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  • 1 Post By JackSarge

Thread: Critique my tinder conversation. What should I improve

  1. #1
    Bigbaz is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Critique my tinder conversation. What should I improve

    So this is the story of my life; Match with girl on tinder, chat, get number, message, try to set up a meet up which is where I usually run into problems. The girl either says shes busy, makes a random excuse or the conversation just dies out.

    Seeing as this as happened more than once I've gone over several of my messages and I think the problem is that i'm not building enough attraction. I've included a sample message of a conversation that just recently happened. What could I have done better, what should I do so this doesn't happen..I'll love to hear what you guys think, don't hold back.


    Convo
    Me: Serious question...your top in the second pic, is it white and gold or blue and black? (in reference to one of her pictures)
    Her: Haha
    Her: Good question (She sent this 2hrs after her previous reply)
    Me: Don't let the fame change you when you go viral and everyone is trying to take pictures of you in the dress, remember we made this happen together haha
    Her: lol i'll try not to
    Me: Try...You would have moved to Hollywood and left me here haha
    Her: I would never
    Me: I believe you..you seem like the kind of girl who values personal relationships especially when it involves family...that's awesome (cold read based on her pictures)
    Her:I do, very important to me
    Me: If you're wondering how I could tell, your eyes gave you away
    Her: What about my eyes tells you that?
    Me: Hmm you're asking me to reveal my trade secret
    Her: Haha
    Her: I guess I am
    Me: Ahh must resist temptation..how about you tell me something about yourself first
    Her: I'm in doing *** in school, I love it!! umm I like sports, I love my friends and family, my most the most
    Me: oh yea the picture with your mum says a thousands word
    Her: Yeah she's my world!
    Me: Thats sweet! You're fun to talk to..i think we can graduate from tinder to something like text, what do you think?
    Her Yes for sure..***

    Text
    Me: Hey! How's your Monday going -My Name
    Her: Going pretty good, how about you?
    Me: Trying not to get infected with the Monday blues, don't know how much longer I can last
    Her: Aww, keep up the positive vibees! Where do you work
    Me: I'll tell you if you come help me fend it off. My strength is weakening.
    Her: Haha you can do it, I'm sure your day is almost done
    Me: Your positive vibes is going to keep me going..are you done for the day
    Her: yes i am lol thank goodness lol
    Me: trying to make me jealous haha..what're you up to for the rest of the day
    Her: going home to see my niece, you'll be off work before you know it sure
    Me: they'll be excited to see you
    Her: she was excited to see me!!
    Me: whatever you did to her you'll have to do the same when we meet so I get excited as she was
    Her: Haha she loves her aunt
    Me: Shes family so I'm at a disadvantage there haha..I like getting exited though, what day are you free this week we should meet up
    Her: I think you are
    Her: I'm pretty busy so I will have to let you know (this was sent 8 hours after the previous text)
    Me: You should think about it then do it.. I've heard things about her job, tell me the rumors aren't true (I think this is where I messed up cause the next couple exchanges are about places she's worked at)
    Her: haha what kind of things did you hear and i'll let you know if they are true haha
    Me: Don't make me think of it again after suppressing it..it's a positive sign that you can laugh at it though, means you're coping well haha
    Her: lol
    Me: does this mean you no longer work at *****. I feel betrayed :P lol
    Her: haha why do you say that
    Me: I can't get my donut fix from you if you no longer work there
    Her: haha how'd you know I worked there or stopped working there
    Me: Don't freak out..i'm a part time psychic
    Her: oh nice
    Me: it also says so on your bio
    Her: oh yeah haha
    Me: Working at *** and *** at the same time..that's some superhuman level stamina you've got haha
    Her: I don't really work at *** anymore but i'm a ** and also working at ***
    Me: If you could only do one which one would it be
    Her: N
    Me: Haha nothing's getting between you and your undying love for nursing
    Her: Nope it is not! You still haven't told me where you work
    Me: Hmm you have a good memory, bet that comes in handy when you do your job
    Me: anyway I do xyz for a abc company so basically *described my job in funny layman term* (looking back I think I should have said something like I'll you that over drinks or something like that)

    She hasn't responded since then. What can I say to re-engage here (the last message was sent on Wednesday) and set a meet up or is this another number down the drain. More importantly where do you think it went wrong? How can I reduce the chances of it happening again.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Critique my tinder conversation. What should I improve

    You're soooo close...
    Definitely on the right track.

    The problems are that you tend to make a fun comment, then go beta by following with a chump question in the same text.
    (Like asking her what she's doing, or giving her too much credit for your good mood.)

    That gives the impression that your confidence may not be quite there yet.

    You also kept things too "fluffy fun" & didn't progress when she was showing interest by continuing to stay engaged in the convos for a bit.

    If she's in nursing school (or already a nurse) then you HAVE TO step up your game.
    Nurses are SMART & some of the most alpha females in the world.
    (I know this because my fiancee is a nurse)

    Smart girls are attracted to smart, fun, confident guys.

    The key is to NOT get into too much talk about life/work before you meet up.
    Instead, keep it fun, but steer things to a potential sexual level before you try to set up a "date".

    Girl will ALWAYS say "yes" when the attraction level is there.
    Flirting builds attraction... and alpha confidence seals the deal.



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  3. #3
    Bigbaz is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Critique my tinder conversation. What should I improve

    Quote Originally Posted by T-Mal View Post
    You're soooo close...
    Definitely on the right track.
    Thanks. I've come a long way since I decided to stop being a boring texter.

    Quote Originally Posted by T-Mal View Post
    The problems are that you tend to make a fun comment, then go beta by following with a chump question in the same text.
    (Like asking her what she's doing, or giving her too much credit for your good mood.)
    I agree with that. Sometimes I get caught up in making girls laugh. My reasoning for asking her what she was doing was trying to keep the convo going when asking her what she was doing. Should I have taken that opportunity to leave the "Fluff talk zone"?

    Quote Originally Posted by T-Mal View Post
    You also kept things too "fluffy fun" & didn't progress when she was showing interest by continuing to stay engaged in the convos for a bit.
    That's one of the problems I'm having, leaving the fluffy fun talk and steering the convo to a potential sexual level. I can see it happening but don't know how to stop it.

    Quote Originally Posted by T-Mal View Post
    If she's in nursing school (or already a nurse) then you HAVE TO step up your game.
    Nurses are SMART & some of the most alpha females in the world.
    (I know this because my fiancee is a nurse)
    Yes, she's in Nursing school. Is there any way to re-ignite the conversation without sounding needy or do I just chalk this up as experience for now then maybe message her in a couple weeks?

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Critique my tinder conversation. What should I improve

    There's ALWAYS a way to get another shot.
    It's just a matter of how a guy handles it & what he does with it.


    Nurses are pretty much in charge in a lot of cases. (especially if they're "circulating" in an Operating room environment.)

    They need a man who can take the lead & be in charge, because they get tired of having that responsibility.
    So, don't be afraid to take charge & make the call & put plans together.
    Don't be afraid to flirt & escalate, whether it's in person or over text / phone.

    (Just be classy about it & make it fun...)


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  5. #5
    Jironasaurus is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Critique my tinder conversation. What should I improve

    Just gonna do an overall critique of what I feel are issues with your messages (meaning, both online messages and texting itself).

    Your problem started right from the beginning.

    She already wasn't all that interested despite giving you her number. She was open to seeing where you might lead the interaction, but sadly, you failed in the texting bit.

    Because your start was weak, and lacking a strong good momentum, it led to the non response.

    Take a step back if you can, and read the whole thing again. It's very placid. Notice how there isn't really much of a commitment from her. It's as if she's just responding out of courtesy. Not a lost cause at this point, if you continue down the same fashion, you'll lose her eventually.

    So... overall, I'd say you lack the fun, chemistry, and authenticity.

    With the fun, you're basically shooting the shit in a slow-burning way, which is why she is still not contributing back as much as she should be at this point. You gotta up the ante here; more of your wit and humour on display, basically.

    Chemistry... it's obvious. You both don't talk like old friends, or potential lovers who are interested in finding out more about each other. This is important to note, because it is this reason why she's not saying yes to your date. Instead, she gives you an answer that's neither here or there (basically, her response is as good as "try harder, buddy"). A good way to go about doing that is to talk about your beliefs system, as well as your core values... which leads to what I am about to say below.

    As for authenticity, you're putting a lot of the focus in your texts on her, and she's not biting for the most part. That also creates another problem, because you're not showing enough of yourself to her. This lack of a solid mental image about you doesn't create any trust or comfort, and it also subtly implies that you aren't leading the conversation by showing her yourself first.

    So now, to answer your last question... what can you do from here?

    Personally, I'd re-engage as if she were a stranger who received my first text. Treat it as if she's still not interested in you, and work your way up. Do that by showing her more of you. Look out for opportunities to showcase who you are, do less of the whole 2-niverse thing for a start. Wait till she bites the bait first at least. Most importantly, have fun while texting as well.

  6. #6
    Bigbaz is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Critique my tinder conversation. What should I improve

    Thanks for the feedback..Guess I have to rethink my entire understanding of "creating fun".

  7. #7
    Jironasaurus is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Critique my tinder conversation. What should I improve

    The problem with your "fun texts" were that it was too much about "you and her", or too much about her. I'll just pull a few examples, but I hope you can see where I am coming from. Not that it's bad... you just need more refinement.

    Here are some:

    Don't let the fame change you when you go viral and everyone is trying to take pictures of you in the dress, remember we made this happen together haha

    Try...You would have moved to Hollywood and left me here haha

    whatever you did to her you'll have to do the same when we meet so I get excited as she was

    Working at *** and *** at the same time..that's some superhuman level stamina you've got haha
    Essentially, you placed too much importance on her. Where is the part where you showed who you are instead? If you want her to like you, she has to know who you are.

  8. #8
    JackSarge's Avatar
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    Default Re: Critique my tinder conversation. What should I improve

    Would like to chime in. Sorry if it is a dead egg but maybe this will give you courage to re-engage. Don't know where you are with this girl but first off all

    STOP
    Use pandora's box and play to the mood. First off I don't think this chick will go on a date with you for several reasons (correct me if I am wrong) one you fellas must realize is the dating game has changed.

    Second stop being so entertaining. You can do better. My methods have changed over time and I use to love rapid fire messaging like this but it is a sinking ship that easily spirals out of control. If she is responding quickly eventually it will stop.

    What they said about PUA is true. You are the prize but working on yourself is important. First off stop being a clinger. I don't chase girls anymore brah my game has platinumed way beyond simple asking chicks on dates. Now they ask me out. Now they ask for my phone number. Now they ask for my compliance. Because I make them. I realize guys are a barrage of constant bore as MM would call it as we keep asking the same questions and expecting different results. I am already going places with Pandora's Box and you can to.

    Simple rule of Pandora is ask questions.
    The secret to getting beautiful women is not in a book. The secret is become successful in life and women will want you period.
    Lastly stop trying to force the date and let the conversation go wherever it wants.

    The most success I have with women nowadays is avoiding trying to date them and instead focusing on getting to know them. This helps me stand out. It forces them to ask me out because they sense I don't need them.

    The minute you like a girl and she knows it she can reject you like the plague and feel totally vindicated but when you only focus only your own pleasure you will open Pandora's Box and find the world is yours and she cannot control your reality. It is a power struggle so as the male dominant ones we must be the risk takers

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to JackSarge For This Useful Post:

    Xavier92 (10-16-2016)

  10. #9
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    Default Re: Critique my tinder conversation. What should I improve

    Lastly don't go out and buy pandora's box just ask me and I'll try to help you out

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to JackSarge For This Useful Post:

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