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  1. #1
    pbfreakon Guest

    Default Need help recovering!

    A little background. This girl broke up with her bf about two months ago, she is close friends with my best friends girl. She tells this girl that I am the only guy at our college she would consider dating.

    We started texting a few weeks ago, convo's always went great. Ton's of haha's, smileys, her asking questions about me, pushing the conversation forward, etc. Went out with her and some friends to the bars twice since we began texting.

    Our most recent convo went as follows:

    Me: So you making me a three course meal soon?
    Her: Ok now you're pushing it. I don't even know what they're thinking cuz I can't cook a 3 course meal hahah
    Me: I can settle for grilled cheese and a movie

    (I had taught her how to make an inside and out grilled cheese a few days before.)

    Her: Haha ok
    Me: Since you're cooking you can pick the movie..
    Her: I dunno I'll think of oneee. Give me some time

    (This is where things go south)

    Me: Busy end of the semester I'm sure (she is a nursing major)
    Her: Ugh yes. You don't even know
    Me: All your finals the last days of class?
    Her: 2 of them are ugh mon and tues then 2 on fri
    Her: Fml

    Me: ...Maybe a movies not a great idea haha (in my head I was thinking I don't want to hang out with her if she's going to be anxious about studying the whole time, didn't realize what I was doing by sending this)
    Her: Yeahh well I mean another time like after break would be fine but def not before cuz I'm swamped

    (So I end the conversation by continuing another joke we had going about how she isn't sure she can still ride a bike.)

    Me: But definitely bike with training wheels, streamers and a horn haha
    Me: That needs to happen asap
    Her: hahahahah yeah I def want that to happen
    Me: Lol alright we'll do that, gotta go tho. Later!
    Her: Haha alrightyy. Bye!

    We talked again soon after:

    Me: How psyched are you that its snowing right now haha
    Her: Ughhh hating life as I look out the window ahahaha
    Me: You grinch
    Her: Take that back
    Me: Prove you aren't
    Her: I shouldn't have to prove anything u should just know!
    Me: Only a grinch would say that
    Her: Hahaha stfu

    Haven't talked to her since, which has only been 3 days. I don't intend on texting her again for awhile. I know she's busy, no need to bother her until I know she is finished with her finals. But I'm not sure where to go from here. Help a newb out!

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Need help recovering!

    i actually dont think anything is wrong. your being fun and playful and she is obviously not mad and is laughing and having fun. but i would say you need to incooperate some more sexual stuff in your texting if you intend on keeping the attraction. if not you will hit the friendzone hard. but yeah other than that you are fine. i might wait until her finals are done and then try to go for meetup but do some silly things that can be taken sexual.
    I live in my reality and you’re a guest

  3. #3
    Solomon Guest

    Default Re: Need help recovering!

    Convos all seem alright. How about, "My cam's all ready to take that perfect shot of you falling off your bike. Now, when is this going to happen?"

  4. #4
    Pinai Guest

    Default Re: Need help recovering!

    If I were the girl, I'd appreciate a sort of 'good luck with the exams' text.

    You're right not to disturb though but surely sending something like, "I really hope you pass all your exams because I want you to stick around and cook for me, haha, jk" will tell her you're thinking of her without putting pressure on her.

  5. #5
    LoveLab Guest

    Default Re: Need help recovering!

    I agree that wishing her "good luck" is a good idea.

    Also, I agree in principle that you should do what you need to to stay out of the friendzone, but you need to be careful about being too sexual in texts. Nobody but you can make the call about where the line is, it's your interaction.

    If there was anything in the convos that you related so far, where I see any room for improvement, is that you're letting her lead. And correcting that seems more important, and better able to keep you out of the fz, than being sexual...which is a fine line that you don't want to cross. So easy for it to be weird or creepy, especially if your level of escalation with her is not high yet, and especially when you're resorting to using sexual tone to avoid the friend zone: essentially, it's automatically mixed with neediness.

    Here's where you were doing well, and then handed the lead to her: You got her to accept a dinner/movie date...and then you talked yourself out of it!!! She said okay, and then you pointed out how busy she is, and then you said maybe not.

    Text is great, but it falls short in some things. To keep things rolling you need to decide whether to take one step back, before taking two steps forward. But, by texting only for weeks on end, and not building actual in-person rapport and physical attraction, that's hurting your chances and is putting you in danger of the friend zone....because, there's gotta be touching and seeing and hearing and smelling involved here. And touching.

    Texting and texting for weeks and then starting to text more sexual stuff because you're worried it's not going anywhere...that's only going to get creepy, man.

    Really, I'm sure she's overwhelmed with finals and all. But come on...she's gotta eat. She's taking time out to text with you. How about this...instead of pushing her to make the effort to cook for you, why not say "hey, I know you're slammed, but you need to keep your energy up. I'm coming over and making YOU grilled cheese." Or whatever. You don't ask, you tell. Not in an overbearing or desperate way, but in a "taking control of the situation" way. And then you make sure to Kino a little bit as the situation dictates, and then you take off and let her do her sh!t.

  6. #6
    pbfreakon Guest

    Default Re: Need help recovering!

    Damn, thanks for all the good advice! Didn't think I'd get any more replies. I actually did send her a good luck text. Was joking with her before she was about to go to sleep the night before her two finals in one day.

    Me: Youu are the worst. Good luck on those finals though haha. Night!
    Her: Hahaha wtf no I'm not and thanks =) night!

    Seeing her tonight, but it's going to be with a group of mutual friends for a movie. Is this a step toward the friend zone, or does it only depend on how I act towards her?

    I had intended on not talking to her until her finals were over, but my roommates girlfriend invited her along tonight without me asking.
    Last edited by pbfreakon; 12-17-2010 at 10:53 AM.

  7. #7
    Phazer Guest

    Default Re: Need help recovering!

    Sounds like you're on the right track man. Movies fine, and yes, it would depend on how you act. Don't just fully concentrate on the movie and not talk to her or sit away from her. Make sure you get some negging in, if you see something funny or someone being made fun of neg her and be like, "That's totally something you would do". Poke her, make her laugh, add some Kino in. Do some push/pull too, just make sure to stay confident.

    I'm speaking from experience here, and I brought a girl to the movies and got k-close (2nd date). Made her cuddle with me and then eventually she kissed my cheek. Then we made out in the theatre while watching the movie. If you don't plan for a k-close, take it slow, and make it escalate. My only advice for that is to make sure you neg her every so often during the movie and make it enjoyable for her, at the very least. Good luck, hoping for some updates

  8. #8
    LoveLab Guest

    Default Re: Need help recovering!

    Quote Originally Posted by pbfreakon View Post
    Seeing her tonight, but it's going to be with a group of mutual friends for a movie. Is this a step toward the friend zone, or does it only depend on how I act towards her?

    I had intended on not talking to her until her finals were over, but my roommates girlfriend invited her along tonight without me asking.
    Ouch. Yeah, I think it's a step toward the friend zone. But sure, like everything it depends.

    See, what did I tell you? Even with the busy-ness of finals, she has time to have fun. After all, she said "yes" to a movie with YOU to begin with, right?? Now instead of you and her snuggling up with grilled cheese sandwiches and a movie, you're again with a bunch of friends in an unclear situation, where there truly are too many fine points of calibration for anyone here on this forum to accurately advise you. I think your main issue here is lack of decisiveness in taking the lead with her and making things a group outing that's an even touchier situation than one on one. Come on, trying to get her to make out in the theater when all your friends are there, she's going to resist because of risk of awkwardness. Escalation is a challenging test of your calibration skills in that situation.

    Frankly, I'm half inclined to suggest that you bail on the movie. Say you're sick or something. You wouldn't be doing this because you're scared. But because you want to skirt a risky situation, and take a step back and get her on your own terms. And then use the evening to do some confidence work, exercise, or spend it enjoying something purely for yourself.

    OR...go balls to the wall, accept the challenge with full awareness, and go for it with unattachment to the outcome. Go to the movie, tune your calibration antennae, and make a promise to yourself that you're going to make this thing happen with her.

    P.S. - I tend to think you're negging her too much. There might be other texts I'm not seeing that would change my opinion, but based on what I'm seeing: rather than negging you should be working toward building attraction and rapport. This isn't a club pickup, this is a mutual friend and it's been going on for weeks. You can keep a teasing attitude, and of course avoid saying needy crap, but if negs are the meat of your conversation, then it's way time to add to it.

  9. #9
    Solomon Guest

    Default Re: Need help recovering!

    Just because you're with friends don't mean you cannot escalate and inject some sort of intimacy here and there. Employ a lot of Kino, tease her and neg her sometimes.

    And if you can, bring her more. Maybe you can also squeeze in a kiss close.

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