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  1. #1
    pandaexpress Guest

    Default Quick advice needed

    I've had a crush on this girl for a while now. We've never really talked in person much, as there have been very few opportunities, but we talked a good bit on facebook last semester.

    Her birthday was last week, and upon the urging of a female friend, I sent her flowers. After a couple of facebook messages she gave me her number without even asking for it. So the next day I started texting her. It was going pretty good at first. But I was having trouble coming up with stuff to say. It wasn't super natural or flirty, although we did make vague unofficial plans for sometime after spring break.

    A couple nights ago she had a show on that she watches, so I told her I'd let her watch the show, but to text me later if she wanted to. Her response was "ok will do. talk to you later." But she never did. And I decided to give it a couple of days to text back because I wasn't sure what that meant. Most people have told me I'm an idiot, and that she has just been waiting for me to text her this whole time. I hope that's true, but I don't get why she would say she'd text me back and expect me to think anything other than she's not interested.

    Either way, I'm going to try texting her again tomorrow. But I'm really not sure where I should go with the conversation. Should I be more direct with my intentions? Or just try to force more flirtyness? Or should I just keep up the same casual talk that we've been having? I really feel like it's not getting me anywhere, and it kind of stresses me out to be honest. Anyway, any advice would be great.

  2. #2
    JonTylerDiPrince is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Quick advice needed

    She's not expecting you to think she's not interested. Not yet, anyway. You should definitely be more playful, silly, and fun. But you need to ask her out in your next interaction. Do it without asking a question. Think of something fun to do and keep it a secret. This will help you be a little more calculating in your approach. A call MAY be better than than a text message, considering how things have transpired so far.

  3. #3
    pandaexpress Guest

    Default Re: Quick advice needed

    so i texted her today. it was going pretty good. we were talking for about 30 minutes. quick, lengthy responses. she even commented on her no-reply the other day and mentioned she would have to do better. but then all of a sudden she quit responding.

    I'm thinking it's not looking good. Do I need to wait til we both get back from spring break and try to see if we can get lunch or something then? Or should I just try to text her again tomorrow or sunday?

    To just not text me back like that I'm thinking she's either not interested, but for some reason won't just tell me she's busy and can't talk. Or she's testing me. Either that or one of us is having phone problems and we both think the other one never responded.

  4. #4
    JonTylerDiPrince is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Quick advice needed

    You've clearly thought of a lot of possibilities. Did you forget any? What about she's getting banged by some guy? What about she's a lesbian and lesbians have this strict rule about the number of times they can text within a certain number of hours.

    You're hanging on her every word, and for that reason, it's not looking good. Back the fuk off. She's not testing you. She MAY be having phone problems (not likely). She may just be enjoying her spring break and NOT be available to text you every minute of the day. Does she have to explain she's busy? Why don't you get busy and try not feeling you have to justify everything you do to people?

    YOU'RE THINKING about this way too much. Go to the mall and stare at other girls for a week. Then pick up next Thursday. And ask her to hang out already!!!!!

  5. #5
    pandaexpress Guest

    Default Re: Quick advice needed

    if your goal was to make me feel like shit, good job. if you were actually trying to help then you failed miserably. I realize I over think things. I would assume that's true of anyone who seeks advice from strangers in a message forum. I don't think most people who already clearly have low self-confidence are you to respond well to your tough love approach. but thanks.

  6. #6
    JonTylerDiPrince is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Red face Re: Quick advice needed

    Firstly, i did not intend to hurt you. For that I apologize. My sense of humor and writing style can be caustic at times.

    The hypothetical situations I posed may have been provocative, but they were designed to illustrate the very thing you already know--that you're overthinking things. We're not therapists here in the forums, but in many cases we do the same thing one would do in the real world: reflect back the the thoughts you are thinking. Sometimes you just need to hear those thoughts expressed by someone else.

    I over-think EVERYTHING. This is easily one of my biggest faults. And I have to fight the inclination to tug on the line, checking whether the fish is still hooked. It's an easy trap to fall into when we either don't have experience or are lonely.

    Every one of the thoughts you indicated after "to just not text me back like that..." as well as even more irrational fantasies that cut to the bone, I've thought at one time or another.

    The point is they are irrational, and we have to work to divert our attention from them.

    The worst you can do is to shower her with attention in the hopes of getting SOME in return. Just sit on it for at least three days, and if/when one of you sends the first text within that time frame, make no mention of time passed. Even if she brings it up, ignore it like it didn't happen. O not send her more than one text every two days until you've restored comfort, wait at least a 2 hours to respond to any text she sends, and make it a good one.

    Good luck... don't let your emotions get the best of you. We can't make logical decisions when we're wrought with worry.

  7. #7
    pandaexpress Guest

    Default Re: Quick advice needed

    Hey man, sorry I went off like that. I wasn't exactly in a good place last week but that is no excuse. Anyway, it turns out she had her wisdom teeth out, and still hasn't recovered. I didn't hear this from her as I took your advice and haven't tried to contact her. But I was definitely manic last week and thinking it was the end of the world. Sorry I took it out on you. It clearly is not. A friend of her's even told me she posted a picture of the flowers on twitter and thanked me by name. I guess she doesn't know I'm not following her. haha

  8. #8
    simpua is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Quick advice needed

    Dude... neeeeevvvvveeeeerrrr r take advice about women from a woman. They will always tell you what they perceive they would want; which is usually what they would look for in a good friend. The truth is that women are emotional creatures that generally act from the primitive brain. I think you're headed for the friend zone. If you want to change that fuck someone else and make sure she hears about it. Then ignore her. Make her reach out to you.

  9. #9
    JonTylerDiPrince is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Quick advice needed

    You don't have to apologize. We just have to make it right. :-)

    Good to know what you know. Make no deliberate mention of it. Try to think of something the two of you could relate to teeth, but which could also have little to do with teeth if misinterpreted. Then in a week or two, you drop her a random note.

    "I bit into an orange jawbreaker today, it really hurt! The color at the center reminded me of your sweater. ;-)" And if she brings up the wisdom teeth surgery, you can say you had no idea, and provide an emphatic response. "OMG, I had no idea you had surgery. What a coincidence I ate a jawbreaker and TXT'd you. We should hang out!"

    Just an idea. Anyway, let her talk about it if it comes up.


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