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Thread: Dilemma with Tinder girl - known for 2 weeks, 1 date, 1 flake - pursue?

  1. #11
    JackSarge's Avatar
    JackSarge is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Dilemma with Tinder girl - known for 2 weeks, 1 date, 1 flake - pursue?

    Women are delicate creatures mate. Have my highs and lows. On a low in why been pretty negative nelly but getting positive again.

    Anyway OP I am in a similar situation with my current woman. She is my ex-gf's friend who hit me up when I was out on St Paddy's and posting non-sense on my FB wall (we were friends but she ignored my earlier advances) so I get on there going "Time to find some thirsty b!tches!!!" And she starts blowing me up and I totally own the sh!t out of her. Sextant which lead to meeting up. Big long makeouts. It was like a triple date over 2 weeks.

    anyway after that she went cold, stood me up 3 times, but kept going out with friends. This pissed me off so I texted her strait out "we're not hanging out anymore?" "Why did you bail?"

    But she said she still wanted to hang out just not right now. So I preceded down the same road seeing her FB while she ignored me.

    so I figured just have to suck it up and go hang out with other girls because she is playing the unavailable unattainable card. But she is quitting her job so we can have more time together so I think she is buttering me up for a long term relationship rather than a fling which I tried to pull. I tried to go back to her house and was probably 10 seconds away but she bailed. Anyway she is not acting the way she did when she said she was thirsty so I am just going to look around for other chicks. Because she stood me up 3 times I am not asking her out again but still talking to her.

    I talked to her today and she still wants to quit her job for me (the idea came from us hanging out) so I know this is a fragile fragile thing but I cannot ask her out again or look needy. So I am just waiting for her to ask me out again or pursue me so my advice is to hit up other chicks sounds like my chick is turning me into a white knight but she doesn't know the ditching drives me into the arms of other women.

    I guess the reality is most women won't give it up unless you are in a relationship with them ie all
    the b.s. So when encountering the resistance I say keep them around but look elsewhere.

    i can't replace my chick cuz I got feelings for her and she hasn't broken up with me. I cannot think about another girl that way right now but I can still go out and screw around with no cares at all.
    When you let go of your feelings you can really then embrace your surroundings
    Love is a game that's why I don't worry about it anymore. When you let go of your feelings you find your meaning.
    -Capn_Jack

  2. #12
    Tyrone1991's Avatar
    Tyrone1991 is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Dilemma with Tinder girl - known for 2 weeks, 1 date, 1 flake - pursue?

    JackSarge, I like you are maintaining yourself by not looking needy, while being assertive and getting results.

    This Scares me though and I could be wrong:

    "But she is quitting her job so we can have more time together so I think she is buttering me up for a long term relationship rather than a fling which I tried to pull.""

    + Stood you up a few times.

    This seems like she is fishing, Keeping you on the hook but not reeling you in. Its more like, I will enjoy being single now and when im over it, I will date him. Its almost as if she is seeing if there is better out there first. If nothing happens, you are conveniently there on her hook when she needs you.

    I really hope this isn't the case, but you have to be careful, your time and your individuality are 1 of a kind, not something in bulk at Costco that you and people around you should be taking for granted.

    Saying that, you say you cant be emotionally engaged because of current women in your life so atleast emotionally you dont have to worry. But I think as you said, allow her to engage you and suggest it and that way you can use that time and energy getting the results you desire somewhere else until it happens.


    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.

  3. #13
    JackSarge's Avatar
    JackSarge is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Dilemma with Tinder girl - known for 2 weeks, 1 date, 1 flake - pursue?

    ^^Word up well said.

    Well I was on a down low when I posted that 4 days ago. Now I am on an emotional high. Partly because I said to myself "my love life will be okay" and partly because I found woman #2.

    It's hard when you have only one ace in the hole (I hate to say it but Oneitis was striking when I wrote that) saying I was emotionally unavailable was cuz of the Oneitis talking.

    But I snapped (don't hit the bars as much but I kill it every time) all my successes have come online surprisingly online thus year. So I got on Tinder (didn't get a match but creeped her IG) which was on her Tinder. I commented 1 thing and next morning she liked 4 of my pics. So I commented two more things and she inboxed me that I was a swag gent wanting "it" to go somewhere.

    We had a 5 hour convo the day we met. And I mean I was already damaged (the Oneitis of getting blown off by someone you care about) but I was not vocalizing it (being strong) but I was acting especially witty that day.

    So I let my wit, my cheekiness and my disappointment (in the form of rebounding and lack of concern) come out. I was talking to IG chick like how I wished things were and she acted this way.

    Either way the IG chick asked me out for drinks but she said this is not just about drinks that the bond we made is long-lasting and that we may be playing chess but she is playing for keeps.

    I merely told her I wanted the P but I was a little more commited about it saying I wanted to qoute hit it x10. I think most guys hit it X1 and quit it. This may have peaked her interest because she was posting about leaving to Cali and moving there but then we started talking and the IG chick says she understands my problems with women and she wants to fix them.

    She understands things about me and honors them. She makes my flaws look like beauty marks. Anyways she PM'd me at 5AM this morning telling me...

    I am stubborn AF (talking astrology) but that I had a big heart. She said you must have had your heart broken a lot. She said that her weekends were free (she asked me out so I told her my weekends I was avail)

    I told her yes I am stubborn AF she is great at figuring me out and I changed my tactics a lot because of all the heart break.

    She told I don't have to keep changing if I find the right one (subliminally referring to herself)


    This whole episode came from me "winging it" and at a time I was emotionally hurting by being told my main girl is qoute "too busy for me" you're right she has me hooked with all the promises that she made to me and now thinks it is okay to bail on me.

    So I moved on without moving on. I've got two aces in the hole. I'll report back on the date with the IG chick if it goes down. But crazy enough it happened right after I told myself I wouldn't be defeated by doubt and here comes this amazing woman who wants to know everything about me.
    When you let go of your feelings you can really then embrace your surroundings
    Love is a game that's why I don't worry about it anymore. When you let go of your feelings you find your meaning.
    -Capn_Jack

  4. #14
    LA.OC.Skater is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Dilemma with Tinder girl - known for 2 weeks, 1 date, 1 flake - pursue?

    Just a newbie opinion here. Be patient. Be Alpha. Show her you have value and are not needy. Show yourself you have value. Keep gaming. All of the stuff she is saying seems pretty solid. Be a Bad Ass. Do other stuff and wait. If you 2 were doing well, you will again. This does not sound like a deliberate test, but you have to believe she will be aware of how you are reacting. Chill out. Make the right moves.

  5. #15
    JackSarge's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dilemma with Tinder girl - known for 2 weeks, 1 date, 1 flake - pursue?

    Going NC is becoming more and more useful these days. I am not just saying NC I am saying...

    Going NC because texting everyday is freaking redudant and no chicks are gonna do that regurarly. You could say this is casual dating and there is definitely a fine line of them forgetting you but I think we are for the most part over-doing it on the contact part.

    We text and message them too often making ourselves appear too available.


    I've been training myself lately on this new theory. To just NC them constantly until they respond (if they are responding obviously I won't NC them)

    But eventually the convo dies out on her end no matter the chick.

    I guess my method is now just NC them till they get back to me.

    For example:
    One of the girls in my rotation I am friends with hit me up on St Paddy's asking to chill and wanting to do stuff with me asking me out. We hit it off out the gate with lots of contact and sexting, 3 dates back to back. But it broke off. She stopped responding and started ditching. So I stopped messaging and stopped asking her out (reading the signs).

    But we are still a "thing" she said she needs time so I am out getting at other chicks. Meanwhile she is on my NC list and my "no fly zone" essentially saying I will not ask her out again because of the ditching but making her ask me out again.

    While I work the Tinder girl into my rotation....

    You just gotta make yourself unavailable. I will be trying this with my new girls this year. I am doing this with the Tinder girl right now.

    Same thing with the Tinder girl:
    We hit it off and made a strong connection out the gate but she stopped responding yesterday so I backed off and stopped messaging her and currently got her on my NC list and "no fly zone" ultimately because she asked me out first so it would only be proper to have her follow through of her own accord. I am letting her come to me (The Tinder chick) because she asked me out me forcing the issue saying "Are we doing anything this weekend" makes me look weak and desperate where a girl I initiated of my own accord it wouldn't appear this way.

    I am not stuck here evaulating what I said or did with these girls worried if they delete me or anything similar I am thinking positive. They BOTH asked me out and I told the Tinder chick I am free on weekends (so there would be less drama than me asking her schedule) so just because the convo died out doesn't mean I hit rock bottom. I am still optimistically saying to myself "if she wants me she will contact me." "she knows I have the weekends so come the weekend she can ask me out".


    I am trying the whole blowing them off method with both my Facebook chick and my Instagram chick (but I found on Tinder) when they blow me off thing in combination with them pursuing me. Haven't asked for the Tinder chick's number. Why should I? She asked ME out. If she wants my number she will ask. They have asked before.

    We don't always have to be the ones that ask for the date, ask for the number, etc.

    I am making them lately ask for that stuff from me and earn it. And guess what when they contact me again they will be off the NC list but still in "no fly zone" because they both asked out it is their job to do the asking.
    Last edited by JackSarge; 05-25-2016 at 04:56 PM. Reason: Adjustments
    When you let go of your feelings you can really then embrace your surroundings
    Love is a game that's why I don't worry about it anymore. When you let go of your feelings you find your meaning.
    -Capn_Jack

  6. #16
    DwayneJ is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Dilemma with Tinder girl - known for 2 weeks, 1 date, 1 flake - pursue?

    I've been dating many, many girls online for awhile. I see these situations all the time. The girls act like they're very interested through texting before the first date and still seem interested during the first date. Then they say they're down to meet up again but never actually follow through. Then as a guy you ask yourself where you went wrong. The truth is it's not all your fault. Fault should be shared 50/50 between the guy and the girl.

    Girls, especially online don't value guys much. Even if it's the best guy they will ever get. They just get endless attention from guys, so they always think they can get a better guy even if it is statistically impossible because they can't reproduce for very long and in reality they should just be settling more often like how most guys these days do. Girls through my experience have shown themselves to be very indecisive and lie for excuses to why they can't meet up with you thinking they are being polite or nice.

    So what to do with this information about this Situation???
    Sure if you've convinced yourself that this girl is really awesome and you think it's worth investing your time into her you can follow the advice given above by others. It's good advice if You're really focused on targeting this one girl. It can drive you crazy however you play this long being patient game where you hardly give her ant attention and have her chase you. Keep in mind she might just find another guy during that time. That's always a risk. What ever strategy you follow will not guarantee you success with her but will increase your chances of success with her. Sometimes the girl is just retarded and you can't do anything to reason with her.

    Take your mind off the one girl while she might chase you just focus on getting a lot of other girls. When you get other girls you are naturally gonna be at least a little less interested into the one girl. There's a chance she will notice it and she will be more attracted to you because of it. A lot of these girls today are like narcissists and think they are perfect and awesome. When you all of the sudden show less interest their narcissistic brain goes nuts haha.

  7. #17
    LA.OC.Skater is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Dilemma with Tinder girl - known for 2 weeks, 1 date, 1 flake - pursue?

    Quote Originally Posted by DwayneJ View Post
    So what to do with this information about this Situation???
    KEEP ON GAMING!!! Don't show OneItis even if you HAVE OneItis. Women are freaks at detecting weakness. So don't show it. When you are gazing into her eyes, have a thought in the back of your mind: I can replace her in a week. Think about HER when you are with her. Think about, and pursue, all the others when you are not with HER.


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