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  1. #11
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Profile Critique

    Now you're coming off as "a nice guy".
    There's nothing to hook the girl who reads this.

    You're also likely to scare many of them away by hammering " relationship " down their throats.

    Even if someone is looking for that, they don't want to rush into the idea right from the start. They want that to develop as things progress.

    You want to project FUN & Confidence in a way that beckons them to message you & get to know you more.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  2. #12
    Jironasaurus is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Profile Critique

    What happened to the wit and humour?

    Your starting statement is strong. As in, you definitely came in and made a stand, but that might be a tad too serious.

    Am curious... how old are you? Something like that for a start might be acceptable if you are mid-40s and above.

    Try something more light-hearted. Don't bind yourself to your normal rules of writing a profile.

    You are doing a lot of what other people will do. For example:
    -- Stating what you are looking by giving them an invite ("If all these sounds like you...").
    -- Over-stating cliches (check the bold parts)
    -- Sounding really serious
    -- Having no specific voice that makes you different from the rest of the men

    Like I mentioned before, make a big part of it witty and humourous.

    All these cliches are actually fine... if you rephrase them. For now, they are the exact words people say all the time.


    Quote Originally Posted by El Guepardo View Post
    I'm looking to find the right woman to embark upon a relationship which will creates happy memories and give that bond of closeness that a good relationship can provide. A strong connection both physically, and emotionally, as we grow together.


    Hopefully you are someone fun and passionate about everything you do?! Passion is a key part of life, it's about enjoying the moment and not holding back.


    I'm an independent guy, who is open to life and all that will come in my World. I'm independent but looking for someone whom I can come together with, enriching each other's lives.


    Someone with whom to overcome life's challenges, staying on top, moving forward....embracing life and being open to turning the page to see what comes next.


    Never worrying about the 'what ifs?'..living with the mantra just do it, enjoy it and live without regrets. After all this is your one chance at being truly happy.


    That's why I'm happy to live my life freely, to live wildly at times, pushing myself hard, never scared to take a blow. Bouncing back harder each time & ready to start again, whenever I take a blow.


    Job satisfaction is an important attribute for the right woman for me. I don't care what you do, as long as you enjoy it and it makes you happy. I also appreciate a woman who takes good care of herself.


    If all this sounds like you, it would be good to get to know you. So don't be shy....

  3. #13
    Tyrone1991's Avatar
    Tyrone1991 is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Profile Critique

    My first line of my profile was like this for example:

    I'm probably more motivated and driven then anyone on this site, Willing to bet on it
    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.

  4. #14
    wikiwally is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Profile Critique

    Hey Tmal what do you think of this sample profile?

    Greetings,

    I'm Wally Milfhunter from planet Krypton
    6ft 2inches, 13 years old, 560lb

    Im half black, half fluids and half Kryptonian😀

    My interest are: shopping at Fat and Tall, window shopping, gynecology, sneaking into movie theaters, bribing police officers with my boobs, watching the notebook and trying not to cry

    Im looking for a women that can take care of me while I stay at home and watch the kids, a women that can provide for me, a women that pay the bills ---- a sugar mamma

    I want a women that knows what she wants, whenever she wants sex; she pushes me into the bed and rips my clothes off, but only after she gets my number, gets to know me....Im not easy.


    The End.

    Credits:

    Author: Wally Milfhunter


    peace.

    Trump for president

  5. #15
    Tyrone1991's Avatar
    Tyrone1991 is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Profile Critique

    I used this recently, It caused so much response. (currently not doing Online anymore)

    New One Tested:I got $1000 cash and put it as my last picture of my profile.

    Then first line I wrote on My profile was: $1000 if you can guess my nationality (last picture) (Hint mysteriously placed in Bio).

    First day I got 14 messages lol, They all guessed wrong and girls don't like being wrong (so they keep guessing) and I keep shutting them down while flirting and steering the conversation. Online dating is a joke. I had my doubts about it because women can control there response and analyze and think about it as much as they like. Were I control that in person. But when I tried this. Too freaking easy.

    Literally your offering them $1000 dollars that appears Simple but you know the likeliness of them guessing it is next to nothing.

    Women like a challenge, There it is.

    Women hate being wrong, so they get more engaged by there own mentality just by getting it wrong, Giving you more Chances to through things in there like: "Lol, nice try, But you wont get it, Why do you need the money any way, Financial issues lol?" only intriguing & Qualifying her more her more.

    Wow your Keen, You do have finacial Issues!! :P want me to teach you how to save money? hehehe.

    Have fun, You shouldn't have to try to flirt. You should enjoy it. I love stirring up people. Blowing things out of proportion like she sees a fairly easy challenge and me giving her shit for having financial issues she doesn't even have. Its great. Have fun with it & be creative.

    Keys:

    Shes approached you, feeling like she has the power wiping her defenses.

    She is so focused on being right, She has no idea what Trap she has fallen into.

    Made the last Picture the Cash causing her to flick through all my photos showing my Alpha, social proof, Smile, Looks etc.

    I suggested there was a hint in my bio making her read all of that, which was filled with a whole lot Qualifiers, Sense of humor, Passion etc.



    Side note: Wikiwally: If you do not indicate that these are jokes. or Ques.. This will only work 10% of the potential it has.
    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.

  6. #16
    Honcho is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Profile Critique

    ^^
    Lol, that's awesome, I bet it works great. Be careful the type of chick you attract with blatant money.

  7. #17
    Tyrone1991's Avatar
    Tyrone1991 is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Profile Critique

    I'm off online now, I was just doing some tests. In this scenario, the money is not associated with dating me. It's associated with guessing my nationality. Therefore it is attracting almost anyone who thinks they can guess my nationality. Not he's attractive because he has money. It's s trap to draw them in with something not even associated as sexual or emotional.

    My my flirting does the rest. They have gotten it wrong anyway. So they have to accept that they won't get my money which could be subconsciously beneficial to me.
    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.


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