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  1. #1
    Somebody is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Did I send the wrong text?

    So this girl who I work with texted me after 4 days of no contact. I never really initiate texts with her. She has been the one to do it like 7 out of 9 times. It's kind of me playing hard to get, but at the same time, I don't really like texting. I'd rather call and talk but she never wants to yet because we've only been out together 3 times and, since I act pretty shy, she probably is afraid of the awkward silence on the phone. It could happen, but I'd still rather talk on the phone. Plus, it's hard to build a real connection over text when that's all we do. Not to mention, I generally take a long time to respond (like hours) which isn't good, but anyway.....our most recent text conversation went like this:

    Her: "Hey "
    Me: "Hey you "
    Her: "What's up?"
    Me: "Going to class. You?"
    Her: "Walking around downtown with my friend lol. Have fun at class."
    Me: "Oh okay. Have fun downtown. I'll shoot you a text later."
    Her: "Okay "

    Okay, so I didn't say anything fun or flirty, but I wasn't really trying to. I mean, I thought about saying "You're going to have to think of something more creative than that " in response to her "Hey", but I don't see the point in text flirting all the time and never talking on the phone. I know I'm probably over-thinking this, but anyway, I waited 2 days to text her later like I said I would. I just sent her "Hey (name), I've been super busy lately, but I haven't forgotten about you. Whatcha been up to? Text me back when you get the chance." Now she hasn't responded in like 4 days lol. I know she's probably not into me because the situation between us involves a lot more than just this, but did I text something wrong? Should literally every text with a girl be fun and flirty (for me, it might be strange because I'm different over text than I am in person because I have more time to think about what to say)? Also, if a girl doesn't text you back in 4 days, is that a sure sign that's she's not attracted to you? Oh, ONE MORE important question. Should I wait for her to text me (if she ever does at all) or should I text her again (what to text then)?

    Right now I'm getting the idea from her that she maybe even just feels bad about cutting me out of her life, so that's why she keeps initiating texts with me or something. We do work together sometimes. So...I don't know. I'm just thinking about being really honest with her and telling her, on the phone, that I like her and want to take her out again. The thing is, I've made a few mistakes. For example, I should've kissed her when we cuddled at a drive-in on the second date. Then, I shouldn't have tried kissing her in her car outside of work when she wasn't ready for it. LOL so maybe I was going to tell her that timing isn't my thing, but I like her and want to give things a shot still.

  2. #2
    odsilos is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Did I send the wrong text?

    I would not text her again, then go out with a few other girls and take advantage of her jealousness. Just make sure she notices you're living your life without being needy for her.

  3. #3
    daltonbrayall is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Did I send the wrong text?

    Really not much you can do here mate to be honest, four days is quite a while. I'd maybe give it a week or so then maybe shoot her one text that doesn't show too much interest. Your already at enough risk for coming on too strong. Worst case scenario, she doesn't text back and you delete her number, but it doesn't hurt anything to give it one last try. Maybe that's just me though, lol take it as far as you can
    If i get a guy some a$$, he gets it for a day; if i teach him how to get it for himself, he's tappin forever

  4. #4
    Archer885 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Did I send the wrong text?

    Yeah, I'd have to agree with Dalton, one more text at the most, and give it a week from the last text. Let us know what happens!

  5. #5
    Somebody is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Did I send the wrong text?

    Quote Originally Posted by daltonbrayall View Post
    Really not much you can do here mate to be honest, four days is quite a while. I'd maybe give it a week or so then maybe shoot her one text that doesn't show too much interest. Your already at enough risk for coming on too strong. Worst case scenario, she doesn't text back and you delete her number, but it doesn't hurt anything to give it one last try. Maybe that's just me though, lol take it as far as you can
    She replied today saying "Hey (name), sorry it has been taking me so long to text back I left my phone at the casino and just get it last night (sweat face). How have you been?" It's hard to believe that she left her phone at the casino and couldn't text for 4 days lol. I think this is a sign she's not too interested in me, or could she be testing me somehow? How should I deal with this? I don't want to be a wuss about it and just say "it's okay...im good, how have you been? blah blah", but I don't think I should ask her out either because it seems she's not into me even though she keeps initiating texts. I was thinking about telling her I'm done with the whole texting thing because I don't want to be her texting buddy. Plus, that's all we do and the conversations are super slow. I don't know if I should try to build attraction or whatever over text, call her and ask her out, or...hm? Just because she keeps initiating texts I don't know if that means she wants to go out again. I mean, I did want to kiss her last time we were out (I stroked her hair telling her how soft it was) and she said she had to go immediately after that. So, last date didn't go the best. How should I respond to this? I was also thinking of saying "Did you come back rich (from casino)?" and then when she says no I say "That's too bad. I want a rich girl. " That would have to be better than a boring "I'm doing good, how have you been?" wouldn't it? I just think it might come across as out of character for me (compared to me in person) and like I took a while to think of it. It's been 10 hours and I haven't responded (which is no big deal. she had me wait 4 days).

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Did I send the wrong text?

    Wow dude. You are really overthinking everything. Firstly, the first text she sent you (when she was wagging in town) was hinting that she wanted you to meet up with her in town to wag... but you didn't catch that. Unfortunate. That should have told you she was interested. Secondly, you are fucking her around. Just be bold and ask her out. Don't screw around. You have to build comfort too or she'll think you're gay or not interested. Do you want that?? Obviously she still digs you cas she's still texting you. Lucky you! I would have given up aaaaages ago. Also, get used to texting cas women love it. Ask her on a date already!
    You will never do ANYTHING in this world without COURAGE. - Aristotle

  7. #7
    Somebody is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Did I send the wrong text?

    Quote Originally Posted by mystique View Post
    Wow dude. You are really overthinking everything. Firstly, the first text she sent you (when she was wagging in town) was hinting that she wanted you to meet up with her in town to wag... but you didn't catch that. Unfortunate. That should have told you she was interested. Secondly, you are fucking her around. Just be bold and ask her out. Don't screw around. You have to build comfort too or she'll think you're gay or not interested. Do you want that?? Obviously she still digs you cas she's still texting you. Lucky you! I would have given up aaaaages ago. Also, get used to texting cas women love it. Ask her on a date already!
    Well, I actually thought she might've wanted to meet up, but she was with her friend and I thought asking to meet up with them would come off as too needy or eager. Her message "Walking around downtown with my friend lol. Have fun at class" made it seem like she just wanted to end the conversation. I do overthink things, but I guess it's just me being afraid of making a mistake with her, which is probably a bad way of thinking about it. For example, our text convo today went like this:

    Me: "It's good to hear from you! I've been great. How have you been?"
    Her: "I've been pretty good. Just trying to keep myself busy."
    Me: "That's good. Busyness is the cure for boredom. So did you come back from the casino a millionaire?"
    Her: "I wish hahaha, I came back with four dollars and I went there with fifty. Did you do anything fun this pas weekend?"
    Me: "You're a high roller! I went camping with a friend and my brother and we went on a 3-mile kayaking trip. It was awesome! Only bad part was getting poison oak on my leg"
    Her: "That sounds great, besides the poision oak!"
    Me: "Yeah luckily it's not that bad. I'm kind of busy right now. I'll give you a call later."
    Her: No response

    She seemed a little unresponsive in her text. This made me think she would reject me if I asked her to go out again, so I decided not to. I thought it would be a better idea to call her on the phone later and ask her. Was this a good idea? I'm guess I'm just a little worried that the phone conversation might get awkward because I'm shy. It would be easier for me to talk to her in person. But I plan on asking her out over the phone and hopefully build some comfort first. I also don't want it to turn into me chasing her. So I hope I'm not coming off this way by trying to call her later. Another reason I think she might reject me is because she already made an excuse once when I wanted to hang out with her. She said she couldn't hang out for like 3 weeks when she obviously could.

  8. #8
    mystique's Avatar
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    Default Re: Did I send the wrong text?

    Quote Originally Posted by Somebody View Post
    Well, I actually thought she might've wanted to meet up, but she was with her friend and I thought asking to meet up with them would come off as too needy or eager. Her message "Walking around downtown with my friend lol. Have fun at class" made it seem like she just wanted to end the conversation.

    Myst: So this is where you start feeling the situation out. You could have sent a text like 'Oh yeh? See ya soon'. If she was interested she would give you details of where they were. You don't need to ask cas you're right, it would come across as needy. Should she reply with anything negative, brush off the comment with something like, 'Wow, I'm kidding. Calm down'.

    I do overthink things, but I guess it's just me being afraid of making a mistake with her, which is probably a bad way of thinking about it. For example, our text convo today went like this:

    Me: "It's good to hear from you! I've been great. How have you been?"
    Her: "I've been pretty good. Just trying to keep myself busy."
    Me: "That's good. Busyness is the cure for boredom. So did you come back from the casino a millionaire?"
    Her: "I wish hahaha, I came back with four dollars and I went there with fifty. Did you do anything fun this pas weekend?"
    Me: "You're a high roller! I went camping with a friend and my brother and we went on a 3-mile kayaking trip. It was awesome! Only bad part was getting poison oak on my leg"
    Her: "That sounds great, besides the poision oak!"
    Me: "Yeah luckily it's not that bad. I'm kind of busy right now. I'll give you a call later."
    Her: No response

    Myst: Yes. You do overthink. We all do but it will ruin you if you care too much. Don't put her on a pedestal. Instead of replying that you were busy, just don't reply back. That shows her you're busy without being rude.

    She seemed a little unresponsive in her text. This made me think she would reject me if I asked her to go out again, so I decided not to. I thought it would be a better idea to call her on the phone later and ask her. Was this a good idea? I'm guess I'm just a little worried that the phone conversation might get awkward because I'm shy. It would be easier for me to talk to her in person. But I plan on asking her out over the phone and hopefully build some comfort first.

    Myst: It's too easy to misjudge txts and phone calls dude. So much is left out and so much can be misconstrued. I realise you're worried about rejection but you do need to meet and hang out in person to get comfortable with her - and soon.

    I also don't want it to turn into me chasing her. So I hope I'm not coming off this way by trying to call her later.

    Myst: You are chasing her and she knows it already. Do you think she's dumb? In fact, if she wasn't interested she would have stopped texting you.

    Another reason I think she might reject me is because she already made an excuse once when I wanted to hang out with her. She said she couldn't hang out for like 3 weeks when she obviously could.
    Myst: Well assuming won't get you anywhere. She's still conversing with you isn't she?

    Work on your social skills - get involved with toastmasters and start being more social. Every day make more conversation with everyone around you. It's the only way to become more confident. Stop worrying about rejection. Fear in you is building more anxiety and fear. Not a good vibe. Work on your confidence and just ask her out.

  9. #9
    Somebody is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Did I send the wrong text?

    Quote Originally Posted by mystique View Post
    Myst: Well assuming won't get you anywhere. She's still conversing with you isn't she?

    Work on your social skills - get involved with toastmasters and start being more social. Every day make more conversation with everyone around you. It's the only way to become more confident. Stop worrying about rejection. Fear in you is building more anxiety and fear. Not a good vibe. Work on your confidence and just ask her out.
    She is, which is a good sign definitely. However, I think the clock is really ticking here. She's been patient with me, and I think she really wants to feel attraction for me, otherwise she wouldn't have given me her number. The problem is, since I lack experience with women, I have difficulty creating that attraction. I even have a hard time flirting.

    I called her last night, for example, and we had a short 5 minute conversation. I was nervous and it came across in my voice. I was too monotone and I spoke too quickly. I asked questions though to get her talking, but I didn't flirt with her at all. I didn't laugh. It just wasn't a fun or flirty conversation. For that, she may back out on our plans. I did ask her out before I got off the phone, but I got some bad signs (unless I'm just overthinking things again). I asked her if she was free next week Mon. or Tues. to get together. I suggested we go to dinner, then she suggested instead we go to the zoo. I agreed, but did she suggest that because a dinner is more like a date, and the zoo is more of a friendly-type thing (meaning she just wants to be friends)? Also, she said she has to check her work schedule to see if she'll be free, even though before that she said she works in the morning only, so she should be free after. I don't know, she might flake. But, at the same time, I wouldn't blame her. I need to work on my confidence, flirting, and having fun. If she does want to be friends though only, I'm not sure whether to accept that or tell her I'm not interested in just being friends. Part of me wants to be with her because she's not only beautiful, but has an awesome personality. The other part of me wants to salvage whatever I can from this because, even if we just become friends, that would help me tremendously I think with getting more comfortable with women.

    By the way, really good advice man. I'm really going to join a toastmasters club because I've been looking for ways to improve my confidence and social skills. All I've been doing so far is mental exercises, going to the mall alone to interact with strangers, and trying to talk to strangers more. It's tough. I want to wake up one morning and be confident, talkative, know how to flirty and attract women, etc. but I know that's unrealistic. This process might take a year or more.

  10. #10
    mystique's Avatar
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    Default Re: Did I send the wrong text?

    Oh dear. Well, it happens to the best of us ;D

    I kinda see that she has friend zoned you so you better get your arse into that toastmasters and do some serious work on improving your inner game before you try anything else with her.

    Take the friend card for now. Time will be good - build comfort. It's all progress man
    You will never do ANYTHING in this world without COURAGE. - Aristotle


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