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  1. #1
    Mel0 Guest

    Default Stood up on the first date and not sure how to react

    Hey guys. Brand new member here. I'm looking to up my game, since I'm still really new at this.

    I went to a party with a bunch of friends from high school a week ago. I'm 22 and I haven't seen these people in 4 years. Got lots of good vibes and tons of compliments from everyone; I've really turned myself around at college, and having someone greet me with "wow, you look really awesome" felt great.

    Then a girl I had a thing for way back when starts talking to me. A lot. I'm not even consciously trying to pick her up (because I'm really there to be with my old friends), but a lot of good Kino was being built, and the next thing I know, this girl (who wouldn't give me the time of day back in high school) is giving me her number and telling me to call her so we can go out sometime.

    I get pretty psyched about this, and when I bumped into her at a cafe later, I asked her out to dinner. She seemed interested, but let me know she lost her phone and would get it back the day we said we'd meet, saying she would call me when she got it back. Which seemed pretty fishy to me, so I didn't get my hopes up and made backup plans. She didn't call, but imagine my surprise when she updated her Facebook from her phone saying she's thinking of signing up for e-harmony cause she's so desperate.

    What?!

    I've never been stood up before, and I was a pretty miffed when I saw that. It's been two days and she hasn't contacted me yet. How do I react to this in a positive way? I'm not gonna go chase her down because I know I'm better than that, but the rejection stung a little that time.

    Thanks in advance, and I'm looking forward to being a part of the community.

  2. #2
    hereforfun Guest

    Default Re: Stood up on the first date and not sure how to react

    hey dude!!

    we all know girls are a bit crazy. no offence or anything but i think this was another one of those times when a girl gives a guy her number and then regrets it the next day, whether it be because she realised she was too drunk or you werent her type or whatever.

    its happened to all of us plenty of times and the best thing you can do it just forget about it. if she really wants you she'll come back. if she doesnt then its no use you getting caught up over a girl who isnt worth your time.

    if you really wanted to try pursue something, give her a message or call in a couple of weeks time, just so show that you really dont care and she isnt a priority.

    but seems to me like she is stringing you around :O

    welcome to the community

  3. #3
    Raven Guest

    Default Re: Stood up on the first date and not sure how to react

    #1: Any thing negative you say will just escalate bad emotions and conflict, and it's never good to escalate conflict.

    #2: She obviously is not the kind of person you would want to date. She is so desperate she broadcasts it on Facebook - not saying there is anything wrong with eHarmony or online dating, which I think are great, but she is shamefully desperate and probably lacks a life. She is also a woman of low character, and you are a man of high character, which ought to eliminate her from your radar. Her low character is proven by her falsehoods and her lack of faithfulness to her commitments.

    So I would delete her from your Facebook and ignore her henceforth. If she contacts you, bust her on it. Tell her you expect people to keep their word, because you're a man of your word, and that you saw her phone-posted eHarmony desperation post. Don't be mean, angry, emotional or a jerk about it, just be serious and resolute. This is what I call "nature's screening mechanism" - when a girl does something which proves to you she would not make a good partner, thus saving you time and energy to put towards your own interests. Not saying a girl needs to be perfect, and not saying not to forgive, but some things are unacceptable, like her behavior, and classy people have boundaries.

  4. #4
    Bill Preston's Avatar
    Bill Preston is offline Owner - PUA Forum
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    Default Re: Stood up on the first date and not sure how to react

    Quote Originally Posted by Raven View Post
    So I would delete her from your Facebook and ignore her henceforth. If she contacts you, bust her on it. Tell her you expect people to keep their word, because you're a man of your word, and that you saw her phone-posted eHarmony desperation post. Don't be mean, angry, emotional or a jerk about it, just be serious and resolute. This is what I call "nature's screening mechanism" - when a girl does something which proves to you she would not make a good partner, thus saving you time and energy to put towards your own interests. Not saying a girl needs to be perfect, and not saying not to forgive, but some things are unacceptable, like her behavior, and classy people have boundaries.
    Some of the best advice I've seen in a while. SOLID.

    I always had this attitude. If you don't value my time or think that yours is more important than mine than I do not want you in my life.

    I had a super hot girl in NYC do this to me... and even though it really wasn't her fault she got lost on the subway to my place.. when she arrived an hour late I told her I was busy and made other plans. She begged and begged to see me, and I replied - OK, but here is the deal. We are not going out to grab drinks - I am watching the Football game and if you want to come by, you can if you bring a six pack of Coney Island Lager (not the easiest beer in the world to buy at your local market).

    She showed up about 45 min later with the beer... and uhm... well... you can guess what happened.

  5. #5
    Mel0 Guest

    Default Re: Stood up on the first date and not sure how to react

    Quote Originally Posted by Raven View Post
    #2: She obviously is not the kind of person you would want to date. She is so desperate she broadcasts it on Facebook - not saying there is anything wrong with eHarmony or online dating, which I think are great, but she is shamefully desperate and probably lacks a life. She is also a woman of low character, and you are a man of high character, which ought to eliminate her from your radar. Her low character is proven by her falsehoods and her lack of faithfulness to her commitments.
    Yea. I mean, if she made any kind of effort to get in touch with me before or even a little after, I'd be more understanding. I probably won't even see her again so it's not really worth thinking about anymore. And maybe in the future I'll steer clear of women who list "Kim Kardashian" as their religious view. You live, you learn

    So I would delete her from your Facebook and ignore her henceforth. If she contacts you, bust her on it. Tell her you expect people to keep their word, because you're a man of your word, and that you saw her phone-posted eHarmony desperation post. Don't be mean, angry, emotional or a jerk about it, just be serious and resolute. This is what I call "nature's screening mechanism" - when a girl does something which proves to you she would not make a good partner, thus saving you time and energy to put towards your own interests. Not saying a girl needs to be perfect, and not saying not to forgive, but some things are unacceptable, like her behavior, and classy people have boundaries.
    This was mostly what I was asking about. At the slim chance that she does bring it up, or if I do bump into her, I wanna be able to react with some backbone and dignity. This helps a lot. Thanks man.

  6. #6
    sommerpears Guest

    Default Re: Stood up on the first date and not sure how to react

    It seems like she was just looking for a little attention. I wouldn't take it too personally because if she didn't think you were attractive she wouldn't have given you the time of day from the get go. Just let it go. See it as a compliment that she felt the need to lie instead of shooting you down and also see it as a blessing that you can already foresee and avoid getting involved with someone who is lacking character.

  7. #7
    culturedpearls Guest

    Default Re: Stood up on the first date and not sure how to react

    Haha. My first thought was to suggest you comment on her FB post with something like "try POF and Okcupid too, ratios good, I hear" and then move on, have a social life where she will never be a part of.

    And you need not delete her from your FB but you can hide all her alerts so you need not get stung again by her rejection and still entice her to maybe stalk your party albums.

    But yeah, Raven's is more mature, I think. haha.

  8. #8
    freemind is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Stood up on the first date and not sure how to react

    Quote Originally Posted by culturedpearls View Post
    Haha. My first thought was to suggest you comment on her FB post with something like "try POF and Okcupid too, ratios good, I hear"
    haha, i like that

  9. #9
    wllmford7 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Stood up on the first date and not sure how to react

    This is the first time imam going for date and i have no any experience that how to react .

  10. #10
    ProfessorX is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Stood up on the first date and not sure how to react

    Okay,
    This is an important point that I feel isn't being addressed.... But, believe me when I say that my only interest in pointing this out is to help you up your game.

    First of all, as you didn't have set plans with this girl (or at least that's what I understood), you didn't REALLY get flaked on....

    However, I can definitely give you the PUA theory (and it may not apply, but this is the textbook answer) for why she dodged you.

    It has to do with framing, the first thing you asked this chick when you saw her was do you want to get dinner?

    That's asking for a pretty high investment on her part because going out to dinner sets the serious relationship frame for most women.

    Had you suggested something like her coming to join you out with your friends for a casual evening where you can build attraction and comfort (Also, you can dhv by demonstrating some strong social proof, if you pick your friends wisely), she would be thinking "do I want to go out and have fun with this cute guy?"

    But when you go straight to dinner her mind immediately has to decide whether or not she wants to DATE you and that's a high investment for someone she hasn't built the appropriate levels of attraction and comfort with (yet).

    I know this seems counter intuitive, because as men we just think dinner is an opportunity to get to know each other, but to her it's "why does he want to buy me dinner, he doesn't even really know me.... he must not have many options..." (dlv) and she immediately has to consider the 'couple' frame when you suggest dinner, so she has to think "Do I want to DATE this guy?"

    I have made this same mistake SOOOOOO many times in the past, so it's nothing to feel bad about. If you are really interested in her, I suggest reading a text game book and learning how to ping and build her up to a comfortable enough mentality to see you again, and then keep it casual (remember, To her you cant be looking to "date" or "sleep" with her you just have to be this cool dude that likes to hang out with people.) that'll put her guard down long enough for you to DHV and build attraction....

    Remember YOU don't get rejected... you're approach does.
    Modify Modify!

    Hope that helps, best of luck man. If you'd like some basic text game pointers I'd be happy to oblige!


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