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  1. #31
    Steel-O's Avatar
    Steel-O is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Bartender

    Update:
    This week I'll be going on a group date with her and two other couples. We are going to a lounge to have dinner and some drinks.

    My plan is to have an awesome time at dinner, but after dinner on the way home I wanna bring up her BF and kids issue.

    What I'm gonna tell her is this: "I'm not comfortable going on dates with you while you're still in a relationship. I also don't think it's right for me to do this. I feel a connection too(she told me she felt there is a connection), but you will have to figure out your situation first. I don't want to be the reason of a family break up, even though you already made the decision awhile ago, it will prob still feel like that."

    Besides the fact that I mean everything I'm going to tell her, I also think it will make me look really good and mature. I guess that she will be even more into me after me telling her that. It shows I'm a goodhearted person, that I'm mature and that I have respect for other people and their situations they are in.


    What do you guys think?

  2. #32
    studmuffin52 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Bartender

    it also shows you are a decisive person and know exactly it is you want... I think it's the MAN thing to do, but I also think she will tell you to just give her time and how she doesn't want you to stop seeing her etc.

    make dinner real special and as if she IS your girlfriend, that way she can make a decision faster too ....

  3. #33
    Steel-O's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bartender

    *it's becoming more dating advice than PUA stuff. However I think I executed everything perfectly. From telling her I don't want to be friend to making her fall in love with me. I was dating another girl that just texted me she sees a future in us. Definitively some proof PUA Forums taught me some important skills.

    Short update:
    We went to my place after the dinner. Sat on the couch I told her the stuff I wanted to tell her, told her it sucks cause I feel a connection too. She agreed with everything I said. We started kissing. I asked her if she trusted me and took her to my bedroom. Laid down on my bed, kissed, cuddled, kissed some more. She was so into it, her breathing was going crazy and just before...I stopped her and told her it's better not to.

    Then the next day no contact, it was hard not to contact her though, I def have strong feelings for her. Then the next day(today) I got a text this morning saying: 'I can't take this. I miss u..."

    I told her it was so hard not to contact her, that the situation sucks and that being with her feels so good. She said "being with you feels so good too" and some more. Then I asked her what we should do and she told me she is going to break up tomorrow and doesn't want to give up on us.

    I called one of my best friends tonight and he told me to talk to her again and be really honest about everything. To tell her she should put all her energy in her family and that I've never dated someone with kids so that i can't promise her anything about the future. If I end things in two months from now, was it still the right decision to ended her relationship w/ her current BF. Very good question imo!

    Hopefully this will protect me from getting hurt later on. If she was honest about telling me she made her decision months ago than nothing is gonna change, except that she will have so much respect for me because of this conversation.
    I always felt bad about her still being in a relationship (with kids). This definitively feels like the right thing to do, however if she tells me I'm right and that she needs more time, it's gonna suck. However if that will be the case, then there would be a big chance she would end up being with him again anyway and I would get hurt eventually.

    So either way, this seems like the best thing to do for me, and for her and her family.

  4. #34
    TangoFoxtrot is offline Banned
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    Default Re: Bartender

    Your friend is right, Steel-O. Make sure she knows what she's getting from you. It is one thing to break up with her BF. It's totally different if she does so for you. Better safe. Nicely done. I like the way you're thinking.

  5. #35
    Steel-O's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bartender

    Thanks buddy!

    So after work at 2:30 in the morning she came over to talk. She let me say everything that was on my mind, her response was that she made this decision a long time ago before she even knew me. She is exhausted trying to make it work and really wants to end things(she talked for like 5 min).

    She wanted to say more but I told her to stop talking and that, that was all I wanted to know. She stayed until 4:30am.

    I totally ask about who is going to move out, what's gonna happen with the kids or any of that. I think she likes not talking about that stuff with me anyway. After all she is a 30 year old woman with some life experience, so she should be able to handle this

  6. #36
    TangoFoxtrot is offline Banned
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    Default Re: Bartender

    Good luck, bro. Sounds like she has the right answers for these big questions. And you are right to ask these questions. Everything changes when kids are involved. Be aware that she has serious history with her bf (ex or not) and some kind of evolving present with him too, based on the kids. No one knows exactly how that's going to play out....

    It's one thing to make sure she knows what she's getting into. But you also have to know what you might be getting into and what you're cool handling. Protect yourself at all times. Keep your hands up and your chin tucked.

  7. #37
    Steel-O's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bartender

    I'm glad I told her that "I never dated someone with kids, and that I could end things after a few months, only time will tell..."

    Can you be more specific about the things I have to be careful about? I guess one thing could be her wanting to go back with the father of her kids. What other things are you referring to?

    Thanks!

  8. #38
    TangoFoxtrot is offline Banned
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    Default Re: Bartender

    Thanks for asking, Steel-O. I am happy to share from my own experiences about some of the things that can catch you by surprise or otherwise go sideways.

    First, you're right....she may want to go back to the ex because he's father to the kids. Unless he beats her and the kids, that is the "ideal" Ozzie and Harriet outcome. Deep in her heart, she may want that because it is simple, predictable and good for everyone--except you. And, no matter how good you are, you may never be able to compete with that.

    Second, her kids will always come first. That is the way it should be, if she's any kind of decent mother / person. But, if you've never had a relationship with a mother, you may find yourself frustrated, jealous or just neglected. You may not respond to that the way you think you would.

    Third......what happens if everything goes great for you two? You ready to play the role of dad to these kids?

    These are some of the really big considerations. Beyond those are the day-to-day considerations. What kind of dates will you have? Will the kids be included? Will you have the kind of time with her you want / need? Can she get a sitter when you want to go out? Do you even like kids?

    There are a lot of moving parts to consider as you push this forward. Not saying it's not worth it. But you should go into it with open eyes. How old are these kids and how many does she have, anyway?

  9. #39
    marlinfisher is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Bartender

    Yeah nik has it right. Ignore her and game her friends. Its typical Mystery Method from there. Isolate, Escalate Kino, kiss close. Then she is yours. I don't think you are in the friend zone yet. I think you are the risky forbidden fruit. You just need her to go for the pluck.

    If you cant get the group setup find out what night she is off or gets off early. Text her that day that you are going to such a such place. Make sure its fun and you can dance or play pool or something besides sit around. when you take her to dance hold her hand from the time you get up from the table till you get back. Use routines that require touching. Then when theres a slow song take her out and dance again this time when the song is close to ending look her in the eyes and ask, "How do you do this wildly sexy adorably cute thing you do. Say it in a soft voice. No matter what she says you should at least get a smile. Keep eye contact fro at least 3 seconds then go for the kiss.

    Done.

  10. #40
    Steel-O's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bartender

    @marlinfisher: lol I think your message was suppose to be for some other thread you were reading....

    @Tango: Lot of good points. Maybe I am ignorant or scared to think about all that stuff but to be honest I'm really taking it day by day. To be honest I don't see myself end up with a mom of two kids...At the same time I haven't found a girl in two years I had this kind of chemistry with...so I also don't want to just throw it away.
    Plus the fact that she has an amazing body, you could never guess that she has 2 kids.

    At least I've been honest to her by telling her I have no idea how this will work out.

    She has two kids, 11 and 14. The older one doesn't really like his dad and is best friends with his mom. They can stay at home by themselves from time to time, that def helps a little bit...


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