt, with friends, with ex HB9, etc. So I automatically can't get 10's on there but under 10's are A okay.
    When you let go of your feelings you can really then embrace your surroundings
    Love is a game that's why I don't worry about it anymore. When you let go of your feelings you find your meaning.
    -Capn_Jack


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