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  1. #1
    CynicalJoker is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Damage Control or Freeze Out?

    I started talking to a girl on Tinder. Let's call her red. We chitchat, it goes dead. I re engage about a month later, get her number and we text for a few days. Day 2 or 3 (texting) results in some nudes, phone sex and plans to sex each other.

    I didn't text the day before our plans, nor did she (I always text first). The day of, I shot her a text.. while drunk. It went like this:

    Me: Hey, chick.

    Her: Hey, how are you?

    Me: Just got out of the shower, trying to find a place in town that'll cash this check

    Her: That sounds bothersome.

    Me: Yeah, it's been a great day. I overslept by almost six hours cause my phone suuuucks. How are you?

    Heramn. Six hours is a lot. I've been better honestly, got some pretty shitty news today, but I'm cool.

    Me: You sure?

    Her:Not really. I don't know how to put this in a nonchalant way. A close friend took his life three days ago. Probably shortly after he called me and I didn't answer because I was busy. His uncle found him today in the floor of his room. He moved away about a year ago, so when he called I assumed he was just wanting to check in on me. But now I think he called me for help. You don't have to respond.

    Me:That's too real. I can't ignore that, lol. Were you still wanting to hang out?

    Her:I'm going to say no, because I don't think I'd even be able to get turned on right now. I know you said you'd be pissed if I flaked. I don't want to take the chance of being weird. No one likes the to be around the girl that cries at random. I am sorry. My life is all about bad timing.

    Meo i send an angry text now? I don't know the protocol here

    Her:I don't either. I am just incredibly pissed off at everything right now. Three years three friends. Fuck.

    Me :If you wanna call and talk, I'll listen. No homo.

    Her:Jacobs sister is over here now. I may call later. I don't mean to sound like a cold bitch, but I can only wonder/assume why you are interested is only for means to an end you'd prefer with me?

    Me: That's sick. That's only part of it. (Drunk)

    Her: I see.

    Me: (AFC style) i'm just being a dick. But death is a legitimate reason to grieve, just figured I'd offer to listen. No homo.

    Me: (after 30 mins of dead air) I'm kinda drunk, sooo

    (Dead air)


    Yeah, it's pretty brutal. I'm an idiot when I'm drunk. I'm wondering if I should do some damage control, apologize maybe? or Freeze her out/give her space.

    I've never posted for advice before, but I actually kinda like this one. Thanks in advance.

  2. #2
    CynicalJoker is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Damage Control or Freeze Out?

    Shameless self bump. Kiiiinda desperate.

  3. #3
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    Autismus is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Damage Control or Freeze Out?

    Hmm... I'll start with a conclusion before explan-alysis: Don't freeze her out or apologize. She just lost someone close to her and feels partially responsible. You won't recover this one, at best you'll be remembered as "that guy on tinder who gave her some space when she needed it" and she might hit you up. Initiating more messages at this point (because it could have gone differently) is just going to further associate you with a tragedy.

    She has you categorized in the box of "he's just gaming to get laid" (which is pretty much what tinder is for - it's fun) but at this stage in her life (i.e. someone died) she's not in the mood to play the usual reindeer games. Unfortunately for you, that means she's doing a full board wipe of any and all play pals.

    If you were good friends with her already, there would be some wiggle room - but that's not the case.

    As for the post-mortem of the text analysis:

    When she mentioned non-specific "shitty news" that's a mystery red flag that means "paddle away!" vis-a-vis this exact situation.

    Next - once she had told you what it was - I would strongly encourage excluding a "lol" in response to a death-related text.

    After that, you and she were having two different conversations: you were trying to salvage the meet up (which had been planned on very different circumstances and was now void) whereas she was kinda just rambling and reeling with her emotions (I would have suggested her to just stop texting at that point and go cope as she needs to cope - rather than getting too deep with tinder)

    She drew a line (i.e. controlled the frame) of not being able to get horny (non sexual) and you were just honest and told her (implying) that you were still looking for a means to an end.

    Inviting her to call (at the end there) is a good comfort building move - IF you had given her the space she needs - or if she saw you as more than a "fun time johnny" who she exchanged sexts with.

    At this point I do though revise my conclusion: I see two possible scenarios where you and her might end up as a tinder success story.

    MORE LIKELY (of the two): Invite her to have "grief sex" with you. To blow off some steam she might see you as an easier option than calling an ex or going through a whole new tinder process.

    LESS LIKELY: IF you are well and intimately acquainted with death - to the point that you could actually have a real and mutually beneficial connection with this human being - then you could invite her to coffee to talk, then eventually escape the friend zone.

    My advice: drop her as a prospect.
    DTF HB's omw 2 LTR


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