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  1. #1
    El Guepardo is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Profile Critique

    Please feel free to tear this apart. I wanted to create a unique style of profile on POF. This is what I came up with..

    "Life is about taking chances, seeing what can happen and living for every moment. Right now, you're wondering why I'm chatting cliches and not actually chatting about myself, right?! See, we've not even messaged and already I feel like I'm getting to know you.

    So, how much more do I know about you? Well, I know you recognise a good looking guy when you see one..maybe not so much the modest ones.

    I also know you're warming to me, you think that I'm silly, good fun and you're thinking what it would be like to head out on a first date with me. What would we get up to? Where would we go? Am I a good kisser?

    Woooahhh..thinking a bit too far ahead, aren't we?! I don't even know you and that's already in your head...

    As for me...

    I'm a laid back guy, who would win limbo competitions if only walking forward at the same time wasn't so much effort!

    I'm a regular at the gym..I love the machines, especially those that dispense the chocolate!

    I'd love to tell you more now but I don't give away my details 'that' easily... "

    Please tell me what you think.

    Thanks

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Profile Critique

    Browse men's profiles anonymously for a bit & see what kind of crap they all write.
    Then make yours completely different.

    Never say you're a "laid back guy". That sounds like " I'm boring & uncreative " to women.
    And don't say stuff about being good looking and they already want you...
    That's gonna sound conceited & turn them off too.

    You're on the right track with using humor, but overall it sounds too try hard & big-headed as it currently is.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
    Jironasaurus is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Profile Critique

    Quote Originally Posted by El Guepardo View Post
    Please feel free to tear this apart. I wanted to create a unique style of profile on POF. This is what I came up with..

    "Life is about taking chances, seeing what can happen and living for every moment. Right now, you're wondering why I'm chatting cliches and not actually chatting about myself, right?! See, we've not even messaged and already I feel like I'm getting to know you.

    So, how much more do I know about you? Well, I know you recognise a good looking guy when you see one..maybe not so much the modest ones.

    I also know you're warming to me, you think that I'm silly, good fun and you're thinking what it would be like to head out on a first date with me. What would we get up to? Where would we go? Am I a good kisser?

    Woooahhh..thinking a bit too far ahead, aren't we?! I don't even know you and that's already in your head...

    As for me...


    I'm a laid back guy, who would win limbo competitions if only walking forward at the same time wasn't so much effort!

    I'm a regular at the gym..I love the machines, especially those that dispense the chocolate!

    I'd love to tell you more now but I don't give away my details 'that' easily...
    "

    Please tell me what you think.

    Thanks
    I made bold the parts that I thought were too long winded.

    Something to consider... no woman ever said, "I am so turned on by his silliness."

    As for the underlined bits, don't stack a series of one-liners. You aren't doing stand-up comedy. If you want to make her laugh and still be effective with your description, interweave the serious stuff with your humour. There's a natural flow, and it helps that she sees you aren't some kinda clown.

    Also, focus on showing, not telling.

    This bit here - "Life is about taking chances, seeing what can happen and living for every moment" - is you showing who you are. That's good. Rephrase the cliche though, for the most obvious reason.

  4. #4
    El Guepardo is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Profile Critique

    Thanks for the feedback. I've completely rewritten it, now this is my new profile.,,

    Hey, I'm David, I'm 6ft 2", and look my height. I have a good build as I enjoy running, I completed the Bournemouth Half Marathon last year.

    Im the kinda guy that knows what he wants and usually gets it. I even get the Starbucks people to spell my name right on my cup.

    I'm independent, with my own place, and love the freedom that it brings. I get to wander around wearing as little as I want, and can make as much noise as I want, which is perfect for when I want to wander around naked singing the kind of songs that I'd never otherwise admit to liking..

    I love a good laugh, so hopefully you have a good sense of humour.

    I'm good in the kitchen...When I invite you for dinner..it will be something special...Indian, Chinese, Pizza. You'll be amazed how much I can prepare in the kitchen using just one tool...my phone! Seriously though, I can cook and enjoy cooking, it's a chance to create and share something special, almost like an art.

    Good communication is an important skill for me. Relationships are won, or lost, on the grounds of communication more than in any other area. 86% of relationships fail through poor communication..ok, so that number was pulled out of the air..but, it's the most important aspect of s relationship for me. I like a good talker, someone who is open & honest.

    Please don't message me if you work in a bar, if you're name is Katie, or you're a Leo..trust me, it will never work.

    Is that any better?

  5. #5
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Profile Critique

    Now you're trying to sell / qualify yourself and you're giving too much info away about who you are...

    Save all the little tidbits of information for when you actually start talking to the girls.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  6. #6
    El Guepardo is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Profile Critique

    Final version...I hope...

    Do you like tall, honest and fun guys? If so, there's a good chance that you'll love me.

    Im the kinda guy that knows what he wants and usually gets it. I even get the Starbucks people to spell my name right on my cup.

    I'm independent, with my own place, and love the freedom that it brings. I'm now looking to find the right woman who I can share my life with. Maybe you can persuade me that that's you?

    I love a good laugh, so hopefully you have a good sense of humour.

    I'm good in the kitchen...When I invite you for dinner..it will be something special...Indian, Chinese, Pizza. You'll be amazed how much I can prepare in the kitchen using just one tool...my phone!

    I think good communication is key to a successful relationship. 86% of relationships fail through poor communication..ok, so that number was pulled out of the air..but I'd like to find an honest woman who is happy to chat about all aspects of life.

    So if you're fun, beautiful, passionate, honest and a good communicator then I'll look forward to getting to know you.

    Thanks for reviewing these..I'm just out of a relationship which left my heart broken. I thought that she was the love of my life & then she ended things & turned evil on me. She had the full package, and I thought that we would have a long future together...

    Now to find someone worthy of my love.

  7. #7
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Profile Critique

    Now you're coming off as beta & affected by women... Maybe even bitter & hung up on your ex.
    You never want to bring up exes & anything negative in your profile.

    Also never "thank" them for reading. That comes off as desperate & needy.. Kinda like they did you a favor for taking 30 seconds to check it out.

    You're also still trying to sell yourself too much & impress them. That's what most guys do, so you're not gonna stand out from the rest of the thousands of chumps yet.

    You need to get creative & think "marketing". Make them want to know more.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  8. #8
    El Guepardo is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Profile Critique

    Do you have any good examples?

    The bit at the end wasn't part of the profile, instead was just a thanks to yourself.

    Thanks

  9. #9
    Jironasaurus is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Profile Critique

    I wouldn't use either edited versions.

    I'll give you a simple guideline to work with.

    Make your starting statement strong. You want to grab their attention fast. To do that...

    Focus on showing your wit and humour.

    This is not something you can easily pen down in 15 minutes. Really take the time to think about it. I'll edit for you if need be, but take the time to make it witty and humourous.

    In between the witty and humourous parts, I want you to write up 3 beliefs OR core values of yours. Don't give me something like "I value freedom more than anything else."

    Give me more. I want something along the lines of "I believe in living without shackles. We are already bound by too many rules. It is only necessary we break some, to fully enjoy the essence of living." (shows you value freedom)

    Weave them in, together with the witty and humourous parts.

    Pick 1 quality of yours that you wish to showcase. This can be passion for life, confidence, masculinity, integrity, etc. Anything that you feel is attractive to a woman.

    Again, just by showing, write up a few sentences (at least 5) that highlights this quality.

    Once you are done, paste it in here. I'll critique, and edit accordingly.

    (IMPORTANT NOTE: Make sure whatever you write isn't a cliche.)

  10. #10
    El Guepardo is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Profile Critique

    I've tried to work at something akin to what you've said above...

    I'm looking to find the right woman to embark upon a relationship which will creates happy memories and give that bond of closeness that a good relationship can provide. A strong connection both physically, and emotionally, as we grow together.


    Hopefully you are someone fun and passionate about everything you do?! Passion is a key part of life, it's about enjoying the moment and not holding back.


    I'm an independent guy, who is open to life and all that will come in my World. I'm independent but looking for someone whom I can come together with, enriching each other's lives.


    Someone with whom to overcome life's challenges, staying on top, moving forward....embracing life and being open to turning the page to see what comes next.


    Never worrying about the 'what ifs?'..living with the mantra just do it, enjoy it and live without regrets. After all this is your one chance at being truly happy.


    That's why I'm happy to live my life freely, to live wildly at times, pushing myself hard, never scared to take a blow. Bouncing back harder each time & ready to start again, whenever I take a blow.


    Job satisfaction is an important attribute for the right woman for me. I don't care what you do, as long as you enjoy it and it makes you happy. I also appreciate a woman who takes good care of herself.


    If all this sounds like you, it would be good to get to know you. So don't be shy....


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