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  1. #1
    Sterling is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Texting HB9, But Getting Mixed Signals

    For the past few weeks, I've been texting this girl (HB9) on a fairly consistent basis; every couple days, I'll either text her or she will contact me. Recently I've noticed that she has been giving me IOI's, but is still usually the one to end the conversation first.

    To give you some background, I had one-itis for this girl bad when we met a few years ago. When we hung out, it was all very natural and we developed a strong connection over the course of a few months. Eventually, we had a short fling, but it didn't work out for a multitude of reasons, mainly my neediness. Being an AFC, I took it badly and sulked for a while before finally getting the balls to freeze her out.
    It's been well over a year now, and she re-initiated contact about a month or so ago. I've been playing it coy, and limiting my responses in an effort to show her I've changed from my old, needy self. I feel like I've been making progress, but it's been hard for me to maintain attraction since we live 45 minutes apart. (I go to a University, she is about to graduate high school.) With me not being a physical part of her daily life, I can see how it would be easy for her to become disinterested rather quickly.

    Here's an example of a text she sent me about a week and a half ago:

    Her: Sterling! We need to do something soon! It's been a while since I've had an adventure.
    Me: HB9! I'm down for an adventure. We can hang next time I come home, or you can always just come visit me in [my town.]
    Her: I've been looking for an awesome reason to go.
    Me: Then look no further! I'll let you know when something cool comes up. It's been too long.
    [end of convo]

    Not long after, I told her about an upcoming concert near where I live, and she seemed pretty stoked to go. A couple days before the concert, I texted her and asked if she wanted to meet up and she said she wasn't able to get off work and couldn't make it. Naturally I still went, got drunk, and had an awesome time at the concert.

    Still, it troubles me that I'm getting mixed responses from her. In some conversations, she'll drop all sorts of hints, and in others she won't continue the conversation for more than a message or two. I don't know how effective a Freeze Out would be either, since the amount of attention I've been giving her is pretty low - only about 2 conversations a week. Yet if I step-up the amount of attention I give her, I sacrifice my control and run the risk of making her think I am needy. If I can get this girl to meet up with me, it should all be smooth sailing from there. It's just getting there that is proving to be difficult.

    I know the attraction is there, I just need someone to tell me how to maintain it - and escalate it into something more tangible.

  2. #2
    Chidy is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Mixed Signals

    Im no expert, this is just what i would do, but I would say sit down and just think of like 5 or 10 way fun, adventurous things that you can do in your town with her and then next time she texts you "Sterling! We need to do something soon! It's been a while since I've had an adventure." you can tell her " well this weekend im actually doing (way fun thing you thought up that she would want to do) you should come with me!" if its fun enough and if she really does like you then she will come, don't invite her to something until she asks though because it easy to deny if you just out of the blue invite her to something but if she texts you wanting to hang out then you already have a plan and somehting to do then she can't really say no because she's the one who just asked you for something crazy and fun to do. Like she said, she's been looking for an awesome reason to go see you so do just that, give her an awesome reason to go see you.
    -
    Another thing is 45 minutes is kind of far apart and because you aren't really too close with her she probably doesnt want to drive 45 minutes just to see you, me personally if a girl lives that far away i say screw that im going to find a girl who lives closer to hang out with. So if you really do want to hook up with this chick your probably going to have to go to her, think of some crazy fun adventure you can have back in her town, but don't make it seem like you went there just for her, say something like hey im heading down to (her town) this weekend to do (crazy fun thing you thought of), if your not to busy you should come with me!" atleast at first your probably going to have to go to her though, and then if you play it right she'll be the one coming to you.
    -
    Be fun and interesting when your texting her and if she stops texting you back don't worry and just forget about her until she texts you again. If you sit there and wonder "why isn't she texting me back? Did I do something wrong?" your just stressin yourself out, thinking about how bad you want her to text you again, becoming desprate and she's just turning the game around on you. You can still start the converstation with her every now and then but yeah, like your doing, show her as much attention, or less attention, then she's showing you. Also if your feeling good, instead of texting her just try calling her, every other guy is texting her but you will be one of the few that has the balls just to call her.Hope my adivise helps.
    Last edited by Chidy; 05-02-2011 at 06:23 PM. Reason: spacing

  3. #3
    Sterling is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Mixed Signals

    That's definitely some good advice. Having an event planned out should make it much harder for her to say no, or flake in the future.

    One thing that I'm still wondering is how best to escalate attraction enough to keep her interested in me. I'm always engaging her one way or the other when we text, but what are some good ways to get her more emotionally vested in the conversation? Like some interesting/fun questions I can ask her that are unique, and not likely to be used by every other guy.

    Also it's important for me to mention that this girl is going to be moving out of state at the end of the summer, so the next 3 months are going to be all I have to build enough attraction to make something out of it.

    Thanks for your help man, I appreciate any advice I can get.

  4. #4
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    Snakes is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Mixed Signals

    You should not respond with: "You can always come by" or whatever, it means that the game is closed because you will always be there to support her, and in this case she knows that it is because you feel insecure around her. That way, you are intimidated and more vonurable of her looks. She knows, i can tell you. she just does not know what she is missing by playing around with you:Calling for your attention and turning it down whenever she wants to kill the boredom. It sound harsh but it is true. Lose that attitude, it never build a nice relationship and it will always be abused
    the police took my picture

  5. #5
    Sterling is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Mixed Signals

    When I said always, I didn't mean it like "I'm always free to hang out," just that I'd be down to chill with her in my town.

    I'll try to be more vague next time we speak, and not contact her for another day or two. She needs to miss my attention, and she usually ends up texting me if I hold out on it long enough.


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