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  1. #1
    debochery Guest

    Default Damage control!! help!!!

    I'm new to the forum but not PUA I've studied for a few years off an on and here's my epic PUA fail: i recently broke up wit my girlfriend of 4-5 months out of a very deep relationship. this was my first love, we talked about marriage and we promised it would last forever but it didn't(AFC i know) anyways we were best friends before the break up and her reason for breaking up is her family life, school life, and our sexual life(she was raped when she was younger so it made our last attempt weird). after the break up she offered to be friends an i thought shed bounce back so i agreed. my problem is i have one-itis and want her back, its been 2-3 months since we broke up and we pretty much talked everyday most of the time arguing about who did what but we recently had a nice conversation. she's beginning to flake on the times we set aside to talk about things and ignores most my texts now even tho she reads them all(there not all needy, I'm not begging or pleading for her to come back but i pour my heart out to her to show her i want to make things work). my problem is IDK if its still possible to get back together. she never stopped saying she loves me, even when i say she doesn't or else we would be together. have i dug myself into a hole too big to climb out of or can i get sum power back in this struggle?

  2. #2
    Joker Guest

    Default Re: Damage control!! help!!!

    dude the return key is your friend... break this up into readable paragraphs

  3. #3
    Raven Guest

    Default Re: Damage control!! help!!!

    Oh man, slap yourself for being so AFC. Just slap yourself. I don't mean that as an insult, it's just step 1 to recovery.

    Firstly, when a girl pulls an excuse like she was raped when she was younger (not saying I don't believe her, and I am sure that was a very traumatic experience and I feel bad for anyone who was raped) as a reason for "weird" sex, it's because she was not comfortable. I know from experience - a girl I knew would pull the same excuse on me, until I made her very comfortable, and aroused, and then it was a nonissue. If you made her very comfortable, and aroused, it wouldn't be weird. You also need to know what you're doing during sex. I can't advocate sex outside of marriage, but, you know what to do with that advice - learn to make a girl very comfortable and arouse her a lot before doing anything, and there are books on this and even how to perform.

    Secondly, when a girl offers to be friends, she does not actually want to be your friend. Few ex-couples are like Jerry and Elaine from Seinfeld, especially under 30. You need to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps my friend, and stop setting aside times to talk to her. You're torturing yourself for something you want emotionally, but logically you should not. It's your FIRST love, and you feel a deep connection, and such ties are hard to sever (and sex really contributes to this, this is why I just don't advocate sex outside of true, tested commitment, but I know many others on here would disagree).

    It's your first girl and you are bound to make mistakes so forgive yourself, but I would say don't try and fix it. Take a couple of days and think things over.

    Figure this out:

    #1: What's your main goal in life, or biggest goal now? It cannot have anything to do with girls, or you're doomed to failure.

    #2: Open up a Word Doc or other word processor and write down 10 things you can do to improve yourself. They may include joining a gym, taking a dance class especially if you can't dance, joining a mixed martial arts program, getting a tattoo, going to bed on time, learning to cook, updating your wardrobe, finding the right haircut, paying closer attention to your religious beliefs, etc.

    #3: When you get 1 and 2 out of the way, go meet other women by enlarging your social circle and doing approaches.

    This should really help your one-itis. Listen to some upbeat music too man. I tell everybody with these problems my story: I was engaged for almost 3 years, and she flaked and said she wasn't sure she ever wanted to get married. You can imagine how hard that break-up was on me. But I pulled myself together doing these things and dating some new girls and quickly forgot about her. Recently I found out she slept over some other guys house, and she was dating tons of other guys - it didn't phase me. I'm just glad I am not the one trying to keep a slut loyal.

  4. #4
    debochery Guest

    Default Re: Damage control!! help!!!

    @joker why waste yur time? yur not special use yur finger and follow the words lol

    @raven the time sex got weird wasnt the first time we had sex it was the last. we were in the back of my truck which is cramped so i couldnt perform like the porn star i am lol anyways..

    UPDATE: we recently had a heart felt convo and she chose to start off wit "my friend says he likes me"(i saw this test coming and told her to be with him) she says she's not over me and cant be just a friend me because the feelings are too strong. she knows I want to get back together with her but we both have doubts it will end like last time because of where our lives are @ rite now.(like bad timing or sum, shes in school and we cant see each other half as much as we'd like)

    she cried over the fone, and managed to spit out an "i love you. I always have" and I told her "i always will"(could be AFC but it plays to her emotions an i wanted to stay congruent wit her) an I would be there for her.

    i want to move this in the direction of keeping the relationship/feelings strong and alive, not so much the relationship cuz our lives wont allow that to be easy rite now, and my pua sense says play the friend role but never let her label me as a friend, sound good? any advic?
    Last edited by debochery; 12-07-2010 at 08:00 PM.

  5. #5
    Raven Guest

    Default Re: Damage control!! help!!!

    A lot of girls are not comfortable having sex in cars, especially the ones who are nervous about sex due to past negative experiences. It's hard to feel secure while naked or partially naked in them.

    Don't take this the wrong way, but I think you're being really AFC. Pouring your heart out to her via texts, telling her you love her, the one-itis... I hate seeing a guy suffer. You need to lead. One time I had almost the same problem with a girl. We both weren't sure if it would last due to some differences. I wish I has broken up with that girl then, because it really didn't work later.

  6. #6
    debochery Guest

    Default Re: Damage control!! help!!!

    i agree abt the car thing fully and

    i think theres being honest abt yur emotions: "i love you"
    then theres being AFC: "i need you"

    our relationship was deep and she still crys over it after 2-3 months so am i really suffering or jus tryna save my relationship?

    i get that she could see me as weak for being so vulnerable but she knows shes the only one that sees that side of me an she tells me everything abt her so i think that would disqualify the "AFC effect" she didnt break up because of something i did so i think i got a good shot @ fixing this

  7. #7
    Raven Guest

    Default Re: Damage control!! help!!!

    All girls assume you're likely only vulnerable with them, if you are being so, so that's not helpful. Did she say she loved you back? I think you're really suffering. If you are going to fix this, you really need to lead, and make it happen, asap. If you want a relationship, assert that, and if she says no, move on. If she is wishy washy, tell her if she really wants to be more than friends, she will be your girlfriend, and if not, she won't. Put her on the spot. No more talks about "what went wrong," no more pouring your heart out, no more telling her you love her even. Just resolve this one way or the other and don't get so hung up on the outcome. The texting her even though she doesn't respond and pouring your heart out part really tells me you are being AFC, and the rest, even if it's not directly AFC, is probably a symptom of it. I'm just telling you so you can fix it. It might help to watch Gladiator, Braveheart, or the Count of Monte Cristo just to get a sense of what the masculine man would do.

  8. #8
    chulin Guest

    Default Re: Damage control!! help!!!

    hey d bro i feel u man ur first is gonna stick wit u
    its the first time u xperince deep feelings n connections but its not gonna b the only time u xperience them. im not the one who the one who was in the relationship with her n im not gonna pretend i kno it all but ima give dis advise tho.
    u hurt n sad cus of ur loss but the longer u drag this situation on the worse u gonna b feelin. truly analize what she offers u as a person n gf n the conditions of the relationship ya had there are reasons y it ended n if u really want n should bring it back.
    also u mite b feelin vulnerable but u must maintain ur value n control of things. if u supplicate to the girl she will lose respect n attraction for u. so dont put ur heart out n completely give urself up to her cus then ull b at the mercy of her decisions n not urs.
    finally i wanna tell u these two sayings i go by ..let her go love is fre if she comes back then she wants to b wit u ..if ya become true genuine friends without all the baggage b there for when she needs u n the rest of the time stay out the way

  9. #9
    debochery Guest

    Default Re: Damage control!! help!!!

    she did say she loved me back, never stopped actually even when i called her a liar or sed i didnt believe her. were currently at a stage that feels like were working things out slowly the arguing stopped completely like we just started going out. we dont really txt each other all day but she returns all of them she even called twice last night but i was in a meeting. we planned to meet up later on today


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