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  1. #1
    Sitfab's Avatar
    Sitfab is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default HUGE HELP needed here :D

    Hey, guys, first post here.

    I had a 15 month relationship that ended today. The relationship itself was truly the greatest I've ever had from a string of 26 girlfriends/one-night stands.

    The relationship went extremely good, in spite of the age difference ( I am 24, she is 17 ). And it was heaven for like 14 months. Until one day...

    My ex has a friend who was her cousin's boyfriend for over 7 years. Those guys broke up 6 months into our relationship, but they stayed close friends. About a month ago, her cousin went to Denmark for studies. And my ex went to her cousin with her cousin's ex for her going-away party that lasted an entire weekend. When my ex got back, I sensed something happened that she "forgot" to tell me. At the end of her story ( which was at best "sloppy", because she made dubious long pauses and had the body language of a liar, meaning very little eye contact, fidgeting, looking down, closed posture, little hand movement ), she told me she was going to the beach with the guy the next weekend and that she didn't want me to come.

    I knew for how long she was staying, because I talked with her parents before a few hours before she left, but the whole time she was there, she said that she didn't know how much she was going to stay. Furthermore, my ex and the guy stayed together in their room ( she told me there were another couple and 2 more chicks, the latter spending 2 days with them in their room, the remaining 5 days they were alone in the room ). Most of the time they went clubbing and partying ( so she said ) and the last night she said she isn't going anywhere because the guy had got a huge headache and they'll go to sleep.

    The day they left, she didn't called at all ( I did ask her to check for room prices and she said she'd call...she didn't check and, obviously she didn't call ), except when she got home. I wanted to make her a surprise and show up at her place. I phoned, I told her I was near her place and she kept saying "Let's leave it some other time, tomorrow" ( OK, let's say she really was tired ). The next day, we spoke on IM and she invited me to come at her place. Once there, and because of my suspicion that "something" happened, I checked her IM message archive when I had the chance...only to discover that when talking to her best friend almost the same exact period she talked to me, she didn't really wanted me to come at her place that day and that she developed some sort of "feeling" for that guy...but they were conflicting ( "I miss those eyes......Hell, there's plenty of guys with blue eyes....but I miss .wtf's going on with me????" ). At one point in the conversation, she even ask her friend to check if the guy's car was at his house.

    Anyway...after I "isolated" her into her room, she said nothing happened. We had a discussion and she wanted a break. Essentially because she felt that there is no "safety" anymore and that she felt like I wasn't having giving myself "freedom" ( she also gave me an example : "Why don't you go to another country for leisure") . I basically told her that I'm free to do anything I want, but I won't do it because I don't want to. So I told her that we must have minimum contact...only one phone call during the break.

    One week passed, no contact. The middle of the second week was her onomastic anniversary, so I texted her and asked how's the thinking going. She said it was 70% in favor of us continuing. The deadline came and she told me that she couldn't make it to the meet-up because she was going with her parents to the mall to buy clothes on night sale and that she needed more time. So I gave her more time. Interestingly enough, at about the same exact time she supposed to be leaving the mall and pass by my place ( whatever route she'd take from the mall to her place, they still pass by my place ) I see that guy's car pass and not a single sight of her parents car ( yeah, I spied ).

    Today was the big day. We agreed the day she went to the mall that we meet in the park 2 min away from where I live, but Sunday gave me a text and asked me when will I be home, so she could come to my place. Normally, I got excited because I knew this was a good thing. But she dropped the bomb. We split up because ( officially ) she felt she was running out of time, felt stuck and pursue studies and other stuff ( the latter one is BS, if you ask me ). I've asked her what happened to that 70% and she said she was scared of the whole thing, but now she isn't and that she doesn't see us getting together after a month ( she is taking some professional counseling since I've met her and what I believe is that she forces that into her so I wouldn't try to pursue her to get back together...big question sign )

    After the break-up, I proposed that we be "more than friends, but less than a relationship". She said yes. After a hug she began to cry. I believe that at some point she feels sorry/guilty about her decision.

    BONUS : I talked with her a few hours after the breakup on IM. She confessed that, while she likes the guy, and the guy likes her, they don't want to make anything serious out of that because she sees the guy as too busy for being boyfriend material and that it would be weird . BUT she said that the guy will wait out of principle to turn legal age ( 18 ) and be friends with benefits with HIM.

    Now, I don't really worry about the guy, because he's very "beta male" : lacks initiative, lacks confidence and is a push-over. Pretty much everything "beta". BUT they've known each other for 7 years....

    The girl is a Gemini. So it's in her nature to be "dual" about things.

    Now, the big questions are :

    1. How much was she lying and how much was she telling the truth ?
    2. If I actually do pursue her after a month with no contact, will something actually work out and get back together?
    3. Was the F*ck Buddy thing a wrong thing to do?
    4. What is actually going on in her head? Does she regret it? Does she mean it? Is it only a phase?

    What can you guys tell me? Anything you say would mean a lot to me. The thing is I want her for myself and myself alone. I want her back.

    VEEEEEEEEERY long post, but thanks if you read it and replied.

    PS : I have been acting attractive since the beginning and played the relationship by my rules. She said that I did nothing wrong and that it was her fault because she knew she would change over time but she didn't knew she would change like this. Basically she also said that for a whole year into our relationship, she didn't need anything else, and now she doesn't want what I offer anymore. A little before our anniversary, she said she feels stuck. And basically the only thing that she managed to come up with clearly after a discussion with her is that she gave me this example " Why don't you have a car so that we can go anywhere? " I believe she doesn't know what she wants and I'm paying for that....not that I consider myself the victim or anything, but that's how I feel.

    Her parents are kind of loaded, so I don't think materialism is the issue. And not that I don't make enough money. I work in the insurance business for a year and a half and was the best agent in the agency and getting promoted soon. So ambition and drive is not the issue for me.

    PSS : I have 2 books on "getting your ex back" : Magic Of Making Up and Ex2 System. How much would they help me? They do seem like they're effective.
    Last edited by Sitfab; 09-13-2010 at 06:25 PM.

  2. #2
    tothem Guest

    Default Re: HUGE HELP needed here :D

    Man,I'm a huge AFC but I'd have asked this girl to go fark herself at the very beginning.
    If she was very hot I'd try to let things cool so as to be able to have benefits with her whenever I wanted but would be no longer in a relationship.
    Thats just my opinion,and I repeat:I'm a huge AFC.

  3. #3
    crobinson1 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: HUGE HELP needed here :D

    haha ok bro well first off before making your decision you need to evaluate whether you want to get back together with her. and dont answer immediately. take some time and think about it. personally, her being 18 i would not try for it because this will more than likely happen again. she is going to graduate and go to college and WILL cheat. if she left you for this guy after just a weekend, just imagine all the guys at college. its not her time to be in anything serious. i would just make a good friendship out of it and perhaps date in the future. i dated the girl i lost my virginity to a couple years after it happened. so stuff like that does happen. but personally i would not get back together with her!!
    I live in my reality and you’re a guest

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