I'm going to vent now. Sometimes it's time to sit on the soapbox, and who better to vent with than a bunch of random strangers?
My life sucks. I have a well-paying job, a wife that is 100% into me, a house, blah, blah, blah. The American nightmare. I'm 30 now, birthday just a few days ago. There is one key aspect of my life is missing and it's absolute hell. A fulfilling sex life. I'm bored. I've tried everything with my wife now, and I'm just bored. It's killing me.
I've only had sex with two women. I was a dipshart and met, and stayed with, my now current wife at 18. Four years later I married her, I wasn't even really feeling it at the time, not sure why I did it. She's a great person, she really really is. We hardly ever fight, she really does have a great mind and great personality. Not a looker, not ugly, but a great person. Real honest and trustworthy, sincere.
I have an animal inside. It's ruining my life. I wasn't much of a ladies-man when I was younger but now that I'm older, and wiser, I'm finding it much easier to talk with women and get the spark going.
Just last night I went to a baseball game with my cousin and friend, I was feeling confident. I wanted to test the waters a bit, my wife and I are on the rocks, because of me. I'm the problem in this relationship, but I digress. I was walking down the stadium stairs to get some beer. A real looker stepped in front of me, so I playfully gave her sh1t. A solid 8. At the bottom of the stairs she stopped me, I felt very confident and it was really working its magic. But I diffused the situation because I have this tag on my finger. I have a guilty conscious so I couldn't let it get too far. These situations happen more now that I feel confident about myself.
I want my fix. I can get women, but I can't get women because of my woman. I don't want to waste my life unfulfilled sexually, that kills a man, and men know this. Seems like a lot of women don't. I'm still young, I feel young. I should be very satisfied in life, I have just about everything I want, except the obvious.
It's a deep problem because I do love my wife so much as a person. She really is great, a real catch - but being plagued with this problem creates frustration, which is making our life difficult. Breaking her heart after being together for 12 years will kill me, staying with her and constantly trying to tame this animal will kill me, too. I'm dead either way, so which devil on my should do I talk to?
God damn it. I just want to live, I'm not ready to settle. My wife thinks therapy will help me, probably just a final effort, but it wont. I'd need a lobotomy to solve this.