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Thread: Dilemma with Tinder girl - known for 2 weeks, 1 date, 1 flake - pursue?

  1. #1
    derealwildone's Avatar
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    Default Dilemma with Tinder girl - known for 2 weeks, 1 date, 1 flake - pursue?

    Hello friends,

    I have been in contact with Tinder girl for a couple weeks now, and we have had great text conversations early, keeping her interested and happy about getting together. We chatted almost every day during that time. She is very busy with work lately and other stuff, but we got on a date last Sunday, and went quite well, she had that dreamy look by the end of it, unmistakable. Some slight Kino Escalation, kissed on cheeks before and when she left...I felt she was a great fit as well to get to know better to see how things went. You could tell she was very interested, and reiterated she had a great time, and we had planned a date for Saturday (last night) early on in the week. However, in trying to plan the time for Saturday on Thursday, she did not reply Friday, which was cool cause she had work and a party Friday night. I left it be Thursday saying I was looking to arrange a time Saturday when she knew.

    So Saturday morning, I get a text indicating that she was very sorry she had not gotten back yesterday, but it has been crazy busy, etc. She said that she had to cancel our date that night because she had to help her sister with her nephew, and she was very sorry and hope I understood. I responded with yeah, I understand, hope we can reschedule sometime.. she has not replied since, but has posted to Facebook a few times, so I know she had been online, including today, where she has obviously has been redoing her room/apartment. I have left her alone with the texting, etc to show I am giving her space.

    So where should I go from here? We got along great and person and on text, and I feel there is interest to some degree on her side, but I think I need to kind of boost attraction here and drive home that I am not going to wait around while she does stuff on Facebook, but will not get back to me, all without coming across as a dick or needy...

    Blast away, boys. Be as open and honest as you wish, I can take it.

    Thanks,

    derealwildone.

  2. #2
    derealwildone's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dilemma with Tinder girl - known for 2 weeks, 1 date, 1 flake - pursue?

    UPDATE: So I sent her a text, teasing her a bit about being abducted by aliens (an earlier joke we shared), and that I thought she was cool, and we had a sweet vibe but to let me know when she had some open time to hang out again.. She responded, and said she was abducted by these two (sends me pic of her sister and nephew) and says that she stated that hanging out again would be nice, and she has a premiere at work but she will let me know. Would still like to know how to continue and build the attraction to keep things rolling the right way, but at least I have not been blown out of the water or anything. Again, any pointers would be helpful. Thanks again, fellas...

  3. #3
    Jironasaurus is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Dilemma with Tinder girl - known for 2 weeks, 1 date, 1 flake - pursue?

    You actually don't have to "drive home" the fact that you are not going to wait around for her. You should be living your life as per normal, and she can see it for herself. The only reason you wish to do that, is because you want her to come chasing. Don't play tricks like that. She's not stupid, so if she sees right through it, you pretty much end up screwing yourself.

    In my opinion, you seem to be doing fine. You just need to be patient. That being said, state a time and date for her. Be proactive. Doing so allows you to determine when the date will be, instead of leaving it hanging in the air going nowhere.

    Lastly, continue the texting as per normal. She likes you, she will want your texts. Just don't be boring.

  4. #4
    derealwildone's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dilemma with Tinder girl - known for 2 weeks, 1 date, 1 flake - pursue?

    Just another status for those following along, so after the last update (Sunday), I told her after speaking for a bit, and then stating I had stuff to do after a couple of exchanges and saying good night, remembering the all important rule about not giving too much attention to them with a night of texting, I was nicely rewarded with a follow up text the next night, asking how I was doing, and we chatted for a while. She mentioned in conversation she is slammed at work and overwhelmed, will be for a couple of weeks until her premiere tomorrow night is done, and her important board meetings the following week. I have to assume she is telling me this as a subtle clue that she is just too caught up with work and everything to hang out. I ignored the comment and talked about other stuff, and we left it like that, have not spoken since.

    So, what I think I should do is after the premiere tomorrow night (so Friday) sometime, get back to her, ask how it went, so on and so forth, and push for an evening out this weekend to celebrate and go do something fun... but the stupid AFC in me wants to chill and wait to see if she comes to be after all this rukus is over based on her subtle comment about being overwhelmed and afraid I might push her off again. Advice from the peanut gallery? .

    Thanks,
    derealwildone.

  5. #5
    Hands is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Dilemma with Tinder girl - known for 2 weeks, 1 date, 1 flake - pursue?

    I think you have it a little back wards man, you wanting to push things farther forward while she obviously withdrew seems to me like an AFC move because it shows how impatient you are, and telegraphs your higher interest level in her, while waiting and letting her come to you seems like the right thing to do because its patient, and lets her demonstrate her interest in you. She knows you are interested in her already, so the more you chase the more you give her frame control.

    Just my two cents.

  6. #6
    derealwildone's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dilemma with Tinder girl - known for 2 weeks, 1 date, 1 flake - pursue?

    Yeah, I just realized I wrote that backwards, I meant to say the AFC thing would be to would be to chase, rather than the right PUA move would be to just back off and let her come if her interested again. And that's what I have come to the conclusion I am going to do... I think its 50/50 either way based on what I see, so let the chips fall where they may.

    Thanks.

  7. #7
    Hands is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Dilemma with Tinder girl - known for 2 weeks, 1 date, 1 flake - pursue?

    You don't have to leave it completely up to luck, give it a few days, up to a week then test the water, you just can't go rapid fire with displays of interest. You haven't messed up, so its just a waiting game. Two steps forward, one step back. Find some other girl to occupy your time while you're waiting. My game is solid(most of the time) when I have at least two girls to split my time between, even if I have no plans to get together with one of them.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Dilemma with Tinder girl - known for 2 weeks, 1 date, 1 flake - pursue?

    I will leave you 2 tips for all scenarios in life that will take sometime but you will need to learn them, and you will to get the results.

    1. Close quicker. 3 weeks of messaging although it got you the date (good work by the way) was a long time, focus on building attraction faster so you can close faster.

    a. If all the sifgnals are right on the first date with the ioi's the look in her eye, and the Kino Response. Kiss her. If you kiss a girl in a dating situation that is a serious thing to her. This sin't just sexual attraction we are talking about, you were on a dating site, you took her out and by that she is looking for a relationship. If the look in her eyes you described occured. Then you are ticking boxes, Mentally, Emotionally and Physically. She wants you to Kiss her, She wont tell you because she has to appear like a decent worthy datable partner and not a slut. So you have to identify it. Then K-Close. But if you dont Kiss her, she attracted to you will be like why didnt he kiss me, is he not interested?, is he gay?, is there something wrong with me?, is he a pussy?, calling her friends, writing in her diary, then by friday the next week after this whole process of thinking. Her defenses (pride) are up, you may have had a great time at the date, but the last 5 days of insecurity are associated with you. Then she goes out Friday to a party, she gets given attention, her confidence is back up but still remembers and associates the last week of how she felt with you.

    1b. If you dont Kiss her for whatever reason, you need to establish your intentions. one way or another. Saying things like " I had such a great time with you, The dating rules say I get to kiss you on the second right ;p" (this indicates that you are very interested. But dont bother getting to this point just kiss when you can) look up information of signs she wants to kiss you for the future indicators.

    2. Don't be so nice, Don't over invest to early.

    By the time it got to the point were you said this "I responded with yeah, I understand, hope we can reschedule sometime.. s" She has had a pretty interesting week with how she feels about you, alot of ups and downs mostly downs.

    Then She didn't ask how you were, She just apologized for inconveniencing you so that "hope we can reschedule sometime" was giving her the power because she didn't care how you were and you asked to reschedule. At this point before this happens, its best to just respond "Positively and briefly" - by saying something like " Hey, yeah that is all good, Speak soon." - letting her know you dont really care (not to hurt her but just to save face), and then because you have facebook, you go out doing the things you enjoy & post it on facebook (not to hurt her, but to show her you have a life and its fun). While not talking to her. Just to give her the space until its a new week like tuesday and she will either:

    Not do anything and you will either establish she isn't interested and never talk to her again, or you will message her.

    Or she will miss the messages, avoid what you last said and say "Hey, how was your weekend?" or something to start the conversation. Which is your chance to back off refresh and start again. or Over invest and strike out.

    Hope this benefits your future success.
    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.

  9. #9
    Jironasaurus is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Dilemma with Tinder girl - known for 2 weeks, 1 date, 1 flake - pursue?

    Quote Originally Posted by derealwildone View Post

    So, what I think I should do is after the premiere tomorrow night (so Friday) sometime, get back to her, ask how it went, so on and so forth, and push for an evening out this weekend to celebrate and go do something fun... but the stupid AFC in me wants to chill and wait to see if she comes to be after all this rukus is over based on her subtle comment about being overwhelmed and afraid I might push her off again. Advice from the peanut gallery? .

    Thanks,
    derealwildone.
    Message her when it's done.

    Don't play games, don't wait, don't do the whole "I'll see her response blah".

    You're a man. Lead strong, not half hearted, nor reactive. You want this? Put a little chase into it. Stop only when you start to feel like you are doing too much.

  10. #10
    Hands is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Dilemma with Tinder girl - known for 2 weeks, 1 date, 1 flake - pursue?

    This is why I love this forum! There are so many different view points, and approaches!
    Since there are opposing view points here I'm going to offer the OP a different piece of advice that I recently discovered.

    It’s called the celery test.
    It’s as if you go to a dinner party and someone says to you, “You know what you need in your business? Oreo cookies. If you’re not implementing Oreo cookies in your business, I’m telling you, you’re leaving money on the table.”
    Somebody else tells you: “Rice milk. In this economy? You have to be using rice milk.” Somebody else says to you: “M&Ms. We used M&Ms in our business, and we made millions! Facebook uses M&Ms. You’ve gotta do it.”
    Somebody else says to you, “Celery. It’s all about celery.”
    So what do you do? Which one do you follow? Which item do you buy? It’s all perfectly good advice from perfectly good people with perfectly good evidence. Which products do you buy? So we go to the supermarket and we buy them all. We buy celery and rice milk and Oreos and M&Ms. You may or may not get value out of all of these products, there’s no guarantee. You spend a lot of time at the supermarket, you spend a lot of money at the supermarket, and worse, when you’re standing in line in the supermarket with all of your products in your arms, your celery, your rice milk, your Oreos, your M&Ms, nobody can see what you believe. Because what you bought didn’t necessarily correspond to anything you believe.
    Nobody can see what you believe. So people will walk past you and ignore you. Imagine if you knew your Why. Imagine if your Why was clear. Imagine if your Why was to always be healthy and only do things that protect the integrity of your body.
    You will get all the same advice from all of the exact same smart people. The difference is, when you go to the supermarket, you’re only going to buy celery and rice milk. Those are the only two products that make sense. Right? You’re guaranteed to get value out of those products. You spend less time at the supermarket, you spend less money at the supermarket, so there’s an efficiency play, and when you’re standing in line at the supermarket holding your celery and holding your rice milk, everyone can see what you believe.
    Authenticity, right?

    So somebody walking past can see, just by looking at your celery and your rice milk, they can look at you and say, “Hey, you’re healthy, you believe in being healthy? Me too.” Congratulations, you just attracted a customer, you just attracted a referral, an employee, an article, a blog, buzz.
    Somebody says, “Hey, can you give some advice to me?” You just created that sense of cause in somebody else, simply because you said and did the things you actually believe.
    Here’s the best part: as soon as I said the Why, before I even said we’re going to buy celery and rice milk only, as soon as I said the Why “to be healthy,” every single person listening to this knew we were only going to buy celery and rice milk before I said it. That’s called “scale.”
    The more you talk about why you do what you do, those who work with you, those who work for you, those who work around you all know what you need and what the right decisions are, not because they’re trusting your gut, and not because you laid out some set of criteria. It’s because they know why you do what you do, and there are some decisions that are just obvious. They either make sense, or they don’t.
    And that’s the power of Why. It is absolutely scalable.

    Go with which ever approach that speaks to your cause man. I enjoy both indrect, and Direct Game so depending on the situation I would do either.


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