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  • 1 Post By prjav

Thread: LTR-type new relationship going cold and distant

  1. #1
    attraxion Guest

    Default LTR-type new relationship going cold and distant

    Hey guys,

    So I met this girl from another college in my university about 25 days ago, and things happened fast. I played it cool and cocky, and she was totally into me, coming up with pretexts to meet me on campus. Then she called me to her house two times, 2 weeks ago, and we made out. But she has intimacy issues and possibly sees me as an LTR so no sex. I didn't push it either. I want her for an LTR too. She kept kissing me and saying "I am not ready for a relationship", and I kept saying "but I haven't asked you for a relationship".

    Then she went out of town for 5 days for a conference, and came back last Tuesday. I was kinda expecting her to behave like a girlfriend (call me up and all that) but she didn't. I still played it cool and waited to see how she will react when she comes back.

    Tuesday:
    She was totally into me as soon as she came back, made plans to meet. We met on campus so not much intimacy but she hugged and kissed me many times, kept sending me texts all day.

    Wednesday:
    She asked me to come to a lecture she was delivering, and take some pictures. I went, but wasn't in the mood to play cameraman, so just took some pics from my seat. She got disappointed after that and sent me an email "I am sad blah blah, but don't worry". I apologized for the pictures, and asked her to meet me tomorrow, she said she can only meet for half an hour.

    Thursday:
    We made plans to meet at 7 PM and she said she had to talk to a professor before that. I kept waiting until 7:25 until I finally lost my cool and started walking back home. She called me at around 7:30 and I yelled at her "my time has value blah blah". She immediately hung up the phone. That's when I got super needy and called her around 20 times. She didn't pick up. Later she called me and said she was not okay with my behavior, and she thinks that we became too close too soon, so she would like to trivialize the relationship. I tried to explain once or twice, then I said okay, do whatever you want, I understand your decision. When I said this she cooled down and started saying "we will come out of this, it's a matter of time".

    (We had a ball at school on Friday which I had invited her to, and she had been super excited about that). Then she asked me "what about tomorrow evening" and I said "do whatever you like" and she said she would like to come. I played the hurt-cool guy.

    Friday:
    In the morning she texted me she'd like to join me, and again "we will come out of this, you are a good guy, I am not, sorry". I took her to the ball and she was all over me again. I was playing cocky-funny to regain my value, almost being mean to her. I left her alone many times in the ball to see if she wants to hang around with me or just wanted to come to the party. She always came back to me, hung around with me, acted like my girlfriend. In the night we kissed and everything seemed to be fine again. Late night she puts up a romantic song on facebook and says "I feel like this". So I thought she's undergoing something she calls love for me.

    Saturday:
    A friend of hers had organized a birthday party for her (her bday had been a few days ago). Since we're still new, it seems to me that she doesn't want to advertise our relationship in front of all school people. She didn't interact with me much, but kissed me when I asked for it. I started talking about a girl I had gone out with in the afternoon, and she seemed jealous. Then she started jealousy tracks of her own. She massively flirted with all guys at the party, danced with all of them, and when she danced with me she was very uncomfortable. However, all the time she was looking at me to check out how I react (so I am sure it was jealousy and not interest in other guys). Whenever I started talking to other girls, she came around and held my hand etc.

    At the end of the night, she kissed me and said "thanks for being there, and thanks for handling my moods". I continued playing cocky and cool, but I was super needy from inside.

    Sunday:
    Whole day I kept feeling needy and she didn't contact, so finally I called her at 5 PM and asked if she wanted to grab dinner. This was the first time I had suggested a traditional date, and she immediately said no. I kept trying to talk but she was annoyed and almost rude to me. Then I hung up. In the night she called me again and talked for half an hour, both of us talked almost professionally about school work etc., not a single romantic conversation.

    Monday:
    No calls or texts for the whole day. She sent me a little message on facebook in Romanian (her native language), and said "don't try to translate it". It was just a harmless joke, though, when I found out what it meant.

    Tuesday:
    I chat her up on facebook and she's very distant again, I told her she sent me a rude message in Romanian, and she's like "no its not rude blah blah. But believe what you like". Then I said "okay I will" and she didn't respond.

    All the while she's been rude to me or trying to make me jealous, she's also been posting romantic stuff on facebook, which is what makes me think she's Sh1t-testing me just before a final close. Am I being overly optimistic?

    What do you guys think? Is she freezing me out or geniunely losing interest? In either case, what should I do? Should I freeze her out 'badly' for a few days, or try and ask her out to see if she will come?

    Also, there's another girl in her social circle who has been making advances to me. Should I go out with her, while I'm sure that the main girl would come to know? Will it enhance attraction or kill the "love" she might be feeling?

    Thanks for reading this long post. I know I have done a lot of AFC-ish stuff, but I'd appreciate advice for the future more.

    Best,
    R.

  2. #2
    crobinson1 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: LTR-type new relationship going cold and distant

    ok well some of these thinga are way too AFC for my taste. Everyone messes up but you know to stay calm cool and collected. You never yell at a girl your not dating. It ruins the mood. When you stay calm and tell her youe time has value and that was totally fucked up, she will respond and feel worse rather than just get mad and hang up. Fix the anger issues.

    YOu need to get a few girls just to talk to and keep you busy, so if your ever feeling needy or anything text them so your not blowing up her phone and letting her know your needy. Bad move, if you ever feeling needy go do something or talk to other girls, it helps it really does. Most guy go through that phase of learning to overcome their AFC ways and just not feel needy. For now just try to control it.

    Next, you need to always stay calm and think, you even told us that your game is stronger when you think, tester her, having her mirror you and all that. thats good but just make sure to keep thinking and ur natural game will just come out.

    Next, you have already met her in person and got her addicted to you. dont use facebook with her. when you do that, she gets her fix of talking to you and doesnt feel like meeting you in person. The quote"the mind craves what the body cannot obtain" is always true. let her keep thinking about you. She obviously responds to something like this cause you kept leaving her by herself at the ball and she kept coming back, if you want to make her go crazy just send her texts or something making her laugh or letting her know your thinking about her. Make a warm kind of energy and make it feel normal and not relationship kind of "oh hunny i was thinking about you and miss you." make it more like "omg i just say one of the funniest things and it just reminded me of you. hows your day" when she responds, keep it short and dont usually tell her what it is. it will make her think about you and want to see you.

    Finally, ok well this chick seems a little wierd. One day she is wanting you, the next trying to push you away. One way to fix that is give her kind of what she wants. Dont give off the relationship vibe. Just have fun and fool around. She showed she didnt want a relationship ,persay, when she wasnt intimate around her friends. So first you just have to keep having fun and keep intensifying that love feeling with her and then she will just want you period. So keep being funny, cocky, and all that and she will just keep falling farther and farther into you. She wants a relationship but right now she doesnt feel its right. She wants to be with you when she says "we will get through this" she is already treating you like a boyfriend. Just run with it sometimes. Just be like "i know we will, we arent dating we just had a rough night, ill be happy to see you tomorrow and blah blah blah.

    Keep it up, she is into you just try to get rid of the relationship vibe and just have fun. she is falling, keep letting her.

  3. #3
    prjav's Avatar
    prjav is offline Official PUA Forums Moderator
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    Default Re: LTR-type new relationship going cold and distant

    damn that was a long post. i love tough love and you my friend are going to get a dose of it. DONT GET OFFENDED by anything but take the time to understand the message in it.

    If i was in that situation i would avoid that girl and cut the connection. why? because shes moody, doesnt know how to control herself, sounds insecure, immature and a drama queen. Dont get too proud of you cause you are kind of a drama queen too. what ive told everyone that asks for advice is keep your cool, grow a thick skin and dont be a fucking pussy.

    Yes ive fallen to it too, what i do is i go to the backof my house where we have a heavy bag hanged there and i usually get like a butterfly stomach when i feel shitty like that and i punch the shit out of it until i feel better and i usually feel better very fast. Yes its wrong to discharge my bad feelings with violence but it works. Im algo getting numb er, when shitty girl problems arise im less of a pussy each time. hopefully ill reach 0% pussyness soon.

    when you meet a girl and you immediately think "i can have a relationship with her" you have doomed that from the beggining. You cant idealize what a girl represents until shit happens. You cant cross the river until you are standing at the shore. Next time you will think " lets see what happens" Nothing more. Hell if you can block any relationship thinking its better.

    the trick for not being needy is have more women to hang out with. If you have only one woman you will have a lot of time for her and you will come off as needy. if you have many girls you will have lots to do and you may forget about some of the lesser girls in your life and that may trigger their attraction towards you which will mean more pussy for you to eat.

    why would you use jealousy on a girls you pretty much have already? jealousy is something you want out of your life as soon as you start dating. that shit will rotten your interactions with her. I believe in using it to trigger initial attraction but you have to drop it immediately after you achieved what you want.

    that girl is a head case so good luck with that. what you need in your life is a mentally sane and healthy girl thats physically attractive.

    BTW most girls are a head case, finding the goods ones is the hard part.

  4. #4
    attraxion Guest

    Default Re: LTR-type new relationship going cold and distant

    Thanks so much for your replies, crobinson1 and prjav. I appreciate the honest feedback, I've been too AFC and I wanna correct that.

    I know this girl is a head case - she has intimacy issues and a whole lot of feminist crap in her head ("I have to study and work, I can't handle complications in life"). But when she was into me, her actions were the opposite. So I still believe she is 'gameable', and I don't wanna give up without being sure. However, I will try to GFTOW on the side to feel less needy.

    However, prjav, we're in a campus setting so my GFTOWing might get back to her, and open jealousy again. How do I deal with that? Will it serve to kill whatever attraction she still has?

    You're right, crobinson1, texts are a great way to keep pushing the game playfully. That's exactly what I was doing the first three weeks. But since the last Wednesday, her texts are disabled for some reason and she can't get/send any. This is part of what makes me needy and call / facebook her.

    So I'm thinking - I'll give her a massive Freeze Out, not talk on facebook at all (not even respond if she does), and wait for her call. If she calls, talk for a short time and ask to meet. If she says no, politely end the call. Rinse and repeat until she meets.

    Sound good? How can I make this plan better? You guys are awesome, please keep coming up with advice. Thanks a lot.

  5. #5
    crobinson1 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: LTR-type new relationship going cold and distant

    well yeah once she starts calling she will keep thinking about you. And since her test are disabled. facebook her but do the same as text. do a wuick chat im and then end it, keep her wanting more. make her laugh and then when she starts being all romantic dont feed her anything. Makeout but once she starts to get into that love feeling just stay the way you are or even politely tease her. Like omg i know, that guy was pretty dreamy, i think i might love him also. she seems to find you attractive and doesnt want to give in. you just need to reassure her that you guys are going to just have fun and if things happen they will if not that your sure you both will go about your lives and ur sure you will both do just fine. just dont be needy and u dont need much advice, your doing just fine. no lie, just stay calm and stop with the AFC stuff, think a little before you act or say something.

  6. #6
    attraxion Guest

    Default Re: LTR-type new relationship going cold and distant

    Thanks so much, crobinson1, I really have some sort of one-itis so it's hard to control my mind, but your replies have helped. I'm taking it totally cool, not contacting her at all for a while, let's see what happens. And I'm also looking at other chicks to game.

    Will keep you updated on this one!

  7. #7
    crobinson1 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: LTR-type new relationship going cold and distant

    without a doubt. even if u just get some girls to talk to just cause there fun and can keep you occupied do it. dont give in and think, ok well i can text and make it work. no some of the best in the game couldnt even do that. keep ur space and do whatever to keep busy. I have had the same thing lately and its not cause i want the girl, its cause im fucking bored..so i find myself texting more than i should, so now i have been opening and trying to Number Close with every girl that i want to talk to, i need to stop from texting these girls.


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