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  1. #1
    Captain Guest

    Default Getting back with my long distance ex

    Hey Lads,
    i got probably an old question for this but my situation is weird. I'm a reasonably good PUA, high score recently hit 50, so after some break up whoring around I'm sure that i want this girl back. around 18 months ago i met a girl who was studying abroad here in Ireland while she was studying abroad. when she went home last june we stayed in contact and did the whole skype thing. last christmas she came back for a week. i was back in college so couldn't afford to come over to see her until just about now. while she was here she asked to be a couple and i said i think its best if we leave it undefined. about a month before we broke up when she moved back to Jersey after graduating from college things started getting a bit weird and it was obvious she had started seeing someone else. in theory this shouldn't be a big deal as i was seeing other girls during this time as well. any way i confronted her on it and we basically splint in really undefined terms. we had a few e-mails after that where i poured my heart out to her (mistake i know) then about a week ago i sent her an email saying its probably a good thing we broke up and that its for the best for both of us in the long run etc. a week later we skyped again for the first time since breaking up 3 weeks ago and it was very normal. we didn't talk about "us" just about other things and it went well. at the end she said she was feeling sick and wanted to lie down, probably an excuse for the conversation tapering out.

    I'm unsure where to go from here I'm thinking of going to NJ in September (i'm from there originally so its not inconceivable that i'd go there) and hoping to meet up then. am i waiting to long? not long enough. how should i play my contact with her from then on.

  2. #2
    Androkles Guest

    Default Re: Getting back with my long distance ex

    Id say her interest level in you has been on a constant plummet due to the fact that you have showed exceptionally weak character in your constant change of opinion towards her and the relationship. You really showed no consistency in your lifestyle, behavior, or mind when you pour your heart out one week, and tell her its cool the next. One of the things I believe is a very large factor in attraction, which is congruency, you have completely abolished.

    While I realize what I have just said is very harsh, Id like to say if you have hit 50 women you must have a good basis and I would like to believe that every aspect of your lifestyle (and game) is great, if not exceptional, except for your congruency. Congruency is simply the idea of staying consistent, or permanent in your lifestyle or reality. No women wants a guy who can change behavior (like your change in attraction), so quickly, because it means you could also change many aspects of your life just as fast. I'm going to assume that your confident and fun, but if your feelings towards her and the relationship and her can change so quickly, cant your confidence and ability to be fun just as quickly slip?

    You scared this girl, and really have made her doubt you at your core. Since you showed you can change so quickly every part of your personality seems impermanent and weak. If you want the girl back, you show you can be congruent and consistent. Don't flip flop like a fish out of water when you want something, and if your gonna flip flop all the time, perhaps don't reveal it to her and keep it a mystery.

    I wish you the best of luck, if you get the girl back, which I have no doubt will have to be done through proving congruency, I applaud you. If you do not get her back, I hope this serves to you as a lesson, and you truly cherish it. Failure teaches, success merely praises.

  3. #3
    Captain Guest

    Default Re: Getting back with my long distance ex

    so we had another talk tonight. this time on skype chat. when we first broke up i unfriended her on facebook to make it so i wouldn't get drunk and FB message her. but after our last conversation i decided it was kind of a dumb move so i added her back. she then sent me a skype message saying thanks for adding her. we talked a little about a few different things then i told her that i was planning on coming to Jersey in september. she said that would put her in an awkward position as she would "have" to come see me because she cares about me. then said we'd cross that bridge if i did book my flights.

    then we talked about some other crap then i said i had to go as i was meeting someone for dinner, a lie but i'm trying to act like i'm moving on. she then said i was being passive aggressive and then said bye and left. i ended with: goodnight princess something i used to say to her before we broke up?

    any one help with the post game analysis?

  4. #4
    tcomea2 is offline PUA Forums VIP Member
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    Default Re: Getting back with my long distance ex

    how was that passiv aggresive? is there something we are missing here?

  5. #5
    Captain Guest

    Default Re: Getting back with my long distance ex

    as in i was implying that i was going off to meet another girl i guess.

  6. #6
    Captain Guest

    Default Re: Getting back with my long distance ex

    Talked to her again last night. she said she didn't want me to come to Jersey because it'll be awkward for her as she might still have feelings for me(and she's seeing someone else). I said shy doesn't have to see me if she doesn't want to and asked if she still had feelings for me, she said she didn't wanna have this conversation.

    should i go to Jersey?
    I'm thinking of telling her that if i'm there and she "has" to see me its not because she cares its because she loves me and if she thinks the feelings for the man she was with for the past 18 months are too strong to keep her loyal to the man she left me for 6 weeks ago then maybe she should rethink her feelings.

    I dunno if that sounds too "interested" tho

  7. #7
    Fakhry Guest

    Default Re: Getting back with my long distance ex d remind her...your NOT going to Jersey to see her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!
    dont make it all about her...IN HER MIND YOU ARE COMING TO VISIT YOUR HOME TOWN AND FAMILY AND FRIENDS NOT TO SEE HER!!!!!! dont make her feel so special but dont let her know this in any sort of way that'll make her angry or cause a fight, tell her that if she thinks she 'must' see you and doesn't wanna see you, she'd have to find a way to 'resist' you(in a nice way ) lol but you ARE coming!

    hope this helps..

  8. #8
    Captain Guest

    Default Re: Getting back with my long distance ex

    So i've decided to move to NYC in part to get her back but i saw her ex on fb today and he's really big and buff and she's looking at law schools in new england to be near him working in Connecticut. am i in to deep here? is there a point i can't get her back?

  9. #9
    Captain Guest

    Default Re: Getting back with my long distance ex

    ..there's a lot of PUA moves here but also some solid advice that I'm following now. I've decided to ignore her for a month while her honeymoon period with this other guy runs its course. if she calls me I'll ignore it then when she does call I'll fob her off a bit. If i do move state side also wont tell her till I'm there. basically let her chase me looking for "friendship" but not giving up the goods.

    thanks for the help everyone who's posted. you all really helped me through a dark time.

  10. #10
    Captain Guest

    Default Re: Getting back with my long distance ex

    So its been a week of the cold Shoulder and I think its getting to her. She texts me or skypes me or fb messages me every day. She's having trouble finding work and I had been giving her advice. I think she might be starting to realise how important i was to her but I'm unsure as to the next step. should I keep waiting and let her stew another week or two?

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