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  1. #1
    AZPUAGuy is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Need fast advice please!

    So I have a few issues that have been pressing me for a while. I haven't been on this site for a while, and I now need answers. Ill give a little background about the relationship and then discuss in separate parts, the issues.

    So I am 18, this girl is 20, not really important. Anyway, we met at my college, and started seeing each other. It started good and progressed every time I saw her, getting better and better. We kissed on date 1, and its been getting better since, but at a snails pace, literally...We also recently stayed at a 5-star resort, only a few weeks after meeting her. Some things sex-related: (1-We have NOT had sex yet and weve been seeing each other for 2 months.) (2- We have gotten nude together, taken a shower, washed each other off, ive played with her nipples, but no oral, and she hasnt touched my package.) (3- We went to a sex-shop and talked about alot of different things, and got some handcuffs, blindfold, other accessories, etc basically the works...) Now onto the issues I am having.

    1- This is best to start with because it is very important and affected our relationship a ton. So we have been "friends" for 2 months now. We both feel like it has been getting more serious as time goes on. She told me she wants to get serious, and I told her I couldnt, because I just want to have fun (a lie, I wouldnt mind getting serious at all, infact would love to). The truth came out a few weeks later. The reason is because religion is very important to me, and she does not share the same beliefs, therefore, I cannot get "serious" with a woman that could possibly end up being my wife, if we dont have the same views on religion and our faith life is different. She understands it all, and she wants to know more, because she feels she needs to know more before she can decide if I am 100% worth it to get involved in something so serious. But, I feel like it has ruined what we had before. SO, the question I have about this is "What is the best way to go back to how it was before?"

    2) I hear often she is making plans with other friends. Obviously we are not serious, and im not too jealous and its not a big deal, but I sort of get a little feeling like "why is she sorta flirting with her other friends if she claims she loves who i am and doesnt want to lose me?" is there a possibility here of her cheating on me?

    3) The question is "Why havent we had sex?" I know me personally I am not that aggressive, I feel I need to show her what I want. We have gotten so close, according to the stuff i listed above, but would her saying she "doesnt want to jump into something fast that she might regret it" mean that she wont ever have sex with me until we are more serious??? I mean, she is even going as far as to showing me new sexy outfits she buys, and storing the sex accessories at her house cuz i live at home, it seems like she would. Another 2 questions while im talking about it. 1- "Would it be good to communicate to her regarding sexual things? Like talking about what she is open for, and what she is comfortable with, and ask if she is just leading me on?" 2- "I am sort of wondering about the gazillion pictures of her posing in sexy outfits and things like that, half nude, etc. She doesnt send them to me (which i understand she doesnt want them spread around) she only shows the pics to me in person. But it feels like she could be sending them to other guys behind my back. I guess i dont really care, im not worried about her cheating on me, but i was curious...

    4) I think I know the answer to this already but "Do I need to stop acting like a retard and treating this relationship like its something special? I tell her im always available for her to chill with, and i think im trying to hard to please her, and i need to act like I did when I met her, not the same way as I am now?"

    I am going to be texting her tmrw about sexual things in general. I would like advice on how to find out what she is looking for, and how I can open that conversation smoother, she already knows we have to talk about something tho. But let me know if I SHOULD or SHOULDNT talk about any of the following things: 1- I want to ask where she feels we are in regards to sex. 2- Want to ask how comfortable she is with me. 3- Want to ask if she has any inhibitions and what they are. 4- Want to ask if she is just leading me on, and isnt going to do anything. 5- Basically tell her I want to know how comfortable she is with me in terms of sex, because I have been holding back, because she said something about not doing it if your not serious, and knowing her feelings on the situation will help shed those inhibitions i have and keep me from holding back and pleasing her so much that she feels like a queen.

    I may have more questions but i cant think anymore. I will greatly appreciate any feedback, and hope to hear from some people that have been in the same boat as me. Thanks!

  2. #2
    crobinson1 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need fast advice please!

    wow. ok that was one hell of a novel i just read. damn. i mean we could totally shrink this but its cool lets run with it.

    well first off im not to religious myself. dont need to get into that. but what im saying is i dont know how to give any opinions. i could say just be with her and religious differences can be on the side. but thats never the case anymore. before have to be the same religion. haha

    next. the sex thing. shit you DEFINITELY need to be more aggressive. if she is wanting to be with you, and gets naked and have showers together. she is probably by now wanting you to man up and throw some moves on her already. you know. touching, caressing, fingering. the usual to get her really turned on. when she is really turned on her opinions on the sex will come out. if she is so turned on and refuses to sleep with you cause it needs to be serious. then you know what needs to be done. but if she doesnt really care about that she will take you balls deep.

    and im sure if she has been naked around you and hasnt had sex after all this stuff, im sure she isnt cheating or sending pictures to any other guys. dont worry about it.

    and if she is making plans with other friends means nothing. she has her eye on you and if you keep taking it too slow you may lose your chance. up the seduction and attraction already and get down to business.

    and yes you need to stop acting like a retard. you need to go back to the way you acted when you first started talking. cause it keeps your frame: playful, flirty, fun and gets her chasing you again. it will also make her wonder more about you and worry things are changing. it will show how much she has invested with you two.
    I live in my reality and you’re a guest

  3. #3
    AZPUAGuy is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need fast advice please!

    Mate, I can't thank you enough for the advice and reassurance. I needed a little help realizing. I admit my writing style should be shortened, but hey, those 10 page essays in college aren't so scary with that writing ability

    Your spot on about me needing to be more aggresive. You know its bad when you come away from every almost-sex experience regretting you went further. I need to man up and show her how I really feel, and start living by my quote "go for it, or you will regret it!"

    One thing I did today which I have never done before is ignore her text. She texted in the morning and I was busy pretty much all day,plenty of opps to reply, but I thought hell, do I really really need this girl? No, I don't. I thought that would sort of help convey that message in a non harmful way, and make her wonder. Because I've never done that before.

    I'm going back to my old "hard to please, fun, spontaneous, and sexy self" but I am ampig that aggressive MALE behaviour like no other! Not caveman for Pete sake but but she will know what I want

    Oh, and where's the best.place for sex opps if we both live at home?? PS- We have a bag of sex accessories we bought as well that she stores at her house

  4. #4
    PUAatmosphere's Avatar
    PUAatmosphere is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need fast advice please!

    hope to hear from some people that have been in the same boat as me.
    I've heard your situation referred to as the "all-mixed-up" boat, but that ship set sail a long time ago. You are solidly riding the cruise liner known as "male-pattern blindness." Somehow we guys have the ability to miss the most obvious IOIs. Let's list them off for you: She's getting naked in the shower with you. She's going to some good sex location (resorts and hotels). She's bought sex toys with you. She's showing you pictures of sexy outfits. Need I continue?

    If I were in your situation I would just escalate until I get some resistance. Then I would back off for a while before escalating again until I got some resistance. I think that her actions will tell you much more about her attitude toward sex than her words. Most women don't think about this in the same rational way as we men do. Women follow an emotional logic that is based upon social connection and what they experience with you in the moment.

    It sounds like you are emotionally confused by the situation. You describe her as "a friend" and talk about wanting to "keep it casual." Then you express worries that she is "cheating on you" and "flirting with other guys." Personally I don't see anything wrong with her flirting even if you were in a committed relationship. But if you want FWB, you'll have to accept that she's gonna interact with other people.

    I can't really say much about the religious question because that is for you to decide. In my world getting serious means exclusively dating someone. I could exclusively date someone that I didn't plan on marrying. I don't know how it works for you. For the sounds of it, she doesn't either.

    Sounds like you're making some good progress, so keep it up!

  5. #5
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    Tyrone1991 is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Need fast advice please!

    you should follow your religion but embrace your partners too, I'm catholic but not huge and i would go out with a girl because i genrally have a huge connection and enjoyed every moment with her despite her or my beliefs, we are born with emotions and attractions to the opposite and some same sex and if god created us this way than why should religion contradict the connection we where made to have just because of beliefs, i understand thats the way your raised but you need to ask yourself what makes you happyier and more fuffilled, her or faith.

    Thats just my opinion, i was raised by 3 females and repect them greatly. And i would risk the oportunity of love over faith any day of the week.

    Regards

    Tyrone


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