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  1. #1
    drakethe is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Got put in the friend zone. really hurt.

    I was seeing this girl for a while now. Initially I thought she was trying to get me to chase her. I think she used some of those attraction technique on me. She would say "promise me you won't fall in love with me because all my male friends fall in love with me." At the time, I thought nothing of it. But as I spend more time with her, I found myself wanting to be with her more and more. She would always ask me to go see her and spend time with her. We would do everything together such as going to the beach, going to the movies, and dinner. And she would tell me what she find attractive in a guy and she said that I should change to be more attractive to girls. At the time, I though she was testing me so I said that I like myself the way I am and just laugh. I thought I was doing really well until suddenly she would always text me with the word friend at the end of the text. About 3 weeks ago, I had to go visit my brother in another state and when I came back, she told me that she has a boyfriend now. The guy was a coworker in her company. The company doesn't allow coworker to date each other so the guy said not to tell anyone that they're dating. She told me that she'd already slept with the guy but the guy still wouldn't say that she's his girlfriend. I think she's being played by the guy but I know that convincing her she's being played is not going to convince her to stop seeing him. She told me that she suspect that he has other girls. And I had a feeling she's really falling for the guy because he's always pushing her away but she kept coming back to him. Eventhough I acted like it's not affecting me, it's still hurt like hell. I realized my mistake was making myself too available to her. I read that the best way to get a girl to think about you is to make her go through a range of emotion. The guy is making her feels these emotions somehow. She said when she's with him she feels happy, confuse, angry, insecure and very attracted for some reason. She said he treated her like crap and always tell her what to do . I will chalk this up as a learning experience. I want to know how this guy can get her so attracted and how he can sleep with her so fast. She was a very strict catholic and take sex very seriously. I read that the best way to get someone attracted to you is to trigger emotions in her. What is the best way to do that? I am doing ok with girls but I'm not sure how to trigger emotions in them so that they'll be more attracted. Any help you can provide is appreciated. Thanks.

    P.S. the reason I didn't make a move on her physically was because she said she didn't like to be touch. whenever, i accidentally touch her hand, she would always act offended. I was not sure how to get past that. Maybe that's why I was in the friend zone. anyway, please help.

  2. #2
    gunsnglory is offline Official PUA Forums Moderator
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    Default Re: Got put in the friend zone. really hurt.

    The quick answer is that you are just about as far into the friend zone as is humanly possible. There really isn't any way back, at least if you value your friendship.

    As for a quick read on how this guy "got" her, if I had to guess, off of your description. He has a lot of things going for him. It is some what "naughty" for her. Also, it sounds like she is worried about commitment. From what you described this guy isn't really offering commitment, so that can appeal to her as well.

    In my experience, many of the most conservative girls, are prone to being swept up like this. Most people secretly want to have a whirlwind romance, and more conservative girls generally haven't experienced that early on. Also, since she is a really good friend, you probably are putting her on a pedestal.

    I have a similar story, from before I really got into PUA. It was really hard for me to see her date everyone but me, even though we were as close as humanly possible. I am very proud about the fact that after I was too far in the friends zone, I never tried to force it on her, and she is still one of my best friends to this day. I recommend, sucking it up, learning from it, and keeping the friendship. Once you hone your skills, you will be able to pick up women fairly easily, close friendships are harder to build. Besides, she can introduce you to whole circles of other beautiful women, you wouldn't otherwise meet, and your close friendship will give you major value in her social circles.

  3. #3
    drakethe is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Got put in the friend zone. really hurt.

    Thanks for the advice. Since I came back and found out that she has been with the new guy I haven't been calling her. She call me twice but she always wanted to talk about how the guys is treating her badly. I feel like I was being abandon somehow. I know that it's not logical and I'm only feel that way because I feel rejected somehow. I also made sure that she found out that I was dating a hotter girl. And when she call, I acted like I was I'm really happy. I guess in my mind, I wanted to somehow create the attraction she has for me when we first me. I know it's a tough situation to get out of. And maybe you're right, it's not worth it to lose a friendship over this. She was a really good friend. What should I do? Should I call her and allow her to talk to me about her new guy? Not sure how to act. And should I still ask her to hangout? She's with the new guy now and it might seem ackward right?

  4. #4
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    Snakes is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Got put in the friend zone. really hurt.

    Just call when youre in a good mood and ask to go out, bring her friend(s) because you have been busy lately and are searching for some fun. Make sure she brings her hot girlfriends and make sure you give the impression that you dont even pay attention to this romance situation.And dont (accidentily/clumsily) hit on her, if you give her that impression you blow the whole thing. Watch some good lesbian porn before you go out and do anything to drown your feelings for her. But: Dont Take Drugs

  5. #5
    gunsnglory is offline Official PUA Forums Moderator
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    Default Re: Got put in the friend zone. really hurt.

    Stop being her shoulder to cry on. That's not healthy for either of you, especially you. Good friends require that you both prop each other up. You are way too emotionally invest in this girl, and from your second post it is appearing more and more like you aren't really "good friends" who just tell each other everything, you are actually just a dumping ground for her emotional issues.

    What I recommend, is to stop calling her for about a month. If she calls you, talk to her, just tell her you've been really busy lately. As soon as she starts talking about her relationship stuff, or emotional crap, make a joke or redirect the conversation. Don't ever respond to her problems. If she is any good at all, she will make a concerted effort to want to hang out in the near future, and do something fun.

    If you hang out, make sure it is something active, and make sure that you don't physically or emotionally become her lap dog on the hang-out.

    If she keeps trying to use you, get her out of your life. As a guy that did it in the past, I can tell you, life is way too short to be someones unpaid psychiatrist, and it isn't good for you.

  6. #6
    drakethe is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default should i be worry?

    Hello, I've been going out with a girl for a while now. But the problem is that the girl said that she likes good looking guys and she likes guys who are fit. I'm only 5'5 and a little overweight. I'm not sure whether or not she's giving me hints that she doesn't like me. I have a feeling that she likes me but I"m not sure. Everytime she said that I'm not attractive or I'm not her type, I just laugh and said "If i'm not attractive then why do girls hang around me all the times?" She knows that I'm dating other girls. I act confident around her and doesn't kiss her ass. She is a very socialized person and she's giving me alot of mixed messages. Sometimes she's really nice and sometime cold. when we meet she constantly tell me that I'm not her type but when I stop calling her, she would call me and said she wants to hang out . I'm not sure if she is playing game with me or not. I cannot tell with this girl. Should I be worry when a girl said she only likes good looking guys?


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