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Thread: Escalated too quickly?

  1. #1
    El Guepardo is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Escalated too quickly?

    I had a text tonight from one of the women that I'd been chatting with a week, or so, ago. At the time, we had been set to meet but she had just come out of a break up, and I was newly single too.

    Anyway, she text me out of the blue tonight, said she missed me & so I started chatting. I said I'd been to the cinema, and was heading home, she asked what I'd seen. I told her & then said that I was home & in bed, so she had my attention..partly said due to the delay in my replying to her message.

    Anyway, as we've only just started texting..I wondered if my comment about being in bed might have led to her thinking that I was escalating too fast? She's read my text but not replied.

    I subsequently asked her what her plans were for tomorrow. I've already said that I want to meet her.

    If I've escalated too fast, is there a way back? I figured that she'd shown a big EOI by texting me out of the blue.

    Thanks

  2. #2
    Mr. Assertive is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Escalated too quickly?

    so she had your attention eh....


    just put the phone down. First off, relax. Send it and forget is a golden rule in texting. Maybe you need to work on a little texting foreplay to keep her responding. Don't worry about it, she will come around.

  3. #3
    El Guepardo is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Escalated too quickly?

    I thought that to say that she had my attention would allow her to play in the mind of the previous delay in texting, coupled with perhaps the other connotation & given the previously displayed EOI from her part, that that could work for me.

    To be honest, I don't have a lot of relationship experience. My last relationship went south because of this. My last relationship should have been the one but I made some crucial errors, which I shouldn't have made and so lost the one woman that was everything for me. I was stupid, and she loved me so much, but I had no confidence in myself and made basic mistakes which cost me.

  4. #4
    Jironasaurus is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Escalated too quickly?

    Show us the chat log. Pretty hard to tell just like that.

  5. #5
    Mr. Assertive is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Escalated too quickly?

    Before we go down memory lane. One advice is this, keep yourself open, keep learning, keep reading on material here and keep practicing. Live your life, relationships, are well, I would call them a luxury. If you can have one with a girl you want for some time then great! Buttttt I wouldn't jump into anything if I were you.


    For your situation, just because a girl texts you out of the blue does not automatically mean she wants to suck your dick. Repeat this to yourself over and over: a phone number is not a date, it is merely a chance at a date.

    One of the main goals in texting generate attraction and comfort to secure a meet up. Some of the posters here will vouch to making phone calls but I can already picture your phone call going in a way where your voice sounds nervous and you will sound like she is out of your league or your to eager to see her.

    Stick to texting for now. There is a beautiful texting sticky in this part of the forums, I suggest you read it. I also suggest browsing the stickies for topics on confidence and what it means to be a man. A woman wants a confident man, not a indecisive boy. The fact that you thought you were escalating too quickly just because you were in bed, shows me that you haven't embraced your sexuality or yourself as a man who should have no shame about the topics of sex.


    And I know I feel like I am drilling some things into you right now but please....don't tell a girl she has your attention if she hasn't earned it. Make her wonder IF she actually has your attention. If she is a person of value then you praise her and give her that attention.

  6. #6
    Tyrone1991's Avatar
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    Default Re: Escalated too quickly?

    Mr.Assertive is correct although texting to me is inconvient, annoying and in PU just inefficient and less strategic. If you are checking if she read it your message or not then you are way to available. There fall the call idea is non beneficial until you are aggressive enough to drive her to mirror you in reaction so you can control the situation.

    As for escalation, it requires intention, telling her your are going to bed is just stating a fact, it had no intention of escalating.

    What happened is you sent her a message that was boring and AFC because you made yourself to available as Mr.Assertive established she needs to earn it. Why would I want a Ferrari after I own one. I own it. The desire for one is gone.

    I don't think you even had a sexual intention when you stated you were in bed. Just told her you were in Bed. When women text me boring stuff or make themselves to available, I will forget she even texted me for like 3 weeks until she crosses my mind and I'm like "whoops" so you just Copt the same.

    The texting guide is great, but you need to focus on something even deeper which is the principles of Flirting and being Fun.

    Inner game and and self value is necessary and as I've practically preached on this forum a few too many times about it, it won't be hard to find recent threads that state the process.

    Quicklist of things to look up.

    Gunznglory text guide.
    openers
    object openers
    Negs
    Flirting
    Alphamale
    Qualifiers
    dhv
    Cliff hangers
    Kino Escalation
    Social Proof
    Direct game
    indirect game
    statement of intention
    mysterious/cryptic


    these should start you off, don't just learn them, use them so much they become Automatic and then mould it to your personality.

    Being Assertive/Aggressive defines a Alpha, an Alpha gets what he wants. Not by being a dick but by being determined.

    Another thing to consider. This girl texts you straight after a break up, she may of felt insecure and needed some attention/validation which as soon as you said it's all hers you satisfied her. She is rebounding because she isn't use to being lonely and you filled that hole.

    So so here's the plan:

    Read all of the above suggestions and apply them.
    Go no contact for a week or so and see if she requires attention again.
    in that period of no contact practice these techniques were you can to see get abit comfortable with them.
    if she does seek your attention, apply the principles to her and make her earn it.
    If she doesn't then PM me and I will get you your girl while trying to use your features so she doesn't feel mislead when she falls for you and finds out your not that guy.
    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.

  7. #7
    Mr. Assertive is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Escalated too quickly?

    Tyrone gave you the topics. I always say this to newbies. Do the reading, and go through the work. You will enjoy the results at the end. It might take awhile but that doesn't matter, all that matters is the results.


    Now Tyrone, I'm not trying to debate here but I just want to understand your point of view. How old are you ? I hear what you're saying about texting being inefficient and it can be...but not everyone likes phone calls. Especially girls that are 21 or under in this day an age. They grew up texting. Now if I'm going older, they appreciate it more. I flip flop depending on the girl. I do find texting valuable is used correctly. If you can get good at using your body, flirting and talking, you can translate it through text. Of course never text all the time. That's what dates are for. Texting is just for meet ups and increasing attraction or sustaining it

  8. #8
    Tyrone1991's Avatar
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    Default Re: Escalated too quickly?

    You can debate all you like. Everything I say is subject to my perspective, Those who texting fail in texting can either keep trying or try a new formula which I will provide based on my opinion of texting. Those who have always dealt with obsessive or needy, or over invested females that you every time you take 4 hours to reply she replys within 2 minutes 4 times the messages.

    Plus if you can teach me something Mr.Assertive I will love you for life. Only fools argue. Wisdom appreciates Wisdom.

    so here goes:

    Well thats it really. People feel like they need to constantly be in contact to maintain a connection. So they keep texting, trying to force a conversation to keep the contact alive and its just unnatural. You don't talk to anyone that much in a day.

    I'm about results. Like a business. Your cost should be less Then your profit. Texting is a huge investment. I send texts like "i'm here" or will call you " or when she tells me shes home safe through text I may even send her "ok, had fun, Night!" but thats as far as it goes. So I will list the reasons texting isn't a great idea during beginning stage of PUA and why in life its stupid.

    1. You can say in 5 minutes on the phone what you may texts all day.
    2. She has all the time in the world to analyze your message, play games, and decide if she would like to respond.
    3. Pushing buttons is an unnatural form of communication - You were born with a mouth... Use it, not fingers.
    3a. Buttons are annoying as fuck, my finger is ten times bigger then the Iphone letters lol.... Always pressing backspace.
    4. You're tone of voice isn't portrayed and neither is hers, so its not real communication body to body, voice to voice, eyes to eyes...... Just letters responding to letters with Emoji's.
    5. Spell check is more often fucking retarded then helpful.
    6. There is a separation between the two of you, you cant control reaction therefore you cant control the rate of conversation. Which makes building Sexual Tension unpredictable because the flow of conversation is dependent on eaches response which they can do. so if were having a heated conversation. She is busy and gets to it 8 hours later. all effort has to be re done. But calling, you can do it quickly and then she can go and think about it all day because you have completed the process rather then half way through it she gets busy or gets a call from someone else and that gets her out of a sexual mind frame and in a mind frame of how much her uni class mate is a slut cause of the conversation or work she had. So frame control and perception cant have a guarantee in control.
    7. I cant be fucked. I'd rather make 5 x 5 minute phone calls then have 5 girls text me all day. Thats an 8 hour a day job and i'm not getting paid for it.
    8. Room for misinterpretation of what im saying is a joke or insult.

    Why phone is Great.

    1.You control the time of contact.
    2. you can do in 3 minutes what you can spend days doing through text.
    3. You show more confidence.
    4. You get more time which equals more girls which means more benefit.
    5. Use mouth which is Natural.....
    6. Voice tones are easier to understand during flirting then Emojis
    7. You can elevate voice, be overly enthusiastic which will have a more psychological reaction of showing fun and Alpha because the brain is designed to interpret Voice and Tones and emotion. Not letters and Emoji's (natural)
    8. Escalating takes a matter of second or minutes. Not hours.
    9. I get more Time.
    10. If people are talking to me in person I'm not getting texts in, When I have time to talk to them I do and it doesn't interfere.
    11. Allow a girl to think she can text you anytime and she will always abuse it as she becomes more infatuated with you. So if she is only used to hearing from you between times. She will be conditioned for it.
    12. She thinks about you more, talks to you less over valuing you in her own head. Fantasizing about everything rather then maintaining contact.

    As you stated, Never text all the time, but you have read the Threads. Guys never close anymore. Then you give her to much and she looses interest. 5 minutes is all I will give you until in person. I can make 1 call a week and build all the attraction I need to until I see her. But you are going to have to Text more then once.

    You should value your time more then Women. otherwise you value her higher then yourself. Time is all you got man and its limited. Protect yourself.
    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.

  9. #9
    Hands is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Escalated too quickly?

    I really like the write up, and I agree with your points both pros and cons, my question would be; what if they won't pick up? My main target and two other girls I'm talking to refuse to answer their phones, and several girls from my past do the same crap, they all vary in age from 25 - 34. They only text, or fb, or email. My in-person game is solid, but its the lack of body language, voice tones, and keno that makes it soo difficult for me. What do you do to shift things to phone calls as opposed to texting based communication?

  10. #10
    Tyrone1991's Avatar
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    Default Re: Escalated too quickly?

    If a girl refuses to have a phone call it means two things to me.

    1.She supports my theory of they want there power by texting, knowing that when I call they have less control of the frame and situation.

    2. She has a man and is trying to keep you both separate.

    Call at a random time that will make her think its important. Like 12 during the day, or 8:30 am in the morning off a private number so she thinks it must be important if its at this time making her feel the need to answer. Once she answered shes fucked. So just get her to answer and you own it, the outcome is up to you, just know how to be the man she wants when you call and maintain controlling the frame and line up the meet up (tell her your phone cant receive texts lol... I just thought of this haha so she cant text to cancel) has to call you which she wont.. Hang up and see her then.
    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.


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