I have posted in this forum about this girl on many occasions because of my trust issues with her - my gut was constantlly calling out alarms on a daily basis.
i have been trying to get past them but they never went away - i just learned to live with them because many ppl have said ur prob wrong etc and i thought so too cos she used to be so nice to me and i thought im gonna screw this up over nothing.
anyway turns out they wernt wrong at all...
we was together a year and one month until earlier tonight i dumped her.
(this is gonna be a VERY long post btw so be warned lol)
my trust issues came from this...
1) very early on in the relationship a guy added me and told me she had been saying she wud fuck him even tho she had a bf - and showed me the log - i had no idea if this was before or after we got together so i left it - but it did set up doubt from this point forwards - looking back i shud have backed out here or the next thing but i didnt)
2) about 3 months into our relationship cos of my lack of trust and my gut feeling i snooped on her emails and found out she had sent her ex bf a very bad pic of her cleavege - and lied about it until i showed her the proof i had (yeah i shudnt have snooped but i just knew something was up and i had to know one way or the other - i wanted her to be innocent but she wasnt)
she was full of sorrys and promised never to make such a mistake again (because she wudnt risk her relationship)
she cut contact with him for a long time after this and all was well...
but they started getting in contact again recientlly and so it all flared up again - although i didnt tell her - i said i was ok with it and i was to a certain extent cos he did seem different
but then the gut feeling came back and i sensed something wasnt right - esp since she has another ex who i never had a problem with but i got a bit worred because the day he split with his gf she went really distant with me and it was just mad timing...
so i snooped again - and this time i couldnt beleve what i was seeing...
im gonna show you in a minute - but before i do some things she has said....
1) that they really are just friends and he wud never try anything with her
2) she just doesnt see him that way any more.
this is not the case as you will now see - my comments will be in (brakets)...
(she has also been telling me her distance was due to tiredness and i had started to beleve that)
also when me and him are on msn at the same time - she will say 2 words to me then go chat to him for ages - i thought ok cool if hes just a friend thats what friends do sometimes u just chat about everything)
ok here is the main parts of the logs - this is just from about a week... and all i have...
she is clearly not over this guy and likes him at the expense of what we (had) she told me she just wants her best friend back and i understood that - stupid lol cos she told me herself she keeps asking to see him...
this is in chronoligacal order but i have left any 'normal chat' out
it gets worse as it goes on...
LOG FROM: 13th oct 2010 - 17th oct 2010
HER: week off next week
(why the wink?)
HIM: Im tired
remember? (remember our bedtimes?)
HIM: night then
HER: oh your going? (she never puts sad face when i go anymore and she used to all the time)
HIM: yeah tired hun
HER: oh ok
night then i spose x
HIM: back and forth
to and fro
HER: bit of willy jazz
HER: u still sexin her?
HIM: yeah of course
they're good to bury face into
HIM: or you know... shagging
HER: yeh i dont rele wanna kno ta
tmi! (why ask then it obv made her jealous)
HIM: but they're not all that
HER: i prefer mine personally (draws attention to her boobs)
------ she changes her name here to: p.s i'm still not over u lalala lala (with music notes around it)--------
HER: ur silly
my tongue hurts
you got it peirced?
HIM: so ya know...
HER: so ya kno wat
HIM: yeah what?
HER: u kno
HIM: i wouldn't know
u will have to demonstrate
HER: yeh (BITCH! lol)
you're still not over me? oh no
HER: its not about you
HIM: ''ooh it's just a song i like''
HER: i just rele like the song
HER: not EVERYTHINGS about u lol
HIM: but that is
we'll never be over each other
HER: excuse me?
HIM: you heard
HER: haa u make us sound like ross and rachel
HIM: yeah similar
HER: gay face (in a friendly way - she also has this same pet name for me)
HIM: we should be ya know... FBs
HER: no lol
HIM: *pokes willy in bum*
***changes her name to: coz when im with him i'm thinkin of you, thinkin of you, what you would do if you were the one spendin the night (with music notes) not even half an hr later ***
HER: (with music notes) u spin my head right round wen u goo down
HIM: hehe u thinking of me when you're with him
HER: not everything applies to u
HIM: it clearly does
HER: how did u work tht one out?
HER: wats it to u neways (pissed off cos she knows he dont want her really)
*** has changed his/her status to Appear Offline *** (think i was talking to her at the time and she said she has to go)
**** he sends a pic of himself here without being asked ****
HER: i miss henry huggles (cuddles) (wow!)
***************this is where it gets bad*****************
HER: im so tiired
HIM: well you get some sleep then baby
HER: i wont sleep yet tho
my minds still live and kickin
HIM: what you think about baby?
HIM: what bit?
HER: all the bits
HIM: well don't
we're just mates now (he had to tell her?! how bad is that)
HER: haha :P
annd ur a lesbian
HIM: bed time
HIM: hehe you mean if i was spending the night (about her name)
HER: and? (means and what else?)
HER: *sigh* (cos he didnt say and sex - or cos he cant be there)
HIM: often its about me
HER: not often
HIM: u put butter on your boobs, i lick it off
HER: :O henry!
HER: massive willy
its as big as a wind turbine
HER: hahaahaha he likes it on all fours
HER: its good
do you remember the last time?
----- some normal crap... ---------
HER: so when you coming to see me?
HIM: Prob when i get my new bike
HER: you have like a 100 bikes haha
HIM: their not suitable - i havnt got a big bike atm
HER: for your sizable willy?
so yeah as u can see i am NOT happy
i woudld never have talked to any girl like this while i was with her - esp an ex - and esp since she saw how much it nearly destroyed me last time
anyway tho soon as i read this all feelings for her instantlly vanished into thin air - all i have now is anger and disbelif
i do have some questions tho....
I txt her straight after saying "its over"
then again saying these...
(these are prob a bit AFC but i wasnt thinking right)
"and henry's dead" (the guy lol)
"after everything ive done for you how could you"
then i tried to call her for ages and ages im not sure if she was just aslep and cudnt hear it or just wasnt answering anyway i then txt...
"im not gonna shout at you i just wanna talk"
then LOADS more of call trying - no way is she not hearing it now she obv just aint answering
"answer the phone"
i wasnt calling to get back with her tho - i just wanted an explaination
i still do really...
must have tried calling her literlly 50 times and then just stoped and aint txt or called since (its only the same day tho)
basiclly i wanna know what u think - im justified dumping her right? lol
also i still want this explaination - i was gonna just go turn up at her house tommorow armed with my proof and make her face me for what she has done - i think she is getting off way too lightly otherwise
also i owe her mum money and her mum gave me a free brand new bike today - her mum has been nothing but nice to me so i still wanna pay her back - after all it aint her who has done anything wrong
i was gonna go there monday if i dont turn up tommorow to go give her mum the money and 100% blank my ex even if she tries to talk to me.
this might all seem petty but she hasnt just done wrong but REALLY wrong esp to make me tortue myself all this time thinking it was all in my head - and nearly left me many times cos i "accused her when she wasnt doing anything" - she doesnt deserve to just get away with it
so what do you all think of it all and what i wanna do about it? i am not even considering getting back with her - she had a chance after before and blew it big time - and i could never trust her again now.
she is gonna try all sorts of excuses like it was just in a joking way etc etc - but if that was the case why lie? and it dont seem very joky to me - its clear she wants him
lol sorry this was a book but there was a lot to say
thank you if you have got this far and let me know - thanks for replying - oh and btw im not even hurting (yet) just got so much anger in me - but id never do anything physical to anyone - even tho i know i said he's dead.
thank you again