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Thread: Distant

  1. #1
    Fiddler is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Distant

    I'm in a very casual relationship with a girl, bordering with friends with benefits.

    We had a SLIGHT misunderstanding last week, and even though we got by it she still remained distant with me. The weekend came and she was still like that. She kept ignoring me a bit whilst we went out with our friends and she even focused her attention on one of her friends which she told to come along. (She tends to do this a lot, ignoring me to be with friends. Its annoying to say the least.) We went clubbing but unfortunately I had to leave early. I couldn't find her anywhere before I left to tell her goodbye so I just left. I told my friends to tell her sorry for leaving etc...which they did. (To which she was sad about)

    Now during our rel she made out with other guys twice (it didnt bother me cause we're not exactly a relationship, and she regrets ever doing them), and I get the feeling she did it again last weekend. One of my friends told me that she and her friend went clubbing on their own after I left so I'm even more suspiscious.

    Now its Friday and I haven't spoken to her since that day. She doesn't random text anymore, no facebook, nothing. I'm not going to be the one to contact her first again, that gives her authority. Any advice?

  2. #2
    Fiddler is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Distant

    Anyone? Kind of urgent.

  3. #3
    jellymint43 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Distant

    Quote Originally Posted by Fiddler View Post
    I'm in a very casual relationship with a girl, bordering with friends with benefits.

    We had a SLIGHT misunderstanding last week, and even though we got by it she still remained distant with me. The weekend came and she was still like that. She kept ignoring me a bit whilst we went out with our friends and she even focused her attention on one of her friends which she told to come along. (She tends to do this a lot, ignoring me to be with friends. Its annoying to say the least.) We went clubbing but unfortunately I had to leave early. I couldn't find her anywhere before I left to tell her goodbye so I just left. I told my friends to tell her sorry for leaving etc...which they did. (To which she was sad about)

    Now during our rel she made out with other guys twice (it didnt bother me cause we're not exactly a relationship, and she regrets ever doing them), and I get the feeling she did it again last weekend. One of my friends told me that she and her friend went clubbing on their own after I left so I'm even more suspiscious.

    Now its Friday and I haven't spoken to her since that day. She doesn't random text anymore, no facebook, nothing. I'm not going to be the one to contact her first again, that gives her authority. Any advice?
    i think you're wanting more from her than you're willing to admit
    ask yourself what do you want from this chick? because to me she's acting how i would act in an open relationship like it sounds like you're in. I think you should also sleep around too, just like she is doing. that is all fair game in a FWB relationship, and if you guys never discussed it, it is fair game (though "unethical").
    So i recommend calling her and asking her to meet you for a drink so you can talk about this because dude, you clearly want more than you're letting on.

    answer mine?

  4. #4
    Fiddler is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Distant

    I admit I wouldn't mind more. But we did discuss it, its because of her that we're not eaxactly just FWB. We both clearly defined the boundaries, that we should be exclusive. And when she "cheated" on me she begged and cried to forgive her for breaking the "rules" (I love that hehe).

    But I don't want to be the one restarts things again. She is the type of person that if you don't talk to her she acts like a little wannabe-macho kid who ignores you until you do. I've always been the one to do so in such past circumstances, now its her turn.

  5. #5
    Syrus is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Distant

    I would just move on, if this chick wants something from you, then she will come back. (they always do) otherwise.. move on, but at the same time if she does come back, you need to decide if you want to keep things going.

    In your case, i would move on, find some other people to hang out with, she will come back, but if i were you, i would define new rules, and tell her she is a good friend, she will want you more eventually and if you choose to, you can take her back...otherwise..do n't.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Distant

    If you're in a true FWB relationship it wouldnt feel strange or suspicious when she made out with someone else neither would it be necessary to beg for forgiveness, because friends (especially friends with different sexes) discuss their (sexual) feelings as well as their experiences and shouldnt be bothered to do so.

    The fact that she makes you feel this way, suspicious and a little jalous, means to me that you 1. Want this relation to evolve to a more romantic level. (and/)or 2. Expect her to treat your friendship like adults should do.

    Seen that you deny your feelings towards her makes me believe that you have more to do with option 1 than option 2.
    You are right, certainly in option 1, not to seek contact with her. And in both ways you should seek some pleasures of your own and renew your network a little, so take your smiles elsewhere for a wile, maybe a week (or maybee two), and if she does not contact you within those weeks you know more about what it means between you.

    If she does contact you, or you hear a rumor that she misses you or is asking about you, you can contact her (but not within the next 6/10) days, and ask her to hang out a day. And then you can see further.

    Main thing is to get your head cleared before entering her presence again.

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  7. #7
    Fiddler is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Distant

    Now thats quality advice right there. I was considering moving on, and yesterday she gave me a reason to. We met up with our friends again and she told me that she had made out with another guy last saturday; she cracked down after I spent yesterday treating her like an ordinary friend rather than giving her that extra attention. That is why she didn't talk to me this week I guess.

    Lets face reality, none of us want a pure FWB, and now I'm not okay with her cheating on me for the third time. (In her defence though, its always her friends who influence her to do such stuff). I'm going to talk to her and end things with her permenantly. I'm even considering not being friends with her and finding someone worth my time. As you guys said, if she wants something she would come back.

    Donno.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Distant

    Ok interesting turn of events. I told her that its over between us and we shouldn't be friends anymore. She took it real badly and started crying and stuff. She also sent me an messege telling me she missed me and how she really felt. I haven't replied. Should I let her wait more for me?

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Distant

    Yeah, but there is nothing you "should". The more she really cares about you, the more she will do to contact you. If she does not leave you alone in a couple of days and you feel bad about the situation you can go out with her. take her to a nice place, maybe the zoo or a playground with cute kids so she feels nice. A place where she cannot just make a scene

    And dont forget to make her pay, especially when things work out! Dont be to hard on yourself or you will not be able to keep her comfortable
    the police took my picture

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Distant

    I have a feeling that will be the only contact I will receive from her lol.

    How should I make her pay? Sorry but I tend to forget this stuff.


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