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  1. #11
    Magnum is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: stop start texting help

    Quote Originally Posted by Hartley View Post
    Yer man cheers for that no flakes info ( I should look into that product) well it turns out through use of that I got a date with her friday but have texted her today (using bobs bank robery text) and got nothing, might have to send on last text to see if we are still okay for tomorrow?

    Oh and can you please give me some ponters on how i should call her?

    thanks guys again you have been a great help!
    Yah, No Flakes probably isn't quite as good as the title suggests (I guess "A Lot Less Flakes" doesn't market as well :P ), but there's definitely some gems in there. Including how to deal with your confirming the date issue you just brought up:

    A little before leaving for the date, txt her something like "running a little late today, I'll be there at [give some time slightly after the agreed upon time]". This implicitly confirms the date, gives you an excuse if you turn out to ACTUALLY be a little late, and all without having to explicitly confirm (which would give her an easy out).

    From personal experience, I've found it best not to let a girl off the hook easy. One example was this chick I met online. We set up a meet up for beer after work. She calls me up, I assumed to confirm, but instead she starts giving me this spiel about how she had a long day and is kinda tired blah blah blah and wanted to cancel. I didn't really care, but I was just so fed up with watching chicks flake out that I just flatly gave her a "No." She was totally thrown off her little game (I don't think I guy had ever been that direct with her ever before). You can follow up with something like "something I respect about is a person is when you say you'll do something, you do it." don't give her an easy way out, or the lazy part of her brain will take it and run with it. Instead, inspire adventure. Anyways, I wasn't too sure I wanted to have any more than a beer with this chick anyway, but that take-itor-leave it attitude paid off: a beer led to HER taking ME to her favorite restaurant and buying me a late night dinner, which led to stopping her on the way to her car to make out in the street (literally--cars honking) which led to the "I don't usually do this, but... [as she bites her lip] I guess you can come back to my place for a little while", which led to hardcore kinky banging on her balcony, which she would later for weeks continue to brag about as the best sex ever to her friends (in front of me, embarrassingly...cau se, well, how do you look modest after that??). Point is, all that from not letting her back out with a lazy excuse. Had I done the "polite" thing and let her cancel, none of that would have happened.

    One other thing from No Flakes: telling her you'll be a little late gives you a chance to get therre a little early, stake out the place. Vin Dicarlo even suggests waiting somewhere out of sight, and when she shows up (usually late herself), you can "show up" a couple minutes after her. That way, you can keep her waiting on you (demonstration of higher value) but not so long that she gets in a pissy mood. (and when you show up give her a little euro peck on the cheek and say "thanks for waiting, were you here long?" which rewards her for being a good girl showing up and waiting for you.) Personallly, I think this is a lot of effort and i instead usually just pick a place I know well where I can simply time it right, but Vin swears by it.

    Good luck!

  2. #12
    gunsnglory is offline Official PUA Forums Moderator
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    Default Re: stop start texting help

    Like Magnum pointed out, don't repeatedly let her end the conversation. Make up some excuse for why you have to go, and send it to her if she takes too long. Also, it's a good idea to neg her a bit once in awhile. You don't want to sound needy, when you do it.

    YOU: You'll never guess what happened?
    [Long pause after a conversation]
    YOU: Well fine be that way :P. I g2g to the store anyhow, so ttyl.

    If and when you do get a response after a really long wait. Don't be afraid to penalize her and tease her a bit.

    So, continuing with the above example:

    ....
    HER: Sorry I left my phone in the car, and missed ur txt.
    [I don't respond for about 10mins]
    HER: So what happened?
    ME: Hmm? What?
    HER: What happened today? U were going to tell me!
    ME: Nope, it's 2 late u missed it
    ...

    Then you can tease her for a bit longer before you tell her. This will not only help build attraction, while not making you look needy, but it will also re-enforce good behavior. This method also works really well if she takes a long time for an initial response. Obviously this method works best, if you work on leaving your txt 'thoughts' half finished, that way she has to prompt you for the rest of the story, or at the very least she has to be more involved in the texting. This is a good practice anyway.

    So instead of this:
    ME: I was in the store today, and the strangest thing happened! I ran into my very best friend from grade school. I haven't seen her in 4ever!

    Do this:
    ME: I was in the store today, and the strangest thing happened!
    HER: [response]
    ME: I saw a friend that I haven't seen in 4ever!
    HER: [response]
    ME: Yah, she my very best friend from grade school.

    The next thing to keep in mind is that you should be working on building attraction. You need to start escalating over the phone. The easiest way is to play one of the numerous games that are written about on this forum. Also check out the Ultimate Arsenal thread for one of my favorites. Otherwise, you are going to turn into a texting buddy. Basically, you want to get the attraction level that you are generating in person, in the text world. One thing you can do, is spring board off of the emotion she feels in real life. Bring up some joke or reference that will remind her of a time when you and her were really hitting it off IRL. This will help rekindle those emotions.

    Finally, if she is really attracted to you in real life, why the hell are you wasting time trying to establish attraction with an extra degree of separation? Build more attraction in real life, then use texting to keep those levels of attraction, or build more when you can't be with her in person.

  3. #13
    Bill Preston's Avatar
    Bill Preston is offline Owner - PUA Forum
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    Default Re: stop start texting help

    guns... glad to see you back.

  4. #14
    STYL3S is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: stop start texting help

    Thank you all for the posts, they have helped a great deal. when u call her, start the convo as u usually would, then in the middle say"Oh wait, i have someone on the other line, i'll call u back in 5 minutes" then hang up & don't call her that day...When u see her again say you forgot & Make something up, use a good dhv Spike or DHV Story...Any Q's Just ASk!!

  5. #15
    Hartley is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: stop start texting help

    hey guns hey magnum you guys have been great and have got a date with one girl already epic! but the orignial girl I was first posting about things have gotton eaier and our convos are better but.

    When ever we have a convo using the example you gave me (which fucking work), but when ever I even mention meeting up she goes into fucking shut down and even after a second text i get no reply, even after meeting her in real life in a shop 2 days before and half organising a meet up. I know this is fustrating and I have thought about giving up but im driven now to sucseed I dunno why I guess its just my character.

    Is there anything else I could try?

  6. #16
    gunsnglory is offline Official PUA Forums Moderator
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    Default Re: stop start texting help

    Quote Originally Posted by Hartley View Post
    hey guns hey magnum you guys have been great and have got a date with one girl already epic! but the orignial girl I was first posting about things have gotton eaier and our convos are better but.

    When ever we have a convo using the example you gave me (which farking work), but when ever I even mention meeting up she goes into farking shut down and even after a second text i get no reply, even after meeting her in real life in a shop 2 days before and half organising a meet up. I know this is fustrating and I have thought about giving up but im driven now to sucseed I dunno why I guess its just my character.

    Is there anything else I could try?
    Let me make a quick point and then a more specific answer. Guy's use the phone as a tool, women use it for entertainment and conversation. So when you are trying to get her to hang out with you, you want to work it into a conversation and not just ask her out.

    Think of it this way: You meet a girl that you like, but you don't know her very well. Then you point blank ask her out on a specific date. Sure, it works part of the time, but most times she is going to reflexively make an excuse. It's just too sudden, and it puts her on the spot. Even if she likes you, her natural inclination is to avoid something that she is unsure of and which might embarrass her.

    Specifically in the texting world:
    1) Don't always attempt to ask her out in a conversation.
    2) Don't make the "point" of the conversation to ask her out.
    3) Don't make the "date" event about her.

    In particular, txt her a bit, and try to build a fun, flirty atmosphere. Then steer the conversation, in the direction of some mutual hobby. Then mention that you are doing something at such and such a time with some friends. Sell the event as something you are really excited in, and interested in (You want her to believe that regardless of outside events, you are really looking forward to this, and you are going to go and enjoy yourself). Finally, almost as an after thought, tell her she should come since she likes that stuff too.

    If she is being reticent, make sure the event is in a nice public place, and that it is a physical activity (thus making it far less awkward even if you don't hit it off).

    Here's the example (using one of my favorite first date ideas). Keep in mind that this is somewhat abbreviated because I didn't feel like making a large irrelevant pre-conversation:

    You: Hey there!
    Her: I'm super stressed...
    You: Yeah? Me 2, but I've got plans to fix that...
    Her: Yeah what?
    You: I'm going to grab a bunch of people and go to the driving range!
    Her: What?
    You: It's super stress relieving! You just take a bucket full of golf balls and wack them as hard as you can. Extra points if u totally suck at it, like me.
    Her: Nice, sounds like fun.
    You: Yup. Just finished lining it up. I'm going to go tomorrow evening after work...
    [wait a 10mins even if she responds]
    You: So what R U up 2?
    Her: [blah blah blah]
    You: [discus whatever she brings up for a couple texts]
    You: Oh hey, U should come tomorrow <--Sorry I'm ADD :P

    --------------------------------------------

    I added the extra technique of setting up the ask, but then pulling back and starting a new conversation. This has several positive emotional impacts for you. It sets her up to expect you to ask, and then you don't immediately. This has the effect of being a subtle slap to the face. Then (since it is human nature to desire what we can't have), she will be wondering why you didn't invite her. Remember, this item you are proposing should be something she is either interested in, or something that you know will fit her personality. Finally, you ask her out of the blue. She has no time ramp up reasons for not coming, and she is still wondering why you didn't ask her. It's kind-of the text version of a Push-Pull.

    Let me know if you have any questions or successes.

  7. #17
    gunsnglory is offline Official PUA Forums Moderator
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    Default Re: stop start texting help

    Quote Originally Posted by Bill Preston View Post
    guns... glad to see you back.
    Thanks Bill!

  8. #18
    Jack Greezy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: stop start texting help

    You should try calling her sometimes, texting all the times can get dull, especially if she doesn't actually know how you are in person. You should gain rapport in person and on the phone. You will get better results when you start texting her because she'll know how you are.. You guys get me?

  9. #19
    Hartley is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: stop start texting help

    hey huys cheers for the support yer the reason I dont reply or ages is to make sure that I do all the things you have suggeseted.

    1) I managed to get her one one date which we agreed to but as soon as i texted the morining we were gunna meet up she didnt text back (guess shes not comming)
    2) I have treied calling her but she has not picked up and I often do not call back
    3) Anyway I am gonna try and ask her out again in person

    But texting this girl has gotten easier but is still abit of an uphil struggle if you want me to give you an example of the text conv just ask

  10. #20
    gunsnglory is offline Official PUA Forums Moderator
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    Default Re: stop start texting help

    I'd like to see the conversation.

    If you are following my previous advice, then you asked her to hang out for something that you were "already doing". What you want to do now, is text her at some point and tell her that you had a lot of fun doing whatever X was, and tell her it was too bad she couldn't make it.

    Don't feel insulted or put-down by the fact that she flaked. More importantly, don't let her know that you cared. Women sometimes test guys to see if they are going to be clingy by flaking early on. Just act like it's no big deal, and invite her to hang out down the road. As always, don't focus on only one woman at a time.


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